Hearing a bike pull up behind me, I look in my rearview mirror then smile when I see Harlen swing himself off his Harley.
“Heard you were over here,” he mutters, hefting himself up into the passenger seat of my truck and slamming the door.
“Sweet of you to come keep me company.” I grin, and his eyes narrow.
“We’re gonna look at the bike I told you about this morning. Owner’s part of Brew’s crew.” He lifts his chin toward Brew’s house. “He’s meeting us here.”
“Thanks for looking out.”
“You don’t have the right equipment, and you’re too big to ride bitch when your piece of shit bike breaks down.” He grins, and I feel my lips twitch then look in the rearview mirror when the roar of the pipes hits the block. I watch as a Harley Fat Boy cruises down the street past my truck, and pulls into Brew’s driveway.
Getting out of the truck, we walk across the yard, stopping next to the bike as the owner gets off.
“Shock,” Harlen greets the guy with a handshake then dips his chin to me. “This is Evan.”
“What’s up, man?” Shock rumbles as we shake hands, and he steps away from the bike and crosses his arms over his T-shirt-covered chest. “This is her. I hate parting with her, but I’m upgrading,” he says as I walk around the bike. The matte black paintjob sliced between with liquid black is seamless. The chrome all looks new and well maintained. “It’s a ’94, but it has a 127ci Ultima engine and six-speed transmission, with less than five hundred miles on it. The engine also has a polished Mikuni carburetor and a Dyna 2000 ignition system. She’s the shit wet dreams are made of.”
“You’d say that, since that bike got you more gnash than you know what to do with,” Brew says, walking toward us down the driveway. Shock doesn’t reply verbally, but his smile broadens and he smacks Brew’s shoulder when he’s close and then looks at me.
“You wanna take her on a ride?”
Looking over at June’s, I start to shake my head.
“No one’s gonna fuck with her while I’m standing on my front lawn,” Brew promises low enough for just me to hear. I look at him and dip my head then look at Shock.
“Toss me the keys.” Catching them when they fly through the air, I swing my leg over the bike, start her up, and back out of the drive. I don’t go far, but pull out onto the main road and open her up, hitting forty-five. I grin—the fucking sound alone is enough to draw attention, but the bike is a work of art. The power and body is exactly what I was looking for. Pulling back onto the block, I glance at June’s front door and see her and JJ standing in the doorway. Lifting my chin at them, JJ smiles, but June…June doesn’t. No, her eyes go dark, and not in a bad way. They go dark in a way that makes me want to see them change like that up close. Pulling into Brew’s driveway, I shut off the bike and look at Shock as I swing my leg over.
“How much are you asking?”
“Nine. A quick sale, cash only.” He grins.
Pulling in a breath, I look at the bike then back to him. “You got a deal.” He chuckles then pats my back.
“I’ll get your info from Harlen. We can set up a meet tomorrow, or I’ll swing by the shop in the morning.”
“Sounds good,” I agree and chance a look at June’s front door. This time, it’s closed and I rub my chest over my heart, wondering when the fucking pain there will go away.
Chapter 3
June
Moving around my room after adjusting the sheets, I toss the duvet from the floor onto the bed. I sleep rough; I always have. I know there are people who can fall asleep in one position then stay that way the whole night, but that’s not me. I move constantly, so much so that I’ve fallen off the bed in the middle of the night more times than I can count.
Grabbing the ends of the duvet, I struggle to lift it like they do in laundry detergent commercials then give up, letting it fall into place messily. When I bought it a year ago, I didn’t go cheap. It’s probably three-inches thick, full of feathers. Between my duvet and the feather-top mattress pad on my bed, I fall asleep in heaven every night. Tossing the pillows on next, I then fling the throw blanket, which serves no other purpose than to be cute, onto the corner then stand back, admiring my handy work.
