“Don’t you dare allow your past, your father, to make you feel ashamed for something we all think of. Something we all want.” He sucked the tip of my ear into his mouth before trailing his tongue down the same path his lips had taken seconds before.
All the air left my lungs and I closed my eyes, the sensations too much to bear. My nipples pressed painfully against my dress. My thoughts swam around in my head with no purpose, drunk on Finn’s scent of rain and soap. I felt my stomach begin to flip the way it had during the storm.
I suddenly felt like we were intruding on a private moment. “If you’re curious and you want to watch, then watch,” Finn said, like he’d been reading my thoughts. He cupped my jaw and turned me to face the scene in the kitchen once again.
Josh rolled her hips as Miller continued to thrust hard inside of her. He was holding her long legs up, his biceps flexing every time he entered and withdrew from her body.
“Isn’t it wrong to watch?” I asked breathlessly, all too aware of the crackling tension in the air all around us.
Finn chuckled. “They’re in my kitchen with the front door open. I don’t think they’re trying to hide anything at this point.” He kept his lips against my neck and moved his hand to the front of my thigh. Ever so slowly he began to trail it up the sensitive flesh at the inside of my leg, teasing the skin under the hem of my dress. He nuzzled his nose into my hair and inhaled deeply.
“Do you ever think of… doing that to me?” I asked in a breathless whisper.
Finn stilled.
“Only every goddamn minute since the second I first saw you,” he groaned. He spun me around, pushed me up against the wall and covered my lips with his. Our tongues danced while his hands explored my body, pushing up my dress and squeezing my breasts. He swallowed my cry of surprise as white-hot pleasure washed over me when he lightly pinched my nipple.
“I think about being inside of you more than I think about anything else,” Finn confessed against my lips, then my neck.
He pulled back, the hot night air cooling where his kisses had just been. His chest heaved up and down and he looked me right in my eyes like he was about to devour me. “Do YOU think about it? Do you think about me making you come again?”
“Yes. I think…I think I want you to do that to me. US to do that. Together,” I confessed, unable to catch my breath.
Finn’s jaw dropped. He pushed his knee between my legs and stepped between them. “There isn’t an expiration on this,” he said, searching my eyes. “On US. I’ll wait for you. For when you’re ready. I need you to know that.”
“I do,” I gasped as he rocked against me harder. “But you know how I told you about everything I wanted to experience? When we were in the swamp? Well, I left one thing off.”
“And what would that be?” Finn asked. I blushed with embarrassment. “You have to say it, Say. It’s how this works. I can’t guess. Not when it comes to us. THIS. It’s too important to make assumptions. I’ve fucked up enough in my life and this is one thing I really don’t want to fuck up.”
I wanted to drop into a hole in the porch but Finn rocked against me, urging me on. “My first time. I wanted it to be you. With YOU,” I said. “I…I WANT you.” The words were barely out of my mouth when Finn’s lips covered mine again in a kiss so consuming it felt as if he was touching me everywhere.
“Fuck, you’re perfect,” Finn murmured against my lips. “Do you trust me?” Finn asked, his eyes dark. His breath ragged.
“Yes,” I answered because it was true.
I trusted him with my body.
And with my heart.
Finn gently pushed me back up against the wall so that my back was flush against the house. He reached down and unbuttoned his jeans, pushing them down to reveal his massive erection straining against the stretchy material of his tight black boxers.
My eyes widened at the sight. My core clenched. I didn’t know what his plan was but I hoped whatever it was wouldn’t hurt, but I didn’t see how that would be possible.
Finn hiked my dress up to my waist and again fit himself between my legs, this time he lifted me so that the heat of my core was flush with his hardness with only the fabric of our undergarments separating us.
Finn’s eyes locked on mine. His breath was my breath. His need was my need as he began to rock against my sensitive nub, dragging himself against the heat of my folds. I felt him throb against the damp fabric separating us and I moaned, covering my mouth with my hand.
“They’re a little too busy to hear you, Say,” Finn chuckled. He looked me in the eyes as he lifted me up and dropped me down again and again until stars formed behind my eyelids and my vision blurred. I was awash in pleasure and my senses were on overload. All I could feel, smell, see, taste, was Finn.
My body ached. My heart was about to explode.
The way his body felt pressed against mine. The way he looked at me. If the world came crashing down around us we wouldn’t have noticed or cared because right then and there we were the only two people who mattered.
“Come, Say. You’re so fucking beautiful when you come for me.” The cords in his neck tightened and just as I was about to reach the edge he put his lips back over mine to swallow my cries of pleasure as I burst apart in his arms, clenching and contracting with only the tip of his manhood against me like it was inviting him inside my body. The thought sent an entirely new wave of pleasure over me and I shuddered, riding out every bit of what Finn had given me.
