"So, you're saying that I need to take the baby to Child Services?"
"I'm saying that I don't understand why you're carrying around a baby whose mother is dead." She cracked her gum. "Look, sweetheart, if it really is your baby, there's no reason to lie that the mother's dead."
"It's not my baby," I said. Did I look like a woman who'd given birth within the past few months? I didn't think so.
"How'd the mother die?"
I hesitated.
"That's what I thought," she said. "Look, you can't drop the baby off out of nowhere at that age. You'll need to actually go through the legal steps to put the baby up for adoption."
"I can't do that," I said. "I don't have the time."
"What?" said the woman. "You got some new boyfriend who wants to whisk you away, but not if you still have a baby?"
"She's not my baby!" I yelled.
Lots of people in the hospital lobby looked up.
A woman in flower-printed scrubs came over to me. She was probably a nurse, I thought. "Hi there," she said in a soothing voice. "You want to tell me what's going on?"
"That kid's too old for Safe Haven," said the woman behind the counter.
The nurse smiled at her. "Yes, thanks, Deloris. You're very good with understanding the law. I appreciate that." She turned to me. "Come with me for a minute so that we can talk." She led me to a waiting area. We sat down on seats with vinyl cushions. "Now, are you trying to drop off this baby under the Safe Haven law?"
"I don't know what that is," I said. "This baby's mother is dead, and rather than leave her alone with a dead body, I tried to find someplace to take her. But I guess I can't do that." I rubbed my face. "But I can't take care of her. I don't know anything about babies, and I'm not in a position where a baby would even be safe around me, and-"
"It's okay," said the nurse. "Calm down." She patted my shoulder. "Was the mother killed? Violently?"
Was I supposed to lie? I didn't say anything. I fidgeted with the bib that Dixie was wearing.
"I see," said the nurse. "Why didn't you call the police?"
"It wouldn't have helped," I said.
"Did you know the person who killed her?"
"No," I said.
She gave me a disapproving look. "I'm not here to get anyone in trouble."
I didn't say anything.
She reached out her arms. "You want to give me the baby?"
"You'll take her?" I said.
"I'll make sure that someone does, yes," she said.
I handed Dixie over. She murmured in her sleep, but thankfully, stayed still.
"Listen," said the nurse. "I appreciate that you came here with the baby today. That was a good thing to do. But if your boyfriend or husband is involved in something illegal, like a gang or some other kind of organized crime, and he routinely puts you in situations like this, then you need to know that there are places you can go that will help you. Even if he has all the money, and you have nowhere else to live. You can get away from him."
I shook my head. "It's not like that."
"Even if he isn't responsible directly for the death of the baby's mother," she said. "He still put you in a violent situation."
"No," I said. "It wasn't him."
"You do have a boyfriend," she said.
I got up. "I have to go."
"No matter how sweet he seems at other times," she said, "underneath all of it, you have to realize what he's capable of."
"Really," I said. "You've got it all wrong. There's no gang or anything like that." I turned and walked, afraid I'd said too much as it was.
I took the T back to Beth's apartment.
When I got there, I noticed that the car Griffin had stolen from Nantucket was gone. I thought that was a little strange. My clothes had been in there. Not that I had a lot of clothes. My packing skills when we left Thomas had not been top notch. I went up the stairs to the apartment. The door was unlocked.
"Griffin," I called as I went inside.
No answer.
The living room was empty. The bodies that had been in there were gone, including Knox. Someone had cleaned up the blood on the walls too. The carpet was still stained, but the furniture had been rearranged to cover most of it. At first glance, I'd never have known what had happened in here.
I went into the kitchen. My duffel was sitting on the kitchen table, holding down a note and a wad of cash.
I picked up the note. "Leigh," it said. "Here's some money. You'll be better off without me. I'd only let you down in the end."
It wasn't signed.
I set the note back down.
Beth's words echoed back to me, from days ago. He will abandon you, just like he abandoned me.
