The lies she’d been told her entire life about what the compound held and why they were there in the first place made her uneasy. It wasn’t that she was gullible—far from it—but she’d seen the evidence of what shifters truly were when she’d stood out on that porch, her arm out, ready to be branded. The men, women, and children who had stood there, staring at her with so many differing expressions on their faces, weren’t the monsters who filled so many humans’ nightmares. They weren’t the boogeymen in the closets used by human parents to keep human children in check—or even the boogeymen the SAU propaganda used on those human parents to keep them in check.
They were alive. They were collared. They were branded.
They’d been forgotten by so many people who once knew them as humans twenty-five years ago. But she knew she would never forget them, never forget the pain on their faces as they watched her being branded…never forget the anguish on Holden’s face when he’d been forced by the very humans he’d saved to do an unthinkable act.
All in the name of his people and their safety.
It killed her.
She fingered the unfamiliar collar at her neck and frowned. They lived with these every day, a solid, heavy reminder of their place in the world. Maybe one day she could forget the scarred flesh on her arm and cover it up, but she’d always feel the weight around her neck. How the hell had she ended up here?
If she had been a different person, she might not ever be able to forgive him for turning her in the first place. But she wasn’t that person. Instead, she was the woman who’d been through hell all on her own and had to learn to see things from numerous perspectives in order to stay alive.
So, no, she didn’t blame Holden for turning her into a wolf. She couldn’t. Not when the alternative would have meant her death. But she wasn’t sure what she was going to do with this new information, this new life of hers. It wasn’t only that she had to learn to shift and do everything that came with being a wolf. It was that she actually had to learn to be a wolf. Comprehend that this wasn’t a dream, that this was her new life. It didn’t make any sense, but sitting around trying to pretend it wasn’t real wouldn’t help anyone.
She’d already noticed she could hear and see better than she had before all this had happened. And earlier, she’d been able to smell Holden’s cooking in a way that startled her. It was as if she could scent the delicate trace of cinnamon, whereas before, she never would have noticed the spice’s presence at all.
This wasn’t her going crazy. Something had changed within her, and she’d have to deal with that. There would be no burying her head in the sand when it came to being a shifter.
If only she could do the same when it came to the other part of Holden’s presence. Mates and bonds and tattoos that signified a connection made no sense to her. She’d never been in a real relationship, let alone one with a man she didn’t know, which from the sound of it, was a permanent one she would never be able to get out of.
His wolf had chosen her.
But what about her wolf’s choice?
What about her choice?
Yes, he was fucking sexy as hell. With those long lines of muscle that spoke of strength, he was the epitome of her type. He’d forgone shaving that morning so he had just the slightest edge of beard that made her want to feel the scrape on her inner thighs, feel his tongue sliding between her wet folds as he tasted every inch of her.
She blinked and pressed her legs together.
What the hell?
Where had that image come from? She’d been worrying about her place and what it meant and now she could only think about him sliding between her legs and eating her out? There was something definitely wrong with her. Maybe it was a symptom of her new wolfiness. Maybe shifters were perpetually horny, and they couldn’t help themselves.
Ariel closed her eyes and pressed her face into her hands, only to suck in a breath and immediately drop her arms.
Fuck that hurt.
Soren and the others had said she wouldn’t heal as fast as the other wolves until she made her first change, but she knew the brand had already begun to heal. In fact, she’d healed already from the bites and torture from the SAU, so there was no denying she’d been changed, as much as she wanted to. Soren had mentioned that her major healing was a one-time thing since she’d just been changed, but she was foggy about the details. The brand hurt like hell underneath the bandage, but it itched just enough that it had to be healing ever so slightly.
Perhaps it was her wolf that had made her feel almost…safe…in allowing Holden to brand her. Damn, she needed to stop thinking of Holden as the one branding her. It wouldn’t help her decide what to do next.
The truth was, Holden may have held the metal iron, but it hadn’t been him branding her, hadn’t been his wolf.
It had been the humans who had forced him to do it. Who had forced him to do it to countless others. She hadn’t seen all of the Pack yet, but she’d seen enough of them to know Holden must have carried out that trial to the point he might never be whole again. The pain that came from being forced to hurt another person wasn’t something a man like Holden would get over.
“And how the hell would I know what kind of man Holden is at all,” Ariel muttered.
“You need only ask.”
She turned on her stool, her heart racing. “Holden. I didn’t know you’d come back inside.” After the branding, she’d gone inside to heal alone once Soren finished bandaging her up. Holden had offered to come or send someone to be with her, but she hadn’t wanted to face someone when she’d been so weak. That trait wasn’t a wolf thing; it was an Ariel thing. Even with the new senses, she at least had that much of her remaining the same.
He’d remained outside to talk with his Pack. It made sense that he’d needed to do that without her there. Oh, he might have said she could be there, but she knew it differently. He’d risked the lives of so many just for her—a woman he didn’t know. People had the right to vent without her being there. Soon she’d have to deal with the consequences of his actions, but not now. The others needed space to hear the details of what Holden had done, and Ariel needed the freedom not to be lashed at when they first heard.