I love the bedroom set my mom picked out. I told her what I wanted when I knew I was going to buy my house, and she took over from there. The distressed wood of the bedframe, dresser, and side tables make the room feel warm, while the dusty purple duvet cover that looks like velvet, and grey toss pillows and sheets, make it elegant. Creating a mental list to pick up curtains and to find lamps, I head for the bathroom to finish getting ready, since my dad will be here to take me to lunch soon. Turning on the bathroom light, I sigh when I see my reflection. I don’t like wearing a lot of makeup, but the dark circles under my eyes leave me no choice. Digging through my makeup drawer, I find my tube of concealer and go to work.
Seeing Evan again is taking a toll on me. I can’t sleep, and my mind is in a constant state of turmoil. I wake up in the middle of the night from dreams of us. The memories of him, of us, are too much. Some memories have the ability to heal, the ability to light up the dark, because the beauty of the memory is so bright, you’re still able to bask in it.
But the memories of us are killing me slowly. They remind me that for one moment, I had everything, while reminding me it’s gone. It’s the realization that we’re done that’s torturing me. The realization that I can see him but can’t touch him, that he exists but he’s not mine, is agonizing. Hell, yesterday, when me and JJ watched him ride down the block on his motorcycle, I swear I wanted to push the door open, run into his arms, and beg him to take me. He looked…he looked—well, I guess there are no words for the way he looked. All I know is between the tequila and seeing him ride, when I went to bed last night, I took my BOB with me and spent an ungodly amount of time getting off.
Pulling my face away from the mirror, I check my work. The bags are not as noticeable anymore, and hopefully, with some bronzer and blush, my dad will be none the wiser. Stepping into my closet that’s attached to the bathroom, I push boxes aside until I find the one I marked Dresses, rip the tape off, and dig through until I find what I’m looking for. Taking off my shirt, I drop it to the floor, not bothering with a bra because I have no boobs, and slip the dress on over my head. The slim straps and thin cotton material is perfect for the humid Tennessee heat. Grabbing a pair of simple leather sandals, I push my feet into them then head for the door when I hear a car pull up outside.
“Hey, Dad.” I smile, opening the door for him before he even has a chance to knock, then step back and let him into the house.
“June Bug.” He leans down, kissing my cheek. When he pulls back, he engulfs half my face with his big hand. “You look tired,” he states quietly as his eyes study me.
“I’m okay. Moving always sucks.” I let out a breath and look away to finish my lie. “I want everything unpacked already, so I’ve been staying up late and waking up early to get it done.”
“June, what’s going on?”
“Nothing.” I smile, and his voice drops to the ‘dad tone’ that says, Don’t lie to me.
“June.”
“I’m fine, Dad. I promise, just tired.” I wave my hand around and start to head for the living room to grab my purse, but his hand grabs mine, stopping me in my tracks, and I turn to face him once more.
“I know you’re lying.” He shakes his head and continues quietly, “Not sure when my girls all started keeping shit from me, but I gotta say, I don’t like it.” His hand comes back to my face and his eyes search mine. “I love you, more than anything in this world, and nothing will ever change that.” He kisses my forehead then leans back, catching my eyes again. “If you need someone to talk to, I’m here, and if not, your mom doesn’t love you as much as I do, but I’m sure she’d hear you out too.” Rolling my eyes at the comment about Mom, I wrap my arms around his waist and squeeze.
“I know. Love you, Dad.”
“Always, baby girl.” His lips touch the top of my head, where he asks, “You ready to go eat?”
“Yes, can we take my car?”
“Fuck no,” he replies immediately without even thinking about it, and I can’t help it, I laugh leaning back. “It would make me feel better.” I pout, and he shakes his head.
“Not happening. Get your bag. I’m driving.” He lets me go and I do as he says, before meeting him back at the front door so he can drive us to lunch.
“Thank you.” I smile at our waiter as he slides a double cheeseburger and onion rings in front of me and the same thing in front of my dad.
“Let me know if you need anything else,” he returns then walks off. I have no idea why this is my favorite place to eat; the customer service is lacking big time. I don’t think I’ve ever seen anyone who works here smile. Then I take a bite of my cheeseburger and remember why I don’t care that the people who work here are rude.
