Tuckerton.
That’s where everything went to hell. So many lives lost, and for what? Absolutely nothing. That’s what. I think back on all that happened in that town, and hate rises up within me. Hate for our mistakes, hate for my failures, and hate, above all, for the infected.
We rose early in the morning for the mission. I remember there was a group of thirty-two of us that were supposed to go, but three people got out of it by faking injuries. The night before, the red haired woman’s father reminded us that we had to meet at the crack of dawn ready to go.
I woke up early to a dark sky filled with bright stars. They twinkled in the sky, immobilizing me as I gazed upon them. After watching them for some time, I snuck out of bed, got dressed, and headed out of my room. The little girl was asleep in the bed, clutching her ragged bear, choking the stuffing right out of it. I thought she might wake up and warn me not to go on the mission again; she was so adamant about it the night before.
When I told her that I’d be going on a mission that was more dangerous than usual, she burst into tears and begged me not to go. I spent the better part of an hour calming her down, reassuring her that I’d come back completely fine. Still, she said for me not to go and just stay back at the base and take care of her. When she finally calmed down and went to bed, I watched on as she tossed and turned, mumbling more warnings to me in her dreams. I couldn’t understand why she was so worried; I guess she felt something that my instincts didn’t.
I went downstairs and outside. In the midst of the darkened house, I saw the red haired woman waiting at the front gate. I anxiously approached her so we could wait for the others to join us. She gave me a warm smile as I came near.
It was a fake smile that hid her anger and disappointment behind the white rows of teeth in her mouth. It was almost as if the kiss never happened; I’m surprised at how much that hurt me. She was trying to erase me from her heart, taking on this veiled friendliness that drove the dagger deeper. I tried to say something to break the tension, but no words formed on my tongue. She looked at my peculiarly, acting as if she didn’t know why. I finally managed to spit out an awkward “Good morning” to her, to which she responded with a cold nod. Then she turned her attention from me and began looking up into the sky as the sun drove the darkness away. We stood around in silence until everyone else came to join us.
When they finally came, we watched the group of men and women exiting the house in a large cluster. The red haired woman’s father was at the front of the group; he looked furious as he stepped near us.
He walked right past us and stopped at the large metal doors of the wall surrounding the base. He stopped when he got to them; he gave them a hard, dull pound before turning back to us. He spun around, facing the group. He addressed us with an unfeeling “Good morning” and got right down to business.
He said, “Okay everyone! Listen up! Today is gonna be the biggest mission we’ve carried out so far. It’s gonna be dangerous. Listen carefully to everything I tell you.
We’re gonna split into three teams: team one will be in charge of gathering food supplies from the convenience store in the middle of town. Team two will be responsible for getting fuel from the cars in the areas surrounding the convenience store. Lastly, team three will look through houses in the outskirts of the city for anything useful. I’m gonna split you into your teams and then we’ll move out, heading to Tuckerton from different positions. That way we can’t all be attacked at the same time and in the same place. There’s no doubt that the places we go will be crawling with infected. Make sure not to use your guns before your hand weapons. We need to be quick and quiet if we want to make it through the day. Let’s just get this over with and make it back here in one piece. Does everyone understand? Good. Let’s get started.”
Then he divided the group into the teams. He placed himself as the head of the team to gather fuel. The red haired woman was head of the group going to the convenience store. I was chosen to be a part of her group as well, but she quickly told her father that I should help out with the team that would search the outer areas of Tuckerton. He was confused, but after I consented to the decision too, he let it go.
He called the leader of my group forward and told him I was gonna be helping him out instead of the original plan. The man said nothing; he stood there coolly, not batting an eye at the change. He eyed me up and down while puffing a hand-rolled cigarette. He looked back at the father, then back at me, and said, “Fine. We’ll see if he makes it back alive.” After that, he turned and walked away, gathering his group before him. The red haired woman’s father shooed me along and I joined my new group.
The leader of my group was a man that looked to be about my age, but he was definitely much older. He had dirty blond hair and wild blue eyes. He was of average height and carried himself with an air of self-reliance. You could tell that he didn’t need anyone; he could handle himself just fine. He had blond stubble all over his face.
Since I’d known him, he always carried a cigarette tucked behind his right ear and another burning away in his yellow mouth. He was tough; I’d seen him slay his share of infected and beyond. The red haired woman’s father spent time with him some nights sitting outside, smoking under the starry sky.
He was a warrior; at least that’s what everyone called him. He was a savage when he fought; he demolished the infected that crossed his path with his complete hatred for their kind. I almost felt sorry for any infected that crossed his path because I knew he wouldn’t just murder them; he would mutilate them. He always carried a fire axe with him, using it to slay countless infected. He treated it almost like a child, taking a lot of time to make sure it was sharpened and clean for every mission. I couldn’t have asked for a better leader.
After getting our team placement, we set out for Tuckerton. The father’s team would enter Tuckerton from the North, the red haired woman’s team would enter from the East, and the team I was on would enter from the West. After getting our last set of instructions, the teams parted, leaving the grounds of the base and heading into different parts of the dense forest all around.
Once we’d gone into the woods for a while, the warrior pointed to a fork with two trees, signaling us to stop there. Once we’d stopped, he motioned us to gather around him as he pulled a piece of paper from his jacket. It was the same map the red haired woman’s father had shown everyone the night before.
There was a wide red arrow that led from our base to the city of Tuckerton. It stopped in the middle of a large series of houses surrounding the edge of town.
The warrior said, “This is where we’re headed. We have the most dangerous part of the mission; we can’t really know what to expect. We have to be on our toes the entire time. Tuckerton’s gonna be crawling with infected, and you’ll be in danger every second we’re there. Watch your back at all times. When we get there, I’ll split us up so we can cover more ground, gather more supplies, and get the hell out of there.
Make sure you stick close to me. If you don’t, you’re gonna die. The other groups are gonna be on their own; just do your job and get out. And don’t get bitten or die. If anyone gets bitten, they have to be killed on the spot; no questions asked. Don’t give them a chance to turn and kill everyone else.
After all that’s over, we have to get through the back end of Tuckerton and make our way back to the house. Conserve your ammo and rely on your close combat weapons more so you don’t make too much noise. Here’s a warning: Tuckerton isn’t the only dangerous place around here. The forest we’re in now is a place the infected roam about too. Don’t let your guard down on our way there, and especially on our way back home. You never know what could be lurking in the forest. Okay, we all know what we gotta’ do. Let’s move out.”
As I stood up, I placed my hand on the small of my back, feeling for the black pistol the red haired woman had given me months prior. It had a full clip, and I had another one tucked away in the pocket of my pants. I looked into my right hand, admi
ring how the blade of my machete shone in the light of the forest. I’d cleaned it a few days earlier, and in the soft light it was a mirror reflecting me in a metallic world that I’d never be a part of.
