NINETEEN
I lead as we hike back toward the caves. I shove thick branches out of our way as Bastien lets out an exaggerated sigh. I’ve known he’s been ready to blow for the last thirty minutes, but hoped he would simmer down before we made it back to the cave. Obviously, that’s not going to happen.
I release a branch and let it swing back, slapping Bastien right across the chest. “Hey!” he shouts, rubbing his bruised flesh.
“Well, I had to do something to distract you from your grumpiness.” I turn and face him, holding the strap of my bag tightly across my chest. I don’t want him to see the tremor that continues to ripple through my fingers after our encounter with Kyan an hour ago.
“I’m not grumpy. I’m worried.”
“About what?”
He rolls his eyes. “Don’t you find it the least bit odd that Kyan just happened to be waiting to see how you handled yourself back there?”
I offer an indifferent shrug, but even a blind man wouldn’t have been fooled by my pathetic attempt. “I don’t know. Kyan is…mysterious.”
“That’s one word for it. I’ve got a few more if you’d like to hear them.”
I laugh. “You’ve got some serious trust issues, don’t you?”
“Of course I do. He seems too invested in you. Too…protective.”
“Hmm,” I scratch my chin, as if in deep thought. “I wonder if that might describe another near complete stranger that I’ve run across this week.”
Bastien scowls. “That’s not funny.”
“Didn’t intend for it to be.” I close the gap between us and place my hand on his forearm. I try not to think of how wonderful it felt to be wrapped in his embrace. “I don’t think Kyan means to hurt me.”
“How could you possibly know that?”
“Simple.” I release his arm and reattach my grip on my pack. “He’s let me walk away twice now and I’m still alive.”
I turn away and adopt a determined march. Bastien rushes to catch up to me. “So what do you think about this whole training thing?”
“I don’t know. It could be good.”
His grasps my shoulder and forces me to stop, turning me to face him. “I may still be sort of a stranger, but I know you Illyria. You’re freaking out, but are too darn stubborn to admit it.”
I look down at the ground, unable to meet his gaze. A ring of mud clings to the edge of my boots. “So what? Wouldn’t you be scared if you were me?”
Bastien gently lifts my chin with his finger. “Of course I would be, but not for the reasons you think.”
I purse my lips as he continues. “I think we’ve pretty much established that I’m not a fan of the Caldonians. You know that my parents were killed by the aliens a while back, which is why you found me sewer diving with the rats in those subway tunnels, but I never really told you how they died.”
His face clouds over and he frowns. “My dad was weak, malnourished, at the end. Mom worried for weeks before they were captured that he was coming down with some sort of respiratory illness.”
My forehead furrows with confusion. I’ve never heard that word before.
Bastien continues, staring blankly into the woods. “He started coughing first. Deep and kind of chunky sounding. Then the wheezing began. He couldn’t catch his breath. Mom tried everything she could to ease his suffering, but he developed a fever and it burned right through him.”
“Nighttime was the worst. He would cough until he was red in the face and then empty his stomach all over the floor. He couldn’t keep anything down. On that last day, his lips were starting to turn blue and mom got real quiet. I knew something was wrong but was too afraid to ask.”
“So what happened?” I ask in a whisper.
Bastien closes his eyes to the memory. “I went out in search of medicine. Mom warned me to be careful not to be seen. Guess I didn’t do such a great job. The Squaddies waited for me to slip in the back door before they came in through the front. I never even made it to my bedroom before my mom started screaming at me to run.”
“What did you do?”
He turns so I can only see his profile, but even that is enough to betray the pain etched on his face. “I ran.”
My throat constricts at the sob that rises in his throat. “I just left her there, defenseless. I should have stayed. I could have fought.”
“No,” I argue softly, placing my hand on his shoulder. “You would have been taken too.”
“I know,” he whispers. He wipes his nose with the back of his sleeve before he turns to look at me. “I slipped through my window into the apartment next door. I used to hate how close together the buildings were, but for once, I was grateful. I snuck up to the roof and covered myself with a tarp so the Sky Ships wouldn’t see me when they arrived.”
