Sterling was under six feet. Messy dark brown, almost black hair that worked for his dark grey eyes. His smile was straight whereas Finn’s was slightly crooked. Sterling was softer than Finn’s muscular build, but his biceps filled every bit of room of his short-sleeved, button-down, denim-blue work shirt, probably from tossing feed bags all day.
I inwardly smacked myself for comparing him to Finn. Who I hadn’t seen since the shower incident besides the occasional swaying of his window curtains or the sound of his boat motor echoing over the house.
Even after realizing I was comparing Sterling and Finn I found myself continuing to do it.
Sterling was by far friendlier than Finn. He never scowled at me or made me feel unwelcome. He didn’t seem moody or broody or set on making me feel uncomfortable.
Sterling was exactly the kind of guy I should want to have around. I was twenty-one years old and had never been on an actual date. However, my excitement at the prospect of a real date faded when the obvious hit me. There was no spark between me and Sterling.
No hum of energy.
No connection of any kind.
Everything I didn’t want to feel when Finn was around but DID.
“Thanks, Sterling. You’re…really sweet.”
Sterling’s smile dimmed ever so slightly. “But…”
I leaned a hip on the counter. “But I haven’t been here that long. I’m not really looking for anything right now,” I explained. “Still getting my bearings.”
Sterling laughed and took a sip of his beer.
“And what is so funny?” I asked, finding myself chuckling with him.
“I was thinking about maybe walking you home, not walking you down the aisle, Sawyer.” He leaned over the bar and whispered, “You know, ‘cause that’s what FRIENDS do. They hang out. They go for walks. Ain’t much else to do around here.” His smile grew again and I felt my cheeks flush with embarrassment.
“Yeah, I kind of did jump the gun on that one, didn’t I?” I laughed at myself. Feeling ridiculous thinking that his invite was something more than what it really was. “Sorry,” I offered with a wince.
“No harm no foul.”
“All right then, friend,” I said. “I get off in thirty minutes. If the offer still stands, I’d like to take you up on that walk.”
“Then I’ll see you in thirty,” Sterling said with a wink. He stood and pushed back his stool. He walked over to the ting trays at the end of the bar and pulled out a piece of paper and a blue string. He scribbled something down and hung it from the ceiling right above his seat at the bar and sat back down.
Out of curiosity, I stood on my tiptoes and he watched me read what he’d written on his ting.
June 6th, 2017
Made a new friend.
I like her freckles.
-Sterling
“Here you go,” Critter said, coming up beside me and shoving a huge wad of cash in my hands at the end of my shift.
“What’s this for?”
“This, is what they call money,” he said sarcastically, laughing at his own joke. “It also happens to be the tips you neglected to pick up so far this week.” When he smiled it was like his mustache was smiling too.
“Oh,” I said. “I’ll have to remember that one.” I tapped my finger on my head. “Pick up the money, Sawyer.”
“There you go. You’ll get the hang of it, kid,” Critter headed over to the far end of the bar when someone called his name.
“Hey,” Sterling called, coming back up to the bar. “I’m going to have to take a raincheck on that walk. One of my employees just ran over a fence on a delivery. Another time though, okay?” He winked.
“Sure,” I said, feeling both relieved and slightly disappointed. Although, overall, I was really enjoying getting to know the people of Outskirts.
Well, MOST of them.
Chapter Sixteen
Sawyer
I was getting ready to walk home when Josh strolled through the door minus her usual police uniform. She pushed up her dark sunglasses to the top of her head like a headband. Thick gold hoops dangled from her ears and a dozen or so tiny gold bracelets clattered on her wrists. A white halter top and cut off black shorts showed off her tiny waist, epic curves and creamy dark skin.
“Come on, little lady. Clothes and fashion waits for no one,” Josh said, grabbing me by the hand and pulling me out into the sunlight.
I followed her through the main street area which was less than a half of a mile long and consisted of buildings intermixed with vacant land. Every other building was boarded up. “That’s Miss Andrea,” Josh said, pointing to a shop that read Outskirts Cakes & Pies. “She makes the best chocolate mousse pie in three counties. Actually,” she patted her flat stomach, “stay far, far away from her or they’ll be knocking down a wall of your little RV to remove you.”
“No chocolate mousse pie,” I repeated, pressing my lips together to hide my smile.
“There’s Gary’s garage.” Josh pointed to a small building with two bays, one of which was open. “That’s who towed your truck. He’s a good guy. Won’t try and fix something that ain’t broke just to make a quick buck.”
