He frowned. “Are you asking if I’ve been spying on you as you bathed, Princess?”
“No.” She crossed her arms protectively over her breasts. “No, I…I meant in your dreams.”
He raised an eyebrow at her, his bronze eyes inscrutable.
“Why do you ask?”
“Well, be-because,” Brynn stammered. “Because I, uh, I saw…” She broke off, blushing so hard she felt like her cheeks might catch on fire.
“Yes?” He cocked his head to one side, clearly waiting for her to finish.
“Because I saw you bathing. In my dreams,” she rushed on recklessly, wanting to get it all out. “And…and that’s not all I saw you doing!”
“Oh? And what did you see?” he growled softly.
The way he was looking at her was positively hungry. Brynn felt a shiver go through her but somehow she couldn’t stop.
“I saw you…saw you, uh, touching yourself,” she blurted. “Down…down there.” She pointed one finger at the bulge in the leather crotch and felt like her hair might catch on fire from her flaming cheeks.
“So you saw me stroking my shaft in your dreams.” He shrugged, his broad shoulders rolling, as though it was of no great importance. “What do you want me to do about it?”
“Well…stop it of course!” Brynn exclaimed, shocked that he would even have to ask. “I mean, these dreams—they’re true, right? I…I’m seeing what’s really happening…what you’re really doing during the day when I’m off having dancing lessons and royal etiquette practice and other foolish things I have to do with my ladies in waiting.”
“Princess,” he growled, frowning at her. “You don’t know what you’re asking. A male has needs. So does a female, for that matter.” He cocked an eyebrow at her. “You’re going to tell me that you’ve never touched yourself for pleasure?”
“You…you know I haven’t!” Brynn couldn’t believe they were having this conversation. It was so terribly improper and yet somehow she couldn’t seem to extricate herself from it. “You know I haven’t because you see me in your dreams too!” she accused him. “You see everything. When I eat, when I sleep, when I bathe…”
“Ah, so we’re back to that.” He nodded thoughtfully. “Yes, little one, I’ve seen you naked.”
“Don’t call me that!” she flared, suddenly angry because the thought of him seeing her naked made her feel hot and flushed all over. “My name is Princess Brynnalla of Galen and you know it!”
“Yes, I know it,” he said softly, looking down at his chest where her name was burned into his flesh. “Better than most. But I also know I can’t help what I see in my dreams—any more than you can help what you see in yours.”
“But…but what can we do about it? To stop it, I mean. It’s so…so embarrassing.”
“Embarrassing for you to see me naked? Or embarrassing for me to see you naked?” he rumbled. “Because it doesn’t bother me, little one—not a bit. You’re beautiful.”
“No, I’m not!” she exclaimed, stung into refuting his lie. “I’m not anything like the other girls at Court! I’m too short and too little and my breasts are…” She broke off abruptly, suddenly aware of the terrible impropriety she was committing.
“Your breasts are perfect for your size and your size is perfect for you,” Varin said softly. “And no, you don’t look like the other females at Court—that’s part of what makes you so Goddess-damned gorgeous.”
“What?” She looked at him in surprise. “You don’t mean that—you can’t! My hair is all—”
“Soft and silky…” He reached out a hand as though to touch it, then drew back reluctantly. With a short, frustrated breath he put his hands to his sides. Brynn noticed him balling them into fists, as though he was holding himself back from touching her by main force of will.
She bit her lip and took a step back but didn’t leave the hallway. What was going on here? She didn’t know what to think of what he was saying—did he really see her that way? Beautiful even though she was different—beautiful because she was different?
“I’m different too, little one,” he said softly, as though reading her mind. “Not everybody’s meant to fit in. It would be a boring universe if they did.”
“You’re a Kindred,” she whispered, looking up at him. “Whatever that is.”
“And you’re a princess.” He smiled at her—a slight quirking of the corner of his mouth and his bronze eyes looked almost sleepy with amusement. “A beautiful princess who has the world at her feet. Why should you care about the dreams of a slave?”