“I saw them drag my father out into the street. He was so weak he could barely hold up his head.” He scuffs his toe into the dirt, digging a crater as he fights the emotions released by his admission. “He tried to push them away, but they put their laser to his chest and pulled the trigger.”
“He fell to the ground, a huge charred hole where his heart had been only seconds before. I can still hear my mother wailing as two men drug her behind a dumpster at the end of the street. I buried my head and tried to cover my ears, but I could still hear them laughing as they abused her over and over again.”
“Oh god.” I cup my hands over my mouth, horrified.
Bastien clears his throat and shoves his hands in his pocket. “When they were done they just left her there, on the ground, and I knew she was gone. I could see her hand sticking out from the dumpster. It never moved.”
My fingers tremble as my hand falls from my mouth. “What did you do?”
I’ve never seen such anger in a man before. His beautiful eyes look as hard as ice. “I waited for them to leave before I stood up. When I did, I saw him on the rooftop across from me. He was alone, unmoving.”
“Who?”
“Kyan,” he grinds out the alien’s name.
“But surely it was dark. You can’t possibly know it was him,” I protest.
“I know,” he snaps. “I’ve seen my fair share of aliens over the past few years and never have I seen one with his eye color. He recognized me today. I know it. That’s why he was mocking me about being your protector.”
“No.” I shake my head, struggling to wrap my head around it. “Even if it was him, why would he just let you go that night?”
“Honestly? I think he’s been following me. Following us. I think he’s known all along this would happen. My bet is he’s been waiting for us to find him.”
I fall silent and let his words sink in. Is it possible that he could be right? Kyan can read minds from long distances. Maybe he really did plan all of this.
“You have to tell your friends, Illyria. They have a right to know.”
I sigh, knowing he is right and despising him all the more for it. “I’ll tell them. I just need time.”
Bastien grabs my hand to stop me as I try to turn away. “You’re supposed to start meeting with Kyan tomorrow. There’s no more time left.”
To say that my friends took my coming out party well would be the understatement of the century. Zahra was predictable in her fierce protests about my continuing to live within the confines of the cave. For once, I think I might actually agree with her. I’m like a ticking time bomb buried under hundreds of feet of sediment and rock.
Aminah was quiet but her turmoil was evident on her face. I could tell she was trying to dig into my brain but, with each attempt, I threw up a block that only frustrated her more. I don’t know how I managed to keep her out, maybe it was just instinct.
Toren was livid. His face went through more shades of red than a ripening tomato. He yelled a lot, but that was to be expected. By the end of his tirade, he hit me with the ‘I’m really disappointed in you’ speech and stormed off wi
th Aminah tucked firmly under his arm. I can’t blame him. I did technically place the entire commune in danger.
Eamon was the hardest to face. His pain staked me right through the heart. Even though I know he’s not angry at me for my actions, I’ve wounded him by hiding the truth…and sharing it with Bastien.
That night I went to the Cascades, needing the solitude and continuity of the rushing water to ease my guilt. The cold spray of the water felt amazing against my skin.
I stayed for a long time after everyone else went to bed. Even Bastien knew I needed to be alone and gave me some time to myself.
When I wake, curled into a tiny damp ball with my back pressed against the low row of stone near the falls, I groan and stretch to ease the pain in my lower back. I welcome the pain as penance, but I know it’s not enough. My friends feel betrayed and rightfully so.
“You should have told me,” a deep voice calls from the shadows.
I narrow my eyes and try to peer through the haze of mist that hangs in the air around me. “Eamon? How long have you been there?”
“Most of the night. I figured I’d find you here. You always did like to come to this spot to think.”
My laugh is forced. I suck in a breath and try to pass if off as a cough but the silence between us is ripe with discomfort. “You obviously have something on your mind.”
He steps out of the shadows looking despondent and haggard. “Why did you keep this from me?”
“I…” I begin but my voice cracks unnaturally. Clearing my throat does little to help the lump in my throat. “I never wanted to.”
“That’s crap and you know it!” He stomps into the glow of the torchlight. “You were trying to save your own skin. That’s what cowards do and you’ve never been one of those before. Did Bastien tell you to lie?”
