"I walked to the window and looked out. The casing was so caked with dust, it was obvious that the window hadn't been opened for a long time, maybe even years. The view was nice, especially because it was night and there were so many lights.
"'Very nice,' I said, turning. He was at the door, smiling.
"'Good. I'm glad you like it. Enjoy,' he said and stepped out into the hall. 'I'll tell Craig you're up here when he comes home.'
"'What?' I gasped as he closed the door. 'Wait,' I cried. I moved toward it but stopped when I heard the lock click. It was one of those skeleton key door locks that you could shut from the outside. The click was like a bullet whizzing by my head. What was going on? I wondered.
"I ran to the door and pulled on the handle, shocked now that he had locked me in.
"'Mr. Bennet!' I cried. 'What are you doing? Why did you lock the door? Let me out. Please.'
"I could hear his footsteps as he descended the stairway and then all was silent and the glow of the computer played shadows On the opposite wall. I pounded on the door and screamed and pounded and then listened, but I heard nothing. I put my ear against the door, pounded and waited and listened and then I heard some music start below, light, big band music.
"I returned to the window, thinking I might be able to open it and shout down to someone on the street, but the casing really was as good as welded shut. For a few moments I toyed with the idea of smashing the window?'
"That's what I would have done," Star said. "Me too?' Misty agreed.
Cat had her head down, her arms embracing herself. She looked like she was trembling. That's what I was like in that room, I thought.
"I thought about it, but to be honest, I was afraid of what he might do to me if I broke his window."
"You were worrying about his window?" Star asked, incredulous.
"Not his window. She was worried about what he'd do to her," Misty piped up. "Obviously, the man was deranged to have locked her in. You don't just challenge such people."
"What are you, an expert?" Star fired back at her. Misty shrugged.
"She's right," I said, "and besides, I was hoping that Craig would be back any moment like Mr. Bennet had said and would come up and rescue me," I added before they could continue their argument.
"Sure. A crazy man locks you in a room and you decide to wait around. That makes a lot of sense," Star muttered and shook her head.
"While I waited, I explored the room," I continued. "I opened the dresser drawers. They were all empty. I looked in the closet and saw only half a dozen naked hangers. In the corner on the floor was some sort of rodent nest."
"Oh my God," Misty moaned. "You mean, rats?"
"Ugh," Star said.
"Anyway," I said, "I closed the door and went to the computer. There were some notes scribbled on a pad beside it. They looked like E-mail addresses. Mine was included.
"I tried the door again, pulling on it, pounding and then I sat on the bed, trying to think what I should do next. Where was Craig? Was he even coming home? I wondered. Moments later, I heard footsteps on the stairway. They sounded like someone running up and I assumed it was Craig, angry about what his father had done. I heard him stop just outside the door. I waited and listened, but all I heard was the music from below. Then I saw the doorknob turning, but the door didn't open.
"'Craig?' I called. 'Is that you?'
"'Yes,' I heard after a long moment of silence. His voice was higher pitched than I had imagined it would be. 'I'm sorry about this. He's not well. The son has become the father in this house.'
"'Can you open the door?' I asked calmly. This was something he had never mentioned in his letters to me, you see.
"'I thought he left the key in the lock,' he said. 'I have to go back down and get it from him I'll be right back,' he said.
"I heard his footsteps on the stairs descending quickly. What a mess I put myself in, I thought and tried to remain calm and keep my heart from thumping like a bongo drum. For a minute or two, all I heard was the music. Then, I heard loud voices, clearly voices in argument. I thought I even heard something smash against the wall, then more arguing and then silence. Even the music stopped. I waited by the door, listening hard for footsteps on the stairs.
"They came, but very slowly, heavy. At one point they paused and I called out. They started again and finally they reached the third-story landing I stepped back from the door and waited.
"I heard the key in the lock. My heart wasn't thumping anymore. It was more like an oil drill pounding deeper and deeper until it vibrated down my spine. The back of my neck was perspiring so much, strands of my hair were soaked.
