“Music.”
“Yeah, that’s pretty obvious. I should have guessed.” We both sort of laughed to break up the intensity in the room.
“Why? What did you think it was?” The mind reeled.
“I think I will keep that to myself.”
“Oh, come on. You’re Mr. Cryptic all the time. How about some transparency? I’ve been honest with you.”
“I didn’t ask you to.” He went from joking to almost hostile. “Shit, Jos. What are you doing to me?” He groaned and started pacing the room. “I really should get back to work. They’re probably taking bets on if we’ve hooked up yet.”
Uh, what?
“For real?” I looked toward the door. I did not want to go out there.
“I can set them straight, if you want.”
“If I want? I definitely don’t want your coworkers thinking we had a quickie in the break room. I am not, nor will I ever be, the kind of girl who would do that.”
“That wasn’t... I never thought you were...”
This thing had spiraled out of control, and I was starting to get a little pissed. Why in the hell did he have to be so freaking frustrating?
“Look, Jos. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry about...everything. You’ve done nothing wrong. It’s all on my side, and I wish I could just snap my fingers and take it all back.” With that, he strode by me, opened the door and shut it, leaving me to wonder what the hell I’d gotten myself into and how I was ever going to get out of it.
* * *
Of course in all the confusion I had completely forgotten about the party and the fact that Dusty was coming to it. Instead of potentially causing a big deal, I snatched Hunter’s phone and scrolled through his contacts and memorized Dusty’s number before Hunter could notice. He was too busy making googly eyes at Taylor, so I was pretty much in the clear.
I wrote and deleted five messages before going with one.
R U still coming tonite? This is Jos.
I felt like a moron, putting the identifier at the end, but I didn’t want him to think the message was from some random person. I stared at my phone and waited for a response. He was still at work, but I had the feeling the cell phone policy at Bull Moose was pretty lax.
Yes. I promised Renee I would. See you later.
The words were blank and emotionless. I couldn’t see his face to know if he was smiling when he wrote them, but intuition told me that he was either mad at me, himself or both. If only he’d used a winky face, I would have known he was joking. But then again, Dusty didn’t seem like the kind of guy who would use a winky face via text.
I typed out two letters and sent them.
OK.
“Are you sure you still want to do this?” Renee said, coming up for air after studying all day for an exam on a subject I couldn’t even pronounce, let alone begin to understand.
“I mean, I bought a dress, and Hannah is all for it. I talked her out of her Carrie plan by telling her that the best revenge was living well. So now her plan is to look hot and dance and have a good time to shove it in their faces. We’ll see if it works. They’ll probably be far too drunk to notice, but I don’t think that will matter,” I said.
She sat down next to me at the dining room table, where I’d been reading the latest assignments for English from my classmates. Most of them made me want to gouge my eyes out. These people had no respect for their, they’re and there. None at all.
“Has she ever told you what happened to her? I mean, I can see that she’s had a lot of reconstructive surgery. That’s why her skin has that weird pattern on it. Skin grafts from other parts of her body.” I knew that, but I didn’t say anything.
“No, she just told me it was a long story. Hannah’s the type of person who doesn’t talk about something unless she wants to. Reading between the lines it sounds pretty horrific. Like one of those things you wish you didn’t know. I’m sure she’ll tell me at some point, but I’m not going to drag it out of her. People keep secrets for a reason.”
“Like you, maybe?” She flipped my hair over my shoulder, but I could see she wasn’t mad. “I just wish you trusted me enough to tell me.”
“It’s not that I don’t want to, or that I don’t trust you.”
“Then what is it, Jos? We’ve been through so much together.”
“I know, I know.” Trust had absolutely nothing to do with it. It was more like...if I told her, if I opened up that wound again, I didn’t think it would ever close, ever heal. It was better to put a bandage over it and hope that it would heal on its own with time. And besides, I should have this wound. It was mine to bear.
She got up and put her arms around me, resting her chin on my shoulder. “You know that I love you, right? You’re my favorite sister.” I put my arms up and hugged her back.
“I know. You’re my favorite, too. Now what do you want?”
She laughed.
“Nothing. I just felt like I needed to say it since we didn’t when we were growing up.” She was right. Mom and Dad and our various stepparents hadn’t been big on the affection. That was probably why Renee and I had such skewed views on love. It must be so easy for those kids with two normal parents that love each other to believe in the existence of love. Not that I believed it didn’t exist. Living in a house full of couples who were crazy about each other pretty much guaranteed its existence. But was it only possible for some people?
I mean, if love was so prevalent and real, then why did so many people get divorced? My parents had stood up with several people each, claiming to love and honor and all that forever and ever, and then forever turned into yesterday. Were people just wrong about love? Or did they just pick the wrong people to love? How the hell did you choose the right one?
“It’s a good thing to say,” I said, letting her go as I went back to my homework. There were only a few people on this planet that I could really say that I loved, and one of them was gone, and I could never tell him again.
“Love you, big sister.”
I had to live the day, but I had to love it, too. Just like he’d said.