“When do you start your new job?” Dad asks, squirting ketchup on his plate.
“Next Monday.” I swallow my bite of cheeseburger then dip one of my onion rings in ranch dressing. “It’s not ideal teaching summer school, but the principal told me that with me working now, he can pretty much guarantee me a spot when summer ends.”
“I’m proud of you.”
“Thanks, Dad,” I mumble, watching him lift his hand and wave over my shoulder. Glancing behind me, my lungs freeze when I see my cousin Sage followed by Evan heading toward us.
“Yo,” Sage greets, grinning.
“Hey, bud.” My dad scoots over in the booth, and Sage leans over to kiss my cheek, mumbling, “Hi” before taking a seat next to him.
“Mr. Mayson.” Evan shakes my dad’s hand then looks down at me, and I scoot over without thinking, making room for him. He takes a seat next to me…right next to me.
This cannot be happening.
“You know my daughter, Evan?” Dad asks, and as Evan turns to me, there is something in his eyes I can’t read, but it doesn’t look good. My heartbeat kicks up as his eyes go back to my dad.
“We’ve met.”
“Forgot you’ve been helping keep an eye on her,” Dad mutters, taking a bite of his burger then swallowing. “What are you two doing today?”
At Dad’s question, I tuck myself tighter against the wall, because Evan is taking up the whole seat, and I can’t focus while his body is brushing against mine.
“Normal stuff,” Sage says as his eyes move between Evan and me. His shoulder bumps Dad’s and his eyes light with mischief.
“Don’t they make a cute couple?” He grins, and I narrow my eyes on him at the same time I feel Evan’s body still.
“Don’t be a pain,” Dad mutters, but his eyes move between the two of us, and I wonder what he’s thinking about, because his eyes change ever so slightly.
“I’m gonna go order. We should eat on the road so we’re not late,” Evan says to Sage, and I let out a breath I didn’t know I was holding before saying goodbye to both of them as they leave me and my dad sitting in the booth.
“Evan’s a good guy. Your cousins like him,” Dad adds, but I don’t acknowledge his statement. Instead, I dip another onion ring into my ranch then shove it into my mouth, chewing slowly. I need to do something about Evan. Obviously, things are not going to be as easy as avoiding him forever. He works for my cousin, lives in the same town as I do, and is somehow friends with my sister July’s husband’s biker friends. His life and mine have intertwined.
“What are you thinking about so hard?” Dad asks, bringing me out of my thoughts, and I scramble for something to say.
“Do you think we can stop at Minx before we head back to my house?” I ask when I swallow, and his eyes narrow. “I’m guessing that’s a no,” I grumble under my breath while fighting my smile.
“Ask your mom.”
“’Cause she loves me more?” His lips twitch, but he doesn’t reply. My dad hates shopping, so his response is not a surprise. “I’ll ask mom,” I agree then pick up my burger and take a bite.
Looking through the window next to the door, I watch Jax and Evan talk next to the front of Evan’s truck. I don’t know what they’re talking about, but whatever it is has both of them laughing. Moving away, I go down the hall to my room and grab one of my sweaters from the closet, admiring my new curtains and lamps on the way through my room.
Instead of my dad bringing me home after lunch, we went back to my parents’ house, so my mom and I could take her Suburban to Minx, where I found two very cool amber glass lamps with shades the color of cork, along with silvery grey curtains. When my mom and I arrived at my house, Jax was here for “June duty.” I don’t think it’s necessary for anyone to watch me. Lane is awaiting trial, and I wasn’t a witness to anything he had done. My family, on the other hand, obviously doesn’t agree with me on the matter. Since Jax was at the house anyway, Mom and I put him to work, hanging the curtain rods and curtains. Not long after he was done, my mom took off, and Jax stayed and had a beer then went out to talk to Evan once he showed up.
