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She was with f**king Cal Carson on Saturday? When I had been contemplating calling her?
When we get to my office, I open the door and push her in.
She pulls free of my hold, spinning on me in anger. “What is your problem? Pulling me out of the lobby and manhandling me to your office like you own me?”
“What the f**k are you doing with Carson? You were with him Saturday?”
Mac takes a deep breath and lets it out slowly. I can almost visualize her counting down from ten to calm herself. “Not that it’s any of your business, but I met him in the law library and we had coffee. He helped me out with a Memorandum of Law. ”
Okay… now I can relax.
Coffee. That’s all it was. Coffee.
I’m so f**king relieved, I almost laugh out loud but then decide against it when Mac’s eyes narrow at me. “Where were you this weekend since we’re… you know… all sharing and shit?”
Yeah, I’m not sharing. Not sure why she thinks this is a sharing moment for me. Besides, I’m still pissed that she spent time with Cal and apparently is going to lunch with him. “None of your business. ”
“What? You demand to know what I was doing, but you don’t share what you were up to?”
“That’s right,” I sneer at her viciously, when what I really want to do is kiss her. “I’m twisted that way. Stay away from Carson. He’s bad news. ”
Mac’s face goes red, and she starts to take a step backward.
Oh, hell no. That won’t do at all.
My hand shoots out, catching her around the waist. I reel her in quickly but her hands come up and slap against my chest, halting her momentum. She tries to push out of my grasp and I let her struggle for a moment then I let her go, because I only want her in my arms willingly.
“You can’t tell me what I can and can’t do. It’s a two-way street. I have no say so in your plans, then you have no say so in mine. ”
I can’t help myself. I’m in full-blown ass**le mode. “I do when it comes to Cal Carson. He’s off limits. ”
“Off limits?” she practically yells at me, and then drops her voice immediately, sliding a hesitant gaze toward my door. She hisses at me when she says, “You want to talk about off limits, how about you taking Lorraine out to dinner tonight? She’s in her office right now, getting all dolled up for your date with her. Let me make the same proclamation you’re making about Cal. She’s off limits. Stay away from her. ”
Quite a mouthful, Mac.
“Are you jealous?” I ask with a smirk, trying not to laugh. I had completely forgotten about my dinner meeting with Lorraine tonight.
“Doesn’t matter if I am or not. You say I can’t see Cal, well, I say you can’t see Lorraine. Cancel with her. ”
Okay, that’s not so funny anymore. I can’t cancel with Lorraine. It’s a business meeting that has to happen tonight, as I can’t let that woman run loose around my law firm another day. She’s wreaking all kinds of havoc around here, and Bill and I are ready to put an end to it. Thus the reason for me taking her out for a dinner meeting.
“Not going to happen,” I tell her firmly.
“What? You won’t even consider my feelings?” she asks in a small voice.
“Not where this is concerned. It’s none of your business. ” I know that’s such a f**king dick thing to say, but again… still pissed she seems to like Cal and she’s having lunch with him. I’m not giving in on this one.
“Then Cal is none of your business. We’re even. ”
Fucking Cal. I hate that motherfucker.
Lunging at her, letting fury rise a little too high, I grab her shoulders and pull her in close to me. My voice is deadly when I say, “You’re trying my patience, Mac. Words don’t seem to work on you. Let me try something else. ”
I kiss her with so much energy and pent-up frustration, it’s an almost orgasmic release. My tongue goes in swiftly, roaming around her mouth, stroking her. She immediately melts into me, her body sinking into mine, and I get a full-blown erection, which pushes into her stomach.
I pull her closer and kiss her harder, my fingers digging into her shoulders and I’m sure that’s going to bruise tomorrow. When Mac groans into my mouth, I feel like screaming, “I’m king of the world,” but I’m smart enough to keep quiet, knowing she would not appreciate that.
When her fingers curl into my shirt, I start to lean down to pick her up, intent on depositing her on my desk and f**king her quickly. But that doesn’t happen because Mac tears herself away from me.
I stand there, looking at her, while my chest heaves with the exertion I was pouring into that kiss. I want her so bad right now that I’d promise just about anything to have her.
But I can see that look in her eyes. She’s getting ready to deny me, and that makes my blood boil.
“Enough,” she says accusingly. “Stop doing that to me. I’m not your puppet. ”
“You are if I tell you to be. ” This is me… trying to get back control of the situation.
I think for a moment that statement might cause her to cry, but she does nothing more than suck in a lungful of air and let it out slowly. “Listen… I won’t see Cal if that is what you want, but I want the same thing with Lorraine. I don’t want you taking her to dinner tonight. Are we agreed?”
Okay, she’s clearly missing the part where I’m in control. I call the shots. This is sex… sex only. She has no say-so in what I do, and yes, I realize with absolute clarity that I am being a hypocritical ass**le. I know I am. I know I’m asking something of her that I refuse to give back. It’s wrong, wrong, wrong and I know it.
But I’m still an ass**le, and I’m sticking to it.
Any psychologist worth his merit would say I’m sabotaging this thing I have with Mac, because I’m too f**king scared to give in to it.