"The door opened slowly and Mr. Bennet was standing there. My heart sunk. What had he done to Craig? What would he do to me?
"'I'm sorry,' he said in that high-pitched voice. 'My father is not the same since she left. There's no telling what he'll do sometimes. I didn't write about it in my E-mail because I never thought you'd come here like this, but I'm glad you did,' he added.
"I just stared, my eyes probably close to popping."
"How weird," Misty said in a loud whisper. She had her hands pressed to the base of her throat. Cat was biting down on her lower lip and even Star looked absolutely terrified. Dr. Marlowe sat watching them, her eyes moving slowly from one to the other and then back to me.
"'You're not Craig,' I managed to say.
"He laughed.
"'Oh, that was an old picture I sent. It's me, in the flesh, your old computer sidekick, Loneboy.'
"I shook my head, tried to swallow and then took a deep breath so I could speak.
"'I made a mistake,' I said. I tried to smile, tried not to show my absolute terror. 'I have to go.'
"'Oh, but you just arrived as I understand it. Don't go just yet. We have a lot to talk about. You want something to eat, drink?'
"'No thank you,' I said, edging toward the door. However, he kept himself smack in front of it, blocking it.
" `Go sit on my bed. It's comfortable,' he urged, nodding toward the bed. `Go on.'
"'I'd rather we went downstairs. The living room was nice,' I said.
" Um. He won't let us talk. He'll butt in and Sonny will want us to pay him attention. We're better off staying up here. Go on. Sit,' he ordered.
"I shook my head.
"'I really have to go,' I said.
"'Oh, you can't leave now,' he pleaded. 'You're the first girl I've had up here, ever. I've dreamed of it, but you're the first. C'mon. Sit,' he repeated, moving toward me.
"I jumped back, holding my backpack up in front of me like a shield now.
"He smiled.
"'Oh, you brought stuff. That means you're staying for a while. Good,' he said.
"'No,' cried. 'I've got people waiting for me. They're expecting me and will come looking for me.'
"His smile faded. It seemed to sink into his face.
"'I thought-you came to San Francisco to see me,' he said.
"'I did, but I can't stay. I'm late,' I said, edging around, hoping to squeeze by him.
"'You want to leave me, too,' he suddenly declared, as though he had come to some realization and it filled his eyes with anger. 'Just like her, you want to leave. You tell me you love me and you care and then you leave. That's cruel. That's selfish. Why don't you care about me? Was all that stuff you wrote just garbage? Why don't you mean what you say?'
"'I do,' I said quickly. 'That's why I showed up. You were the first person I thought about when I decided to come here,' I added.
His smile returned.
" 'I'm glad.'
"'But I have to meet some people, relatives.'
"'You never mentioned having any relatives here,' he said suspiciously.
"'I know. I had forgotten about them. They called and invited me and I came, but I told them I had to stop by and say hello to you first,' I added. I was thinking as fast as I could, heaving words and thoughts at him in the hope that he would be satisfied and step aside.
&nb
sp; "He didn't move.
"'I'll be back tomorrow,' I promised. 'We'll spend the whole day together.'
"'No, you won't,' he said, shaking his head. 'That's what she said before she left us. She said, I'm just going away for a little while. Don't be sad. I'll be back soon. I believed her and I waited. Every night, I sat by the window and looked out at the street and waited, but she didn't return. She just said she would.'
" 'But I.." I insisted. I'm not her. I'm Jade, remember?'
"He didn't look like he was listening to me anymore. His eyes were glassy and he seemed to be gazing through me at his memories now. He seemed frozen, almost catatonic, so I started toward the door, inching along. Then, I lunged for it and he reached around and seized my hair, tugging me back with such force, I fell to the floor.
"I screamed and screamed and he just stood there looking down at me as if I was some curious new creature. He wasn't bothered or afraid or even angry. He was just looking at me until my throat ached and I stopped, covering my face as I began to sob.