Moving back toward the window, I see Jax pat Evan’s shoulder then head for his car. Debating with myself, the same way I have done all day, I give up and walk to the front door and swing it open as Jax turns at the stop sign at the end of my block. Watching him drive out of sight, I turn my gaze to Evan and find his eyes already on me.
“Umm…” I murmur, wondering, What the hell am I thinking?
“You okay?” he asks, taking a few steps toward the house, but stopping halfway across the lawn.
Fuckity, fuck, fuck.
“I…I’m fine. I was…” Jesus, my stomach is in knots and I feel like I’m going to be sick. This was a bad idea. “Can we talk?” I ask after a moment, and I watch his eyes shutter as he nods once and heads toward me. Stepping back so he can enter the house, I lead him down the hall to the living room. “Would you like a beer?”
“I’m good,” he replies, stopping in the middle of the room, and I look around as he does. My entertainment center is one my parents had. It’s black with doors on the bottom and sides and has a shelf above, with a space for the TV in the middle. The sectional up against the opposite wall is big enough to fit my entire family. The standing lamp on the far side of the wall is perfect for reading, since the shade is directly over the side of the couch with the footrest. I haven’t put up any of my pictures, so everything is bare.
“Do you want to sit?” I ask, taking a seat on the edge of the couch clasping my hands in front of me.
He looks at me for a long time—so long that I start to feel uncomfortable—then wanders across the room and takes a seat on the end of the sectional, facing me. His presence is so big that even from where he’s sitting across the room, it feels like he takes up the whole space. Worse, I can’t read his expression, so I have no idea what he’s thinking.
“What did you want to talk about?” he asks, studying me.
“I feel…” I pause to take a breath and get my thoughts in order, because I have no idea what exactly it is I want to say to him. “You…” I cut myself off again, covering my face with my hands. “This was stupid. I don’t know what I’m doing.” I uncover my face and look at him. “Sorry, you can go,” I whisper while standing then head for the hall toward the door.
“I’m sorry.” At his words, my body locks and tears creep up my throat. “I wasn’t…I’m not good enough for you.” Pressing my lips together, I fight the pain in my chest then turn to look at him when I have it locked away.
“I know,” I whisper, ignoring his flinch as I walk to the door and open it. Looking at my feet, I hear him come down the hall and see his boots when he stops in front of me. I don’t look up. I can’t—the pain in my chest is too intense. Feeling his lips at the top of my head, a tear falls to the ground at my feet.
His fingers at my chin force my eyes to meet his. We stand there for what seems like forever looking at each other before he speaks. “I wish things were diff
erent, I wish I was good enough for you.” His softly spoken words do nothing to mend my broken heart, do nothing to help ease the pain in my chest, if anything they cut me deeper.
“I wish that too.” I whisper, dropping my eyes to the ground. His hands drop away and he leaves, taking everything I have left inside of me with him when he goes. Shutting the door and locking it, I slide to the floor, wrap my arms around my legs, bury my face against my knees, and cry.
Hearing someone knock on the door, I try to open my eyes, but they feel like they’re full of gravel. It took me forever to find sleep once again last night… and judging by how my body feels, that wasn’t long ago. Hearing the knocking turn into pounding, I scream at the top of my lungs, “I’m coming! Hold your horses!” then stumble from my bed and head for the front door.
“Took you long enough,” July says, pushing into the house, followed by Wes, as soon as I open the door.
“What’s going on?” I frown, watching them walk toward the living room.
“You may want to put some pants on.” July grins, and I look down at my heart-covered cotton underwear and throw my hands up in the air then stomp back to my room to pull on a pair of sweats. Already in my bathroom, I decide to brush my teeth and my hair. When I make it back to the kitchen, July and Wes are making themselves comfortable in my kitchen, starting coffee.
“Do you want to tell me what’s going on?”
“We just wanted to come check on you,” July says, and I feel my eyes go squinty when I look at the clock on the wall.
“It’s eight in the morning,” I point out, glaring between the two of them.
“Evan got trashed last night,” Wes states, and my heart drops into my stomach as July hisses, “Wes.”