I recalled the operations during the past few months. The machete had been a close companion, helping me escape some hairy situations. I looked closely at my reflection in the blade; I looked tired and worn out. It was as if I’d gained a lifetime since the outbreak began so long ago. I smiled at myself, musing at the idea that I was officially an old man in my own eyes. If only my dad could see me now. I looked up to see the rest of my group moving on, trailing behind the warrior. I followed them past the fork and deeper into the forest.
Our group had the longest route through the dense forest; the map made it look like a small walk. The forest was silent as we trudged through. There wasn’t any noise around us besides the crunching of the leaves under out feet, and the sound of running water whenever we’d pass by the occasional stream. I saw the sun peek through the dense trees that made a roof over our heads. I don’t know how long we made our way through the still forest, but it felt like an eternity.
After a seemingly endless length of time, we came to a small clearing with a large hill protruding out of the ground. The warrior motioned us to the peak of it. He leapt up its side with ease, leaving the rest of us behind. When he reached the top, he called down to us, telling us to hurry up, or else. That threat got everyone moving. Once everyone had made it to the summit, he motioned us to stop and take a rest. We placed all of our gear on the ground in front of us and sat on the grass.
After a few moments of rest, the warrior motioned us over to him. We surrounded him as he pointed out that Tuckerton wasn’t far off from there. I followed the line his finger made from where we were to where Tuckerton lied on the horizon. I made out a faint skyline formed by the buildings of our destination. Columns of smoke were rising into the sky, creating an evil cloud over the town. It was a warning; I know that all too well now.
After that, the warrior got up, threw on his gear, and sprinted down the opposite side of the hill, disappearing into the forest. The rest of us picked up our gear and ran after him, trying to catch up. We jogged through much more of the dense forest, but this time it was different. There was the same stale silence stagnating in the air, but as we neared our destination, a horrible smell filled the space around us. I felt suffocated as it filled my lungs with each breath, forcing me to cough and spit every few steps. It was a familiar smell, and the stench of it was overpowering. I just couldn’t place it.
We passed through an area of dense trees and found the source of the stench. I saw the warrior first; he was standing next to a tree, looking at the ground. My eyes took in the scene before me. The forest floor was covered in tons of bodies, a mixture of human and infected. The warrior bent down near the closest body as the group approached, taking its stiff hand in his. I still marveled at the plain of bodies before me, wondering what could’ve happened there.
The warrior called us near and showed us the body. Some of its flesh had been torn away, revealing the maggots feasting on the black organs within. The warrior said, “These bodies have been here awhile. If you look at the ground, you can see the bodies of both humans and infected. That’s not the only thing. There are tons of bullet casings here too. It was probably a trap to kill infected.
They probably used fresh human bodies to lure the infected out here to kill them. That wasn’t a bad idea, but those idiots made a huge mistake: they used guns. Guns are way too loud. They would’ve drawn the attention of too many infected and gotten overwhelmed. That’s why we don’t use our guns, guys. It’s too risky. Learn from these idiots. They’re probably some of the bodies we see here. Remember, don’t use your gun unless you absolutely have to. If you use it at the wrong time or in the wrong place, you’re dead. It’s that simple.”
He threw the hand back down in contempt, damning it as he spit on it. He turned to us and motioned us to move on, wading through the bodies before us. We followed our leader, making our way through the overpowering odor and the slew of bodies covering the ground. After entering through an area of thick brush, we came upon a brick wall. The warrior squatted near the ground and motioned us silently over. We quietly crept over to him.
He whispered to us, saying, “Here we are. This is the edge of Tuckerton. We don’t know what to expect beyond this wall. The devastation here is likely to be catastrophic. Remember not to panic. Is everyone ready? Let’s go.”
None of us were prepared for what was behind that wall. The warrior leapt over without hesitating. He made a whistling sound that let us know the coast was clear and that we could head over. Everyone motioned me to go over first. I fought back, telling someone next to me to go first. It was no use; they’d already decided I was to be the first one over. Realizing I couldn’t win, I shrugged my shoulders and climbed over the wall. I landed on my feet next to the warrior. The devastation of Tuckerton was worse than I could’ve ever imagined.
I found myself in a large neighborhood that was completely torn to shreds. The houses and streets were splattered with red and falling apart. Smoke was making its way into the sky from multiple fires along the street. Bodies filled the streets, forming a path from where I was standing to the end of the street. Shards of glass lined the sidewalks, glimmering in the faded light of the sun. There were a few cars lining the streets that seemed to be long out of commission. In the distance I saw more pillars of smoke reaching up into the air, desperately choking out the blue sky that was no longer overhead. It’d been blanketed over by black hopelessness, the devastation of Tuckerton long ago. Everything was in a state of horror and chaos; I didn’t want to be there.
I began to walk up the street as the warrior waited for the others to climb over the wall. I took another long look at my surroundings; a pit began to form in my stomach, causing me to feel nauseous. I felt vulnerable and exposed with each step I took. My eyes darted back and forth as I frantically looked about me, fearing that someone was watching me, hunting me. A cold sweat formed on my hands as I scanned the bodies piled in the streets.
There were two kinds of bodies there: the bodies of dead infected, and the bodies of their victims. I stopped halfway up the block as the warrior called out for me to wait for everyone else. As I stood there waiting, one body caught my attention.
It was the body of an infected. It appeared to have once been a young boy. I tried to imagine him playing in the streets with his friends. He looked to be the same age as my little girl back at base.
He would’ve been happy to play soccer in the streets, ignoring the girls watching because they’d be full of coodies. He would’ve gone to school and been a good boy, making sure he did all he could to make his parents happy. He would’ve had a bright future, maybe as a doctor or teacher or something of that sort; someone that could make a difference in the world at least.
But that future had been lost a long time ago because of the infection. This boy was no longer human; he was some sort of demon. He was lying face up on the ground. His pale eyes searched the sky overhead, looking for some sort of break in the black covering above. The twisted body of the monster seemed to bend in many different directions all at once, trying to tear away from itself and become something different. Half of its hair had fallen out; the hair that remained had turned a whitish color, making the dried green slime plastered on its face that much more noticeable.
What struck me the most about this small infected were its hands. Its left hand was lying palm up on the ground. It seemed to be expecting something to be placed there. It made me wonder if that monster had had any hopes beyond its primal hunger for flesh. Maybe it was waiting to grasp onto something it never got the chance to receive. Maybe it was still partially human, grasping onto its fleeting existence as the infection took hold. As I dove deeper in thought, I saw the other hand.
Its right hand was clutching at its heart. It was clutching its chest so tightly th
at wells of its polluted blood were forming at the fingers. It seemed as though it was trying to dig its heart out of its chest.
Could that monster have wanted to die, knowing its only purpose was to kill the ones it’d once loved and nothing more? As the transformation took place, had this young boy wanted the sweet release of death in order to avoid hurting those around him? I stood still, gazing into the seemingly sorrowful eyes of the monster. I hardly noticed the warrior who’d come and stood next to me.
