(O.S.): Say, what's going on here?
The guys push Gold under a white table, lean against it as they turn to a BLOND GUY with an Eastern accent.
BLOND GUY: Who's there under that cloth?
KIDAL: Who? What do you mean, who?
BLOND GUY: (points down at the flag) There's two feet poking out, dumbass, who's that?
LEON: Okay, listen, we're all grown-ups here and I'm sure it must have happened to you, too, I mean, to get a little tipsy, throw up into a oven --
BLOND GUY: Enough, I'm calling security!
He takes out a cell phone, start dialing when -- SBAM!! He flops down on the floor as Vitali appears behind him brandishing one of his moccasins.
KIDAL: Vitali?!
VITALI: Dear boys, let me introduce you to the stinker who double-crossed me!
LEON: Man, I'm really having a stroke!
KIDAL: Alright now, you have to believe me, we didn't do nothing wrong!
VITALI: Sure you didn't! (A glance under the table) You kidnapped the runner as I suggested, way to go, guys!
ELLIOT (O.S.): What in the name of heaven is going on here?
Everybody turns to ELLIOT, levelling a rake like it was a rifle as his baffled face tilts from the men standing to the ones on the floor.
ELLIOT: Whatever it is that you're doing I'm going to --
BONK! He drops down as well as WILSON hits him with a tin watering can.
WILSON: Shut up for once, that's what you're going to do!
VITALI: Nice shot, kid!
Leon stands petrified, holds back a second stroke as Wilson shakes his head at his boss.
WILSON: Well, it was about time somebody put him in his place!
VITALI: With some people you need to be a little rough sometimes, there's nothing wrong about it.
He grabs the blond guy by his feet and drags him into the elevator.
KIDAL: What are you going to do with him?
VITALI: (hits the button) Kidnap him and ask for a ransom, what else?
Kidal is taken aback as Wilson pulls his boss, too, into the elevator.
WILSON: And I'll tell the old windbag how I saved him from a gang of horny rapists and ask for a raise!
As they disappear behind the sliding doors Leon and Edwin slowly turn to each other.
LEON: If we make it out alive I'll really need to see a cardiologist after this!
They finally burst in laughter as they exchange a big, smacking five.
FEMALE VOICE (O.S.): Enough... making... noise!!!
ACROSS THE HALLWAY
Helga's eyes are about to explode as she raises her clog and bursts toward the guys with a primal scream.
LEON: Holy cow!
HELGA: You nasty scoundrels!
KIDAL: Couldn't we sort this out peacefully?
He shoots Helga a lascivious look -- avoids the flying clog by a whisker.
KIDAL: Holy Babu!!
He and Leon take off running as Helga charges at them like a raging bull...
INT. OTHER HALLWAY – DAY
...her bloodcurdling screams thundering across the corridor as Leon and Kidal run past a group of WEIGHTLIFTER LADIES.
BEEFY LADY: Kidal, where are you running? Didn't we have to train together?
KIDAL: I'll call you later, I'm in a bit of a hurry right now!
His admirers are puzzled as Helga whizzes past them.
HELGA: Don't run away, little pigs, you're all mine now!
The big ladies exchange a quick glance...
BEEFY LADY: That coward has been fooling us!
...then take off after Kidal.
INT. OLYMPIC VILLAGE – GYM – CONTINUOUS
Leon and Kidal run wild across workout stations and stunned athletes with Helga on their heels and a bunch of ranting lady-giants right behind her.
HELGA: I got you, babies, you can't get away!
She throws her clog, hits Kidal on the nape with a loud thud.
KIDAL: Aaaargh!!
Leon pulls away the aching Kidal as one of his fans jumps on Helga and drags her to the floor. A beat and her friends are all over Helga, who one by one catapults them away kicking out like a mule!
HELGA: Get off me, you fleas!!
Leon and Kidal leave this amazon madness behind as they fly AROUND THE CORNER, run to the white table and pull Gold out by his feet.
KIDAL: Come on, let's move!
They're about to go, Gold's feet in hand and ready to move when they start glancing around, still in the hallway as they can't remember where their room is!
LEON: Damn, this place is too big!
The rumble of quick footsteps adds to Helga's approaching scream as an ORIENTAL TUNE starts playing behind a door.
LEON/KIDAL: There!!
With a big, last effort they rush toward the music, drag Gold inside the room and shut the door behind them. Without noticing the KOREAN TAEKWONDO TEAM sign pinned upon it.
A shout, then another. Then a disturbing, quick sequence of sharp snaps and broken glasses before an even more alarming silence.