“No!” I cry. “He has nothing to do with this!”
Eamon scoffs, rolling his eyes. “Please. I’m not a fool, Illyria.”
“I’m serious. I can’t help it that he was with me every time someone was trying to kill me. It just happened.”
“I should have been with you! Me! Not him!” Eamon’s face contorts with anger. “I’m the one who looks out for you.”
“I know,” I whisper, stepping closer to him. “You’ve always been there for me, Eamon. I’m sorry you weren’t the one to help me, but if he hadn’t been there I would have died. You can’t fault him for that.”
He swallows several times before running his hands through his unruly curls. “Why didn’t you tell the others about the two men you killed in the factory?”
The sound of the rushing waterfall covers my gasp, but my shock is no less evident. “How do you know about that?”
Eamon averts his gaze, focusing on the swirling foam in the pool below. “I saw it.”
“How?” I demand. “Not even Aminah can get through to my mind right now.”
“I’m not a mind reader,” he spits out, as if the mere idea disgusts him. “I can see the future and the past when I focus.”
I blink, sure that I’ve heard him wrong. As his expression hardens, I realize he’s not in a joking mood. “When did that develop?”
He lifts his gaze to pin me to the wall. “The night you released that psychic blast.”
I sink to the floor, overcome with grief. “I’m so sorry. I had no idea…”
“That I would find out.”
“No!” I cry out as a tear trickles down my face. “That’s not what I meant.”
He turns away. His entire body seems stiff, unwelcoming. Fear threatens to overtake me as I surge to my feet and latch onto him, spinning him to face me.
“I knew it was my fault that everyone changed. I wanted to tell you, but I couldn’t bear the thought of seeing this look on your face.”
His chin draws up and his jaw clenches. “When did you become such a coward?”
“When I became deadly.” I hang my head, pressing it against Eamon’s chest. He doesn’t make any move to console me and that makes me tear up even more. “I don’t know what’s happening to me, Eamon. I was terrified of getting you involved, of you getting hurt because of me. I can’t bear the thought of losing you.”
“And you thought lying to me was the answer?” He growls.
“No!” I jerk upright, fighting to look at him through a disarray of hair. “I was going to tell you when I had the answers. When I knew I could trust myself around you. These outbursts seem to come when I get really emotional.”
For the first time I see a slight chink in Eamon’s armor. “And you thought you might be emotional around me?”
“Of course! You’re the closest thing I have to family, Eamon. I was terrified of losing you.” I reach up and slowly press my palm against his face. “I’m so sorry…about everything.”
He leans into my touch, closing his eyes. A small sigh escapes his lips. “I know,” he whispers, placing his hand over mine. His other hand encircles my waist and draws me to his chest. I lay my head over his heart and breathe in the familiar scent of leather and pine, the smell of a hunter.
Hugging him feels like coming home. It is familiar, safe. He leans back into the wall and supports my weight as I nestle into him.
I’ve lost count of how many nights we have fallen asleep like this, our hearts beating in perfect unity. I guess, if I were to be honest, I can see why everyone thinks Eamon and I will end up together. He is the perfect match for me. Maybe that is why I have resisted for so long. Perhaps he’s too perfect for me.
We lean like this until the muscles in my calves begin to quiver. I push off his chest and offer him a sheepish grin. “Am I forgiven?”
He extends a wry smile back. “You know I can’t stay mad at you for long.”
“I do.” I hold out my hand to him and wait for him to clasp it.
Eamon pulls me back as I start toward the arched stone doorway. “I told you I saw what you did, but I also saw your grief afterward. I know you didn’t mean to kill those men.”
My smile falters as tears sting my eyes. “No. I didn’t.”
He squeezes my hand. “You’re not a killer, Illyria. That thing inside of you is. If this Kyan guy can help you then I’m willing to give him a chance, but I’ll be watching him.”
I grin, tugging on his arm. “Always my big brother, ready to leap in and fight for me.” As I lead him into the tunnel, I can’t but notice the frown that settles over his features before we dip back into the darkness.