“Pretty rough, huh?” he said to me after a few seconds of silence. I didn’t respond because I couldn’t stop staring at those hands. He grabbed me by the shoulder and waited for me to face him. When I did, he spit the cigarette he was smoking out of his mouth and said, “I know. Trust me, I know. We’re not so different from each other, ya’ know. I know you think I’m cold and heartless all the time, but you’re wrong. You just can’t see past what’s right in front of your face sometimes.
I can see it in your eyes right now. I can’t help but think it when it hits me all of a sudden. Is there anything left of that boy in there? Had he wanted to die? How could such an evil exist that can ravage the innocent body of a child?” He became graver than usual as he looked into my eyes with such intent that it made me squirm. He asked, “Do you want to know the answer?”
I looked deeply into his wild blue eyes and nodded slowly. He looked away from me and back down at the body. After a long pause, he said, “I don’t know. That’s the answer. I just don’t know. Something inside tells me that I might never know. I hate that. I hate not knowing. I hate being stuck in this place. I hate that I can’t live a normal life ever again. I hate that I’ll never see my wife or kids or mom or dad ever again. They’re all dead and gone now. Yes, I knew what love was once. But now that’s gone; now it’s a pile of ash blown away by the wind. Every day since I lost them, I’ve hated that every second of my life is wasting away because I have nothing to live for. I hate it. I wanna be like that boy. I wanna be dead.”
He looked back at me. He continued on: “But I know I can’t do that. I can’t be weak; I can’t let the evil in this world win. I want to die so badly I can taste it, but I just know that I can’t let the evil here take any more of what’s left around me. That’s why I can’t stop killing the infected. Not for anyone or anything; not even for myself. Simply because I just can’t let the evil win. You understand me. I can always see it in your eyes whenever I’m around you. You want death to swallow you whole and never spit you back out. You have nothing left. You want it to be over. But I’m telling you, we have to fight. That’s all there is to it. Nothing more, nothing less.”
We stood there in silence as the others looked on. After another minute, he shouldered his axe, and said, “Let’s go, we need to survive. For you especially, you need to for that little girl back at base. That’s the only thing that separates you from me; you have something to live for. You need to live for her no matter how badly you want to give up and die. You’re all she’s got. Don’t lose that something to live for. Protect it with you life, to the very end.”
He stepped away from me and walked back to the group. The little girl flashed into my mind. The warrior was right. I was being selfish by wanting to give up and end it all. She needed me. She was my little girl. I was all she had. I promised I’d never leave her, no matter what. Everyone else had failed to fulfill their promises to her; I wouldn’t be another.
I took one last look at those sorrowed hands, turned my attention back to the group, and walked over to them. As I had stepped into the cluster, the warrior began.
“We’re here. This is just a small taste of the devastation going on here. Remember to be careful; this place could be flooded with infected at any time. Be quick and silent. Use your melee weapons only, saving the guns for emergency situations. We’re gonna to split into three teams so we can gather supplies quickly.
We’ll be focusing on ten major neighborhoods in this area. My team will go through four neighborhoods, and the other teams will focus on three neighborhoods to go through. Here are maps of your assignments. Take care of your missions as fast as possible and report back here as soon as you’re finished. Look up, everyone. The sun’s high in the sky now. We have until sunset to be back here at the brick wall. Once sunset hits, we’re leaving. I won’t risk being here when this place gets filled with those monsters. Everyone get it? All right, let’s do this and get the hell outta here.”
He broke our group into three separate teams. He kept me in his group. He sent the first and second groups out, and then led our group down a series of streets until we came to a neighborhood that was in worse condition than where we’d begun. We made it halfway down the block and stopped.
In the midst of the stale silence, the warrior spoke in a whisper. He told us to split in half, making two teams that could scour the area and find whatever was useful. He split up the group and kept me at his side. Our team was going to the far end of the street and search while the other team remained closer to the beginning of the block.
We separated and went to our destinations. We stopped at the end of the street, in front of a blue two story house with a large tree in front of it. The house was in a state of decay; the paint was flaky, the windows were broken, and broken glass was lining the path that led up to a front door that was slightly ajar. The tree was barely alive; a few leaves clung to its branches. There was a long streak of red across its trunk that connected to a blood trail leading down the street.
The warrior crept to the door of the house and tried to open it; it was unlocked. He motioned us over and carefully stepped inside. I held a deep breath in as I entered into the dark house.
Once inside, my eyes began to adjust to the darkness filling the house. The dim light from the sun emanated through the broken windows and provided a dull light that filled the main doorway. There were three places to go: to the right was a dining room and kitchen area, to the left was a living room and a door leading to a basement downstairs, and directly in front of us was a staircase leading to a second floor.
We split into three groups of two and headed to different areas of the house. The warrior and I took the staircase to the second floor. We reached the second landing and scanned the area. There was a short hallway with three rooms: one on the left, one on the right, and a third room that appeared to be a bathroom. A large pool of dried blood was in the center of the hallway. Bloody smears lined the walls, supporting the idea of an infected attack that’d taken place long ago. The door to the bathroom was wide open, showing caked blood that seemed even redder against the white tiling of the room. I saw the entire room from where I was standing; no danger there.
The warrior signaled me to take the door on the left as he slowly opened the door to the right. I turned the doorknob quietly with my left hand; my right hand was grasping my machete, ready to slice through anything in my path. I opened the door and peeked inside.
I looked at the floor; it was sprayed with sunlight shining through a nearby broken window. I saw two people, a man and a woman, lying on the ground. The man was lying on top of the face down woman with his hands covering her to shield her. The woman had been eaten away at the neck, almost severing her head from her body. The man had been eaten almost entirely halfway through. Isaw his spine and internal organs in the dried, thick blood. A large pool had formed and dried around them, spanning most of the room.
I swallowed hard and began to search the room. I kept looking back over my shoulder at the crime scene; the fixed expressions of horror on their faces were hard to shake out of my mind. I thought to myself, wondering why I was still shocked by death although I’d seen so much of it. I tried to ignore my thoughts and looked through the room for anything worth taking.
I ransacked a nearby dresser, a closet, and a small bathroom connected to the room. As I finished putting everything I’d found in my pack, I heard the muffled sound of footsteps coming from the other room. I turned my head as screams filled the ai
r. The first thing I heard was the warrior yell out, “Dammit!”
I ran to the door and saw a small figure on his back, trying to get its jaws around his neck. The warrior was holding its head a few inches from his throat as he called out my name. I glanced at the ground, seeing that he’d dropped his axe a few feet away from him. The infected child attacking him wouldn’t let up enough for him to get it. I held my machete tight as I threw my pack to the ground and ran towards him. I bolted across the hallway and into the room. I raised my machete above my head and got ready to deliver a powerful blow to the creature. As I prepared to swing, a strong force threw me from my feet and into a nearby wall. My vision went blurry for a moment as the blood swelled in my head.
