Page 22 of The Courage To Love


  ***

  Down below, vehicles traveled up and down the street as pedestrians hurried along on the sidewalk. To most it was another Saturday in the city, but not for him. In another hour he’d sit down with the man who’d killed so many of his teenage dreams without ever looking back. If not for his father’s desertion who knew how his life might be now? Perhaps he would’ve played college football. Instead of running a bed and breakfast with his mother maybe he’d have a successful career in the NFL. Or maybe he would’ve earned his degree debt-free and gone on to do research.

  Sean turned his back on the window. The national news replaced the political talk show on the television screen mounted on the wall and the news anchor droned on about a special election in Mississippi. More than a month earlier a long-serving senator had passed away and both parties wanted control of his seat. The entire subject held about as much interest for him as the opera. The way he saw it, politicians were nothing more than well-spoken actors. They said what they needed to say to get elected and then did whatever they pleased once in office. Like everything else, some politicians had more ethics than others, but they all played the system for their own benefit.

  Mia disagreed with him, a fact he’d discovered during a conversation about public education. Not only did she strongly support President Warren Sherbrooke, his sister’s father in-law, but she supported several others from his party including Henry Lewis, one of the candidates in the Mississippi special election.

  Before Mia came out of the bedroom and heard the latest report on the polls, he started flipping through the channels. When he came across a classic sci-fi movie on a premium cable channel he tossed the remote down. He should be surprised they got such a channel, but wasn’t. Granted, he’d stayed in only a few hotels, but in his experience the choice of television channels was always limited to the most basic. That wasn’t the case here. The television in Mia’s suite received more stations then his did at home. Then again, Mia’s suite at The Regency made The Victorian Rose look like a shack. One-of-a-kind works of art decorated the walls, expensive furniture filled the sitting area and bedroom. A fully stocked gourmet kitchen provided Mia with the ability to cook if she desired. Gold fixtures graced the sink and shower in the bathroom, which contained not only a glass shower stall but also an extra-large bath tub and a separate hot tub.

  Why Mia picked The Victorian Rose for her short vacation when she could’ve stayed in a place like this escaped him. Given the choice, he knew which he’d pick for a getaway.

  “Do you want to walk or call a taxi?”

  Sean turned at the sound of Mia’s voice. Like when she’d stayed in North Salem, she’d gone light on the makeup today, unlike when she’d been on the set the day before.

  “I planned on walking. The Hilltop hotel isn’t far.”

  “I’m ready whenever you are then.”

  In an attempt to free up some of the tension, he rolled his neck. “I don’t expect this to be pleasant. You might be better off here.”

  Mia slipped her arms around his waist and met his gaze. “Unless you don’t want me there, I’m coming. If it gets unpleasant, oh well.”

  He held her gaze, awed by the compassion in her eyes. Leaning forward, he covered her lips with his, the only way he knew to show his appreciation. “Let’s go then and get this over with,” he said when he pulled back.

  They walked the few blocks from The Regency to the Hilltop in silence. Mia held his hand for the entire walk, her constant touch a reminder of her support and friendship. Regardless of whatever else existed between them, he recognized the friendship that now existed. Having lived in the same town his entire life, he’d developed a few close friends. Considering the size of the town and the fact that so many people never left North Salem, that was expected. However, all of those close friendships were with guys he’d spent years playing sports with. He’d never before considered a woman a close friend. Somehow Mia had managed to change that. In fact, she now knew things about him that no one else knew. And while he realized their romantic relationship had an expiration date stamped on it, he wondered if the same applied to their friendship. He sincerely hoped not, yet he recognized the possibility.

  “Where are you meeting him?” Mia asked when they stopped in front of his father’s hotel.

  Sean stepped in front of the automatic doors. “The restaurant inside.” An ache shot through his jaw as they crossed the lobby and he forced himself to relax his mouth before he cracked all his teeth.