“That’s my girl,” Finn groaned. He tensed. His hardness throbbed and a flush of hot wetness exploded between us, soaking the already wet fabric separating us.
Finn held me against his chest and made no move to clean either of us up as we caught our breaths.
That is, until my curiosity got the better of me and I found myself needing to ask Finn something. “What would it feel like if I did that…”
“Come, I think the word you’re looking for is come,” Finn said, still breathless. He kissed the top of my head.
“Come,” I said. Finn sucked in a breath as I played with the word in my mouth. “What would it feel like if I were to come while you were inside of me?”
Finn closed his eyes and I felt his hardness twitch between us. “Don’t ask me things like that, Say.”
“Why not?” I asked, blinking rapidly.
“Because it sounds way too good coming out of your sweet mouth. And I’m teetering on the edge as it is.” He chuckled. “But I can tell you what it would feel like.”
“What?” I asked.
He pushed a stray hair from my eyes, tucking it behind my ear. He smiled down at me. “It would feel like heaven.”
The door creaked open.
Finn tucked himself back in his jeans, lowered me to the ground, and straightened my dress in record time. He sat down on one of the rocking chairs and pulled me down on top of him, draping me over his lap.
Miller appeared on the porch, running his hands through his hair and cursing to himself.
Finn looked completely unaffected by what had just happened between us while I knew I looked like I’d just had my world turned upside down and back again. Hair disheveled. Skin flushed.
I tried to act casual, crossing my legs at the ankles. I tried very hard not to think about the humming sensation still surging through my body.
“Hey,” Miller said when he spotted us, freezing for a moment and looking at us curiously. He pulled on his black t-shirt over his head. His belt hung loosely from his belt loops. He cleared his throat and raised his voice and I assume it was so he could alert Josh of our presence. “You guys been here long?”
“Nope. Just got here,” I said, pressing my lips together guiltily. I avoided eye contact with Miller and gazed out over at my house instead, knowing that the second our eyes met he would be able to see right through me.
“Yep, just got here, thought it would be nice to sit on the porch for a bit and listen to the…” A glowing light hanging in the corner chose that moment to make a loud popping noise. “Bug zapper,” Finn said with a laugh.
“Bug zapper?” Miller’s gaze darted from Finn to me and back again. “What’s really going on out here?”
“Nothing,” both Finn and I answered at the same time.
Miller held out his arms to his sides. “You fucking saw us, didn’t you?”
Thankfully Josh came storming outside just then and we didn’t have to answer. “I can’t wait anymore. I don’t have time for this shit, Miller.”
“Not again,” Miller grumbled. “What the fuck is going on, Josh? You’ve been a bigger bitch than usual lately.” He leaned in closer and lowered his voice, probably thinking we couldn’t hear him. He was wrong. “And this was the first time we’d fucked in like two whole days. I told you we just need to work out the time…”
Josh turned toward us slowly as she realized we were there. “Shit.” She cringed. “I need to go. Lovely dinner, Sawyer. See you later, Finn.”
Josh made a move to leave, but spun back around and narrowed her eyes at Miller. “And YOU. You’ve had nothing BUT time. Ten goddamn years to be exact. And all you’ve managed to do in over a decade is occasionally break my fucking heart. I’m done.”
“Josh, stop. Please,” Miller begged, reaching out for her again.
She shook him off. “No! Not this time. I tossed my heart away when I fell in love with you when we were kids. I’m not going to make that mistake again. I can’t wait for you to grow up anymore.”
Josh took off in her truck, spinning mud high into the air as she left.
Miller stood on the porch like he was in a daze, gaping after her.
It was the first time I’d seen him stand still. “I think I fucked up,” Miller said to no one in particular, staring off at the trees as if he were still looking at Josh’s truck which was long gone.
“It sure seems that way,” Finn said, shifting me so he could close his jeans and pulling down his shirt to cover the wetness. I stood up and adjusted my dress while Finn went over to Miller and clapped him on the shoulder. “What did you do?”
“It’s more like what didn’t I do.” Miller flashed me the saddest smile. “I can’t lose her.” His voice was broken and cracked.
“So, don’t,” Finn said. “Fight for her.”
“I will. I have to get her back.” Miller’s eyes widened with his epiphany. His shoulders squared, his spine straightened.
“Did you ever really have her?” Finn asked. “Because I know I’ve been out of the loop for a while, but I’ll be honest. I’m confused as fuck right now.”
Miller sighed. “Dude, we’ve been fucking for over a decade. She’s my GIRL,” he said, defensively.
I leaned against his shoulder. “But does Josh know that?”