“Because they’re my dreams too,” Brynn whispered, twisting her fingers together. “And because…because they’re wrong.”
“What’s wrong?” he asked gently. “The fact that I’ve seen you bathing…or the fact that you’ve seen me, uh, doing more than bathing?”
“Both.” She looked up at him uncertainly. “What were you doing, anyway? I mean…when you were…were…”
“Yes?” He raised an eyebrow at her.
“When you were touching yourself, you…” she paused, trying to think how to go on. Her cheeks were getting red again and she could feel embarrassment trying to overcome her but she needed to know.
“Yes?” he asked again, making a go-on motion with one big hand.
“Your…your shaft got all…it got…it looked so hard,” Brynn stammered. “And then it, uh, jerked and all this…all this white cream came out. What…what was that?”
“Goddess above, give me strength.” He raised his eyes to the vaulted stone ceiling and rubbed a hand over the back of his neck. Finally he looked back at Brynn. “Didn’t they teach you anything at that convent you were at?” he demanded.
“Of course they did,” Brynn said indignantly. “I learned natural history and mathematics and language and—”
“I meant didn’t they teach you how a male and female come together?” he said, cutting her off.
“Oh, um…you mean to make a baby?”
He nodded. “Or just for pleasure.”
Brynn bit her lip, feeling suddenly hot and flushed all over. “No,” she said at last. “The, uh, Sisters told us that was forbidden knowledge. That the male our fathers picked for us to join with would tell us. Would…” She cleared her throat. “Would show us.”
“So they just expect you to go off with some strange male without even knowing what to expect?” Varin sounded angry now.
“I suppose.” Brynn shrugged. “Why—is that bad?”
“Depends on the male.” There was a growl in his deep voice now and a glint in his bronze eyes, as though he didn’t much like the idea of Brynn with a “strange male” as he had put it.
“There’s been talk that my father is looking for a husband for me,” she said, looking up at Varin. “I would have ruled in his stead if he and my mother hadn’t had the Crown Prince after I was born. But since they have a son, they…they don’t need me. So my father wants to find someone to take me off his hands as soon as possible, I think.”
“I know.” His big fists squeezed tighter. “Goddess damn it, I fucking know.”
“I…I don’t want to get married…joined…unprepared,” Brynn said softly. “And I can’t ask anyone else—they’d be shocked or…or laugh at me. So…will you tell me?”
It was a question she never could have asked her ladies in waiting, though Brynn had a feeling all of them knew the answer already. But if she asked Lady Amalthia what to expect on her joining night the other girl would no doubt go into gales of laughter and then tell on her to the Queen. And whatever else happened, Brynn did not want her mother to know that she was curious about what went on during one’s wedding night.
“Will you?” she asked again, almost begging now.
He sighed. “I shouldn’t…don’t want to shock you. Considering how you’ve been raised…”
“I’ve led a sheltered life, that’s true,” Brynn said, lifting her chin. “But I’m not stupid—just ignorant. And that’s because I’ve been
kept ignorant on purpose.”
“True.” He ran a hand through his hair. “All right—I’ll tell you. But this has to stay between us.”
“All right.” Brynn nodded eagerly, then looked around. “But let’s not talk out here in the hall. Come into my chamber.”
He frowned. “I’m not supposed to.”
“You’re not supposed to tell me what you’re about to tell me, either,” Brynn pointed out. “But you said you would.”
“All right, I’ll come in,” Varin decided. “But only just inside the door. And I’ll sit on the floor—there’s no way I’m getting anywhere near your bed.”
Since Brynn had an idea that whatever happened between a male and a female to form a baby happened in bed, this made her blush. But she simply nodded and motioned to the door of her chamber.
“All right—let’s go.”
They settled on the floor just inside her bedroom, Brynn with her legs pulled modestly to the side and her dress smoothed down to hide them and the big Kindred across from her, his own long legs outstretched and crossed at the ankles. Varin had his back to the stone wall but he leaned forward and looked at her intently.