My vision cleared, and I saw another infected standing where in the doorway. This one was much larger, and looked to have once been a teenage boy. It was tall and muscular; perhaps it’d once been a football player. It was breathing heavily in the doorway, like a bull ready to charge. My eyes searched the ground for my machete; it was lying in between its legs, shining in the light of the room. As I pulled myself to my knees, it turned its attention to the warrior and began to claw at his back. A painful cry filled the air as it tore through his shirt and into his flesh.
I snapped into action, got to my feet, and ran to my machete. I picked it up in one fell swoop and put its shining blade into the right shoulder of the infected. A howl filled the air as I pulled the blade out and stabbed it into the small of its back.
The infected child was still clinging to the warrior, edging its mouth closer to his neck. The warrior was fighting as best he could, but fighting two infected at once was draining all he had. As I pulled the machete out of the back of the larger infected, it turned towards me and threw me into the hallway. I landed on my back, finding myself directly in the center of the dried blood pool. It leaped in my direction, intending to land on top of me.
As it flew through the air, I tucked my knees into my chest and prepared for its landing. It landed on top of my feet, and I used my legs to propel it away from me and down the stairway. It banged against the wall and tumbled down the stairs, howling madly as it went.
I sat up to the sight of the warrior throwing himself against the doorway, knocking the small infected from him and onto the floor beside me. My eyes grew wide as it scrambled to its feet beside me and let its white, hateful eyes focus on me. Stunned by its evil gaze, I attempted to raise my machete for an attack. The monster grabbed ahold of the blade, pulled it from my hand, and threw it down the stairway. I heard it clang against the walls and stairs as it descended. I was defenseless against the monster before me. I tried to sit up, but my sweaty hand slipped on the carpeting of the floor, forcing me onto my back again. The creature eyed me, letting green spittle drip from its small mouth; it seemed to smile at my helplessness.
I raised my hands in defense as it jumped on top of me and tried to edge its head close to my neck for a bite. I tried to push it away from my face, but it was much stronger than I’d thought a child ever could be. As it edged its hideous face closer to mine, the blade of the fire axe came out of the air and landed directly into the head of the attacking infected. Blood and cranial fluid exploded out of its head and landed all over my face. I closed my eyes and felt the warm liquids flow down my face. I heard a thump as its body landed next to me on the floor. I used my sleeve to wipe my face and opened my eyes.
The warrior was standing above me, fire axe in hand. He had a look of satisfaction on his face as he gazed at the body of the dead infected. I let out a deep breath, thanked him, and got up. He told me, “Don’t thank me yet. The other one’s downstairs waiting for us.”
As he said this, his blue eyes flared up with excitement. He wanted to find the other infected and exact his revenge upon it. He gave me a twisted smile as he turned from me and headed towards the stairs. He said “At least you didn’t use your gun; then we’d be in real trouble” in my direction as he made his way down.
I saw his torn back as he walked away. There were three large rips in his back, and blood was seeping out of them. His shirt was turning a darker shade of blue as the blood soaked into the fabric. I stood there for a second, gave a small angry kick to the dead infected, and followed behind.
We walked down the stairs and stopped at their base. My machete was waiting for me, sitting idly on the side of the staircase. I picked it up and prepared myself to attack the infected down there as soon as I saw it. The house was strangely quiet. The warrior focused on the silence, waiting for a noise to reveal the creature’s location.
I whispered, “What about the others searching the house? Should we warn them?” He told me, “No. We need to find it quietly. It could be waiting to ambush us. The others can take care of themselves if it goes their way.”
The warrior signaled for me to go in the direction of the team that went to check out the basement as he made his way in the direction of the dining room and kitchen. I walked through the living room and stopped in front of the closed door leading to the basement below.
I became frantic as anxiety found its way to my stomach. I did my best to ignore it as I opened the door to the darkness below. I took a few steps down, searching for a light.
My hand found a switch and flipped it on. The light slowly flickered on and illuminated the basement below me. A wide array of boxes and merchandise formed walls and columns in the large space. Various appliances, books, trophies, games, clothes, and other memorabilia served as bricks in the construction of this large maze. It created an eerie feeling within me that sent my mind reeling with what could be waiting for me within that maze. It was inviting me in, beckoning me to explore it, get lost in it, and never find my way back out.
I came to the bottom of the stairs and stopped at the entrance. I whispered the names of my teammates to get a reply; there was no answer. I looked over my shoulders, let out a deep sigh, and entered the basement’s maze.
It was much larger than I thought. I was able to turn a few corners crammed with stuff. After another turn, I found a straight way that extended for a good length of space. I looked up and down the sides, hoping I could see through to another side, but every nook and cranny was stuffed with all kinds of things. I made it halfway down the strait when a side of the maze came crashing down right in front of me. It sounded like an avalanche as everything fell, completely blocking the path before me. I stood there for a second, thinking about how lucky it was that I hadn’t ended up at the bottom of that crash. I scanned the debris, looking for anything useful since I couldn’t go any further.
In the silence, I heard the sound of something coughing. It came from the pile in front of me. I moved a few things, and saw the arm of a human being. It was the long, slender arm of my teammate. I immediately grabbed it and pulled it with all my might. My teammate came sliding out of the debris, pulling a few books and shirts with him. I dragged him a few feet away from the pile and sat him up against a nearby dresser. He looked up at me and I immediately knew.
His face was drained of color, and I could see small black veins underneath his skin. His irises were tiny within his eyes, darting side to side in fear. He began to speak, but I didn’t hear him at first. I scanned his body, and all I could focus on was the small bite that was on his left thigh. It was leaking blood through his pants and out onto the floor. I looked back into his eyes and saw that his pupils had grown significantly smaller in the passing seconds that I’d scanned him. They’d almost disappeared completely at that point. He was on the verge of becoming an infected, and it was too late to try to get him any help.
His voice began to reach my ears as he talked about what’d happened. He told me how he and his partner went down in the darkness, relying on their flashlights to guide the way. They thought the basement was much smaller than it really was, so they wouldn’t need the main lights. They kept going through, getting more lost in the maze with every turn.
An infected had been in the basement, waiting
for them to go down. His partner was attacked from behind; it threw him to the ground and took a large bite out of his neck, instantly killing him. Then the monster came after him. He ran a few turns, but the creature caught up to him and managed to take a bite out of his leg as he ran. He turned and killed the infected with a metal bar he was carrying. He tried to make his way out of the maze when he started to feel weak and sick. He walked until he toppled over, landing in the pile of debris in front of me.
After finishing his story, he looked up at me and said, “I can see the look in your eyes. Please don’t kill me. I know it’s too late, but please don’t kill me. Just leave me here; go upstairs, lock the door, and forget about me. I just don’t want to die.”
His eyes were filling with tears as he said this. I looked at him, his bleeding bite, and then at the machete in my right hand. I wanted to spare him, but I knew it was too much of a risk to let the monster he’d become run loose. What if it escaped and killed someone? It would be my fault, and the victim’s blood would be on my hands. What if, since it knew where the base was, it got a group of infected and made an attack on the base?
