“I’m sorry it took so long. You can’t imagine how hard we’ve been looking.”
His voice cemented it for Homer. Robbie was there.
“My Alpha.” He croaked as the others gave similar responses. Hating the emotion in his voice, he closed his mouth. Males didn’t lose it. Not with their Alphas when they pathetically had to be rescued and not with their former commanders who had dragged them through war and kept them alive.
Devon, Dougal, and three other pack mates scattered into the room. Soon, their chains were being cut off and their restraints removed. Homer tried to get up and fell backwards on the cave floor. His legs didn’t want to work. It was past time to dose him.
Robbie knelt in front of him. “You’re not okay.” Obviously, it wasn’t a question.
“No.”
“Devon,” Robbie called over his shoulder. “It’s safe for Tatyana. I want her here with them before we try to move them.”
He had brought his mate? Why would he risk it? “Robbie,” first names seemed okay right then, “you shouldn’t have risked so much.”
“Not just me doing the risking. Your mate is amazing. Totally worthy of you.”
Hearing his words didn’t make Homer feel better. He was in no shape to see Camille. Maybe ever again. The room spun and he thought he might start to retch. “I’m going to be sick.”
His Alpha nodded. “That’s okay. I’ve seen puke before. We used to throw up a lot during the fighting. When it was over, anyway. Do you remember?”
“You’re distracting me.” He closed his eyes.
Robbie snorted. “Is it working?”
“No. All I can think about is when I’m going to get my next fix.” He needed it. Their rescue was great but it meant the drugs would stop. He clenched his teeth. The sweet relief, the cool easy...
“Here.” Robbie spoke to someone else and Homer opened his eyes to see Tatyana in front of him.
“He’s bad. They all are. We knew it wasn’t going to be good. I hoped I was wrong. But the old videos showed this was what the hill wolves did. Drugging up their victims. We’re going to have to get them home and detox them. They’ll have to be survivors. We already know they are.”
He reached out and grabbed Robbie’s arm. “My Alpha. You have to promise me something.”
His Alpha’s eyes bore into his own. “Anything, Homer.”
“If I try to hurt Camille in anyway. Even emotionally. You’ll kill me. Right then. Don’t hesitate. Break my worthless neck.”
Robbie rubbed at his head before he answered. “Okay.”
“Thank you.” That oath was at least a little bit of a relief.
Chapter Five
They must have knocked him out. Homer’s first conscious thought didn’t fill him with a great deal of hope. He had no idea how long he’d been asleep and didn’t remember Robbie either hitting him over the head or Tatyana dosing him up. Either way, he didn’t like how he couldn’t remember.
He groaned when he tried to move. His hands were still shaking and a headache formed between his temples. Maybe he should get used to the sensation. He was never going to get better because he was never getting any more drugs.
“Easy now.” Camille’s voice soothed him and he stopped trying to move. The heady sensation of having her near quickly fled and the utter terror of her being in his presence while he was still so volatile took its place.
He sucked in his breath. “What are you doing here?”
“Taking care of you.” Her face came closer into view and he drunk in her beauty. He hadn’t been imagining it when he pictured her during his captivity, she was as beautiful as he thought she was.
“I’m not safe. You need to get away from me.”
Camille waved a hand in a dismissive gesture. “You couldn’t hurt a fly right now, Homer. You’ve lost at least twenty pounds. You’re weak and I’m not in danger from you. So thank you for the protective instincts, you can put them away.”
“Camille...”
She interrupted. “I don’t remember a lot about my parents as mates but I do know that it is one mate’s right to take care of the other when they need it. Stop getting in the way of me doing what I need to do.”
Well, if she was settled on the idea then he supposed he had little he could say about it. Except he did have to warn her. “When I’ve put on some weight, when I’m slightly better, that’s when I’ll be the most dangerous to you.”
