Chapter 7
Though they had tried to keep Luitgard's travel plans a secret from the village, news had spread by the end of the first day of planning. By the next morning, the Goddess Maids were already gossiping in hurried tones over breakfast. They looked just as frightened as the night Luitgard announced they would be checking the barrier. Evidently, the events of the last few days had created a stir that Luitgard's rumoured departure had only exacerbated.
Their worried glances fed the guilt that sat niggling at the base of her gut. Her own fear of leaving the Mintharch lands fueled her guilt so that she slept little, staring at the beams, considering how she could back out, how she was much more needed in the village, how Sieglinde had been right all along.
To add to her confusion, however, Sieglinde was not quite pleased with the plans and was actually becoming impatient with any delays in the preparations. By the end of all them, Luitgard thought Sieglinde would shove her through the gates herself.
After several days, Justin and Luitgard had their supplies gathered. The entire village had been prepared to function without Luitgard's presence, and Luitgard even remembered to tell Adalbern and Sieglinde to replace the stone beneath the vat in the dying shack.
"Let us pray that I can make it back before the first snows," Luitgard said as she hugged her sister priestess.
"We look forward to your return," Sieglinde replied. "Both of you," she added.
The dagger Sieglinde had given Luitgard weighted her belt uncomfortably. Its location at her waist was obscured by a shawl she had wrapped over it. It had been Sieglinde's idea to kill Justin if necessary but now she was acting like he was family.
Though confused, Justin had accepted this newfound affection directed at him. Perhaps he was just glad he was no longer being threatened with death.
He now stood a few feet away from them, watching their exchange. He was dressed in brown hose, a linen shirt, and a leather surcoat that Adalbern had given him. His Dominican robes were stuffed under the dyed fabrics and food in one of the two bags slung over his shoulders. Luitgard still insisted she had no interest in him, but seeing him out of his robes and in proper clothes, she could not deny how attractive he was. The memory of him working on the storehouse roof came back and she looked away, sure she was blushing.
Though she had walked through the gates many times, the significance of this time made her want to stop, turn around, and beg to be let back inside. She refused to give in to such childish impulses and forced her next foot forward, but she could not keep herself from looking back. Adalbern and Sieglinde stood watching her from the open drawbridge.
Movement from the top of the walls caught her eye and she looked up to see Humbert waving to her. She returned the gesture before turning back to the path.
Justin had said they would walk south to the main trade route that led to Stare Mesto, the nearest trading centre on their route. He hoped they would be able to trade for horses there. She still found it surprising how much their dyed fabrics were valued by the Christian nobles. She hoped he was right and all would go well.
Laden with their heavy bags, the trek to the southern barrier seemed much longer than Luitgard remembered but it was not even mid-morning by the time they reached the southern marker.
As she saw the small Goddess statue become visible through the grass, she slowed. She stopped before it and looked down at the small form.
"What is it?" Justin asked as he walked to her side. Seeing the small statue he asked, "Is it a troll?"
She scoffed and forced outrage though inwardly she could not help but remember she had thought the same thing. "No," she said. "Long ago, it was the form of our Great Mother. The years have not been kind to it."
Seeming to realize that he had just insulted her Goddess, he gave a quick apology and asked if she needed a moment.
Her inner mirth faded. She nodded. "You go on. I will catch up," she said.
He nodded and continued walking southward.
She looked down at the statue again. Her heart pounded with the knowledge that she would be crossing to the other side of it for the first time since she had been a little girl. It raced at the thought of what awaited her.
She knelt down and placed both hands on top of it and closed her eyes. "Great Mother," she said. "Please keep my people safe while I am on my journey. May they always remain hidden."
She opened her eyes and stood. Justin was far enough ahead that she had trouble placing him through the trees. When she spotted him, she took a deep breath and stepped across the barrier.
"Good-bye, Sieglinde," she whispered.
The heavy bags proved more than a simple discomfort as the day wore on. They had to walk through thick grass and forests, over rocky paths and uneven terrain. The rest of the Spreewald proved much wetter than her home. There were several marshes they had to circumvent, each one adding to her annoyance; yet another thing to slow their progress. The bags' weight held back her speed even without the obstacles.
Though they had taken several breaks to give her a chance to rest, by late afternoon, she could simply carry on no more. Justin was kind about it as he built a fire on the shore of a small lake that evening.
"I've been travelling for months myself," he said. "I'm used to the walk. If you've never left your home, you cannot expect to run to Marathon."
"Marathon?" she asked.
"An old Greek story," he said without further explanation.
He had evidently had much practice making fires on those several months of travel, for it was only a few moments later that the fire was large enough to warm her through.