My little girl and the other survivors flashed into my mind. I saw them being eaten alive by him and his infected friends. I saw him chewing on my little girl’s neck, spilling blood all over the floor of our room, smiling as he did so. I felt the promise I made her breaking as I heard the wet snap of her spine resound in my ears. Failure broke my heart, and I felt myself falling to my knees and letting the swarm of infected take me next. In that state, I felt myself slowly bringing my machete in front of me, knowing what I had to do. He saw this; he knew my intention.
In that moment, he grabbed my machete and held onto its blade. My hand was glued to the handle, trying to pry the machete from his grasp. Thick, red blood was flowing down his arm as he held the blade fast. “No! Don’t!” he cried aloud.
In his panic he began to reach for his belt and pull a revolver from his side. The same scene of him killing those I loved flashed into my mind again. I knew that if I didn’t kill him right there, he’d turn, and I’d let everything I had to live for die at the hands of the infected. And it would be entirely my fault.
I instinctively pulled the black pistol from the small of my back and put two bullets into his forehead. Blood splattered against the dresser as the life left his body. His hand released the blade and fell to the floor with a soft thud. I couldn’t think as I looked over the dead body; I reacted immediately by quickly picking up his revolver, tucking it into my belt, and running out of the maze.
I dared not look back, for fear I’d regret what I’d done. I found myself running faster, trying to escape the guilt that was rising up in my throat. I’d killed an innocent man. I tried to justify it by saying that he was about to become a monster. But he wasn’t a monster yet; he’d still been a man when I killed him. I’d become a murderer.
I reminded myself of my little girl, saying in my mind that I had to do it to protect her and everyone else on the base. That seemed to quell my heart as I tried to suppress the murder I’d committed and the killer I’d become.
I came to the entrance of the basement, let out a heavy sigh, and walked out into the living room. I saw the warrior on a nearby couch, lying on his stomach. The two remaining teammates of our group were placing bandages on his back and curing his wound. He tried to sit up as he waited for me to tell him where the others were. I looked at him and shook my head. I pulled out the revolver and let the sunlight reflect off of its metallic surface. The warrior nodded and lied back down. I went over and sat down next to him as he continued being treated.
I dared not look at anyone; I was afraid they’d see the guilt in my eyes. I listened to the silence of the house, taking it all in. I let myself become numb as I drifted into my thoughts about all that’d happened.
The walls began to melt away around me, sinking into the perpetual blackness that surrounded me. In that dark place, I heard the screams of those who’d been killed at the hands of the infected. I heard my wife calling out to me, begging me to save her. Then I heard the sounds of hideous transformation change her sweet voice to guttural sounds of hunger. They rung in my ears, blaming me for all that I’d failed to do. At length, I heard the sounds of my teammate that I’d killed; he was calling out to me desperately, begging me not to kill him. Then a gunshot resounded in the blackness, followed by him asking me why.
“Why? Why would you do this? Why?” His accusing questions called me out as the murder I’d become, letting the guilt choke me and make it difficult to breathe. I found myself muttering apologies, repeating “I’m sorry” over and over until the walls of the house formed before my eyes again.
I shook myself awake; I found myself looking at the warrior standing in front of me. I fully snapped out of my trance and stood up. “That’s the plan. let’s move out”, he said with finality. I nodded in agreement and followed my group out the door. We came back outside and scanned the neighborhood.
The warrior faced us and stated, “We still need to finish the mission. Here’s what we’re gonna do: we remain as a pack, scavenging the rest of this neighborhood for supplies. Then we’ll only do one or two more. Let’s get this done quickly and quietly, and then meet up with the other groups we sent out. We don’t have much time left; the sun is getting closer to the horizon. All right, let’s move out.”
We started on the left side of the neighborhood, moving quickly from house to house. The warrior avoided any lower levels and higher levels of the houses we explored. He said that after our experience in the first house, there was no way in hell he was gonna go upstairs or below ground ever again. Our main focus became scavenging for food and tools as we cleared kitchens of non-perishables and knives.
When I asked why we were collecting all of these kitchen knives specifically, one of the members of our group responded, “You never know when you’ll need a knife.” That answer confused me more than it answered my question, but I just shrugged my shoulders and let it go. We gathered more knives, and they clanged in my pack every few steps. This made it increasingly difficult to get by undetected. I slowed our group down, taking slow and careful steps that didn’t draw too much attention to us. We didn’t experience any more encounters with infected until we scavenged on the right side of the neighborhood.
We scavenged through, and at the seventh house down one of our members was taken by surprise by a large infected; it was hiding in a laundry room, waiting to pounce on the next thing that came near. He was bitten by the infected before we could kill it, and the warrior had no qualms with putting the fire axe right in the middle of the man’s chest.
After stopping him, the warrior beheaded him to make sure he’d stay dead. The woman with us was horrified at what the warrior did, saying that beheading him had been overkill. The warrior responded calmly, saying, “You just never know; you always have to be sure.” I could tell that she had trouble believing him, but she said nothing further. So, only the three of us were left: the warrior, myself, and that woman. I knew we wouldn’t have to worry about her because she was sturdy and could definitely handle herself.
We continued on with our mission, finishing the block and slaying the few infected that crossed our path. We went through two more neighborhoods, finding little to no supplies. After we’d ransacked the final kitchen, we went outside and stopped in the middle of the street. I saw that the sun was low in the sky, revealing that we didn’t have much time left.
The warrior had us take our packs off and see what we’d gathered. We had a ton of goods; a large amount of what we had were non-perishables, and the rest of our plunder comprised of knives and other tools. The warrior gave us a weary smile and stated, “I think we’ve done a good job. Let’s try to find another group nearby since we have time to spare.”
The dim light of the sun was shining intently on the warrior’s face, showing how much he was suffering from his wounds. He winced in pain as he tried to lift his pack
onto his shoulders. His skin had turned pale, revealing the loss of blood he’d suffered from the attack earlier.
Once we had our packs on, we walked down the block to the main street. When we stopped there, I saw the warrior trying to hide his pain by turning away from us and making faces filled with agony. I asked him, “Are you okay? I can carry your pack for you.” He snapped back at me as his eyes flared up in anger. “I’m fine! Worry about yourself, all right?”
I looked down at my feet and turned from his gaze. I started walking in the direction of the next block. After a few steps, I turned around and saw the woman right behind me, her attention focused on me. I looked past her and saw the warrior standing where we’d left him. We stopped and waited for him to join us.
After a few minutes, he walked in our direction. He came straight up to me and put his hand on my shoulder. “I’m sorry” he said as he looked up at me. “I guess I’ve lost a lot of blood.”
I nodded in understanding, seeing that he was just trying to hold on. He looked down at his feet for a second and then turned his attention past us. He looked down the street we were on. He said, “We don’t have any time to waste. Let’s go.”
