* * *
In the following days, the entire village spent their waking hours preparing. Lord Mintharch's return had rejuvenated their hope. They worked with enthusiasm and spoke of what they would cherish most when it was over. Lord Mintharch had honoured Sieglinde's place as their leader and stood by her as they oversaw the preparations. He made no indications to the others how he really felt and what he had really wanted to do.
She watched and prayed that the people did not secretly hate her as they did their best to hoist the manor's large cooking cauldrons onto the wall in the middle of the night. She reminded herself in a repetitive mantra that she had made the right decision.
On another day, Humbert and Lord Mintharch taught farmers, both men and women, how to use a sword. Through a belligerent rain, Sieglinde helped the women harvest the barely grown herbs required for poultices. Even with mud up to their thighs, the women did not complain. Their repeated glances in Lord Mintharch's direction told her why.
One morning, before the mist had lifted, she was awoken by a loud crack and creak of a tree being felled. She jumped up and ran down to the wall. Humbert was already there when she reached the top.
Along the same swath the enemy had cleared for the onager, trees closer to the wall were being felled. The top of the onager was no longer visible but the sounds of hammering prevented that fact from being reassuring.
Lord Mintharch joined them. "They have learned attacking the wall is pointless," he said. "They are readying for a new tactic."
"How much time?" Sieglinde asked.
"A day," he said. "I have seen this before."
They had been preparing for a battle. She hoped they were ready because the day had now been set. She swallowed hard and climbed down from the wall as the reality of the situation hit. For a brief second she faltered and wondered if Lord Mintharch was right and they should flee. As she walked back to the manor, her eyes fell upon the storehouse.
It had become a daily ritual to check the latest activity of the rodents and she found she needed it very much at that moment. It kept her determination strong. The invaded Christians were no different than the rats and they would never have left the village just because of some pests.
She would never be the same no matter the outcome. She had believed they lived in a sanctuary, free from harm, protected completely. No such place existed unless it was claimed.
"The rats will not leave and the food will never become fit to eat," Humbert said quietly from the doorway.
She nodded but did not turn to face him. "I know," she said. "I don't hope anymore."
"Are you going to be alright?"
"You leave tonight," she said. She kept her eyes upon a spot on the wall.
"Excuse me?"
"We are likely outnumbered, outarmed, and outtrained in real battle" she said. "I need you and a team of others to take out as many as you can in the night so that our odds are improved come the attack in the morning. If you can take out whatever siege engine they are building, all the better."
"I thought you were opposed to that idea with so many of them out there?"
She nodded again. "Aye," she said. "I thought it would be a suicide mission."
"What makes you think we will live now?"
Her jaw clenched. The air in the storehouse was too stale. It was giving her a headache. "Nothing," she said.
She could feel him stepping closer to her. His fingers upon her arm were so light even as he turned her to face him. She could not. His chest, even the ground between their feet, seemed better than the sight of his eyes.
"I will get a team together immediately," he whispered.
She wanted him to fight her. She wanted him to have a tantrum and be the young man he was. She wanted for once for him to be selfish and want to live, but his youth made him too idealistic and noble. Her lashes lowered. She could not ask him to deny his honour. His one moment of selfishness still tore at him and haunted him. He was just like her. He could not live with himself if he cowered again. She opened her eyes and traced her finger over his tunic where she knew it covered his nearly healed wound.
"I love you," she said.
He pulled her into him. She would miss the warmth of his arms around her. She sunk into him and focused upon each tingle within her that his touch caused. If she lived, she at least wanted his memory to stay with her into old age, though truly she hoped they would die together.
"You are my Goddess," Humbert said. "I am protected because of you."
The dampness of her eyes threatened to become a flood. She could not speak. The emotion pulled a tremble through her body. His arms tightened around her.
"Find someone who will care for you," he said. "Have the children we would have had. I will be smiling upon you from Heaven and waiting for you to join me."