“I lived on the streets, Homer. Do you think I don’t know how to handle the detoxing? Deep breaths.” She placed the cold washcloth on his forehead. “Sleep, you sweet, sweet male.”
Like her words forced the issue he obeyed.
The next time he came around was to find Camille seated in one chair across the room from Robbie and Tatyana in other chairs all looking at him.
His hands were still shaking and sweat covered his body. He really must stink although he’d have no way of knowing since his senses were gone.
“It’s really disconcerting to wake up and find you guys all staring at me.” If he sounded grumpy there wasn’t anything he could do about it. They’d all have to deal or get out of the room.
Tatyana leaned forward. “How are you feeling?”
“Like I’m going to fucking die.” He winced at his words. Homer should never curse at the Alpha’s mate.
“I imagine you do. Listen, Homer, we’ve spoken to Tatum and Finn. They’ve both agreed to what I’m going to suggest. Joe is still not up so we’ll have to wait on him. But, I’ve been reading on drug abuse. We had a lot of it in humans about two hundred years ago. And wolf physiology is different. However, Caitlyn and I have put our heads together and we think the answer might be not to make you go full on detox, cold-turkey so to speak, rather to step you down in dependency.”
He tried to sit up and eventually struggled his way into the position. “What do you mean?”
Camille stood. “What they mean is you have two choices. The first is you go without the drug altogether. Your body has started to withdraw from it already. Your hands shaking are a visible response. You go through the process. Some people die from the pain, from not having the drug anymore. I know you’ve seen the results as well as I have. At the end of it, you are either still with us. Or you’re not.” Her voice croaked and Homer felt two feet tall. He would have done anything to have not put Camille through the pain he saw in her eyes.
“The other option,” she continued, “is Tatyana will give you some more of the drug. You’ll stay on it for a while. Each week getting less and less until they can withdraw you from it altogether. It might be a slightly easier transition. Maybe. They don’t know. You’re still going to withdraw. The nature of the drug is for you to want more. You won’t get it. You’ll get limited amounts, each week less. And maybe your body will step down slightly better.”
Tatyana nodded. “There is some precedence for it. Rumors abound of a farm not far from here where wolves are surviving coming off the drugs. This is how they say it’s done.”
“I don’t know that I’m comfortable with handling Homer’s medical care based on rumor.” Camille stared at Tatyana. “What if it doesn’t work?”
“Then he goes into withdrawal, we take away the drugs, and he’s back to the same situation we were in to begin with. 50-50 he lives.” Robbie answered. “What do you want, Homer? Your life, your choice.”
Had the room gotten smaller or was it always so tiny he couldn’t breathe? The lights blared down on him and the ticking of the clock sounded in his ears like someone pounded on his head. “How long would either option take?”
“The totally stop option will be weeks. You’ll be in and out of consciousness. I know you’ve got concerns for Camille’s safety and despite her dismissing me out of hand every time I bring it up,” Tatyana leveled a glance at Camille, and to his shock Camille held the Alpha’s mate’s steady gaze. Clearly Camille had found her footing in the pack if she didn’t find Tatyana intimidating. “It is something to worry about
. I think the step-down will be slightly longer. I’m afraid you’ll be something of a guinea pig.”
He wasn’t exactly certain what that expression meant but he nodded like he had. His capacity to understand whatever she would have explained was slim to none. Homer liked the idea of not being as much of a risk to Camille. And really, if the step down didn’t work, they’d simply cut him off and he’d live or die with the same odds as before.
“Let’s try the step down.”
Tatyana nodded. “Sounds good.”
“Wait.” A thought dawned on him. “Where are you getting the drugs?”
“We didn’t give them all away. We kept some for just this reason.”
Tatyana held up a syringe and Camille moved to his side to lace their fingers together. Unlike the first time his captors had stuck him, this time it didn’t hurt. The easiness of the dragon drugs moved through his system and he was able to take a deep breath.