* * *
At first I couldn't believe it. After everything Griffin had done for me, after all the promises he'd made me. He wouldn't do this. He wouldn't leave me on my own with no idea where to go or how to take care of myself.
But he had.
Obviously, losing Beth had been really hard on him. If I were with him, maybe I could help, but...
Then I was angry. He shouldn't have done this to me. I'd followed him all over the place, done everything he asked, completely changed my life for him. How dare he leave me alone?
I snatched the money, stuffed it in my pocket, took my duffel bag, and stalked out of the apartment. This was fine, really. I'd been on my own before Griffin showed up. I could do it again. I didn't need him. I didn't need anyone. That was the way my life worked, anyway. I took care of myself. I'd been doing that ever since I was a little girl, and I could do it now.
I made my way back to the T. I wasn't sure where I was going yet, but it wasn't like I didn't know my way around Boston. I had money, since Griffin had given me the cash, and I could find someplace to stay for the night while I figured it out. Maybe I'd end up back in Nantucket in the house we'd been in. That had seemed safe.
A guy bumped into me as I was getting on the train. He accidentally brushed against my breast, turned bright red, and said he was really sorry.
I was too mad to reassure him. For all I knew, he'd done it on purpose.
I pushed farther into the train, away from him. But I shouldn't have worried. He got off on the next stop.
Two minutes later, I reached into my pocket and realized the cash that Griffin had given me was gone.
The guy had taken it, of course. Touching my boob had been a good distraction. I hadn't even noticed I was being pick-pocketed.
I sank down onto one of the hard seats on the train. This was bad.
Griffin was gone. I was alone. I had no money. There were people after me who wanted to kill me, and they probably knew I was in Boston since they'd almost gotten us at Beth's apartment. What the hell was I going to do with myself?
I sat there, stunned, the reality of the situation really penetrating my brain. Things were not good. Not good at all. I was in very bad trouble.
Without money, I had nowhere to sleep. I couldn't get back to Nantucket. I couldn't get anything to eat. I was screwed.
And I wasn't angry anymore.
I don't know if there are words to describe the emotion I felt. I was terrified. I was devastated. I was hurt and betrayed. But mostly, I felt numb, like I'd been dipped in ice water and lost the feeling in my limbs. I knew I should be feeling something, but I wasn't feeling anything. I was frozen and unable to move forward.
I sat in my daze for a long time. I don't know quite how long, but the T kept making stops, and people kept getting on and off. I watched them, and time passed, and I still didn't feel anything.
After a while, my brain started to clumsily try to figure out what I was going to do. I needed food and shelter first, and I needed to be someplace safe, where they wouldn't be able to get to me.
I doubted there was anywhere safe, not really.
But an apartment building with security was probably the best bet that I had.
Axel's apartment had security.
 
; We hadn't parted on especially good terms. I knew that. He'd actually been a total ass to me. But I didn't have a lot of choices. In fact, if he was angry with me because of the way that I'd acted, I was going to have to grovel.
I had nowhere else to go.
Chapter Fifteen
But when I got there, Axel was asleep. He stumbled out of bed to let me in and told me to take the guest room. "You look awful, babe," he said, giving me a hug and kiss on the cheek. "We'll talk later."
I didn't know when I had slept last. I didn't even know what time it was.
I realized that everything that had happened with Beth had just been this morning.
Right.
A few hours and my whole life was ruined and destroyed. That seemed to be a running theme with me lately.
I fell into the bed in Axel's guestroom gratefully and slept for hours.
When I woke up, it was dark outside, and Axel was standing over my bed with a spoonful of blow. "Need a pick-me-up?"
I sat up, shaking my head. "No more coke." I needed my head clear. Doing it only made me want more coke. It fucked me up considerably.
Axel shrugged. "Your call." He snorted it himself. "Get yourself in the shower, chica. We're going out."
"Out?" I said. I thought Axel would be angry with me because of the way I'd left. He didn't seem to care at all.
"Yeah," he said. "I bought this little club, and I want to show it off. Plus, you can tell me all about why you appeared on my doorstep looking disheveled."