  When he paused outside the door into the restaurant, Mia squeezed his hand. Her tiny show of encouragement sent a whirlwind of emotions through his chest. “Lets get this over with,” he said, his voice gruff.

  A young hostesses led them through the restaurant to a table in the back where his father already sat with a cup of coffee. As the hostess handed out menus, everyone remained silent. Only when the woman asked if Mia was the actress did any of the table’s occupants speak.

  With the same grace she’d used before with fans, Mia signed an autograph for the woman but asked her not to say anything until they left. Although the woman promised, Sean wondered if she’d be able to keep it to herself, and as the hostess left, he figured he could use that as an excuse to cut out early.

  “Thanks for coming tonight, Sean.” Seamus O’Brien said, breaking the uncomfortable silence.

  “Let’s get one thing straight. I’m only here because I didn’t want you at The Victorian Rose or anywhere else in North Salem again. Ma doesn’t need to know you’re around.” Sean allowed his anger to flow into his voice.

  Across the table, his father nodded and a shadow passed through his eyes.

  “Now that I’m here, what do you want?” The sooner they got to the point the better.

  His father’s hand shook slightly when he reached for his coffee, drawing Sean’s attention to the gold wedding band on his left hand.

  “First to apologize, Sean. What I did to you and Charlie was wrong,” Seamus said with remorse in his voice. “When I left the two of you, I was in a bad place. I didn’t recognize it then, but alcohol was controlling my life.”

  His father fingered the wedding band and took a deep breath. “Last year my drinking got my wife Betty killed in a car accident.” His father’s voice cracked. “After that I got myself into a program, and I have’t touched a drink since.”

  Never once had Sean suspected his father had a drinking problem. How had he missed that?

  “Over the past year, I’ve realized how many people I’ve hurt, including you and Charlie.”

  Once again his father only mentioned him and Charlie. What about his mother? Sean’s temper inched higher. Did his father have even the slightest idea how his actions devastated her all those years ago? Did he even care? “What about Ma? When you left it nearly killed her.”

  An unexpected bitter laugh erupted from his father. “I’m sure Ray Larson did a great job of comforting your mother when I left. He did a fantastic job that summer.”

  Sean’s hands clenched into tight fists and he pushed his chair back. Prepared to either walk out or punch his father, he stood. Then Mia’s hand settled on his forearm.

  “What the hell are you talking about?” he asked as he struggled to keep his voice low.

  “Do you remember the fishing trip we went on the summer before your senior year with Scott Card and his son?” Seamus asked. “Your mother cheated on me with Ray while we were gone.”

  Pure rage and hate burst inside him. “Bullshit.” Several people stared in their direction at his outburst. “This meeting is over.” He took a step away from the table.

  “Don’t go yet, please.”

  His father’s voice somehow reached him through the blood pounding in his ears.

  “There’s someone I need you to meet,” Seamus said.

  As far as he cared, his father could climb back into whatever hole he’d crawled out of. Without a word he took another step away from the table. “Let’s get out of here, Mia.


  Mia glanced between him and his father as she stood, too. “Let him finish. Whatever happened between your mom and him is really between them, Sean.” She reached for his hand, her voice calm.

  “I’m not going to listen to him spew lies about my mother,” he snapped.

  Mia looked over at his father. “Can you leave Maureen out of this?”

  Seamus nodded. “Before he leaves I just want Sean to meet Taylor. Give me another ten minutes.” Seamus pulled out his phone and made a call before Sean even agreed.

  “Come on, Sean. Ten minutes, then you never need to see him again,” Mia whispered in his ear.

  “Ten minutes, that’s it.” Sean took his seat and crossed his arms over his chest. For the next several minutes no one spoke. Instead, his father frowned at him as Mia laid a hand on his thigh. Then out of the blue his father smiled and waved someone over.

  “Sean, I’d like you to meet Taylor.” A young girl about eleven or twelve took the seat next to his father. The girl gave his father a kiss on the cheek before looking at Sean, her green eyes meeting his.

  “Taylor, this is Sean, your brother.”