He led us down the main street with the two of us following closely behind. We walked for three blocks as the sun lowered itself closer to the horizon. As we neared the street corner, the warrior instinctively turned around, grabbed both of us by the straps on our packs, and threw us into some bushes lining the sidewalk. We tumbled through and landed in a backyard filled with lush, green grass. The warrior placed his hands over our mouths and whispered, “There’s a bunch of infected gathered over there. It looks like there are a ton of them. Keep quiet. We’re gonna see what’s going on.”
We stood up and walked to the edge of the house nearby. We crept along its side and peeked around the corner, focusing on the commotion down the street.
There was a crowd of at least twenty infected gathered in the middle of the street. They were tearing away at something as blood and articles of clothing flew into the air around them. I thought of how unfortunate the victims of their hunger were as they tore them apart, piece by piece. We watched on for a while as they continued to ravage the corpses of whatever they were.
A few of the infected there had their fill and swiftly moved away; I watched as blood flowed down their demonic faces. As more of them left, I saw nine or ten corpses lying in the middle of the street, each near to each other. A few more infected left, allowing me to see even clearer.
My blood ran cold when I saw the whole picture: the corpses in the middle of the street were one of the groups that the warrior had sent out and two infected that’d been slain alongside them. The world turned red, bathing everything in my vision with a thick film of anger. My hand gripped the handle of my machete so tight that the muscles in my hand started to hurt. Rage welled up inside of me as I stared at the corpses lying in there. Before I realized it, I’d stepped out from the safety of the shadows and ended up on the sidewalk in front of the house.
I heard a scream behind me as I realized what I’d done. The woman was yelling for me to come back, making the trouble I’d gotten myself into much, much worse. I snapped out of my anger and looked around the street. I met the gazes of at least fourteen infected that’d turned their attention towards me.
My courage fled as their eyes grew wide, focusing on me. I took a slow step backwards. The infected watching me stood still for a second, then their shrill cries filled the air. “Run! We gotta get outta here!” the warrior shouted at me.
I immediately turned around and broke into a sprint to the side of the house. The warrior and the woman ran to the back of the house as I followed. As soon as I passed the side of the house, the shrill cries of the infected rang loudly in my ears, seeming to come from all directions. We ran through a few backyards, throwing ourselves over walls and through foliage. We made it onto a main street and were spotted by even more infected.
They formed a barricade, preventing us from getting past. As we came to a stop, I heard the group of infected chasing us getting closer. We were cut off in both directions, and we frantically began looking for a way out. The warrior called out, “There! That large house at the end of the street!”
We sprinted through the decaying corpses and dilapidated cars and ran into a large red house. I led the charge through the open door and slammed it shut as the last of us entered. I bolted the door and turned around to face the warrior and the woman.
I felt immense pain as the warrior’s fist hit me square in the face and knocked me to the ground. He kicked me in the chest and stomach as he yelled, “You stupid idiot! Why’d you do that!? You’re gonna get us killed! Damn you!”
The woman rushed to my side and tried to stop him from beating me, which was a huge mistake. As I lied on the ground holding my stomach and tasting the blood running down my face, the warrior turned, slapped the woman, and threw her over a table and into a wall. He chased after her, cornered her on the floor, bent down, and repeatedly slapped her. His smacks snapped into the air as he yelled at her too. “And you! What the hell were you thinking yelling out like that! You’re just as stupid as he is! I ought to shoot you and him right in the face!”
I managed to stand up; my vision blurred as my eyes watered and I held my nose. I walked over to the warrior. He stood up, turned around to face me, and let his eyes flare up. He came right at me, tackling me to the floor. He got up, dragged me around a corner to the kitchen, picked me up, and slammed me onto the counter by the sink. He ran the water, filling the sink beside my head.
After it was mostly filled, he turned me over onto my stomach as I tried to fight him off. I lost the fight; he turned me completely over and dunked my head under the water. I swallowed a lungful of water and started to panic while he held me down. I flailed my arms and legs, trying to shake him loose. I felt him climb on top of me, placing all of his weight on my back. He continued to yell at me while dunking me, allowing me to come up for air every few seconds. I heard broken pieces of the warrior’s angry lecture, the occasional “idiot” filling my ears. After a few more dunks , he threw me off the counter and onto the floor.
I struggled to breathe as I coughed and sputtered. The warrior slid down the counter and sat on the floor near me. I looked over and saw the woman walking over to us, holding her right shoulder. She had a small gash on the side of her forehead; blood slid down her face, making its way to her neck. She came over and sat on the floor. I coughed weakly as I sat up.
We sat in silence for a few moments, only hearing the sounds of the infected banging on the door. The warrior slammed his head against the wooden counter a few times, venting his frustration. After he finished, he jumped to his feet and said, “Get up. We’ve gotta get moving.”
We stood up and picked up the gear we’d dropped. We followed the warrior onto the second story of the house and stopped in its hallway. We stood still as the warrior opened doors and looked around the house. He opened the door to a large bathroom, went inside, and came back out a few seconds later. “I think I found a way out”, he said with a grim look on his face. The woman and I nodded in quick agreement, careful not to anger him any further.
He continued on, “The problem is we’ve caught the attention of too many infected. There’s some right below the window in this bathroom over here. The only way outta here is to climb out, get through a large backyard, and hop over the wall on the far side. But there’s too many of them out there. There’s too many of them front too. We need a distraction.”
“What if we made a lot of noise?” I said shyly, hoping to be received well. “Or fire” said the woman, having the same sheepish manner I did. “Not bad” said the warrior as he thought to himself. After a few seconds, he looked up at us and said, “Why not do both?” The woman and I looked at each other and nodded. The warrior spoke, “Now that sounds like a plan! Let’s do it.”
He sent the woman and I downstairs to look for anything flammab
le or metallic we could use for the distraction. When we reached the landing of the first floor, the reality of the situation grabbed us. The banging of the infected on the front door seemed to edge through the walls, surrounding us and closing us in. We felt their shrill cries shake the foundation of the house and every bone in our bodies.
We quickened our pace and gathered any supplies we could find. We swept through the house, breaking any door and drawer in sight in search of usable items. After gathering some of the things in the house, we went back upstairs where the warrior was waiting for us. He had some supplies of his own gathered in a pile on the floor. He had a small pile of metal objects, rags, and a lighter. We came near and placed our metal objects, towels, a gas can, and a few matches at his feet. “This should work” he said confidently.
He had me prepare some rags by dipping them into gasoline, and he had the woman rub some gasoline on the metal objects; I watched the light dance across their polished metallic surfaces. After we prepared everything, the warrior told us to get ready.
He told us his plan: We were gonna set our polished objects ablaze, throw them out of the windows in front of the house, and then set the house itself on fire to create the ultimate distraction. In the midst of the chaos, we’d slip out of the house through the window in the bathroom and make our escape back to base. The woman and I became excited at the formulation of his plan and agreed enthusiastically.
After running through the plan one last time, we gathered our supplies and went to a nearby window. We set fire to the materials and threw them down the street. I looked down; I saw a large crowd of infected in front of the house, trying to claw its way in. They were so close together I couldn’t count them. I saw an evil blob below, and it was covered in bloody arms, legs and faces. It bent and contorted in different ways as it pushed against the house, trying to topple it over and get to us. I saw the front door was beginning to give, bending under the weight of the oncoming infected; we had to hurry.