* * *
"You bought a strip club?" I said. It was called The Golden Key, and it was a classy looking place with dark wood accents and low mood lighting. The girls inside were all wearing turn-of-the-century corset things.
"It's a burlesque gentleman's club," he said, leading me over to a table in the corner. It was circular with red velvet padding on the seat.
"Does your dad know?"
He sat down. "Of course my father knows. If I make a go of this place, then he's going to trust me with bigger amounts of investment money. This is all the beginning, Leigh."
I peered around at the place. There were three stages, each in separate parts of the room, all of various sizes. The largest was front and center. There were two women writhing up there on poles. The other stages were full as well. "What's the difference between a burlesque gentleman's club and a strip club?" I asked.
"Well, burlesque is an art form," said Axel.
"It is?"
"Mostly the clothes," he admitted. "We did have some variety shows here, like traditional burlesque shows. But they weren't as profitable as the straight-up stripping, so I discontinued them."
A waitress came over to our table. She was a little bit more dressed that the girls on stage. She had a tiny skirt on under her corset, instead of just a thong. She was carrying a bottle of champagne and two glasses. "Hi Axel," she said when she arrived.
He smiled at her. "Sometimes you gotta go where everybody knows your name."
The waitress winked at him as she poured our champagne.
"I thought you were going to law school," I said. "Why are you investing in strip clubs?"
"Gentleman's club," he said.
"Whatever," I said.
"I switched to business," he said. "My dad said it was just as good, and I don't have to go to law school now. I might get an MBA, but that's not nearly as much time as the hassle of getting a law degree, you know?"
I shrugged. I changed my major a lot. In Thomas, I'd been majoring in English, but I'd already been through theater, graphic design, history, and elementary education. "I guess so."
"You don't like it," he said.
I was watching one of the girls on stage. She was hanging upside down on the pole. "How do they get those corsets off?" I'd worn a corset before. They were made up of about thirty hooks and latches. They weren't easy to remove.
"Oh, that's the best part," he said. "The girls help each other take them off. It's our claim to fame."
I nodded. Right. I took a drink of my champagne.
"Your turn," he said. "Tell me what the heck you're doing showing up at my door again."
I sighed. "I need a place to crash for a little bit."
He raised his eyebrows. "Couldn't make up with the boyfriend, huh? Did he pick his baby mama?"
For a second, I didn't know what he was talking about. Then I remembered that the last time I'd seen Axel, I'd thought that Griffin and Beth had a relationship.
"Actually, that turned out to be a misunderstanding," I said.
Axel took out a bag of coke and a small mirror, brazen as you please, and began cutting up lines. "Really? That's interesting. I did some checking after you ran off a few days ago, Leigh. It's the strangest thing. You've been missing for months. So has your father."
My heart sank. He was starting to ask too many questions. "Look, Axel, I can't really talk about this."
He leaned forward. "Is it illegal?"
"No," I said. "Not exactly."
"Too bad." He worked on perfecting his lines of blow. "So, how long do you need to stay with me?"
I chewed on my lip. That was a good question. I really had no idea. Until the guys from Op Wraith found us and killed Axel as well as me? I needed a plan. "I guess I haven't thought that far ahead."
He offered me the mirror. "Sounds like you're in trouble, babe. Do a line. It'll make it all better."
"No thanks," I said. I remembered the way I'd reacted to it before. It was too much. I couldn't risk it ever again.
He shrugged. "Fine. More for me, then." He sucked up the white powder through a rolled up bill. He leaned back, his eyes closed. "Leigh, you don't know what you're missing."
I did know, though. And I was afraid of feeling it again. I liked it too much. I clasped my hands together in front of me.
Axel grinned a Cheshire Cat smile at me. "Are you in trouble?"
I nodded. "Yeah, I think I am."
"And you need me to help?"
"Yes."
He laughed. "I'm like Prince Charming, then." He bent down for another line.
