Grant frowned. "They were passable here."
"There's not much traffic up there." Derek cast a look at Tori as if deciding how to word his concern. "There's simply no maintenance on those roads."
"How long?"
"If more snow doesn't fall, I think a week or so."
"A week." His tone was aghast.
Tori stood in disgust. "Your estate will still be there." Spine straight, she strode from the room.
She could still hear Nicole say, "Grant! She's going to think you're anxious because you don't want to be around her."
"She'd be right."
Tori ran to her room, covering her face as tears streamed down.
Twenty-two
Just what do you find so distressing about her presence, Grant? Her courage and strength? Her beauty?" Palms up, Nicole demanded, "What?" When he said nothing, she looked at Derek and then Grant, glaring at both before following Victoria.
Derek raised his eyebrows. "I'll bite. Why wouldn't you want to be around her?"
"I'm hoping my life will return to normal when she's gone. I'm hoping I'll sleep through the night and that I'll be able to--" He stopped himself. Be able to not have his thoughts on her each hour of every day. "Victoria's too tempting to have around."
Derek scoffed, "You? Fighting temptation?"
He rubbed his palm across the back of his neck. "Fighting it like a doomed man."
"I thought you weren't bothered by what plagues us mere mortals. Well, why fight it?"
"Myriad reasons," Grant said, trying to end the path of the conversation.
"Such as..."
"I think we're mismatched. I worry this would end up like you and Lydia."
"Not unless she's evil." At Grant's scowl, he continued, "Nicole had a point. The girl seems sweet, and you can't keep your eyes off her."
Grant exhaled. "Yes, that's true. But she's not the type of woman I'd marry. I need a proper English bride, someone less"--he paused as he cast about for a word--"less..."
Less what? Extroverted? Grant rather liked that about her. Outspoken? He'd grown used to that and wouldn't change it. Less self-confident to the point of arrogance? No, he loved that. "I just need someone who's less. Someone who is constant and pleasant. Someone who is, above all else, predictable." So he wouldn't have this turmoil.
"Where have you gotten this distorted view of women?"
Grant shot to his feet. "The example of my brothers! Your life was devastated because of a woman. William's was ended."
"William's was ended because he drank too much and fought a duel when he was sauced."
"He was fighting over a woman."
Derek shook his head. "He was fighting because he was proud and reckless. He could have backed out of it. And I should have handled things differently."
"Both those paths would have been dishonorable." He pressed his fingers against his forehead. "And what about Victoria? I worry that she only thinks she wants me because I was the first man she saw as a woman. What if she later finds another? Someone she wants more than me?"
"That could happen in any marriage," Derek insisted. "But I've seen her looking at you as well, and I see more than simple infatuation. Besides, didn't she spend several months with Ian? For some reason, women can't resist him. Since Victoria did, well, your theory's flawed."
"She and Ian acted like mischievous siblings the entire voyage. There's a bond there, but it's not romantic."
"So?..."
"So, that still doesn't change the fact that Victoria didn't have a real childhood, she was cheated out of parents, and now I'm to cheat her out of courtship as well? And she's clearly told me she wants to experience that with other men. If I married, I would never divorce. I don't want to wake up every morning knowing I have an awful marriage, but am still trapped in it." He stared at the fire. "Just a simple English bride for me."
"There's something that might get in the way of your marriage to the imaginary paragon."
Grant raised his eyebrows at him.
"You're in love with Victoria."
As Tori sat yanking her brush through her hair, giving the mirror black looks, she heard a light knock on her door.
"Are you awake?" Nicole asked.
Embarrassed by her behavior, Tori debated not answering, but in the end she welcomed the new company.
"I'm awake. Come in."
Nicole strolled in--again as if they were old friends. Or even sisters, when she asked to finish Tori's hair. She picked up strands and brushed them to the ends, humming, lulling Tori, and then..."So, how long have you been in love with Grant?"
Tori's gaze leapt to the glass to meet Nicole's. But could she really be surprised? She loved him so much, she wondered why others couldn't feel it bursting out of her. She shrugged as though it were unimportant. "He doesn't return the sentiment."