I’d have to agree.
I try one more time to get us back on track. Back to just sinful f**king and no questions. “I’m taking Lorraine out to dinner tonight. I can’t cancel. But then I’ll be over to your apartment after. ”
The minute the words are out of my mouth, I know they are not well received. Still, I’m a little surprised when she says, “Then I’m sorry, Matt. This freak of a f**k show is over. ”
“What?” I ask in confusion, because I thought we’d just fight some more, then maybe have great makeup sex. I mean, Mac likes it as much as I do.
“You heard me,” she says with finality. “I can’t do this anymore. If you want my resignation, you have it. Just let me know. If not, I’ll show up and do my job well. But as far as you and I are concerned… we’re done. ”
What. The. Fuck?
I stare at her in disbelief, trying to call her bluff. My conscience is telling me to give in, to tell her the truth about Lorraine… that it’s just a business dinner. My conscience is also telling me to tell her about Cal. About how black his soul is and if she doesn’t want to be with me, at least don’t be with him. He’ll hurt her. I know it, and I don’t want that to happen.
I plead with her… with my eyes, because my mouth will not open and say those things. It stays shut, because I’m still controlled by my past. I’m convinced, if I let her in… just a tiny bit more… I’ll crack wide open and become completely exposed. I’ve spent years forging these steel walls around me, and I can’t open them back up… not for anyone. Certainly not for a woman I’ve barely known for a few weeks.
I. Just. Can’t. Do. It.
So, I just stare at her and I watch the determination in her gaze solidify. It’s done. I’ve lost her.
Mac turns around and walks out of my office without a backward glance.
***
For the third time tonight, I pull my arm back across the table to dislodge Lorraine’s hand. She’s been painfully flirting with me since we’ve arrived at the restaurant, and I’ve been trying to put her off by extoling Mac’s virtues. I know she doesn’t like Mac and the more I talk highly of Mac, the more she’s forgetting to flirt with me.
Not that it’s a chore to talk about Mac’s great virtues, but I will admit… it’s a tad painful given what went down just an hour ago in my office. I’m still having a hard time wrapping my head around the fact that I won’t be seeing her tonight… or any night thereafter.
And the insane thing about that?
I knew that was going to happen when I refused to just tell her the f**king truth. I knew I was driving her away.
I am one seriously twisted dude, who apparently loves misery.
Pushing my plate away, because honestly, I have no appetite, I decide to cut to the chase and let Lorraine know about her fate.
“Lorraine… I know Bill has talked to you twice since you’ve started with us, about the problems we’ve been having with your behavior toward other attorneys and staff. ”
I pause and gauge her reaction. Her pulse starts pounding at the base of her neck and her face goes a little red, but she doesn’t say anything.
“We haven’t seen any improvement, frankly, and we don’t believe that Connover and Crown is a good fit for you. ”
This, of course, is an understatement. Although I’ve never seen it, apparently Lorraine is a certifiable slave-driving bitch. She’s managed to piss off every attorney she’s worked with so far with her bitchy, entitled attitude. She’s caused some of the staff to break down in tears.
And while I found it f**king hilarious, she apparently pulled that shit on Mac last week, repetitively ordering her to get her coffee. One of the attorneys watched this take place and told me that when Lorraine told her to go get her some coffee, Mac leaned over, grabbed her stomach, and moaned piteously. Told Lorraine she had diarrhea and couldn’t do it, running off to find a bathroom. Apparently, that same attorney saw Mac ten minutes later and asked how she was. She apparently grinned, gave a wink, and confided in a low voice, “I’m perfectly fine. But that’s the best way I’ve found to keep her off my back. ”
Fucking. Hilarious.
But completely unacceptable that Lorraine is treating her peers that way. And yes, Mac is her peer now, not her employee.
Bill talked to Lorraine twice about it in the form of a performance evaluation. Each time, she acknowledged the problem and said she would get it under control. She lasted about a day, and then went back to being a monster to everyone. Honestly, I think there’s a mental issue there, but it’s not my place to get into that.
Now we’re done trying and it’s time to part ways.
“We’re willing to buy out your existing cases and offer you a severance bonus. Or you can walk with what you came into the firm with, but no severance. If you choose the first option, I’ll ask you to stay for thirty days to help transfer the cases over to Bill permanently and that will also give you time to look for a job. ”
I pause and push an envelope across the table. “Here’s a detailed proposal of the case buyout. Of course, the clients will need to agree to come with us, but I’m sure we can work that out. ”
She doesn’t say anything, her face getting redder. She takes the envelope, peruses it briefly, and then turns her eyes to me. I expect her to argue or plead to stay on.
Instead, she surprises me when she says, “I accept the first option to buy my cases out. I’ve sort of come to the conclusion that life in a large law firm is not for me. ”
My eyebrows shoot up, because I was confident this was not how it would go down. I’m greatly relieved so I give her a true smile and lean my arms on the table. “Excellent. How about we order some champagne and drink to new ventures for both of us?”
She returns my smile and reaches a hand out to touch my arm. “That would be lovely. ”