  All the air left his lungs and his jaw went slack as he stared at the girl across the table who gave him a shy smile.

  “Two years after your mother and I divorced, I met Betty and we got married.”

  Sean remained speechless. The girl bore a striking resemblance to his father and himself. It looked as if Seamus had even passed his height onto the young girl like he had to Sean and Charlie. “With Betty gone, you and Charlie are the only family Taylor has besides me, and your Aunt Bridget and Uncle Rory. Your Uncle Aiden passed away six months ago,” Seamus explained, referring to his brothers and sister.

  A pink blush climbed up Taylor’s cheeks, and Sean pulled his eyes away from her and looked back at his father.

  “You might not want me in your life, but I hope you can let Taylor in.”

  His mouth opened and then closed. A sister. Christ. “Does Charlie know?”

  Seamus shook his head. “I haven’t contacted her yet.”

  “Good. Keep it that way.” Slowly his shock morphed into protectiveness. “She doesn’t want you in her life.”

  Slipping an arm around his daughter’s shoulder’s his father didn’t agree or disagree. “Taylor and I are moving back to Massachusetts. Your aunt moved back here a few years ago so it makes sense to come back up here. I’d like you two to get to know each other.”

  Ignoring the comment about moving back to New England, he glanced at the young girl again. As soon as Sean made eye contact, she looked down at her folded hands.

  “I don’t know. I need time to digest all this.” He hated the uncertainty he heard in his own voice.

  Taylor’s bottom lip quivered.

  Damn, it. Please don’t cry. “I’ll think about it. That’s all I can say right now.”

  His father frowned in obvious disappointment. “Taylor and I fly back to Florida on Monday. We won’t be back until the closing on the house in Danvers. I expect that to be in late July or August.”

  Couldn’t find something a little farther away? Danvers was practically in his backyard. “When I figure it out, I’ll let you now.”

  Mia glanced at Sean’s profile as they walked back to her hotel. Since leaving the restaurant, he hadn’t said a word. Instead he walked at a clipped pace, his eyes forward and his mouth set in a grim frown. Considering all his father shared, she could only imagine the emotions that he felt.

  As they turned the corner, Mia reached for his hand and gave it a squeeze. As if just remembering she was there, he looked over at her. She’d heard that the eyes were mirrors into the soul, and looking at Sean’s eyes she believed it. Everything from confusion to anger was reflected in his green eyes.

  “Are you okay?” she asked as Sean walked past the main entrance into the hotel and continued to the underground parking garage.

  Sean gave her a curt nod. “I just need to get out of the city.” He passed by the rows of parked vehicles, then stopped next to his Harley. He removed one of the helmets attached to the bike. “I’ll be back in a little while.”

  “Do you want some company?”

  He gave her a nonchalant shrug, but when he handed her the other helmet she caught a glimpse of appreciation on his face.

  In theory a ride on a motorcycle sounded fabulous. As she settled herself behind Sean on the metal beast, she realized just how little protection existed between her and the ground. With a powerful roar, the motorcycle came to life, and Mia tightened her arms around Sean’s waist. Beneath her the bike rumbled as he slowly drove through the garage and up the ramp to the street above. As they broke out onto the street, she started to relax.

  This isn’t too bad. With ease, Sean maneuvered the bike through the stop-and-go traffic and she loosened her death grip just as he merged onto the highway. With no one in front of them, Sean tapped into all the power the bike possessed, and Mia closed her eyes and reestablished the death grip around his waist.

  After a while she cracked open her eyes again. They’d left the city behind and she looked for any indication of where they were headed. As an exit approached, Sean changed lanes. They passed a sign indicating how many miles remained to Wachusett Mountain just before he took the off ramp.