“I just came back in,” Holden said softly. He frowned and strode into the kitchen fully holding out his hand. “Let me see your arm. You shouldn’t get an infection, not with the change working its way through you, but I want to see the brand.”
Soren had covered up the burn with gauze and tape before heading back out to the porch with his Alpha. He hadn’t spoken a single word, but had glared enough to show her his disapproval. Not only did she need to deal with a Pack in danger because of her, but Holden’s best friend apparently hated her, too.
Perfect.
“If you want to see, sure,” she said, holding out her arm for him. “Soren said it would take a while to heal though, so it’s probably pretty ugly right now.” She’d marred her skin because of the situation and would never be able to take that back. She honestly didn’t know how she felt about that, or frankly, how she should feel about that.
He frowned and gently took her arm in his hands. His calloused fingertips scraped against her skin, but didn’t hurt. In fact, it made her…need. Hell. What was with this man? One look at him and she wanted to rub up against him like a cat in heat. Or maybe it was a wolf in heat?
Oh crap. Now her brain was making wolf sex jokes. She needed a drink. Or a nap.
He traced his finger along her skin, gently lifting the bandage without pulling too hard. She sucked in a breath before looking down. She hadn’t known what she’d expected to see, but the angry red flesh wasn’t it. Holden’s and the rest the Pack she’d seen had dark brands that looked like raised tattoos surrounded by their Pack tattoo. She hadn’t seen a mating tattoo on the right side, but she figured it would look similar to the Pack tattoo.
“It’s healing nicely. Faster than what I would have thought. That’s good. It means your wolf is strong.” He cleared h
is throat, his eyes still on her skin. “I can’t believe I did this to you.”
“Its not you,” she whispered. “It’s what they made you do.”
“And if I were a stronger Alpha, I wouldn’t have to do it at all.”
She wasn’t sure that was the case. She saw the size of him and some of the others. They had to be strong. But they were highly outnumbered and outgunned. It would be harder than one man fighting against another to win. When she told him as such, his head raised and he gave her an odd look. She didn’t know what it meant, but she felt as if he were seeing her in a light he hadn’t before.
“Why is yours darkened in?” she asked, trying to get the feel of Holden’s touch out of her mind. She also wanted him to focus on something other than his perceived weakness. There wasn’t a weak thing about the man in front of her.
He cleared his throat and tore his gaze from hers. “We add ink to the flesh once it’s fully healed. We can’t tattoo over all of the scarred skin, but enough of it that we can make the brand as much of ours as we can.”
She nodded and looked down at the brand. If it had been a pure tattoo, one of her choosing, she would have thought it was beautiful. The long lines of tribal blended into a wolf howling at the moon. Instead, all she saw was ownership she had never wanted to claim.
Holden brushed a piece of her hair behind her ear and she froze. “Are you okay?”
She swallowed hard, too aware of the man in front of her. She truly wanted to reach out and rake her nails down his chest and tilt her head up so he could brush his lips across hers. Was this the wolf? Or the woman? Because if she couldn’t tell, she wasn’t sure she could do anything about it. She didn’t like being out of control, and as it was, she didn’t have much control, if any, of her life anymore.
She needed something that was hers.
“I don’t know,” she answered honestly.
He nodded and cupped her chin. “What’s going on in that mind of yours?” His thumb stroked her skin, and she had to keep from turning in his hand. Seriously, what was wrong with her? She didn’t even know him.
But she wasn’t going to get out of her situation by living in her mind. Not voicing her thoughts—at least some of them—wouldn’t change the brand on her skin or collar around her neck.
“I don’t know what part of my reactions are me or my…”—she cleared her throat—“or the wolf. I haven’t shifted, so I have no idea if I’m really a shifter like you say, but I have all these extra senses, and I want do things I know I shouldn’t, and now my head hurts.” She closed her eyes and tried to wish herself back in time so she could say what she needed to say eloquently rather than the ramble she’d just done.
Holden let out a breath then lifted her chin. She opened her eyes cautiously, praying she wouldn’t see laughter in his eyes. She wasn’t sure she could deal with that right now.
“I know it’s a lot for you, Ariel. Hell, it’s a lot for any of us when we’re dealing with another half of us we’ve always had. I can tell you it’s been since we were first put in this compound that one of us has changed a human. So I think I almost forgot that it’s going to be ten times as worse for you. For that, I am sorry.”
She licked her lips, her pulse racing at his touch. They had so many more important things to talk about, yet all she could think about was how he would taste. There was truly something wrong with her.
His nostrils faired and his eyes darkened. “Well fuck, siren.”
“What?” she croaked.
“I can scent your need, darling, but I’m not going to do anything about it right now. Only because we need to talk first, and you need to find your way. Me pawing you won’t help that, but fuck, you make it hard.” He grinned. “You make me hard.”
Her cheeks heated as mortification rolled over her. She was embarrassed before, but this surely took the cake. “Oh.”