“That was a full dose.” Tatyana spoke but it wasn’t directed to him, rather Camille who nodded. “This time next week, a quarter less.”
“Then I guess we’ll have to wait and see.” She squeezed his fingers and he smiled up at her. Everything felt so much better. And he knew that should be concerning him a great deal. Right then, he didn’t care.
****
Two days later, with a full meal settled in his stomach, he ventured out on the porch. Camille sat on a couch he didn’t recognize that she must have acquired and was quietly folding laundry. His mate looked so...domestic and his heart clenched.
“I’m sorry you have to put up with this.” He could feel his hands weren’t completely steady. Tatyana had given him his full dose for the day and it wasn’t enough. It wasn’t ever going to be. But it was better than having nothing.
She furrowed her brow. “What do you mean? Laundry? It’s actually a treat. Clean clothes. I’m thrilled.”
“No, I mean me. This whole process.”
“Homer.” She extended her hand and he took it, allowing her to pull him down next to her. “This time of day you have gotten really sad, at least for the last two of them since you’ve been back.”
He shook his head. “Have I? Really, I had no idea.”
“It’s got to be chemical. I don’t feel like I’m putting up with anything. Our mating hasn’t been ideal, I’ll grant you. We had a few weeks together and most of them I was sick. Then you got taken. And now you’re back and we’re trying to gently ‘unaddict’ you to drugs. It’s not like you asked for the problem. You survived a battle. Let me care for you now. It’s my pleasure. The baby will be here in a few more weeks. Who knows what use I’ll be to anyone then?”
The baby. He’d not given much of a thought to it having not considered anyone except himself for so long. “You feeling okay?”
“Huge. And fine.”
“You don’t look huge.”
She laughed and the sound lifted his spirits. “You’re sweet.”
Camille leaned over to kiss him. The contact shocked his core and for a second he didn’t move. Her lips were so soft and he didn’t know if he still deserved to kiss her.
“Homer.” Her voice was a breath over his mouth. “This too shall pass.”
Like she’d given him permission he kissed his mate and tried to believe her.
****
If he’d thought the final weeks of stepping down the dragon drugs would be the easy ones he’d been hugely mistaken. A headache settled permanently in his head and his mood plummets were not limited to particular times of day.
“Why is it so fucking hot in here?” He immediately wished he could bite his tongue. Camille did not deserve his mood or his foul mouth. “Sorry.”
She raised her eyebrows and didn’t comment. His mate was looking at colors, had been all day. She wanted to sew the baby some clothes. One shade of green looked the same to him.
“Seriously, why is it so hot?” He wiped at his brow.
“It’s not. Kind of chilly actually.” She shrugged. “Must be part of the step-down process.”
“I love how you say that like it’s no big deal. I’ve been stuck in this house for weeks basically doing nothing useful and everything sucks. So, yeah, I’m sure you’re right. My new inability to regulate my body temperature is probably part of the step down process.” He stood, the chair he sat in flying backwards. “And fuck I’m so sorry. I wouldn’t yell at you for anything in the world and I can’t stop doing it.”
He stormed onto the porch. The cool night air didn’t make his temper better. Robbie had promised to kill him if he hurt her. Where the fuck was the other man to make it happen?
“Can I ask a question?” Camille leaned in the doorframe.
“If you have to.” He closed his eyes. “Leaving me alone might be the better option.”
“Why haven’t you shifted?”
Her words hung out in there night as she vocalized his pain. “I told my wolf to go away. I didn’t want him seeing me on drugs. He’s not come back.”
“Ask him to.” She stepped next to him. They had no idea how his other pack mates on the step down program were doing. When they asked, Tatyana would smile and say fine. She didn’t want them to worry. If they heard something had gone wrong, they’d obsess. Or so she said. He thought her scientist mind dictated terms and wanted them to not affect each other’s results.
“What if doesn’t come? What if I’m now a male without a wolf?”