More shrill cries filled the air, I became tense. The fiery distractions made ten of the infected follow them down the street, but many of them stayed, knowing they’d get in eventually. I looked over to the warrior; he was still calm and unmoving. “Now the house” he said.
He walked to the stairs, grabbing the gas can on his way down. The woman and I followed slowly, remaining a few steps behind him. He walked right up to the front door of the house, which was snapping under the weight of the infected. A few hands broke through the shriveling wood, reaching out to us with desperate hunger. I looked back to the warrior; at that moment, he slammed the gas can on the ground. Gas flew out of the can and coated everything with a thin layer of it. He turned his head towards us and said, “I guess it’s time to heat things up”, and tossed the lighter at the base of the front door.
The house went up in flames, coating everything with fire. The warrior walked back over to us, and the three of us stood there, watching the flames lick and feed themselves. The bright orange flames consumed whatever they touched, burning the house into submission.
The warrior spoke up, “Okay, let’s get ready to make the climb down. I guarantee every one of those infected is coming to the front of the house as we speak.” We began to walk up the stairs, but then a loud crash forced us to turn around.
I turned to see the infected knock the door down, releasing the flames pent up inside. The infected came pouring in. Horrific screams of pain filled the house as the initial wave of infected was engulfed by the flames. More infected came flying in, knocking the others to the ground and heading in our direction. I was the last one on the stairs, closest to their attack.
I pulled my machete out as they came upon me. I was knocked against the wall, trying to kick them to keep their vicious bites away from me. I managed to stick the blade of my machete against the throat of the main attacker. I slit its throat, and its blood poured out onto my neck and chest.
Another one come from my right and grabbed my arm. I slashed at it wildly, trying to free myself. The infected opened its mouth wide and clamped its bloody teeth around my machete; it threw its head to the side, pulling my weapon from my hand and throwing it out of reach. I reacted by pulling the infected close to me and using my other arm to punch it square in the face. I heard a small crunch as my fist found its nose.
As it remained stunned, I snatched the black pistol from my belt and put a bullet into that one, and two others that were headed in my direction. I saw more infected come flooding in, ready to taste my blood. I gave off a few more shots, ending my clip. I reached into my pocket to grab the last clip I had, but my hand found the pocket empty. I scanned the ground quickly, trying to find my last defense against the oncoming infected. There was a pile of bodies on the floor, obstructing my view of the floor. With no hope of finding the final clip, I threw my gun to the floor as the new wave of infected rushed towards me.
The next thing I saw was the warrior in front of me yelling, “Get out of here, I’ve got this!” He slew three infected with two blows from his axe; blood spurted from their bodies and coated the floor. I turned around, looking for the woman. She was gone. I turned around and saw the warrior fending off a large group of infected, knocking them back with each swing of his axe.
“Get out of here now!” he said, “It’s your only chance!” I rose to my feet, asking, “What about you? I won’t let you die!” He replied sharply, “I died a long time ago! Now get the hell out of here! Your girl is waiting for you! You can’t die here!”
He said this as another wave of infected came bursting through the doorway, coming straight for us. Everything in me told me to stay, to fight it out to the death, but I knew the warrior was right. I promised my little girl that I wouldn’t leave her alone; she needed me to survive.
I yelled out in self-hatred as I climbed the stairs, disgusted with myself for leaving him. I ran up the stairs and picked up my bloody machete, which was waiting for me near the top. I bent low, picking it up with one fell swoop. I sped through the hallway and into the bathroom, locking the door behind me. I came to the window and looked through; the warrior’s plan had worked. There wasn’t a single infected there.
I climbed out of the window and down the side of the house. I rushed across the backyard and came to a high wall that separated Tuckerton from the forest on the other side. I threw myself over the high brick wall, landing back first on the opposite side. I threw myself to my feet and ran through the forest.
Tears were streaming down my face as I sped through the darkened forest. I ran hard for such a long time; I didn’t even notice the darkness that made its way through the trees, elongating shadows and filling my view with black. I kept running until I came to the top of the hill my group saw on the way to Tuckerton.
I stood on the hill, looking at that godforsaken city. I watched the last moments of the sunset hated every second of it. The night would come and host a feast for those infected on the warrior. He would die in pain; maybe he already had. I prayed for a quick death, hoping the warrior hadn’t suffered much at the hands of the infected.
I was frozen on the hill, forcing myself to watch until the sunset turned to night, filling the sky with the moon and its stars. Once the moon hung high overhead, I walked solemnly through the night, dragging myself through the forest as I made my way back to base.
I made it back to the house and came up to the steel doors guarding the entrance, but I didn’t want to go in. How could I face anyone on the base? I’d failed everyone. The mission had been unsuccessful, and many lives were lost to the enemy for such little gain.
I walked over, took off my pack, and leaned against the brick wall surrounding the house, sliding myself to the floor. I sat down against the wall, looking at the large metal doors, waiting for something; for anything.
I turned and looked out into the night, questioning everything, hoping that the warrior and everyone else were still alive. The sky seemed to taunt me with its tranquility, revealing more of the cha
os harboring in my heart.
After sitting there for quite some time, the steel doors opened up. I sat quietly as a group of my friends rushed out. The woman that disappeared was walking alongside the red haired woman, her father, and a few others. The red haired woman said, “But we have to go look for them. They’re our friends!” The father replied, “It’s too dangerous. We can’t. We don’t even know if any of them are still alive. They have to be dead by now for sure.” The red haired woman protested angrily, threatening to go out on her own and look for everyone that was missing if he refused to help her.
As they continued to argue, I stood up slowly in the shadows of the steel doors, causing a stir. Four of the people in the group pointed guns at me, scared I could be an infected. I walked forward and said, “I’m still alive.” As soon as I said this, the red haired woman ran up to me, embracing my tenderly. “Thank God!” she whispered in my ear.
The father came near, asking, “Are there any others with you? Did anyone else survive?” I shook my head with a solemn no. I saw pain fill his eyes as he realized that we’d lost so many lives, and worst of all, that the warrior, his good friend, wouldn’t be coming back.
He shook it off, hiding his pain under his demanding presence. “Okay” he said; “Only six of your team made it back safely….” He stopped short; he clenched his fists and looked at the ground in front of him. The red haired woman let go of me and walked back over to her father, placing her hands on his arm.
He continued, “Why did we lose so many? It wasn’t supposed to turn out this way. Is this all my fault?” He looked back up at me, meeting me with sorrowful eyes. “We lost most of our groups as well. Over half of us have been taken by those monsters. We’re all that’s left. We’re all that’s……..” He couldn’t let the sentence finish itself.
He pulled himself away from his daughter and walked briskly back into the large house. The rest of us stood there in awe, dumbfounded by the staggering losses we’d suffered in Tuckerton.