Prince Charming? I surveyed him, his cocky smile as he wiped his nose. His expensive clothes, his well-groomed fingernails. Maybe he was a kind of prince, but he was a spoiled one. Still, he was the only thing I had right now. I did my best to smile. "I guess you are."
He leaned across the table. "Do I save you with a kiss?"
God. Why was he still harping on that? Axel and I had messed around a lot, but we'd never been serious. I didn't think he actually liked me. Besides, he was in a room full of half-naked chicks, and he was a rich guy. Certainly, he could find someone else to kiss him.
But what would he do if I didn't acquiesce?
"Axel," said a male voice behind me.
I turned. It was a man I'd never seen before, probably in his thirties.
"Hello Daniel," said Axel. To me, "Daniel's the manager here."
"Got a minute?" said Daniel. "I want to run a few things by you."
Axel got out of the booth. "Sure thing."
* * *
I giggled, flopping down on a plush couch. "What's this place?" The room was covered in mirrors. It had a thick, red shag carpet.
"It's a VIP lounge," said Axel, shutting the door after us. He handed me the champagne bottle.
I took a long drink, the fizzy liquid making fizz of my brain as well. I was a little drunk. "Does that mean I'm a VIP?"
"Definitely," said Axel, settling down next to me. He threw an arm over my shoulder.
I gave him the champagne. "Well, good. Because I feel very important."
He drank. "And well you should, Leigh Thorn. Well you should."
I leaned back against one of the mirrors. "Oh, Axel, I missed you. I really did."
He nuzzled my neck. "I'm glad to hear you say that."
I pulled away from him, annoyed. If I hadn't been so drunk, I might not have done it so abruptly, but all the champagne I'd poured down my throat had completely
annihilated my inhibitions. "Why do you have to do that? Like you're trying to put moves on me?"
He took a thoughtful drink of champagne. "Well, I suppose because I want you."
"Oh," I said.
He set the champagne down. "You don't want me?"
"Not really," I said. It was true. Even though I was drunk and lonely, I had no desire to have sex with Axel. It used to be that the combination of those two things was all I needed to be ready to go with any likely partner-as long as he was relatively attractive and easy to get along with. But for some reason, I didn't feel like that right now.
"Ouch," he said.
"Sorry," I said. "It's not because of you or anything. I mean, you're exactly the same. But I'm-"
"Right. You're not doing coke, and you're still hung up on that dude you were crying over last time." Axel sucked in breath through his nose. "You're different."
I didn't say anything. Everything was starting to spin.
"It's only that I missed you, too," he said. "You were different than a lot of the other girls I've been with. With you, I was pretty sure I didn't matter."
"What?" I said. I tried to sit up straighter.
"It was refreshing," he said. "You weren't... clingy."
"Seriously?" I said. "You like me because I'm not into you?"
"I like you because you're wild and crazy and willing to try anything," he said. "Well. You were. You're different now. Like you said."
"I'm sorry."
"Don't be," he said. "I'm a big boy. I can handle it." He gave me the champagne bottle. "But it does cause a little bit of a problem for you."
"Problem?" I set the bottle down on the floor. "I don't want any more of that."
He stood up, surveying himself in one of the mirrors. "Well, you wanted to crash with me."
"I thought you said that was okay," I said.
He shrugged. "I don't mean to sound selfish, babe, but what would really be in it for me?"
My jaw dropped. "You can't be serious. You're not going to let me stay with you because I'm not sleeping with you?"
"It's not like that," he said. "I just made a decision based on a faulty assumption. Now that you've given me all the data, I've concluded that it just doesn't seem like a prospect that interests me."
Great. I buried my face in my hands. "You jackass."
He laughed. "Sometimes, yeah. But you always liked that about me."
I lifted my face. He was grinning. I took a deep breath. "Okay. Okay, fine, I'll sleep with you, just don't-"
"No, don't be silly, Leigh. I told you it wasn't like that. I don't want you to sleep with me if you don't want to. What would be the fun in that? I can find willing girls easily enough."