“First tell me what you do know,” he rumbled. “Or what you think you know, anyway. I’ll try to fill in the blanks and set you straight.”
Brynn bit her lip, wondering for a moment how they had come to be talking about this subject when her original intention had simply been to try and get him to stop the dreams. But since he apparently couldn’t and he knew much more about this than she, it seemed too good an opportunity to pass up. Especially since she’d been curious about it for some time.
“First of all,” she said, trying to explain her ignorance, “You have to know how it was at the convent.”
“I know how it was,” he said quietly. “Up at six for morning devotions, chores at seven, First Meal at eight. Then classes until one when you broke for Mid-day Meal, more classes…more chores…Last Meal, vespers at nine and in bed by nine-thirty with the lights out and no talking allowed.”
“Oh…” Brynn stared at him for a moment, dumbfounded. “How did you…how can you know so much about me? My dreams of you weren’t nearly that detailed.”
He shrugged. “I got a drop of your blood—you didn’t get any of mine. I think maybe that made my part of our bond stronger.”
“We…we have a bond?” Brynn whispered.
“Technically, I am bound to you, little one,” he rumbled. “I don’t think your royal father knows it goes both ways and I’m pretty sure he’d be upset if he did.”
“Don’t worry,” Brynn assured him. “I won’t tell him. I won’t tell anyone.”
His face darkened. “Don’t want them to know you’re bonded to a slave, right?”
“No, I don’t want them to think I’m crazy,” Brynn snapped. “And if you know as much about me as you claim to, you’ll know I lived my first eighteen years in the convent as a kind of slave—I had to do everything the Sisters ordered and there was no getting out of it. And now I’ll have to marry whoever my father decides to sell me off to—so how is that much different from your situation, I’d like to know? I mean…” She felt her cheeks go hot. “Aside from the whole burning my name into your chest—no one did that to me.”
“I told you, I don’t mind about that,” he said, frowning. “I’m proud to wear your name on my body—proud to be known as yours. I just didn’t think you’d be equally proud to be mine. Not that you are,” he added quickly.
“But I am yours…in a way,” Brynn whispered, biting her lip. “I mean—you’re in my dreams, the same way I’m in yours. That’s a kind of belonging, isn’t it?”
“I suppose you’re right.” He nodded. “I’m sorry if it bothers you, Princess. As I said before, I truly can’t help it.”
“It doesn’t bother me so much…most of the time,” she admitted, blushing.
“Except when you see me doing ‘forbidden’ things,” he rumbled, his bronze eyes going sleepy with amusement again. “Although you’re pretty damn eager to learn about those forbidden things, right?”
“I just want to know what’s what,” Brynn said shortly. “We were never allowed to talk about anything like that in the convent. We didn’t get to watch any vids either, except religious ones that had morals about obeying your parents and never getting out of line.”
“So…none of the other girls had any ideas about males and females either?” He raised an eyebrow at her.
Brynn spread her hands. “How could they? The convent only accepts babies and once you’re in, you can’t leave until your eighteenth birthday. Almost nobody comes to visit, either.” She looked down at her hands. “I know my parents never came. Not once. I always thought they were busy but now…now I think they just didn’t care enough.”
“I’m sorry, Brynn,” he murmured, surprising her by calling her by the nickname she’d gone by in the convent. “I would have visited you if I could have—I thought of you every day you were there and I was here.”
“I guess you must have.” She looked up at him, still twisting her fingers. “So…back to what we were, uh, talking about—nobody knew anything although we did speculate sometimes. After lights out, of course, when we were sure the Sisters were out of earshot.”
“Oh? And what did you speculate?” He leaned back against the stone wall and crossed his arms over his broad chest, making his muscles ripple.
“We…Myra Thornbottom thought it had to do with a male’s shaft, uh, poking you.”
She’d been afraid he would laugh but Varin only nodded thoughtfully.
“So far not bad. Go on—poking you where?”
“Um…” Brynn coughed. “In your belly button?”