"I think he does," Nicole said with a quick stroke of the brush.
"It matters little anyway. I've moved past him."
The brush slowed. "Uh-huh."
"Perhaps not completely, as in the utterly sense. But he doesn't like me." Tori felt questions bubbling up inside her. Nicole was a woman her age. One who understood love and marriage. "I don't understand it. He thinks I'm physically attractive, but then he doesn't like how I behave."
"Why would you think that?"
"Because I overheard him say it."
Nicole grimaced and muttered, "Grant, you dolt." Moving to Tori's side, she grabbed her hand. "I've never seen him look at anything like he looks at you. He's in love with you," she said in a satisfied tone.
Tori shook her head. "If only that were true."
"You'll see that it is. Now get some sleep." Nicole patted her hand, then rose. At the doorway, she turned back and said, "Just give Grant time."
After Nicole left, Tori dropped into her new bed and gazed up at the patterned ceiling, but against her predictions, she didn't sleep. It was as though her body protested the softness. Or that she was restless when she thought about how much her life had changed in the last few months. She eventually dozed off in the strange room, wondering where Grant was and if he was sleeping better than she.
Their first full day at Whitestone was spent at leisure. Tori joined Derek and Nicole for breakfast, and made her excuses for Cammy, who hadn't yet risen.
Between bites, Tori observed the married couple. Derek whistled at the sideboard and gave his wife long looks, at which she would flush and bite her lip. Tori gathered they were a passionate couple. She'd always wondered if others were like her own parents--holding hands, laughing, sharing smiles they thought were secret. She'd shared passion with Grant but never the smiles and teasing. Never the ease.
When Grant came down, he eschewed food and took only coffee. Tori wondered how he could pass up the sideboard laden with sausages, breads and jams, eggs, and creams, then realized he was anxious to get away from her. Their silence became strained. Derek and Nicole had shown her every kindness, and she didn't want them made uncomfortable because of Grant's and her discord. Tori determined to be polite. "Did you sleep well?"
So much for politeness. His eyes narrowed, and he looked at her as though she should have known he hadn't. "Not particularly. And you?"
Not wanting to insult her hosts, she stretched her arms in front of her, and lied, "I slept very well." She didn't know if it was the words or the contented sigh that accompanied them that irritated him so much, but he pushed out of the chair so fast it grated, resounding across the tiled floor, then stalked from the room. Nicole gave her a sympathetic smile, while Derek stared at the door as though he didn't recognize the man who'd exited it.
Later, when Derek and Grant rode out to inspect the property, Nicole led Tori on a tour through the home, culminating in a spacious library. Tori spun around in wonder. Books. Beautiful books. So many. She ran her fingers down the spines, marveling at the impressions and intricate designs.
Tori eyed the floor-to-ceiling shelves. "There are more than you could possibly rea
d in a lifetime."
"That's true. So I'll point out my favorites that you might enjoy, especially the lurid, titillating ones," Nicole added with a chuckle.
When they'd collected a stack of books for Tori, they drank tea, looked at fashion plates, and ate succulent oranges from Whitestone's orangery. They played with Geoff, who was the winningest baby Tori had ever known. She felt disappointed when his nanny, a cherubic older Scotswoman, took him for his nap. The woman, whom everyone called Nanny because she'd cared for so many babies over the years, clearly adored the boy. In fact, when Lady Stanhope wanted to take him, Nanny cheekily said, "'Tis no' your turn, milady."
And when Cammy woke for each of her three luncheons, Tori and Nicole joined her. That night, Cammy made it to dinner, and the mood became celebratory. Though her hair was as fiery as ever, her skin seemed translucent against the gray of her silk brocade dress. But she didn't look like she'd have to bolt from the table at any moment. In fact, she ate more than Nicole and Lady Stanhope combined.
Tori found herself looking for Grant a few times early in the evening, but he never appeared. She hated that she'd been looking. Worse, she'd been caught looking by his eagle-eyed mother.
The next morning, Tori went straight to Cammy's room and found her just finishing breakfast. Dishes of food, empty dishes, cluttered a tray.
