the end for Superkid’s career as a vigilante. Fortunately, Derrick chose this critical moment to poke his head into the room, binoculars hanging from his neck, and announce, “Strange-looking car carrying a single male passenger wearing a doctor’s coat heading straight for us. Estimated time of arrival: fifteen minutes.”
This resulted in a mad scramble for both women. Mrs. Purn grabbed the sewing machine and Mrs. Terrell grabbed the costume, which she flung at the startled eleven-year-old.
“That’s his costume!” she cried. “Hurry!”
Derrick pulled it off of himself, examined it critically, made a face, and then dashed away.
“Welcome to Poolington,” Dr. Red read as he passed the sign. He peered around the town as he drove through it, reading the signs on the buildings: Poolington Bakery… Poolington Post Office… Poolington Elementary… Poolington Junior High… Poolington Police Department…
“Small town,” he commented. “And quiet.”
He pulled into an empty driveway, parked, and then climbed out of the car, grabbing his two unusual but destructive weapons on the way.
“It’s quiet all right,” he said again as he turned, glaring suspiciously into the dark houses. “…too quiet.”
He whirled and blasted a window with the blue beam of his large gun. The window turned purple, shattered, and then came down like deadly tinkling sleet.
“Oh Superkid!” he called as he strolled out into the street. “Come out, come out, wherever you are!” He blasted a house, which sent pieces of wood and brick flying.
“I know this isn’t a ghost town!” he yelled. “Everything is in too good of shape!” He blasted a green lawn, which erupted into a mini-volcano of grass and dirt.
“Where are you hiding?”
His next blast sent a huge evergreen tree into someone’s newly refurbished living room like a Christmas-themed missile. By the way, what Christmas parasite is explosive? A missile-toe! Ha! Get it? …Never mind.
“Somebody warned you all that I was coming, didn’t they?” he yelled, blasting yet another house. “So now you’re all hiding, trying to make me think this place is empty! Either that or you…” That’s when it suddenly hit him.
“You ran away.” He burst into laughter. “I don’t believe it. You, the Superkid who defeated my monster, ran away! You coward!”
Laughing maniacally, he blasted things at random.
“You ran from me!” Bits of a tire swing went tumbling down the street. “A giant spider didn’t scare you away, but little, ol’ Doc Red sent you all running! Ha!” He blasted a door off its hinges—and then the hinges followed.
“But I will find you!” He targeted a kiddie’s tricycle and it soon needed more than “some assembly required.”
“I will find you eventually, Superkid!”
“Well, I’m right here,” said a voice behind him.
Dr. Red whirled around and then stopped short.
I’m sure we’ve all had this experience. We finally get to meet our big hero and then we find out they’re… much different than we imagined and not usually in the pleasantly surprised way. Don’t worry though. When you meet me I’ll be even taller, handsomer, and cleverer than you’ve ever imagined.
But Doctor Red wasn’t quite prepared to meet his hero—or rather, his nemesis. He gaped. Then finally he said, “You’re shorter than I expected.”
Superkid cringed. “You know something? I get the nasty feeling that I’m going to hear that a lot.” And he was indeed going to hear that a lot.
The doctor took in the rest of his shorter-than-expected nemesis. “And, uh… I was expecting your costume to be more…”
Superkid glanced down and saw his point. After all, he was wearing a lion suit with a large yellow “K” sewn onto the chest—not really the epitome of epic costumes. But if there’s one thing we’re learning in this issue it’s that you shouldn’t judge a book by its cover. Especially this book.
He replied, “Oh yeah, this is just something Mrs. Terrell threw together at the last minute. After this, she’s going to make a more impressive one.”
“Maybe I should come back later. I’d hate to embarrass you… well, any more than you already are.”
“No, that’s all right. I’d hate to have wasted your time in getting over here since I assume your lair is quite far. Plus…” Superkid added with a grin, “it would actually be pretty funny to see a guy getting beat up by a kid in a lion costume, don’t you think?”
Doctor Red smiled malevolently. “But you’d have to get past my weapons first.” He raised his guns.
“That shouldn’t be too hard,” Superkid assured him.
“Oh really? Tell me, have you ever been blown up and tossed aside by a beam of light?” The evil doctor pressed a button on his larger gun and lights began flashing on it as it whined to life.
