SUPERKID
Copyright 2013 A. E. Lucky
Issue #1: Part 1: Who is Superkid?
Who is Superkid, you dare to ask? Hmph, I suppose that’s a fair question, considering the number of big-shot superheroes running around the place. It’s enough to make even the most devoted fanboy’s head swim! That’s why I’m dedicating an entire issue to introducing to you the greatest superhero to ever walk the earth: Superkid.
This incredible crime-fighter is twelve years old… why’s your mouth open? You didn’t think a hero could be that young? Well, yeah. Why else do you think his name is Superkid? But don’t think that just because he’s still in grade school he can’t serve up a steaming plate of justice! If you want to catch this diminutive hero in action, just watch for a kid in an orange and yellow suit with a blazing gold K on both his chest and cape.
His superpowers? Oh, um… well, about that… you see, the only power he possesses is to… control the temperature of his breath.
Not all that exciting, I know, but beggars can’t be choosers. At least that potion didn’t poison him as Doctor Red concocted it to do.
Who? Dr. Red? Oh, he’s a bad guy. I’ll explain in Issue #3.
Now Superkid’s got the strangest secret. The strangest thing about him is… well… you know how all the heroes have a secret identity that nobody but they know? Well, prepare yourself! Don’t complain to me if you don’t think it makes sense. But Superkid has a secret identity that everyone knows but himself!
Yeah, I know what you’re thinking. What do you mean he has a secret identity that everybody knows but him? If everyone knows then it’s not a secret! And how is he supposed to keep it a secret from himself? That’s absurd! How is that even possible?
Well, now that you’ve fallen into my narrative trap, allow me to explain in this next chapter…
Issue #1: Part 2: How Did He Come to Be?
Now that you know who he is, it’s time for me to introduce you to his “mild mannered” side—the, uh, secret identity of his I told you about. And what better way to introduce him than to observe him on a typical day in his hometown of Poolington—a quaint little town about six blocks wide and twelve blocks long and situated in the middle of nowhere.
On this typical day, we find our youthful vigilante in his current “mild-mannered” persona, Aaron P. Purn, hanging out with his two best friends, Darrin E. Snoll and Derrick R. Moorn. Darrin is a stocky kid with blond hair and green eyes. Derrick is a twig of a kid with a crow’s nest for hair and shifty brown eyes—an unfortunate combination that gives him a face that only a mother could love. How he got to be friends with Aaron and Darrin is a mystery that confounds me still. And don’t worry if you confuse Aaron’s friends with each other—I do it all the time!
Hang on, where was I? Oh yeah, so our young friend was hanging out with his two friends and wandering about the neighborhood. They wandered to the Poolington Mart to watch the truckers haul this week’s stock. Then they wandered to the Poolington Post Office to watch the employees sort mail. After that they wandered to the Poolington Museum to watch dinosaur fossils gather dust.
That’s right, folks. A typical day for the mild-mannered Aaron Purn of the town of Poolington.
It was at this point in this typical day that our hero Aaron decided to take initiative and go against the typical with these inspiring words: “I’m bored.”
Inspiring words indeed, which is what inspired evil grins to spread slowly on Darrin and Derrick’s faces.
“Me too,” Darrin agreed. Then he brightened. “Hey, I have an idea! Why don’t we go see Terrence’s tarantula?”
Aaron’s face darkened. “That isn’t what I had in mind.”
Derrick pretended not to hear him. “Great idea! And let’s ask him if we can hold it!”
Aaron shuddered.
Darrin nodded enthusiastically. “Yeah, but be careful because if it doesn’t like you, it bites!”
Aaron subconsciously ran his hand over his arm.
“Well, what are we waiting for?” Derrick cried, grinning at Aaron. “Let’s go see that big, hairy, sharp-fanged, eight-legged crawler!” He crooked his fingers and waggled them in Aaron’s face. Aaron scowled.
I guess I should confess here: I haven’t been really straight with you. While it’s true that Superkid was a fearless crime-fighter, his alter ego, Aaron Purn, was… well… a chicken.
He was afraid of everything! Spiders, dogs, cats, heights, small spaces, horror movies, you name it! I could go on and on! But then you’d probably get bored and go read something else that didn’t ramble on about the fears of a soon-to-be superhero. But “soon-to-be” is the key phrase here, so hang tight. We’ll get there.