“There’s the library,” she said, waving to a building that looked like an old schoolhouse. Unfortunately, it was boarded up. “It closed when everything else started to close.”
“That’s a shame,” I said, grieving over all the books I never got a chance to read.
We passed several people on the way. All who knew Josh by name. She introduced me to everyone and when we passed a building that had several signs she explained that it was because the building was the bank, post office, and police station, all-in-one.
“Oh, shit,” Josh swore, stopping and rolling her eyes when the door to the multi-purposed building opened and a man emerged, crossing the street quickly with his eyes locked on Josh.
He was just as tall as Finn. His dark hair was pulled into a bun at the nape of his neck. “Come on,” Josh said, walking faster as the man jogged to catch up, thin gold chain swished around his neck.
“I’ve been looking for you, Josh,” he said slyly, as he ran in front of us and stopped, blocking the walkway. He rubbed his hand over the dark facial hair around his mouth and looked Josh up and down.
“I know you’ve been looking for me, Miller. That’s why I’ve been avoiding you,” Josh retorted, pushing past him.
Miller’s bright white sneakers caught my attention. I was curious how he kept them so clean in Mudville, USA. I looked down to my own white sneakers that were several shades of yellow and brown and I’d only been there a couple of days.
“Who’s your friend?” Miller asked, smiling at me. He followed us as we hustled across the street. I jumped over a puddle that Josh barely had to lift her long leg to step over.
Josh turned, stopping so abruptly Miller almost slammed into her chest. She held her hand over her heart and smiled up at him sweetly. Fake but sweetly. Blinking rapidly.
“Oh, I’m so sorry I didn’t introduce you. Miller this is Sawyer. Sawyer is new in town. Sawyer this is Miller.” She lowered her voice to a deep gravelly tone and spoke but barely moved her lips. “The bane of my existence.” She started walking again.
“Hi,” Miller said, holding out his hand. “I promise that Josh really loves me. She just has a really unique way of showing it. ISN’T THAT RIGHT, JOSH?” he shouted so she could hear.
Josh flashed him a middle finger over her head without missing a beat. “And she messed up my introduction. I’ve actually been the bane of her existence going on over ten years now.”
I shook his hand and Miller beamed a big white smile. His front two teeth were turned slightly inward, but it worked for him. If they were straight his smile would’ve been almost too perfect for someone so rugged. He was handsome, but not in an in-your-face way.
“It’s nice to meet you, Miller.”
“Can you please tell Josh that our love can’t be ignored?” he shouted again, cupping his hands over his mouth.
When we came to a boutique that read BeBe’s on the hanging wooden sign Josh stopped. “Miller,” she said seriously. “Did you know that our new friend here has met Finn?”
“What?” Miller asked, seeming genuinely surprised.
“Sawyer, why don’t you go on in,” Josh said, holding open the door for me. “I’ll join you in just a second.”
“Sure,” I said, heading into the store. The door closed behind me with a chime of the bells overhead. I tried not to stare but out of the corner of my eye, Josh and Miller were very animated, waving their hands around and bickering back and forth, although I couldn’t hear what exactly they were bickering about.
I walked around and perused the racks of clothes for a few moments. I was the only one in the shop until the bells chimed again and Josh joined me.
“Sorry about that. As I said, bane of my existence,” Josh said, already pulling items from the rack and shoving them into my arms.
“Is he your…” I stopped myself before I could finish the question. “Never mind. That was rude of me.”
“He’s not my anything, but he’s been in my life since we were kids so I can’t get rid of him. He’s like…” she looked to the ceiling while she thought for a moment. “He’s like an extra limb that doesn’t do me any good but doesn’t do me any harm either. Cutting it off would be a whole lot of work for no reason. It’s easier just to keep it there. Uselessly dangling from between my shoulder blades.”
“So, Miller knows Finn too?” I asked curiously.
“Sure does,” Josh said, although she didn’t elaborate further.
A woman with bright red hair and matching lips walked in through the back door wearing a bright yellow halter dress and matching heels.
“Josh! I was about to call you. I put those earrings on order. They should be here Tuesday.”
“Sawyer, this is Bebe,” Josh introduced. Bebe looked me up and down, and although she tried to hide the disapproval on her face, her eyebrow was defiantly twitching, giving away her inner thoughts regarding my clothes without having to say a single word.
“Lovely to meet you, Sawyer. What can I do for you today?”
“What are you looking for Sawyer?” Josh asked.