He rested his forehead against hers. His breath brushed over her skin, and she fought keep steady so she wouldn’t tremble.
“Don’t be embarrassed, Ariel. With our heightened senses, it’s hard to keep secrets. Most of us aren’t animals and try to ignore it. I shouldn’t have said anything to you about it at all, but you keep me off kilter.”
“So you can scent when I…when others...?”
He let out a rough chuckle, his face still close to hers. “Yes, but it’s usually mixed with all the other scents out there so I ignore it. But with you? You’re mine, you see, so I’m attuned to it, to you. It makes my wolf want to ease your need.”
She pulled away, frowning. “So it’s just your wolf? Does this mean the fact I can’t focus on what I need to focus on is because of my wolf? I don’t know how I feel about that.”
He shook his head. “That’s only part of it. For those of us who were born with our wolves, we’ve learned the delicate balance of control.” He ran a hand over his face. “It’s not that my wolf is making me want you; it’s that he chose you for my mate in the sense that he knew you’d be perfect for us. What that means? Well, that will come once you and I learn each other. As for wanting you? That is all man. Yes, my wolf might push at my emotions and make me growl more when it comes to wanting you, but he’s not in control that way.”
Well, that wasn’t at all what she’d expected him to say. “So…I want you, but my wolf is just…enhancing it?”
His lips twitched, and he nodded. “That’s one way to put it.” He played with the ends of her hair, his face set with concentration. “We’re going about this in every wrong way possible, but we’ll figure it out. It’ll take a while for you to find your wolf and shift for the first time. If I remember right, it’ll be on our hunt that you can shift. That won’t be until the full moon.”
She raised her brows. “So you can only shift at the full moon?”
He shook his head. “No, but the pull is stronger then. You’ll feel it, an itch under your skin and a tug between the two sides of you that you’re just now feeling. We can’t go back to the way things were, but we can figure out how to make things work the way they are now. Okay?”
He said the same things she’d been thinking, so it wasn’t a stretch to agree with him. “Okay.”
Holden let out a relieved breath. “Good.” He looked so uncomfortable for a moment, she took pity on him and tried to lead the conversation.
“So what do we do now exactly?”
“We need to finish hiding you fully within the Pack. The SAU doesn’t watch our individual movements as much as they used to. They don’t keep count of us, so honestly, you can blend in as a woman they hadn’t noticed before. Since you have the brand, they’ll ignore you for the most part. You need to keep your collar on at all times and don’t bother the guards when they are around. As long as we keep your true origins secret, that’ll be the easy part.”
She swallowed hard. “And everyone will keep the secret?”
He met her gaze, the torture within his eyes slicing through her. “It would mean our death or something so much worse if the humans found out how we can change others. They’ll keep the secret, though I know a few aren’t too happy I changed you.”
She reached out and put her hand on his chest. His heart beat firmly against her palm, and she sucked in a breath. “They have a right to their anger. I don’t blame them for that.”
“Nor do I, in all honesty. But I need to figure out how to make it right.”
So did she. He’d saved her life, and now, somehow, she would have to prove that she’d been worth it. She might not know where she was going with respect to Holden and his claim, but she couldn’t be weak and useless when it came to the Pack. She’d find a way to prove her worth.
Somehow.
“You will. Once you’re healed, you’ll come with me and I will introduce you to the Pack fully. We’ll find a place for you, Ariel. There are always things to do.”
“I won’t be a burden,” she whispered.
“You could never be,” he said softly, coming closer to her again. So close s
he could feel the heat of him, the need of him. “You’ve already taken this better than anyone could have thought. You’ll pull your weight and find your place.” She watched the long lines of his throat as he swallowed. “You’ll find your place with the Pack…and with me.”
Her heart raced, and she tilted her head up so she could see his eyes. He licked his lips and her gaze followed the movement.
“I want to kiss you, siren. Will you let me?”
She cleared her suddenly, dry throat. “I thought you were Alpha, yet you’re asking like that.”
He cupped the back of her head and lowered his face so barely an inch sat between them. “I don’t ask anyone else. For you? You, I will always ask, always let have a choice. You’re my mate, Ariel. You’re mine.”
She said the only thing she could say right then; the only thing that made sense in a long line of confusion and pain. “Then kiss me.”
He growled softly, sending shivers down her spine. When he lowered his lips to hers, she broke. The softness, the tender care in which he moved made her shake, made her crave. With one hand still on his chest, she gripped his shirt, pulling him ever so closer. He kept one hand on the back of her head and used the other to cup her face, gently running his lips back and forth over hers. Since she sat on a stool and he stood between her legs, they were the perfect height for this.
She moaned against him, wanting more, and he didn’t let her want more for long. His tongue traced her lips, and she opened for him, letting her tongue brush along his. He growled, deepening the kiss. When he pushed closer, she moved her hand from his chest and wrapped both arms around his waist, pressing her breasts to his body. He kissed her, nibbled at her lips, and sucked on her tongue. Her body shook, her need for him an ache she’d never felt as deeply before with any other man.