"He reached down slowly and first took my backpack out of my hands. He tossed it out the door. Then, he surprised me by seizing the backs of both of my feet and pulling my shoes off. He tossed them out the door, too." "Why?" Misty asked, grimacing.
"He didn't want her to leave," Cat said. It was as if her voice came out of nowhere, as if she was a ghost that had come to life.
Everyone turned to her and she looked down and then back up at me.
"Then what did he do?" Star asked.
"I don't know if I want to hear it," Misty moaned.
"I pushed myself back on the floor and he continued to hover over me.
" `Go ahead and sit on the bed,' he said calmly. 'It's comfortable.'
"He took another step toward me and I did as he asked.
"'Now isn't that better than the floor?' he asked.
" `If you don't let me leave, you're going to be in big trouble,' I told-him.
"'if you leave, you won't come back,' he said.
'You'll run out on us, on me and Sonny. It's not our fault
what he did to you. Why do you want to run out on us?' "'You're confused,' I said. 'Please, let me go.'
"My stomach felt so hollow. My whole body was shaking. I wanted to fight him, but I was terrified that I
would be too weak and he might hurt me very badly. "He reached back and closed the door behind him.
Then he smiled at me.
"'I'm glad you came back,' he said. 'We have so much to talk about, so much to catch up on.'
"He started toward me and I shook my head, hoping I could make it all disappear. He put his hand on my head and stroked my hair and then held my head in his hands and leaned over to kiss the top of my head."
"You should have kicked him where he'd remember it forever," Star said.
"I thought about it for a second. My heart was racing. I could barely breathe. When he put his hands on my shoulders, I tried to push his arms away and I did try to kick up, but he pressed harder and harder. I was surprised at how strong his fingers were. They seemed to cut through my jacket, through my blouse and into my skin.
"Maybe he cut off the blood to my head. I don't know, but one moment I was trying to struggle and looking up at him and the next. . ."
"What?" Misty asked, gasping. She had reached across the sofa to Cat and found her hand. Cat let her hold on, or maybe Cat was holding on to her.
"I passed out," I said.
"And when I woke up, I was on my back on the bed, naked."
6
All the girls looked sick to their stomachs. Misty's face was pale, Star's mouth gaped open and Cat had to be excused to go to the bathroom.
"Let me check on her," Dr. Marlowe said, rising. "Everybody take a deep breath. Maybe step outside and get some air, if you want," she added.
We watched her go, nobody moving. "Do you want to go outside?" Star asked me. I nodded.
We rose and went to the patio door, stepping into the afternoon sun. It felt good on my face, almost like a mother's kiss should feel when she wants to reassure you.
"You sure don't look like a girl who had all that happen to her," Star said warmly. "Granny's always saying don't judge a book by its cover. Turn a few pages first and look it over and then she always adds, 'Remember, he without sin cast the first stone.' She's always telling me stuff like that. She's trying to make up for all the Sunday school and church I missed, I guess."
An awkward silence fell between us. Misty still looked shaken by my story and my own mind was back in that room in San Francisco.
"What's with that Cat girl? Do you think she'll talk tomorrow?" Star asked, finally breaking the tension. "After what she's heard from us, she's probably going to be on her way out of the country," Misty said.
We all laughed. I saw Star staring at me.
"What?"
"Nothing," she said.
I smiled at her.
"It's all right. We're all going to be all right," .I said.
"Another pair of rose-colored glasses working away," she declared.
Misty and I laughed and then we heard Dr. Marlowe returning with Cat. I looked through the patio door and watched Cat sit and Dr. Marlowe leaning over her, offering some comforting words.
"Maybe I'm not doing her any good," I thought aloud.
"Dr. Marlowe wouldn't let you talk if she thought that, would she?" Misty asked. "I mean, she knew most of what you're telling us, right?"
"Most," I said. "But not all," I admitted. "More seems to come back to me than usually does when I'm alone with her, but there's still a lot left to tell."
"I guess that's why she wanted us to do this," Star said. "The same was true for me."