  Soon the Wachusett Dam appeared on their right, the late afternoon sun reflecting off the water making it look like glass. For a moment Sean slowed down, but after they passed several cars already parked, he again sped up. When he brought the bike to a complete stop later on, they sat at the top of Wachusett Mountain. In the winter, the mountain functioned as a ski resort. Although not as large as its counterparts farther north, the resort on the mountain provided the perfect place for local skiers who didn’t have the time to travel. During the other seasons, hikers and nature enthusiasts used the mountain for all kinds of recreational activities..

  “Are you okay?” Sean asked after he pulled off his helmet.

  Mia handed him her helmet and hoped he didn’t notice how her hands shook. “Great.”

  Despite the beautiful day, the parking area at the summit was empty. “It’s beautiful up here,” she said as they sat down at a picnic table.

  Sean nodded but remained quiet, his eyes on the vista before them.

  Winding her arm through his, she rested her head on his shoulder. “You might feel better if you talk about it.”

  At first he remained tight-lipped and she didn’t push.

  “Christ, does he expect me to just forgive him? Accept that alcohol controlled his actions?” He raked a hand through his hair. “He made the decisions he did, no one else.”

  Over the years she’d seen enough of her friends struggle with drugs and alcohol to know how it changed people. “He did,” she began as she picked each word. “But sometimes things like alcohol make us act in ways we wouldn’t normally. You’d be surprised how much it can alter a person’s decisions.”

  “That’s no excuse for abandoning your family,” he said with anger.

  She squeezed his hand, her heart breaking for the teenage Sean. “I know it’s not the same, but when my anorexia was at its worse no one and nothing mattered to me. The only thing I cared about was avoiding food and losing weight. It controlled my every action. Alcoholism can be the same way. And if what he said about your mom is true, that might have been the very thing to send him over the edge.”

  Without warning Sean stood and took a few steps away before whirling back around. “That whole story about Ma and Ray is bullshit.”

  She didn’t agree. People liked to think only husbands strayed. In reality, wives did sometimes as well. While she liked Maureen, that didn’t mean Sean’s father was lying.

  The vein in Sean’s temple twitched and he pressed his lips together, his hands planted on his hips.

  “Everyone makes mistakes, Sean. Even our parents.” Heaven knew she’d learned that about her own parents a long time ago. “Even if you can’t forgi
ve him now, you should think about everything he said. Maybe with time you could let him in your life again. Or at least Taylor. Whatever your father did wasn’t her fault, and she is your sister.”

  “I know that,” Sean snapped then he blew out a deep breath. “I’m sorry, Mia. I shouldn’t take this out on you.” He came closer and kissed her. “This whole thing sucks. How do you deal with someone dropping a sister in your lap?”

  She shrugged as he continued. “If I get to know her, she’ll be a constant reminder of him. I don’t need that.”

  “She’s also just a child who lost her mom and you’re her big brother.” Mia kept her voice gentle.

  Sean looked up at the sky as if he’d find the answers in the clouds. “Fuck.”

  “You don’t have to make any decisions now.” Mia stood and placed her arms around his waist. “Take your time and think about everything. They won’t be up here again for a while. Maybe talk to Charlie. See what she thinks.” When he looked down at her she met his eyes. “And I’m here if you want to talk.”

  In response Sean frowned. “Thanks, but I’m not sure I want to bother you with this.”

  She bit down on the inside of her cheek at his response. A true friend was there for you no matter what and although she hadn’t said it, she considered Sean a true friend and then some. His actions hinted that he felt the same way, even if he hadn’t said it either. Now wasn’t the time to pressure him about it. He already had enough fuel to keep his emotional fire going. “Well, if you change your mind, I’m here.”

  Rather than answer, he kissed her. When he broke away he touched his forehead to hers. “We should get going. Are you ready?”

  She glanced over at the Harley. Part of her didn’t want to climb back on. While part of her had enjoyed the ride, fear had coursed through her body for much of it. But Sean enjoyed it, so if their relationship progressed past her time here in Massachusetts, this wouldn’t be her last ride on the metal beast. “Good to go.” She pasted a smile on her face. Maybe she just needed time to get used it, like when she learned to ski.