They pulled out chunks of their bread. Luitgard held hers between both hands and whispered, "The blessings of the Great Mother have given us this meal. May the harvest of her work give us health," before biting into it.
Justin looked away from her while she prayed. "Are you scared of going to Rome?" he asked, looking at the flames. He ripped off a chunk of bread with his mouth and chewed it.
"Were you scared coming to us?" she asked in reply.
"I did not know you were what I was going to find," he said before hesitating. "That's not entirely true. I had been forewarned that I might find someone but I did not really believe it. But yes, I was still frightened of what I would find."
"Did we frighten you when you found us?" she asked.
He chuckled. "You were all talking about whether to keep me alive," he said. "That is not the most comforting of welcomes."
"Sorry about that. I might have overreacted. You were the first outsider ever to come through the barrier. Most would just have walked around it, never really knowing they had, never knowing why they had changed course. Yet you walked straight through as if nothing was there."
He nodded. "Definitely something strange about that," he confirmed. After another moment, he said, "You never answered my question but I answered yours. Now who's being evasive?"
She smiled but set down her bread. "Yes, I am scared," she said. "I too am unsure of what I will find in Rome. Is it just the same as it was years ago?"
He looked down at the bread in his hands, turning it over before deciding to stuff it back into his sack. He took hers from the ground and did the same with it. "I wouldn't know," he said. "I have never been there before."
Luitgard gave a nervous laugh. "I thought you knew our route."
"I do," he said. "I have been to Stare Mesto and Vienna once before." He paused. "Something I have not confessed to you," he said. "My mentor has gone to Vienna. He said he hoped to meet an old friend there and wanted me to join him after my other travels. After what has happened, I am a little worried about that part of our journey. I think he knew about your people."
Luitgard's skin went cold. "How do we avoid him?"
Justin shrugged. "The best we can do is avoid the church there. There is really no other way we can get through the area without risking starvation or attack from bandits."
She swallowed and stared at the fire. She needed to change
the subject. Her panic was threatening to overtake her. "I was sure men of the Church come from Rome," she said, hoping to divert the subject.
He shook his head, still looking at his hands now free of bread. "That's where we all answer too but it is not where I came from. I travelled from Béziers."
"Where is that?" Luitgard was sure she had heard the name somewhere before but could not think where.
"It is a far way from here," he said. "My grandfather was killed in the massacre there. I returned when I was old enough and learned what had happened."
Luitgard's heart sank at his words. She had no idea what he was talking about. His history was not her history but his tone was enough to tell her how serious it was. She wanted to ask him what he meant but she hesitated, unsure if it would be too rude.
She tried to distract herself by pulling out her comb from one of the bags. She had intended to rid her hair of any knots caused by their hike, but ended up simply caressing the bone teeth with her fingers. Her curiosity got the better of her.
"I know nothing of your history," she said. "I only know of the Church because my grandfather took me to Rome to show me the evils of their ways." She was trying to be compassionate but with the words spoken, she silently berated herself for insulting Justin's way of life.
To her surprise, he nodded. "That is why I joined the Church," he said. "I wanted to be one of the men to make up for all the horrors committed in God's name. I suppose that is why I went back to Béziers. My grandfather was one of those who took part in the massacre under the orders of those claiming to serve God."
His jaw and fists clenched. "Seven thousand were slaughtered for being peaceful like your people. They were too peaceful, not willing enough to bow to the orders of the Church. They died simply trying to bring some of God to the world."
A tear trickled down his cheek. When he tried to speak again, he was forced to cough to clear his emotion. "I wanted to prevent that from ever happening again but I fear the Church has been using me as a pawn to do the very same to your people. I refuse to be like my grandfather. Any man who could slaughter another is no man of God."
The poorly dried wood in the fire gave a great snap and pop as the flames hit a pocket of moisture. Luitgard watched the sparks land outside the stone ring they had created for it and waited until she was sure they had cooled before looking away.
The story he told was similar to the one her Dragonfather had told her to illustrate the ferocity of the Church. He had said it was one of many. Justin's story seemed to confirm that.
"I'm sorry," she whispered finally. "Our people try to stay hidden because my grandfather knew there was no way the Church would ever change its ways. They do not like competition before the eyes of their God."
Justin looked up. His eyes were still red and wet but he was not crying. "And so he turned to paganism?"
Luitgard shook her head. "He turned to the Goddess because she came to him when he feared there was no hope for the world. If he devoted himself to her, she would protect our people always. She created the barrier that we maintain. She has protected us for three generations."