"Me too," Misty said.
I nodded.
Dr. Marlowe took her seat and looked out at us. "Time to go back," I said. I took a deep breath as if I was going under water. "Let's get it over with."
We returned to the office and our seats.
"How are you doing, Jade?" Dr. Marlowe asked.
"I'm all right."
"We could stop and let you continue
tomorrow."
"No, I don't want to sleep on any of it," I said and she nodded, smiling in understanding.
I turned to the girls.
"He didn't rape me," I said quickly. "When I was unconscious, I dreamed of someone's lips on my cheek, in my hair, then lightly over my eyelids and finally on my lips, but nothing more had happened. Star was right. Everything he did, he did mostly to keep me from leaving. In his madness he figured that if I didn't have clothes, I wouldn't try to escape."
Cat looked like I had taken a weight off her shoulders, as if what had happened to me could have happened to her.
"When you realized what he had done, did you break the window?" Misty asked.
"I couldn't reach it," I said.
"What? Why not?" Misty followed. Star nodded like she already knew.
"He had tied my left ankle to the bed and my right wrist. He used the computer cables--I guess he didn't want me to be able to call for help over the Internet. If only I'd thought of that sooner. Turn and twist as much as I could, I was unable to reach the knots and the movement cut through my skin. My ankle actually started to bleed."
"Oh no," Misty cried. "What happened next?"
"I lay there as quietly as I could, trying to keep from passing out again. I was terrified of what he might do next.
"It seemed like hours before he returned. He entered the room, smiling. He was carrying a children's book in his hand.
"'Oh, you're still awake,' he said. 'I bet you've been having those nightmares again. Don't worry. I'll help you fall asleep.'
"'Please,' I pleaded. 'Cut me loose. It's hurting me.' "'No, no,' he assured me. 'Nothing will hurt you now. You're safe, forever and ever with me.'
"The sound of that put the greatest terror in me. It occurred to me that my parents would never be able to discover where I had gone. They might, with the help of the p
olice, find out I had bought a plane ticket to San Francisco, but I had never told them about Craig and our E-mail relationship. It might take months, maybe years before a smart detective might look in my computer for leads.
"I started to cry. I couldn't help it. He smiled as if that was good and pulled the computer chair beside the bed. Then he wiped the tears from my cheeks and actually tasted them."
"What?" Star asked. "Did you say, tasted?"
"Yes. He nodded and smiled and said, 'I love the salty taste of your tears. I know sometimes you cry just to make me happy.'
"He looked so contented. I forced myself to stop crying. Then he sat back, opened the book and began reading a story meant for a preschooler. He read it to me as if I were only three or four years old, exaggerating everything, raising and lowering his voice, acting happy and then sad when it was appropriate. I didn't utter a sound. When he finished, he closed the book and then leaned over and kissed my cheek.
"'Time to sleep,' he said.
"'Please,' I begged, 'let me go.'
"'I'll stay with you until you fall asleep,' he promised and then, he lowered his head to my stomach and rested it there.
"'I hear you gurgling,' he said and laughed. 'Go to sleep stomach. Go to sleep kidneys and liver, spleen and gallbladder. You, too, heart. C'mon now,' he said, touching me. I cringed, but he didn't do any more. I could feel his hot breath on my skin I was as still as I could be and soon his breathing was so regular, I was sure he was asleep."
"On your stomach?" Misty asked.
"Yes. Now I was afraid to move too fast or hard, afraid to wake him. All I could do was close my eyes and try to do what he had said he did all the time, drive out the bad thoughts. I thought about my house, my bedroom, my comfortable bed and I pretended I was home, pretended I had never run away. Exhausted from all the fear and the struggle, I did fall asleep.
"I woke sometime in the middle of the night. I was still tied down, of course, but I managed to turn my body in very slow moves, enduring the pain until I was able to touch the cable with my free hand. I traced it down and worked on tugging it away from my skin. It took hours and hours to gain a quarter of an inch of space, but that was not yet enough.