"Good morning, Tori."
"To you as well." She couldn't say if Cammy looked any better, though she certainly didn't look worse.
Cammy saw her eyeing the tray, and blushed. "It's just all so good. I don't think I've ever tasted like I do now. The food textures are so vivid."
"I'm proud of you! Let's set a goal to clean Whitestone out of food," she said with a laugh. "Do you feel up for a walk?"
"Yes, I believe I do."
"Good. We can walk the halls. The house is as large as"--her brows drew together--"well, it's big."
"I was thinking outside," Cammy said.
Tori had been getting increasingly restless and felt a jolt of excitement at the idea. She walked to the window and opened the heavy damask curtains. "There's snow."
"I used to love the snow," Cammy admitted. "I miss the odd, hollow quiet of it."
"I don't know if this is a good idea."
Cammy's tone became brisk. "Tori, it'll either cure me or kill me, and frankly, I'm ready for a decision to be rendered!"
Half an hour later, Nicole was making sure they were bundled in cloaks, scarves, and gloves, entreating them to take a nice long walk. They wanted Nicole to join them, would've insisted on it, but she seemed very excited about staying. Little wonder. Lady Stanhope was with Geoffrey in her apartments. Grant had disappeared and Nicole's two guests were setting off for the morning. Tori would have laid odds that Nicole found her husband directly after their departure.
So Cammy and Tori strolled the grounds, Cammy pointing out a few trees or birds unfamiliar to Tori, but she confessed she'd forgotten most of them herself. They came to a small hill, small to Tori, but Cammy was sizing it up as if they'd met a mountain.
"I think I can do it."
"But you might--"
"Then it's settled," Cammy interjected as she started forward.
I know the ending to this story. Tori rolled her eyes and had no choice but to follow. She could hear Cammy's labored breathing, but Tori knew she had a determination unparalleled. When Cammy took the last slow step to the top, her color was high, but she didn't look the worse for it. She appeared...triumphant.
"Oh, look, there's Grant," Cammy said between breaths.
Tori's head whipped around. She spotted him on a huge horse, just emerging from a snow-covered orchard in the distance. He directed his horse to the riverbank and then appeared to give it free rein.
"And look at that orchard. Would've been nice to have on the island, wouldn't it?"
Tori dimly heard her. She was rapt, watching him.
"Tori, it's clear your feelings haven't faded."
"Hmmm?" She dragged her gaze from Grant. "What was that?"
"Your feelings for Grant. Still as powerful as before?"
"More's the pity." Tori sighed. "Unrequited hurts."
Cammy shook her head. "No, he's in love with you. Anyone with eyes can see that."
Tori gave her a cheerless smile. "He made his feelings toward me more than clear."
"When Ian comes to visit, you should ask him about it," Cammy suggested.
"I will, but I think in this case, the reality is as simple as it appears," she said sadly, then turned to descend.
On the return to the manor, they came upon the head gardener's children playing fetch with a bounding, white dog. Their laughter and play trickled over Tori, easily altering her mood, and soon she was rolling in the snow with them, learning to make snow angels. Cammy clapped when the dog rolled with them, making his own rendition.
When Cammy grew chilled, Tori escorted her back. The cold hadn't bothered Tori as she'd expected. She found it bracing and loved that her breath came out as smoke. She could happily go run about some more.
They met Grant at the front entrance to the house, and his brows shot up at her appearance. It was only then that she noticed her hat was askew and her hair had fallen from what had once been a bun. The back of her coat was wet and white fur layered the front of her dark skirt. Something suspiciously like dog drool coated her sleeves. But he didn't remark on it. Instead, he asked politely, "Did you enjoy your walk?"
Cammy looked to Tori to answer.
"Very much," she said, making her tone civil. What was she saying? Civil was getting easier, while wistful was proving a problem. "How was your ride?"
"I missed the land," he said simply.
Tori thought back to what Ian had said. Did Grant miss the responsibility, the protection of so many people? Looking at him now, his eyes so clear and direct, she felt that Ian was right--that was why Grant wanted the Court. Not to have a place to own, but to find a place to belong....