Her mention of such a supernatural visitation caused Justin to straighten. He wiped his eyes and looked at her with renewed sobriety. "How did he know it was a goddess and not some demon or even the Devil trying to tempt him?"
Luitgard shrugged. "He never told me but he was convinced so I am as well. My grandfather was a very good judge of character and our people have remained safe ever since. We have no reason to doubt the story."
Justin looked out over the dark lake but said nothing.
"We should sleep," Luitgard suggested. "My shoulders are going to fall off from strain if I don't rest."
He nodded. "You sleep," he said. "I will keep watch for a while. I'm not tired."
After thanking him, she draped herself over one of the sacks of fabric and closed her eyes.
A moment later, Justin was gently shaking her arm. "Wake up," he said.
She sat bolt upright and looked around. "What's wrong?" she asked before realizing her sore muscles were screaming at her in agony. There was a kink in her neck.
"Nothing's wrong," he said. "I have breakfast."
She looked up at the sky covered in dark grey-blue clouds. The air smelled of dew and alder smoke. "It's morning?" she asked.
He nodded. "Close to it," he said. "But the clouds have started to move in and I did not want to be out in the open when the rains start." Pulling away from her, he gestured to the fire. Leaning over it was a branch with a large, skinned hare skewered upon it.
They ate their breakfast and prepared for their day of travel quickly. The rains began to fall just as Luitgard was putting the second sack over her shoulder, which was punished by a shot of pain.
The next several days passed slowly but without incident. There were few people in the Spreewald and Justin and Luitgard were not travelling the usual routes. They walked mostly in silence for Luitgard found it difficult to travel with the heavy fabrics and found she had to concentrate upon keeping herself upright under such strain. The farthest she had to travel on most days was the dying hut and that distance was miniscule compared to those they were now covering each day.
Their evening conversations were short as well. They focused upon making camp, finding food, and resting. However, she had learned that Justin had long ago begun to have misgivings about the Church. He felt God only deserved the best from those preaching in his name but he was beginning to feel the task impossible. His spiritual advisors were convinced he was mistaken about the prevalent immorality. They told him to travel in search of Gods' truth. God would show him how noble his work truly was. Then they had told him to travel northeast. In desperation to quell his guilt, he did as they instructed, landing him in the midst of the Mintharchs. In his search for Gods' truth, the Mintharchs only created more confusion for him.
Finally, their quiet days of walking through the remote rolling hills came to an end when they arrived at a wide path that cut through the trees.
"The main road used for trade," Justin said as he turned southward onto it. "It is not much farther to Stare Mesto."
Though it was a major route, it was another half day before they came upon anyone, or-rather- anyone came upon them. Squeaking and creeks caught their attention and they turned to see a wagon being pulled by an old horse. The reins were held by a man with a weathered face and next to him sat an equally weathered looking woman. As the wagon pulled alongside them, the man pulled on the reins to stop it.
"Where are you two headed?" he asked.
"Stare Mesto," Justin said.
The man nodded. "We are headed that way," he said as he eyed the large sacks they were carrying. "Planning to do some selling?"
Justin nodded.
"I'd be willing to give you a ride for payment," he said.
Justin shook his head. "We have no money yet but if you are willing to wait until we get to Stare Mesto, I will have money then." To emphasize his point, he tugged a corner of woad-dyed cloth out of one of his bags.
The man nodded. "Climb into the back," he said.
Justin and Luitgard walked to the back of the wagon. In it, there were two children, a boy who looked to be about eleven and a girl half his age. They were pressed against the boards closest to their father. Luitgard and Justin heaved their sacks onto the wagon and climbed up. They managed to squeeze into two spots amongst their own sacks and those of the travellers. Luitgard's legs were cramped with her knees nearly by her ears, but for the time being, it was better than walking.
As the sun began to brush the tops of the trees, the man pulled the wagon off the road. "I was hoping to make it to Stare Mesto tonight but it looks like that won't happen. We'd never make it before they shut the city for the night," he explained. "I don't enjoy camping near the road−too much can go wrong−but outside the city walls would be even worse."
"Have you had much trouble so far?" Justin asked as the man heaved a sack out of t
he wagon.
He shook his head. "We have been fortunate but I worry how long that will last. We still have a ways to travel after Stare Město. I'm hoping to find work in the silver mines in Jihlava."
The travelling family had a sack of loaves they were gracious enough to share. The bread was stale but Luitgard was happy for anything after such a long day though it felt strange to be unable to say her usual prayer over the food.
She sat by the fire they had made and kept to herself. Justin had no trouble maintaining mundane conversation with the man but even the possibility that she might be asked to speak twisted her insides. She hated to think of what would happen if she let the wrong thing slip so she spent the evening huddled on her own. Finally, she settled down, letting Justin's voice coming from a few feet away lull her to sleep.