The red haired woman came to my side and grabbed my bloody hand in hers. I couldn’t look at her; I wouldn’t be able to handle the grief that would be in her eyes. She spoke soft words in my ear, telling me how glad she was that I was alive and made it through. I couldn’t find any words to say back; all I could do was stand there, trying to keep from tearing myself apart. After some more tender words, the red haired woman left my side, seeing that I needed some time to be alone.
I picked up my pack, walked away from the group, and entered the house. I felt the heavy weight of my pack in my right hand; I was surprised that I’d managed to keep it, preserving the items I gathered earlier. I looked to my right and saw the room of operations. A bunch of other packs were piled on the large table in the room. That gave me some peace; at least we’d salvaged something to keep us going. Maybe the deaths of our friends weren’t in vain.
I turned my attention forward and walked wearily up the stairs. I turned left and walked down the hallway. The loud creaking of the floorboards filled the hallway, reminding me of the creakiness I felt within my own tired body. I came to my room and put my ear to the door; I heard my little girl giggling as she talked with her older friend. I caught snatches of their conversation, chuckling lightly as the spoke about what it’d be like to have a beard like a pirate captain. After a few more seconds of eavesdropping, I knocked weakly on the door.
As soon as the door opened, my little girl came flying into my arms. “You’re back! You’re back! I missed you!” she said as she embraced me tenderly. I walked over to the bed as I held her in my arms. I sat down heavily and held her in silence for a long period of time. I became motionless as thoughts ran through my mind.
That little girl had kept me going, and I knew that I had to keep surviving for her sake. She seemed to be a source of light, guiding me through the dark torrents of the time to a place where I’d find the sun smiling down on me. I remembered the warrior; I felt him reminding me that the little girl was all that I had left, and that I’d made a promise never to leave her alone. I was all that she had left in the world, and I couldn’t let that reason for living ever escape me. I resolved to live out what the warrior had told me, commemorating his life by fighting against the infected unto my dying breath.
Then I felt my little girl start squirming in my arms, snapping me into reality. After releasing her from my arms, I listened intently as she showed me her new drawings and told me of her adventures with her friend. The older woman, sensing my tiredness, told her to go downstairs and let me get a chance to rest. I nodded thankfully as they left the room, closing the door behind them.
I lied down on my side, feeling sleep take me as I put my head on the pillow. I felt some tears escape from my tired eyes as the world turned darkness around me.
I awoke to the sun making its way through the window of the room. My body felt broken as I sat up in bed. I rubbed my crusty eyes and let the world come into form around me.
I got out of bed and walked towards the door. The sound of rustling papers filled the room as my feet spread some of the drawings that my little girl had left out. I went out into the hallway, walked to the right, and stopped at the top of the main stairs. I looked down into the main entrance, watching the people there for a moment; there were so few.
My mind flashed back to when the little girl and I first entered the base. I saw the raging river of people down below, the red haired woman in the midst of it, waiting for us to meet her.
Then I snapped into the present. The river had lost much of its water, leaving remnants of its previous existence in the small stream it left behind. A wave of anger swept over me as I thought on all that’d been lost. My hands gripped the banister in front of me tightly. I tried to choke the faded wood, crushing it under my hate until my knuckles turned white. So many were gone; every group that’d been sent out had experienced staggering losses. We were all that was left.
I looked into space angrily until the red haired woman came up behind me and placed her hand on my right shoulder. I looked over into her eyes. They were red and puffy, clear evidence that she’d been lamenting the loss of her friends.
I asked her, “Are you all right?” She turned away from me, placing her attention on the main entrance of the house. “No…” she said, “…and I don’t think I ever will be.” I turned my attention forward again, focusing on those words. How true they were; I could never be the same after what happened.
We stared off in silence until she turned to me and said, “I think we better go. We have to debrief with the other survivors in a few minutes.” I gave her a solemn look and nodded slowly.
She led the way down the stairs and into the operations room. We were the first ones there. All of the packs from before were all gone; the supplies had probably been put away sometime earlier. We waited around until everyone else joined us. The red haired woman’s father was the last to come in.
He came in slowly, dragging his feet as he made his way to the nearest chair. He sat down heavily and looked around the room. Five chairs were empty, serving as reminders of the ones that’d been lost. After some silence, he began the meeting.
He leaned forward and looked intently at everyone present. “Okay. Here’s how it is: we secured enough supplies to keep us going for a while, but they’ll only last so long. Although, It’ll be much easier for us now that our numbers have decreased significantly.” He paused before continuing, looking for what he was trying to say.
He continued on, “We aren’t gonna talk about the losses of our friends; it’s just too much right now. This is the main objective: survive. That’s what we gotta do; for ourselves and each other. There’s no time for us to pity ourselves and let grief consume us. We need to come alongside each other and be the support to carry each other on. We need to rely more heavily on each other, knowing we’re incapable of doing this alone. We’ll take a few days to situate ourselves, but then we gotta begin operations again.
I know; none of you w
anna go back out there knowing those demons are on the prowl, hungry for our flesh. But we have to; we just have to. Take the next few days to find closure, rest, and get ready for new operations. Mend your broken hearts, because that’s what’s essential to where we are right now.”
Tears were welling up in his eyes as he said this. I listened closely, hanging on to every word that came out of his mouth. I looked around the room; everyone in the room was crying, doing their best to keep composure.
I saw the pain writhing about in our hearts, trying to kill us off, like some sort of disease. I turned back to the father as he said his last words. “That’s all there is to it; that’s all I have to…”
He couldn’t let the words find their way out of his mouth. His bottom lip quivered as tears rolled down his cheeks. He pulled his pipe out with shaking hands and struggled to light up the herbs inside of it. He got up as he tried to take a puff to console himself. His lips were shaking intensely as he tried to puff; the pipe fell out of his mouth and landed in his hands. He turned away from us and walked into the main entrance. We watched on, seeing the anguish in his heart.
He stopped, looking down at the pipe in his hands. He stood there for a few moments, probably thinking about the warrior. Then he raised his hands high and smashed the pipe on the ground, filling the room with the sounds of the crash. Pieces of it flew everywhere, coating the floor with destruction. He stamped out the lit herbs on the floor and walked angrily out of the house.
After that, the rest of us looked down into our hands, looking for something that was never there. I watched as everyone slowly trickled out of the room, leaving me alone.
I sat in silence and the room started speaking to me. It reminded me of how I’d been the one that sent us to Tuckerton, and our deaths. I tried to deny the accusations the room threw at me, saying I hadn’t know what would happen. The room continued to spit my crimes at me, pushing me closer to the edge. I stood up as the room kept prodding me towards my own destruction. When I couldn’t take it anymore, I stood up and repeatedly smashed my chair against the wall, breaking it up into wooden splinters. I walked out of the house as the echoes of my crimes chased me out the door.
Everyone spent the next few days consoling themselves and getting ready for the next round of survival; I think we knew it’d be the hardest time of our lives before it even began.
Tape #11