Her thoughts were interrupted by the clomping of hooves on the gravel drive as a stately carriage pulled in. Nicole and Amanda walked out shortly after to greet their unexpected visitors. Of course, Tori thought, the Sutherlands would receive guests just when she appeared to have been mauled by a mad dog who slavered instead of bit.
"Oh, it's Lavinia," Lady Stanhope muttered. "And Lady Bainbridge. I've spent the last eleven months around those tabbies, and then when I visit my family for just a few weeks, they track me here."
As the carriage halted, Grant helped two extravagantly dressed women down and made introductions. Tori and Cammy were styled "distant cousins."
The new pair gaped at Tori. Even after they'd recovered from their surprise, they stared, and Tori nearly flushed with embarrassment. Then her eyes narrowed. As Tori studied them studying her, she recognized something she could hardly believe.
They were jealous.
The two looked at her like women in England used to look at Tori's mother. Well, not exactly. Most women fawned over Mother--she was a future countess--but underlying it was always a jealousy that Anne would soon leave on yet another journey to roam, explore, and live utterly free.
To break the silence, Tori said, "We just had the most delightful time! I learned to make snow angels, and Cammy and I practiced the intricacies of the perfect snowball. Just delightful, wasn't it?"
Cammy's forced, tight smile for the ladies softened, and she answered with obvious honesty, "I can't remember the last time I had so much fun."
Nicole beamed at them, and Lady Stanhope grinned. Not surprisingly, Grant's brows slanted in a deep frown.
"Well, if you'll excuse us," Tori said. "We're about to have a feast. Laughing like that builds such an appetite." She looped her arm through Cammy's. "It was a pleasure to meet you!"
Inside, she and Cammy divested layers of clothing and their overboots, chuckling the entire time at the women's pinched expressions. They agreed to wash up and change, then meet in Cammy's room for a late luncheon.
When they sat down to their meal of steaming game stew and hot buttered bread, Cammy remarked, "You reminded me of your mother down there."
The compliment made Tori pause. "I was thinking of her," she admitted with a smile, then motioned for Cammy to begin their meal.
"The walk made me famished," Cammy said between bites. "I think I can fit three more bowls in. Isn't that awful?"
"It's fantastic!" Tori said, and raised her glass to Cammy. "I don't think I've ever seen you eat like this."
"I just feel like my body's growing and screaming for nourishment. My mind, too. It's like my clarity is directly proportional to how hungry I'll be later."
How could Tori express the relief she felt without letting Cammy know how afraid she'd been? "Then we shall make you plump by Easter."
After they finished, Cammy patted her belly, yawned, and lay down, planning to sleep for hours. Clean, crisp clothing didn't prevent Tori from going right back outside, but she failed to find any of her new friends. She settled on a bench under a sprawling oak near the manor, and some time later, Nicole found her still there, studying the birds that had gathered near her feet hoping for food.
"Oh, dear, it looks like you've given in to contemplation," Nicole quipped with a grin.
Tori smiled, happy for the company.
"I've come to announce the tabbies' departure," Nicole said with flourish before sitting beside her. "And look what I've brought." She lifted a bag of bird feed in one hand and a bag of sweets in the other. "Bird feed and lady feed."
"I'll just pass on the sweets," Tori said in a pained tone. "I bought a bag of them in Cape Town, ate them in one day, and nearly made myself sick."
Nicole chuckled and handed her the bag of seed. "You handled them perfectly today, by the way."
"I'm glad you approve," she answered honestly.
"So, aside from snobby women, how do you like being back in England?"
Tori scratched her ear. "It's not what I remembered."
"A very diplomatic answer. But you can tell me the truth. I'm not a native."
Tori frowned. "It's rather bewildering. The city was frightful in places, especially since I'm so unused to noise and people." Tori dug in and spread food for the suddenly animated group of birds. "But Whitestone is like a fairyland you read about. I'm happy to have seen it. Do you like it here?"
"I love this place," Nicole answered. "When Derek first brought me here, I felt I was coming home."