Miller scoffed. “Of course, she…” He paused and ran both hands through his hair, lacing his fingers together on the top of his head. “Shit,” he cursed.
Suddenly he was airborne, hopping over the porch rail. “She’s about to find the fuck out!” he called back with newfound determination.
“See you guys later. It really was a great dinner, Sawyer!” Miller drove off, fishtailing through the mud.
“You think whatever he’s planning is going to work?” I asked Finn.
He wrapped his arms around my waist from behind, resting his chin on my shoulder. “I’d bet on him taking a bullet before I’d bet on their happily ever after. But what the hell do I know?”
“I hope you’re wrong.” I leaned back into him.
Finn sighed and kissed my temple. “I hope I am too.”
Chapter Thirty-Five
Sawyer
Mist rose like steam off the damp ground like it was making an offering to the sky. A prayer for night to become morning once again. The sun answered by rising slowly until its rays burst from behind the tallest of trees, bathing everything in its blessing of light and warmth.
Turning the dark into light once again.
It was while looking at that kind of beauty, that kind of wondrous creation when I couldn’t NOT believe in something or someone more of a higher power.
Church wasn’t something I had any plans on stepping foot in again, but I would kneel at the altar of the sound of the birds singing their early morning song, the splash of fish in the water of the swamp behind Finn’s house, the smell of the moss dripping from the trees.
I shifted the box I was carrying and took a deep breath, absorbing all that an early morning in Outskirts had to offer.
“What kind of festival is this?” I asked Josh who seemed lost in her own thoughts as well.
“You’ll see. But does it even matter?” Josh was practically skipping. “I don’t have to wear my uniform today and the sun’s out. That’s a win for today. I’ll take it.”
“What about Mill…”
Josh stopped abruptly. “No. We will not talk about him today. I’m not going to let him ruin it for me.” She started walking again and I followed. “Is Finn coming?”
I shook my head. “I don’t think so. When I mentioned the festival, he kissed me.”
Josh raised an eyebrow.
“It’s his way of distracting me or changing the subject,” I clarified. “But he seems off. He’s been protective. More than before. He doesn’t want me being alone.”
“Maybe he just wants you with him?”
I shook my head. “I don’t think that’s it. It’s okay if I’m with you or Critter or even Miller but he gets that pained look in his eye whenever I say I’m doing something alone.”
“Maybe he’s afraid you’re going to run off,” Josh pointed out. “You came into town like a leaf on the wind. Maybe he’s just afraid you’re going to leave that way too.”
“Maybe…” I said, thinking that there had to be more to it than that.
“Soooo…have you two…” Josh trailed off, pressing her lips together.
“What?” I asked.
“Have you two had…”
I waited for her to finish, but she continued to stare at me expectantly. Finally, she took the box from my hand and looked me in the eye. She spoke clearly and matter-of-factly. “Have you and Finn had sexual intercourse?”
My ears and neck burned. “Uh…” I shifted from foot to foot looking anywhere but at Josh.
“I’ll take that as a no.” Josh started walking again. She dropped off the box in front of one of the many vendor tents lining Main Street. “I wasn’t asking to embarrass you,” she paused. “Listen, I’ve never had a sister and my mom’s version of sexual advice was ‘keep your pants on.’” She chuckled. “I just wanted to let you know that if you have any questions about sex or about anything that I’m here for you, kind of like the sister you never had and probably never wanted.”
“Thanks,” I said, laughing with her. I felt lighter. Josh had become more than just a person who was kind to me. “I already think of you as family.”
“Ditto,” Josh smiled, hooking her arm through mine. “Now let’s hurry up and help Bebe set up so we can have ourselves some fun.”
Vendor tents and tables lined Main Street for a quarter mile in both directions. A banner was being hoisted over the street. When it fully unfolded I laughed at what it said.
“Outskirts Festival of the Swamp Yeti?” I asked, glancing to Josh.
“Yep,” Josh shrugged. “It’s a tradition. People come from all over the state. The food is great. The beer is cold and the music usually isn’t horrible either.” She pointed to a simple stage blocking the end of the road. The street in front was left open. An elderly couple was already sitting in folding chairs watching the men set up instruments and lighting on the stage.
The festival wasn’t set to start for at least another hour but Josh had promised Bebe she’d help set up her stand so I tagged along. Bebe looked relieved when we showed up to help and she quickly put us to work setting up a miniature version of her store, complete with clothes alongside her homemade soaps and jams.
Josh turned to slip an empty box under the table of Bebe’s booth and knocked right into someone dressed from head to toe in dark brown fur. “I see you came to my festival today young lady. Are you ready to worship your swamp Yeti god?”