Chapter 31
As the light of the sun turned red, Justin and Luitgard pulled up to one of several inns in a town that had few buildings other than those for the accommodations of strangers. A bakery, stable, blacksmith, and a smattering of small shacks were all that made the town aside from the inns. Wooden palisades surrounded it but Luitgard did not feel any protection once they were within the boundary of those walls.
Those with no attachment to a place rarely took care of it and it appeared there were many of those people there that night. The first inn was filled with mercenaries and soldiers; the second with knights. They left their horses at the stables before checking the third. A pedlars cart was parked around the side and two servants−possibly serfs, low enough to look regularly deprived of food−were playing a game in the dirt with rocks as they watched over it.
When they opened the door to the inn, Luitgard saw the owner look up sharply. His face softened when he saw them.
"Welcome," he said. "Not a good night to be in our town but I have room if you have money."
Justin held up a silver coin. The man nodded and took it. "Except for the two rooms upstairs and at the back, you can have any you like," he said. "We have beer and bread though I recommend staying in your rooms tonight."
"That was our intention," Justin said. "We just need rest before finishing our journey to Rome."
The man smiled. "Easy customers," he said. "You are my favourite people tonight."
Justin and Luitgard went upstairs and chose a small room at the front of the inn. The shutters were closed and the air was unpleasantly stale with the smell of horses from the street and the lingering odor of a stained chamber pot, which sat in the corner. The accommodations were simple with a mattress covered in skins against one wall. When Luitgard squeezed it with her hand, she suspected it was stuffed with wool. Against the opposite wall was a small wooden table with a bowl and pitcher for washing.
As Luitgard set her saddle bags down, Justin pushed open the shutters. He stood at the window for several moments.
"The inn keeper's right," he called back. "It appears there is already a row at that first inn."
As he made to close the shutters, Luitgard stopped him. "Please, leave it open for a few minutes at least. It stinks in here."
He nodded and left it open. He walked over to the chamber pot and picked it up. "I'll see if I can get this cleaned out," he said.
"Are you sure it is wise to go back down there?"
"I'll only be gone a minute and I'm not going near that other inn."
She nodded in agreement but after what had happened in Florence, she felt little confidence in him being gone any length of time at all.
She sat on the bed and waited, too nervous to go near the window to see what was happening amongst all the shouts down the lane. The noise became too frenzied. She could not take it anymore and got up to close the shutters. There was a fight in the streets and several of the mercenaries and soldiers were cheering on the men trying to kill each other.
The door hinges behind her creaked loudly and she jumped.
"It's just me," Justin said. "I couldn't risk getting water with those men in the street so I used some of the inn keeper's beer. He wasn't too pleased about it and I cannot say this thing smells any less like piss now but maybe we won't notice it."
He set the bucket down in the corner as she rethought closing the shutters. With Justin close, the threat of the drunken did not seem so strong. Her stomach growled and she decided it was more important to sate her hunger. She pulled a stale roll out of her saddle bag. It was rock hard so she sat on the bed and sucked at it.
"I saw Merek when I was out back," Justin said.
She lowered the roll.
"I'm not sure he saw me then but I'm sure he's been following us the whole way," he said. "Just another reason to stay locked up in here tonight."
Her hunger had dissipated and she stared at the bread in her lap. Justin sat next to her and wrapped an arm around her shoulders.
"We're together," he said before kissing her head. "Don't give him another thought."
She nodded and leaned into him. "I am so weary of living in fear," she said. "We went so many years without any signs of threat that I had stopped fearing. Then the horn blew the day you arrived and all the fear I should have felt erupted in me and has been simmering ever since. Now I cannot remember what it was like to feel safe. I am even beginning to think I imagined it, that I never really felt any security and only dreamed it during tense nights." Her fingers trembled around the roll and it fell to the floor. "I just want this to be over."
"And it will be soon," he whispered. "Within the week, we will be riding home with Dragonfather by your side."
"How can you be so optimistic now? The threats seem even worse and yet you have hope you lacked before."