But now you know that this expedition to go look at Terrence’s pet tarantula didn’t sit well with our, uh, timorous friend. But since Darrin and Derrick were such great friends, they immediately veered for Terrence’s house. And Aaron had no choice but to follow, swatting at every imaginary crawl of his skin.
Terrence was more than eager to show off his tarantula, especially when he saw Aaron shuffling his feet behind Derrick and Darrin.
“Just make sure he doesn’t escape,” he said as he passed it to Derrick. “Mom would kill me if he did. She’s scared of him.”
Darrin snickered. “What a coincidence. So is Aaron.”
Unfortunately, Aaron was not in a state of mind to give a snappy retort, busy as he was keeping his distance from the hairy arachnid.
The tarantula waved its legs in the air in a futile struggle to escape from Derrick’s grip. With an obnoxious grin, Derrick swung it around to Aaron and thrust the hairy creeper into his face. The future hero jumped back with a yelp only to trip backwards onto the floor.
Darrin, Derrick, and Terrence all laughed. To carry the joke further, Derrick stepped over the fallen Aaron and dangled the spider over him.
Aaron panicked, rolling into Derrick’s leg. Derrick flailed his arm for balance, accidentally tossing the tarantula into Darrin’s face instead.
“Hey!” Darrin cried and swiped it off. The tarantula hit the floor with a thud.
“Hey!” Terrence echoed and then added, “my tarantula is escaping!”
And so it was. The poor thing had been mishandled one too many times, so it crawled as fast as it could under the bookcase, away from Terrence’s groping fingers.
“Oh great!” He threw up his hands angrily. “Now my mom’s going to kill me!”
The three of them spent the next five minutes trying to catch the tarantula but with no success. When they couldn’t reach under the bookcase, they tried to move it, but this caused books to cascade onto Derrick. This was the closest he had come to literature since school had let out for spring break. Aaron was on the couch with his feet up, keeping an eye on the bookcase in case the little creeper came out and decided to go for him. But fortunately for him he wasn’t tasty enough for the tarantula to risk getting caught by his friends.
Terrence was not too happy. “My mom is going to kill me,” he said emphatically. “How am I going to get him back?”
“Maybe we could set out bait?” Derrick suggested timidly.
“What do tarantulas eat?” Darrin asked curiously.
“We—uh—we could—uh—use Aaron as bait!” Derrick exclaimed, trying to make light of the situation. “I’m sure your tarantula would like him.”
To his surprise, this did actually make Terrence laugh, which eased the tension between the three of them. It wasn’t all that helpful for Aaron though, who was feeling a little murderous at this point. But Darrin, Derrick, and Terrence weren’t too worried. After all, when did this sort of thing ever go wrong somewhere down the road?
Unaware of the potential tragedy they were setting the stage for (or ironic turn of ev
ents as the case may be), the three friends continued to joke and laugh at our poor friend’s expense. It wasn’t long before Terrence was feeling humored enough to tell Darrin and Derrick about the party he was having that night. A scary movie party to be exact. Just the sort of party meant to target Aaron as the butt of jokes. And what else did his good friends do but take every shot that they could.
“All the lights will be turned off,” said Terrence to Aaron in a low voice.
Aaron huffed irritably.
“And the only thing you’ll see is the ugly, slimy monster coming at you on the TV screen,” Darrin added with a spooky grin.
“Cut it out,” Aaron grumbled, much too quietly for them to hear.
“While behind you is black darkness where other monsters wait to GRAB you!” Derrick shouted, grabbing Aaron’s shoulders for maximum effect. Aaron yelped and then growled loudly as the three of them doubled over in laughter.
Eventually Aaron, Darrin, and Derrick left Terrence’s house for home. After they saw Derrick to his house, Darrin turned to Aaron and said with a teasing grin, “Do you want me to walk home with you? So that nothing gets you?”
“It would be a great opportunity to get rid of you without any witnesses,” Aaron growled.
Darrin didn’t hear the comment. He was too busy chortling over his own joke. Aaron was relieved when they finally reached Darrin’s house and Darrin left him on his own.