“Obviously I haven’t,” replied Superkid. “Nor do I intend to.” He bent his legs, ready to spring.
“There’s a large gap between intentions and reality, my short friend,” said the evil doctor and pulled the trigger.
Superkid dove to the side just before the beam buzzed past him. He bounced into the air, kicking up his legs to avoid the next beam that flashed under his legs.
“Wow,” said Dr. Red. “You’re quick, I’ll say that for you.” He fired again.
Superkid dove behind a bike just as a section of the sidewalk launched itself at the mad doctor.
“Come on, Superkid,” the evil doctor laughed. “Are you just going to keep running away from me?” He fired another beam.
“I’m not going to run straight at your blaster,” our hero replied, dashing away from the bicycle which was turning purple. It fragmented with a shrill screech and launched at the doctor.
“Well, you’re not stupid then,” said the diabolical medical professional. He took aim and fired. Superkid ducked and the beam hit a rusty old pickup. Superkid was on his feet, knowing that the evil doctor would be pointing his gun at him. But he was distracted when the old pickup fragmented with a shrill screech. He realized a second afterward what was going to happen and began to move. But then the truck fragments shot toward him. Most of it flew past him as he was able to get out of the way in time, but a side mirror beaned him right in the head. He stumbled drunkenly as his nemesis took aim.
“Nice knowing you…” said the maniacal medical professional, “…Superkid.” Then he fired.
The beam shot from his gun and hit Superkid square on the chest. Our hero gasped and stared at the purple spot, which slowly began to spread.
“And so mourns his fans and family…” the malicious doctor recited in mock solemnity, “as the great Superkid awaits his doom…”
“No!” cried our youthful hero as he swatted the spreading purple spot as though beating back flames.
“He shall be remembered though he had only been with us a short time…” Dr. Red continued. “But it consoles us to know that he went the way he wanted to… with a bang!”
Right on cue—I love when we get the timing right!—Superkid exploded, sending yellow and orange scraps of cloth at the evil doctor.
But could it be? Could it really be that after only one epic battle our hero was done for? Couldn’t there have been some convenient miracle that somehow spared Superkid from this rather harsh fate (and me from a possible ratings issue)?!
“Goodbye!” the bad doctor sobbed mockingly. “Goodbye, oh, Super—oh, what the?!”
The reason for this abrupt break in his mocking eulogy? Amazingly and wonderfully it was the sound of Superkid’s voice, loud and clear! A voice that reverberated with his rage and was followed by these inspiring words, “My costume’s gone! And I’m in my UNDERWEAR!” And I guess it also explains how he managed to survive.
Dr. Red wasn’t at all pleased with it for a few different reasons. He defended himself, “Totally unintentional; I had no idea that would happen.”
“You just keep your eyes closed, pal!” our costume-less hero snapped. “I’m goi
ng to find some shorts.”
But rather than head toward his house for those shorts, an idea struck him and instead he snuck toward the evil but modest doctor. He slowly reached for the strange guns but was startled when Dr. Red said, “What are you doing?”
“Taking your toys away.” Superkid slammed the heels of his hands against the butts of both guns. The pistol, being the lighter weapon, flew out of the doctor’s hand and thudded to the ground behind him. The heavier weapon, however, the evil doctor managed to keep his grip on, which he swung around, smacking Superkid on the head.
“Try to steal my gun, will you?” he growled, swinging his head around but keeping his eyes closed. “You little cheater!”
“I was just trying to even the odds!” came Superkid’s voice to his right. Red wheeled his gun in that direction and fired.
He realized he missed his target when he heard glass tinkling. He certainly didn’t need the obnoxious boy’s taunt, “Ha! You missed! Maybe I don’t need to take your guns!”
“Are you suggesting that I’m too easy for you?!” he roared as he fired at the voice. “Put some clothes on and we’ll see if I’m too easy for you!”
“All right, all right, keep your pants on while I get mine.” Now it sounded like it was coming from inside a building. Dr. Red chanced a peek and then, seeing Superkid was not in sight, walked toward the house where he was sure he had heard the little snot’s voice.
Meanwhile, in the house of Superkid, our hero was rummaging through the mess in his room for pants. He was alerted by an