Chapter 16
This time I was allowed to do my own makeup, but I had to borrow Renee’s and Taylor’s again, since I still didn’t have my own. Taylor had decided she was wearing pants, but Darah and Renee went with dresses so I didn’t feel too left out. Hannah came over to get ready, and I watched as Taylor, Darah and Renee gave her the same treatment I’d gotten last time.
“Ouch!” she said as Taylor tried to finger-comb Hannah’s hair.
“Sorry! I thought mine was bad, but this is crazy. What do you use for conditioner?” Hannah winced again.
“Coconut oil. It’s the only thing that works.” Hannah and Taylor started swapping hair tips and tricks as I lined my eyes. I was doing a toned-down version of the smoky look they’d given me for the engagement party. For a moment, I was back in my old life, doing my makeup every day. I shook my head. I had to stop thinking about that.
Once again, the guys were left waiting downstairs, and I could hear them having a loud and violent video game battle.
“I swear, it’s like they never grow up,” Darah said as we came downstairs and the guys were so wrapped up in their game they didn’t notice at first.
“Maybe we should just go naked,” Taylor said loudly.
“But then we might get cold,” Renee said, just as loud.
Every single male head snapped around at the word naked. It was like they were trained or something.
“Hopeless,” Taylor said. “You’re all completely hopeless.”
“Hey, it’s not my fault,” Hunter said. “If you didn’t look so good naked, I wouldn’t be thinking about it. All the time.”
“What he said,” Mase said as Darah glared at him.
Dusty got u
p slowly, as if he didn’t want to join us. Or maybe he didn’t want to join me. I’d seen his head turn along with the others, though.
“You all can just keep it in your pants, thanks,” Hannah said, putting her coat on. “I have some revenge to get to.”
We ended up taking three cars, just in case someone needed to bail and to make sure no one got stranded. I rode with Hannah and Dusty, and this time, I made her take the front seat. It meant that I saw Dusty’s eyes sparkling in the rearview mirror frequently, but at least I didn’t have to be within touching distance of him. He’d been mostly silent, and hadn’t even commented on the dress I was wearing.
Hannah chattered away to fill the silence, and I reminded myself to thank her later. I hadn’t given her complete details on the Dusty situation, but she was smart enough to read between the lines. Plus, she was a bit distracted by her upcoming plan. Dusty was still vague on the details.
“It’s like in Legally Blonde, when these girls tell Elle the party they invite her to is a costume party, but it’s not and she shows up dressed like a Playboy bunny and then she just acts like she meant to do it,” she said. As if Dusty had ever seen that movie. I would die of shock if he had.
“Didn’t they do that in Bridget Jones, too?” I said.
“Yeah, they did. Huh.”
“So shouldn’t you be in a bunny costume?” Dusty said.
“No, you are completely missing the point,” Hannah said, frustrated. “Oh, in Pretty Woman, when she gets treated like crap by those women in the clothing store, and then she goes back after she’s cleaned up and gotten new clothes and shoves it in their faces.”
“Isn’t that the one where she’s a hooker?” Dusty said.
Hannah threw her hands up in frustration. “Can you focus for two seconds? My God, I swear all you guys have a direct line from your brain to your dicks.”
“Who says we don’t?” I saw a shade of the Dusty I’d known, pre–kitchen incident.
Hannah just grumbled the rest of the way. Of course, there was literally no place to park that was within range of the house, so we ended up parking in the lot by the old steam plant that still churned out disgusting air that you always smelled when you were on campus and within wind range.
“You sure you can walk in those?” Dusty said as we got out. The heels I’d gotten weren’t that high, but I didn’t plan on having to trek from the parking lot to the house.
“I’m fine,” I said, stepping in front of him and taking Hannah’s arm. We walked in step away from the car, seeing the rest of our gang all hanging out by their cars.
Renee pulled me and Hannah aside.
“If I catch either of you drinking, or doing anything that you wouldn’t do in front of your grandmother, I will make you regret it. I have scalpels, and I know how to use them. Understood?”
We both nodded.
“Okay, let’s get this over with,” Renee said, and Paul offered her his arm.
“Your sister is hella scary sometimes,” Hannah whispered to me as we fell in line behind the rest of the group. Dusty was last, behind us. He looked like he’d rather be eating glass while simultaneously getting a colonoscopy.
“Tell me about it. She’s gotten worse now that she knows all this medical stuff.”
I was shocked the party hadn’t gotten broken up already, because it was so loud you could feel the bass beat in your chest from a half mile away. It only got worse the closer we got.
By the time we were standing in front of the house, I was second-guessing my willingness to go along with this. I’d been to plenty of wild parties, and if my past experience was any indication, this was a rager. I hadn’t been around one of these in quite a few months. In fact, I barely remembered the last one. It was a wonder I hadn’t gotten raped, or had anything else happen to me, but Kelly and Mac had always looked out for me, and if things got crazy, we usually went back to his place and just drank with his friends. I’d gotten a few texts from her, but I’d ignored them.
“You ready for this, Han?” Her arm had tightened on mine the closer we’d gotten, and I could almost hear her second thoughts.