She pressed her face against his arm and he could breathe again. Touching Camille always brought him so much relief. He didn’t want her to feel like she had to, like physical contact with him was a burden instead of something she wanted.
“I can still smell your wolf.”
“Yes?” He turned to her pulling her against him. Her pregnant belly touched him first, a reminder he had to get his shit together and fast. The child would be coming and he wasn’t going to be the kind of father who was always yelling. He wouldn’t be his own dad.
Come back. He sent the message to his wolf and waited. Seconds passed and then he felt him. His wolf rubbed against him. Gasping, he hugged Camille tighter.
“I can feel him too.” She laughed. “Go shift. Go run. It’ll help. It must.”
“I’ll be back.” He kissed her hard. “I swear I’ll make these weeks up to you.”
Homer called his wolf to him and like it had been in the past the change came fast. Seconds later he was out the door heading into the night. For the first time in weeks he felt free.
****
Camille was in labor. She’d known it for hours. Only she had no intention of letting anyone else know. Not before Homer did. Staring at Robbie, she smiled when she wanted to grimace. Learning to shield her emotions had been one of the things she did with her time while she watched Homer suffer. On the off chance his sense of smell came back, she didn’t want him knowing how utterly sad she was for him.
He was a fighter. She believed he’d get through this. If he ever came back.
“One week.” Robbie sighed. “He shifted and we haven’t seen or heard for him for one week.”
“If I had thought this would happen.” She paused to breathe. “I’d never have suggested it.”
“My fear is he’s gone to the woods. His wolf thought he was too sick to recover and took him to transition.”
Older werewolves eventually shifted and never came back. They died in their wolf forms. Not that many of their kind got to become elderly anymore.
“Or his wolf is running him into recovery. Tatyana thinks it could be that.”
Camille had wanted to punch Tatyana in the face since she’d first brought in the step down idea. How dare the woman experiment on Camille’s mate? Go ahead and shoot Robbie up and see how his recovery goes. She couldn’t, of course, say anything about her feelings. Tatyana was only trying to help.
“You’ll let me know if anyone sees or scents him.”
“Of course.” Robbie pointed to her belly. “I’m going to see to it Derek
doesn’t wake up soon.”
“Great.” That really was good news. He hadn’t been a problem, yet. She had no doubt he eventually would be.
“You’re in labor. And you’re hiding it. I don’t even know from you. I can smell the baby’s presence coming. He or she is pack. It’s like I know I’m getting a new member. Weird.”
“Right.” She stood. “Been this way for awhile.”
“Should I get Tatyana?”
“No.” She shook her head, maybe too vehemently and then she tried to smile. “I’ll call for her if I need it. I want to have the baby the way females have been for generations. In my home.”
“With Homer missing you shouldn’t be doing this alone.”
“My Alpha,” as annoyed with his mate as she was she still owed Robbie nothing but mistake, “if Homer is really missing, then I’m going to be doing all of it alone. For evermore. Women do this alone all the time, even ones with mates present. I’m not ready to share this with anyone but Homer. If he can’t be there, I’ll be fine.”
Robbie sat back in his chair. “If you need it, help will be there.”
****
Camille labored all through the night. By the time the pressure and the need to push came on the sun was starting to shine through the clouds showing another day on the horizon. She started to regret not asking for Tatyana. Maybe the woman could just knock her out cold and wake her up when the baby came.
She stumbled down the stairs, deciding she would give birth in the living room. If she screamed for help, maybe someone might have a chance of hearing.
Camille lay down on her back and tried to breathe. Females almost always managed this well. The baby would come, all would be well. Only she missed her mate who had never really become hers. Tears pooled in her eyes and as the next contraction hit she let them fall. Who was there to see her cry? Who cared if she did?
By the time the next contraction hit, she wept outright. Big, ugly, snotty tears streamed down her face. She screamed out her pain, the urge to push becoming overwhelming. She had to get the baby out.