“I’m looking to…not look like this,” I answered, turning to the mirror to face a girl I’d seen every day of my life but didn’t know.
Bebe rubbed her hands together and bit her lower lip. “This is going to be way too much fun.”
After a few hours, I had a cute but inexpensive pair of second-hand brown leather boots, a couple pairs of cut off shorts like Josh’s, and some simple fitted tank tops. And for the first time in my life, I even owned a few new bras that weren’t beige or looked matronly and some boy-short style underwear in different colors. All the undergarments were new of course.
When we left with packages in hand and my old clothes in the trash bin under the register, I’d only spent a fraction of what I’d earned in tips my first week. We stepped out into the wet heat, the sun had started to set spraying rays of varying shades of oranges and pinks through the sky as it dropped lower and lower. For the first time in my life, I was equipped to handle the summer heat. The feeling of the breeze across my skin was downright glorious.
I felt exposed yet empowered.
After shedding the heavy skin of my past, I was practically skipping down the street feeling as light as I’d ever felt.
“You like the new look, don’t you?” Josh nudged me in the arm.
“More than you could ever imagine,” I sang, spreading my arms out to the side, tipping my face up to the sun and bathing in the sun’s rays that were kissing places it had never kissed before.
“Sunscreen. I recommend lots and lots of sunscreen,” Josh said, grabbing me by the hand and dragging me into the general store.
She introduced me to Lucy behind the counter then I roamed the aisles, picking up some necessities including a few more gallons of water and some food that wouldn’t go bad without being refrigerated since the little fridge in the camper didn’t get all that cold.
“You know, apartments are fairly cheap here. You could probably afford an entire place on your own from what you’re making at Critter’s now. Shit, I have a place of my own. They say the police in big cities don’t get paid well? They should see my lousy check.”
“An apartment? Really?”
“Yeah, really.”
“I don’t know. My mom left me that camper before she died. It isn’t much but I feel, I don’t know, closer to her somehow. I think I’ll stay where I am for now.” We came to the corner where a thick metal pole at least six feet around at the base jutted up into the sky. I craned my neck and followed with my eyes all the way to the top. “Maybe I’ll buy one of those someday.” I pointed to the billboard overhead. It was so high it could be seen from the highway. Which was probably the point. The ad was for park model homes and depicted a happy family of three smiling and waving their new keys in front of a small house with white siding and blue shutters. The edge of the billboard was peeling, revealing another ad underneath for something involving pink tacos.
“I just thought you might want to get away from Finn,” Josh said, “Although I don’t think he’ll be giving you any more problems.” She smirked.
“His truck windows,” I suddenly realized. “That was you?”
“Rule number one. Never admit to your crimes,” Josh said, pointing at me. “ALLEGED crimes,” she amended. “EVER.”
We laughed and as the night took over the sky from day I felt as if I could take on the world. That was until a loud clap of thunder popped the feeling like a knife being tossed into a balloon.
During the drive back to my camper I smiled and tried to engage in everything that Josh said. Meanwhile, my thoughts were on the approaching storm.
The one OVER my head.
And the one IN my head.
Chapter Seventeen
Sawyer
You’re being irrational, Sawyer. It’s just a little storm. You’re an adult. You can deal with this. You’ve dealt with so much more.
I thought once I’d gotten inside I’d feel better, but as the sky darkened and I felt the rumbling of thunder beneath my feet, I found myself rocking back and forth on my bed.
It didn’t matter how many times I assured myself that it was just a little storm. That it couldn’t hurt me.
It made no difference.
I’d run away from a life I hated and stupidly thought that because I’d been so brave in that aspect that a little thunder wouldn’t have the same effect on me it once did.
However, with each clap of thunder or bolt of lightning, I was learning how ridiculous and how wrong I’d been.
I curled myself into a smaller and smaller ball, hoping I would just disappear until the storm passed.
My mom used to come to my room and sing to me during a storm to ease me back to sleep. But that was only after he’d disciplined her for one reason or another. Each roll of thunder was a flying angry fist.
I tried to imagine her words. Her arms around me. To find comfort in her even though she wasn’t there.
It was no use.
Heavy rain pounded against the thin walls of my little refuge. High winds angrily pelted mud and debris against the window, shaking it loose. I found myself counting the seconds under my breath until I was sure the window would eventually break.
I pulled my worn knit blanket over my head, willing away the weather that had my heart beating like an airplane propeller getting ready for takeoff and my breathing reduced to quick shallow