“Right behind you, ladies. You say the word and we’re out. No one is going to mess with you. Either of you.” I looked over my shoulder and met Dusty’s eyes. Even though it was dark, they burned with an intensity that told me he meant what he said. That he was telling the truth.
“Thanks,” I said as Hannah started dragging me toward the pounding house. It was a wonder frat houses managed to stay standing after all the generations of partying and damage their inhabitants did. There had probably been more than a few repairs over the years.
“Let’s rock this.” Hannah gave me a fist bump and we both took deep breaths and walked into the house.
* * *
An hour, many turned down drinks and dances, almost getting a beer spilled on my dress, one broken heel and one lost earring later, Hannah and I were dancing right in front of the giant speakers. The other members of our group were standing just out of the way, talking and laughing. Except for Dusty, who was really taking sulking to a whole new level. Well, it wasn’t really sulking. It was more like brooding. It didn’t look good on him, the guy I was so used to seeing with a smile on his face.
We’d kept our eyes wide-open for the guys, but it was so packed and the crowd so fluid, it would have been nearly impossible to find them, even if they were here. I’d pretty much given up on looking when Hannah grabbed my arm and pulled my ear to her mouth so I could hear her.
“There they are!” she yelled. It was still hard to hear her, so I motioned and we moved away from the speaker.
“Where?” I said, doing a visual sweep. Ah, there was one of them, standing over near one of the couches that had been pushed to the side. He hadn’t seen us yet.
“Right there.” Hannah jerked her chin in his direction, and I picked out some of the other guys I’d seen in the Union. They were all laughing and talking and drinking, clearly at ease. For all I knew, they were residents of the house.
“Come on.” Hannah didn’t give me a moment longer to think about it before she pulled me to the center of the improvised dance floor and started grinding her hips like she was born to do it. She’d been dancing earlier, but this was a little more...something you’d do against a pole wearing a lot less than a dress. I had to give her credit; she was good at it. I took her lead and let myself go.
“Is that them?” Taylor said in my ear after touching me on the shoulder. I nodded and she looked over at Darah and Renee. They came over as well, and we formed a circle. Taylor gave Hannah a run for her money in the dancing department. That girl had moves. More than once I glanced over at Mase, Paul, Hunter and Dusty, but they just watched with bewildered smiles on their faces. Dusty still looked even more surly than he had earlier.
Hannah kept looking at the group of guys, but they weren’t paying attention. More than a few of the other guys at the party were, though, and a few tried to come and dance with one or more of us, but we weren’t interested.
After the third guy tried to grind on Taylor, though, Hunter had had enough and came to dance with her. Mase joined Darah and Paul grabbed Renee. The song switched to the latest dance hit that you heard fifty times every time you listened to the radio. Hannah’s hips were still going strong, and the group of guys had finally noticed. I pulled her in, pretending to give her a hip bump.
“They see you.” She pretended to toss her hair and looked at them. Oh, they had noticed. The entire group was now fully aware of Hannah and her supersonic hips.
She threw her head back and laughed, executing a twirl that would have had me on my ass. I had no idea she was such a good dancer. The guys were pointing and talking, and it was definitely about Hannah. The guy who seemed like the ringleader started walking over. I gave Hannah a signal.
He looked
like the typical college “dude.” Backward Red Sox cap, jeans, Hollister shirt. He was so generic it was a wonder I’d even recognized him. Wading through the crowd, he came closer to our group.
“What are you going to do?” I yelled in Hannah’s ear.
“Depends on what he does. Maybe he feels like a douche and he’s coming to apologize.” She shrugged and kept dancing. Yeah, I wasn’t going to hold my breath. Guys like that seldom thought anything they did was wrong, so they didn’t have to apologize. But maybe that was me being judgmental? He could surprise me.
Hannah spun around and stopped right in front of him. He looked startled for a second.
“Can I help you?” she yelled, loud enough for me to hear.
“Yeah, you can get your disgusting ass out of this party. The girls with you are welcome to stay, but you gotta go.” He had one of those sort of half smiles on that dick guys used when they thought they were being charming, but really, they were just being dicks.
Hannah’s face froze for a moment and I waited for her reaction. I didn’t have to wait long.
She slapped the bottom of the cup of beer he had in his hand and her aim was true. It exploded and covered him.
“What the fuck? You psycho!”
Hannah smiled in a way that, if I were that guy, I’d be worried. But clearly, he wasn’t the sharpest knife in the drawer because he looked like he was going to slap her, or yell at her, but Hannah got there first. She socked him in the jaw so hard that I heard it, even with the loud music.
They both screamed in pain as I dived for Hannah.
“You fucking bitch!” His friends rushed over, but Dusty, Mase, Hunter and Paul were there in a flash.
“Walk away, dude. You’re lucky a busted jaw is the only thing she gave you,” Dusty said, getting right in the guy’s face. Hannah cradled her hand to her chest.
“I had no idea it was going to hurt that much. Holy shit,” she said, her face twisting in pain.