She was awoken by an arm wrapping around her from behind and gave a small jolt.
"It is alright," Justin whispered in her ear. "We are supposed to be man and wife, remember."
She remained tense but said nothing.
"I would not do this if we were alone," he added.
Though she tried to force her muscles to relax, it was not working. She was still tense and now she was not sure if she should be offended. He was sworn celibate but she could not help feeling slighted by his comment.
She closed her eyes. Her pulse raced. She was sure she would not sleep but Justin's embrace provided warmth she had not felt since leaving the Mintharchs. Her muscles released and it was not until the chirps of the first birds carried through the trees that she awoke. Justin's arm was still wrapped around her and she could feel his breath on her neck.
As carefully as she could, she crawled out from under his arm and sat up. The man was gone but his wife lay near the dying fire, her eyes open as she looked down at the small girl wrapped in her arms.
"You have a kind husband," the woman whispered.
"Excuse me?" Luitgard asked.
"Most men would not be so patient," the woman said.
Luitgard was still confused. "What do you mean?"
A smile spread across the woman's lips. "You are definitely fortunate," she said. After another moment, she added, "Most men will not tolerate the insecurities of a virgin."
"I do not know what you are talking about," Luitgard said but this time her ignorance was a lie.
"I saw how shocked you were last night when he touched you. I saw him whisper in your ear until you settled. He must truly care for you."
Luitgard said nothing. She wanted to tell the woman she understood nothing but that would risk giving away who they really were. That would lead to dangerous questions.
"My husband is a good man," the woman said. "He is a wonderful father, but he has not always been as patient with me." The woman looked over to her son, who was still propped up against a log, asleep.
All at once, Luitgard's worst insecurities came back to her; her fear for her life on their journey, her fear for the safety of her people, and even her fear that Sieglinde had been right when she said Luitgard would be a spinster. She had always been alone aside from Sieglinde's company. Her people had kept her mind busy so it had never before bothered her. Night after night sitting quietly by the fire had allowed those fears fertile ground. She had begun to wonder if there was something wrong with her. Would she ever marry and have children? Did she want to?
"What is it like?" she asked the woman.
"What?"
"What is it like to have children?"
The woman smiled again. "The most terrifying thing in the world," she said. "If I were travelling alone with my husband like you, I would not have a single care in the world." After a pause, she added, "But your husband cares greatly for you. You might find it easier than I do."
Luitgard looked down at Justin. He had not moved.
He could never be her husband but she wondered if she would ever find a man who really would care for her in the way the woman described. There was little choice amongst her own people. Most were too young or too old for her. She had to admit that even when she thought about it, there was not one of them she felt she could ever marry. She even began to wonder who it could be that held Sieglinde's interest. As far as she was concerned, there was just as little choice for Sieglinde. Maybe life as a spinster was even preferable. It would certainly be less complicated.
The man returned a few minutes later with an armful of twigs that he placed upon the fire. "Just enough to keep the kids warm until the sun does its work," he said.
The newly laid twigs released a sweet smell as they burned and it was not long before it tickled the noses of Justin and the children. With everyone awake, they ate quickly and readied themselves and the cart for continuing the journey.
As Luitgard hefted one of the bags of fabric onto the wagon, the man walked close to her and spoke in quiet tones. "I have a request for you," he said. "My daughter saw your fabrics yesterday and quite likes them. I don't have enough money to buy any from you but I was hoping you might be kind enough to give her even a small square as a precious." He added quickly, "I will gladly wave any fee for the ride."
Luitgard was not sure if he was offering a good deal but the sentimental request struck her. She nodded and reached into the bag she had just placed upon the wagon. She pulled out a corner of the fabric but was not sure how to cut it. Then, remembering the dagger tied beneath her shawl, she reached for it. At the same time, the man offered a small wood carving knife.
"Use this," he said, not realizing she had been about to reach for the dagger.
She nodded in thanks and took the offered knife, her heart beating powerfully as she realized she had nearly revealed her hidden weapon to Justin who stood only a few steps away. She had not realized how quickly she could return to the old habit of trusting those around her. She needed to be more careful.
She cut a swatch not much bigger than her hand and gave it to the man. "I can give you no more," she said.
He nodded and took the fabric. "Thank you for this," he said. "I'm sure my daughter will clutch to it for the rest of her life. She wishes she were born a princess or a noblewoman with fancy clothes. This is the best I can offer but it is more than I could a day ago."
He thanked her once more and walked away. Not long later, they were all back on the wagon and reaching ever closer to Stare Mesto.