"If I entertain death, we will die," he said. "If I focus on what will come when it is over, I know we have a chance to live."
"I think maybe I should try that. You seem to be handling this all better than I am."
He gave her shoulders a squeeze but said nothing.
They lay in the bed, holding each other and listening to the outside commotion as they fell asleep.
Luitgard stood before the gates of her home. The wooden palisades had been burnt to the ground. The stone remained intact but the large wooden doors of the gate were open. The smell of charred wood and flesh choked her. She began to run towards the gates but stopped. Did she want to see that? She already knew what she would find. She could hear the echoes of the fighting. Her nose tickled with the smell of sweet flowers.
"Why do you come back here?"
"Justin and I ... we were going ... "
"There is nothing for either of you here. Your truth lies in Rome."
Luitgard turned, Behind her stood the same, tall, dark-haired woman. "And what about after that?"
"You still believe there will be an after?" the Goddess asked.
Luitgard began to cry. Her fists tightened. She glared at the woman before her.
"Why did you forsake us? You were supposed to protect them!" she yelled. "We tended your barrier for generations. We worshipped you. All we asked was to be kept safe! That was all we ever asked. " She swallowed around the lump in her throat. "You gave us nothing in return. You are no Goddess! You are nothing! You do not even exist except in these horrid dreams! Why? Why could you not exist? Why could you not save us? Why did Sieglinde have to die? Why did Adalbern have to die? Why did Humbert have to die? Why did Oda have to die? Why did ... " Her grief had sapped her. She collapsed to her knees and coughed the last of herself onto the ground.
The Goddess walked up to her and stopped. "It was not my task to protect any of them," she said. "It was my task to protect you."
Luitgard looked up but she had no strength to say anything.
"The deal your Dragonfather struck was for the village until he brought you to Rome. Fearing for his favorite girl who seemed determined to explore, he changed the terms. It no longer held for the Mintharchs. I have no more duty to them. I have only you left to whom I have any obligation. And despite those who track you and the dangerous places in which you have found yourself, you have remained unharmed, have you not?"
"How can you be so cold?" Luitgard whispered. "You care nothing for any of their lives?"
"I cared no less than you did," she said. "It was not I who left them. I simply followed you."
Luitgard collapsed and cried into the dirt. "You care nothing for your people unless a deal has been made?"
"You are the one who chose to leave them defenseless. Do not blame gods for the faults of man."
"I did not know I was leaving them defenseless!" she screamed. "I knew nothing of this."
"Then do not presume to lecture those who do," the Goddess warned. "Nothing has changed. Your truth still lies in Rome."
"And what do I do in Rome? Will you show me all when I step through the gates?"
"The angel of your dreams will
guide you," she said. "You sacrificed your people for truth. Do not make that sacrifice be in vain."
Luitgard blinked away her tears. The Goddess was gone. The ruins of her home were gone. Her head was resting upon Justin's chest and the sun was peeking around the cracks of the shutters.
There was no more shouting outside. She could hear only the hooves of the horses as travellers set on their way for the day. None of it reflected her misery.
Justin began to stroke her hair. "Did you sleep well?" he asked.
She buried her face in his side and cried.
Though he became instantly concerned and insisted she tell him what was wrong, she did not have it in her to do so. Her thoughts were too chaotic and painful to voice. When she assured him that she would tell him about her dream when she was ready, he finally relented and let her be.
They washed and readied for the day. When they were leaving the inn, the keeper commented on how lucky the other inn keepers were that their buildings were not burnt to the ground. What appeared initially to have the potential of being a great brawl had fizzled without incident.
When they walked in the lane and Luitgard saw the unconscious, bloodied, and swollen form of a mercenary at the side of the road, she could not help but disagree with the inn keeper's assessment. It could have been worse but there had definitely been an incident for one man. She thought the inn keeper uncaring to be unconcerned with the beaten man so long as he himself was unharmed.
Her mind went to her fallen family. Her guts roiled with her guilt. How could she judge him? She may care about the deaths of her people but she cared too little to prevent them. She was no different and that was a thought she knew would torment her for the rest of her life.