This time he did laugh, though he was nice enough to try and turn it into a cough.
“Sorry, no.” He shook his head. “Try again.”
“Lower?” Brynn guessed. “Between…between your legs?”
Slowly, he nodded, his bronze eyes fixed on hers.
“I thought so.” Brynn squeezed her fingers together nervously. “I knew it had to be something like that—somewhere forbidden. It doesn’t feel good when you touch your belly button like it does when you—” She broke off suddenly, feeling her cheeks get hot.
“I thought you didn’t touch yourself for pleasure, Princess,” Varin rumbled softly. “Did you lie to me?”
“I…I only did it once or…or twice.” She felt like her tongue was stumbling as she tried to explain. “It was a punishable offense—you could get kicked out of the convent for it! But some nights I felt so restless.”
“So you touched yourself to ease the tension—made yourself come so you could sleep better?” He made it sound so reasonable.
“Made myself what?” Brynn asked, frowning.
“You reached the peak? Found the ultimate pleasure? Saw stars? Had the big O?” He raised an eyebrow at her. “Any of this ringing a bell, Princess?”
“No,” Brynn admitted. “I mean, it felt good—too good, actually. I knew it was forbidden so I stopped before…before anything, uh, happened.”
“Hmm…I used to dream of you tossing and turning sometimes,” the big Kindred admitted. “But of course you were always covered by blankets.”
“Thank goodness I was!” Brynn exclaimed. The idea of the big Kindred watching her touch her forbidden area was excruciatingly embarrassing.
“Why, Princess? You’re ashamed to let me see you petting your soft little pussy?” he murmured and this time his eyes looked sleepy with something other than amusement—maybe with desire, Brynn realized. It made her feel shocked and hot and cold all at the same time to think that the big Kindred might think of her that way.
“Well…yes,” she said, feeling suddenly breathless. “Is…is that what you call it? A woman’s downstairs area, I mean?”
He burst out laughing—a deep, rolling rumble that seemed to go right through her. “Is that what you call it?” he asked when Brynn glared at him. “Her
downstairs area?”
“It’s what the Sisters called it,” Brynn explained stiffly. “When they had to tell us about, you know, our monthly cycles and that kind of thing.”
“And they didn’t explain then about making love?” he asked, raising an eyebrow again.
“They just said our bodies were able to have babies once we started our cycle,” Brynn explained, blushing. “But they wouldn’t explain how or why you might get one.” She looked at her hands. “I was terribly afraid I might end up with one—a baby I mean—after I started mine. I thought that was all it took—just to have your cycle.”
“Afraid not—there has to be a male involved,” Varin said dryly.
“Yes, but how?” Brynn leaned forward. “I mean, does all he have to do is just poke you there once? And then you’re automatically pregnant? Or what?”
“Uh…” He shifted, looking slightly uncomfortable. “There’s a little more to it than that. See…the male’s shaft has to actually go inside.”
“What?” Brynn was aghast. “But how? I mean, in my dreams you’re so big. And my…my pussy…” She blushed so hard she felt faint as she spoke the forbidden word but she made herself go on. “Well, it’s just not…not that big.”
“It stretches to receive a male’s shaft,” he explained softly. “If the male has taken the time to make you ready, that is.”
“Really?” Brynn’s heart was pounding very hard—so hard it seemed to shake her entire body. “But how…how could a male make you ready?”
Varin looked up at her, his bronze eyes blazing.
“By touching you…stroking you…licking you.” His voice was a soft growl.
“Licking me?” Surely he couldn’t mean what she thought he meant—could he?
“Tasting you,” he growled softly. “Spreading your thighs and tasting your sweet pussy until you come all over his mouth. That gets you ready to take his shaft deep inside your soft little body. Do you understand now?”
“Yes, I…I think so.” Brynn wanted to look away but it seemed like the Kindred’s bronze gaze wouldn’t let her go.
“Good,” he murmured. “Any other questions?”
“Just one. I guess it sounds silly but…why? I mean, why does it have to…to go all the way inside?”