INT. GOLD'S ROOM – NIGHT
Leon and Kidal sit on the floor, bruised and scratched and with their hands tied with bits of phone cord. The whole Jamaican team stares hard on them as Gold holds a cold pack on his nape.
GOLD: I can't believe this, I've seen some crazy stuff in my life, but this beats it all hands down!
The door opens, Gold's masseur pushes Edwin in.
JAMAICAN MASSEUR: Here's another one, he was hiding in a closet!
EDWIN: I wasn't hiding, you genius, they locked me in!
JAMAICAN MASSEUR: Well, you're in the shit anyway!
He pushes him down beside his friends.
GOLD: Yeah, you all are! Will you tell me what the hell did you think you were doing?!
KIDAL: (nods at Edwin) Ask him, the mastermind who got us here!
Edwin takes it in. Looks around, really doesn't know where to start from.
EDWIN: We didn't want to hurt nobody...
LEON: That's true, we just --
KIDAL: I'm a big fan, too, I saw all of your races!
LEON: Kidal...
KIDAL: That's true! I'm an athletics fan, it's not a crime now, is it?
JAMAICAN MASSEUR: Just shut up, will you? Why on earth did you hit him?
LEON: Oh, no, it wasn't us! He fell on the floor and then he hit a fire extinguisher, we just kidnapped him after he passed out!
He gets a death-stare from Kidal as Gold drops his mouth.
GOLD: You wanted to kidnap me?! What are you, terrorists or what?
EDWIN: No, sir, not at all. We're just three idiots. Three desperate idiots in a desperate need for money.
KIDAL: Yes, sir, we needed fifteen thousand pounds to get back our passports and avoid jail when we get back to our country.
Gold and his team glance at each other in sheer disbelief.
DRAKE: You tried to kidnap him for 15 thousand pounds?!
LEON: That's a lot, we know, but we thought somebody would've paid to let the circus roll along.
GOLD: The circus?
EDWIN: We just thought we'd get the money to finally leave our country. I don't know how but we would have found a way to return the money, even if I'm sure that saying this now does not matter at all.
Three loud knocks on the door and NORTON finally steps in with a couple of his men. He shoots Edwin, Leon and Kidal a quick look, then turns to Gold.
NORTON: Are you okay, sir? Are these the only offenders?
GOLD: I'm fine, thanks. But I'm sorry, I think this was just a big misunderstanding.
His teammates turn at him, set aback at least as much as our guys.
GOLD: These three are so dumb they wouldn't kill a fly if they wanted. (Smiles at Norton) I'm sorry I wasted your time, sir.
NORTON: (smiles back at him) No problem, sir, we should have come anyway to notify these gentlemen their expulsion from the village.
The guys are set aback once again.
EDWIN: What?! Wa
it, I didn't do nothing wrong, I... man, I've been locked up in a closet!
TALITA (O.S.): It's true, he just wanted to protect me...
Talita enters the room, eyes still wet as she moves to Edwin.
TALITA: ...and I guess I wasn't wrong about you when we first met, after all.
She hugs him tight, a moment of tenderness pervades the room as Norton stands right where he is.
NORTON: Well, I'm sure you weren't wrong about him, but we're not, too. (Turns to Edwin) The entry papers of your team are irregular, so you shouldn't be here at all.
KIDAL: What is he talking about, Edwin?
EDWIN: I don't know!
NORTON: Well, I'm sure someone else does... (turns to Leon) isn't that right, Mr. Sabari?
Leon just keeps silent as Kidal and Edwin turn to him, and to a name they never heard.
NORTON: To represent a country in the Games you have to be a legally recognized citizen of that country, which is not Mr. Sabari's case, it would seem. (Off Leon's silence) You have six hours to leave the village, then you will be escorted to the airport and boarded on the first plane to your country.
A heavy silence hovers in the room as he walks out with his men. Leon slowly raises his eyes to face the astonished faces of his friends.
LEON: I was thirteen when I escaped from Somalia. There was war back at home, had I stayed there I wouldn't be here today, nor anywhere else. My uncle had already fled to Zimbabwe a few years before, and by huge efforts and sacrifice had managed to build his restaurant.
Kidal and Edwin listen in utter disbelief.
LEON: Back then Somalians were not well seen in Zimbabwe, and when I had to search for a new identity it was Saheed who gave me one... (sets his eyes back on the floor) in change of the restaurant and everything my uncle had. I've been working there for free for years to pay back my debt.
Everybody in the room is just struck dumb.
KIDAL: Leon, why did you never tell us about this?
LEON: I wanted to, really. I just never found the courage.
He heaves a long sigh as he turns to Edwin.
LEON: That's why I tried to warn you, dissuade you from the start. Because I know the world, Edwin, and believe me, there's not a