“I didn’t ask her to either,” I insisted. “I didn’t even tell her what happened. She just found out and showed up. She and my mom were close. I didn’t feel as if I could send her away, not when my mom wanted her there. And then she offered to sit with Mom while I went home and washed up. I needed a moment to recoup—just a few hours—I swear, I was only gone a few hours.”
How could Isobel have come to be with me during the few hours I’d been gone?
“When I saw her, a stranger I’d never met before sitting with your mother while I hadn’t even been invited…” Her entire expression crumpled as she admitted, “It hurt. It shattered me.”
I drew in a breath and shook my head. “Isobel.”
But she lifted a finger, asking me to let her keep talking. “And then, when I asked who she was, she said she was your girlfriend, and…and…”
“And you just believed her?” I asked, disappointed and upset. I’d suffered twice as much as I should have these past few days because she’d taken the word of a complete stranger over everything I’d ever said to her? I wanted to rage at her for doing that to me.
Tears trickled down her cheeks. “She was there,” she insisted, “sitting with your mother as if she belonged. And she already knew who I was. She didn’t have to ask. She took one look at my scars and said, ‘You must be the daughter of that rich man he’s been working for.’ She told me you’d only been kind and complimentary to me because you didn’t want to get fired. She made it sound like you’d just been playing me the whole time because of your job and the situation you were in. And I…I…”
Sighing, I closed my eyes and pinched the bridge of my nose. “I’m going to kill her,” I said to myself. Gloria was dead to me.
“How did she know who I was?” Isobel demanded, her voice breaking. “How did she know about my scars?”
“I told my mother,” I admitted, feeling small. “I told my mother about you, how you didn’t like to leave your house after you’d been hurt in a fire.” Then I shrugged helplessly. “And Gloria is her friend.” I didn’t admit that Gloria had been there when I’d told Mom about Isobel. It felt worse to admit that, and besides, it didn’t matter that much. Gloria had found out because of me, and she’d used the information against Isobel to hurt her.
Shaking my head, I focused on the woman before me. “I still don’t understand why you didn’t at least confront me about this. She’s done this kind of thing before. She’s lied to keep other women away from me. If I’d ever thought you two would meet, I would’ve warned you not to believe a thing she ever said. I would’ve been able to fix all this. But you didn’t even tell me about it. I begged you to tell me what happened, and you refused! Jesus Christ, Isobel, why didn’t you just tell me? Or…or get her name. Or—”
“I did go back to get her name,” she said softly. More tears trailed down her cheek. “I left that hospital room, ready to confront you and demand the truth, but I got halfway down the hall before I realized I at least needed to know her name if I was going to talk to you about her. So I turned back.”
I wanted to wipe her tears away and pull her into my arms, and yet I wanted to push her back and yell about how much she’d broken me. So unnecessarily broken me.
Pulled in two directions, I narrowed my eyes. “So what did she tell you her name was?”
Isobel shook her head, and another tear slipped down her cheek. “She didn’t. When I reached the doorway, your mom had just woken. She saw...saw Gloria and smiled at her, then reached for her hand. Then…then she thanked her for being there and told her she was such a good daughter, and she couldn’t wait until you married her and made her a daughter in truth.”
I clenched my teeth and spiked my fingers into my hair. My own mother had unknowingly backed Gloria’s lie. The misery of it took my breath.
“They’re…they’re friends,” was all I could think to say before I shook my head, lost and defeated. “Mom is always…” Realizing I’d just spoken of her in the present tense, I paused, waited for the spear of pain to pass, and then said, “She was always saying shit like that, trying to force the two of us together, but nothing—and I mean, nothing—ever came of it. I am not and have never been with Gloria in any way.”
Isobel nodded, believing me, before she buried her face into her hands and wept. “I’m sorry.”
Rage and pain swamped me. I should’ve been meaner to Gloria years ago and forced her out of my life for good. I should’ve…I don’t know. But it felt as if I could’ve stopped this from happening. If only I’d done little things here and there differently, I could’ve prevented this.
Wiping at her cheeks, Isobel drew in a breath and met my gaze, her devastation clear and brutally exposed. “I…I’m so sorry, Shaw. I should’ve talked to you about it, I know that. But I just couldn’t. We’d only known each other a couple months. It was still so fresh and new and…and there wasn’t any solid proof behind anything you’d ever said to me. All I had was your word to go on whether your feelings were true or not. You always seemed to back away whenever we started to talk about a future between the two of us. And after the hospital visit, I felt like a fool, a stupid, idiotic fool. I assumed I’d just been so desperate and lonely that I’d been willing to believe the first guy who acted interested. It suddenly seemed crazy that you might’ve actually loved me back. I never did anything to deserve someone who seemed as perfect as you were.”
“Love isn’t about deserving,” I hissed, shaking my head. “Because who really deserves love? We’re all miserable, imperfect idiots who probably need swift kicks in the ass more than anything. No, love is about connection and feelings, and I had that with you. I had all that with you. I never had it with anyone else.”
Isobel sent me a sad, watery smile. “I had the same connection and feelings for you.”
I didn’t know what to say to that, what to do about any of this.
I wanted to forgive her and pull her into my arms to ease some of the grief plaguing me, yet I couldn’t.
I wanted to hate her for what I’d been through the last few days, and yet I couldn’t do that either.
Behind me, more laughter trickled from my apartment. Becky loudly started to recount a memory of a time she’d gotten into trouble with Mom. It was more than I could take. I ran my hands through my hair before gripping it with both hands.
“Shaw?” Isobel’s wobbly voice haunted me. She reached out her hand.
I took a step away, and she quickly withdrew her fingers.
I swear, watching the agony cross her features after my rejection hurt me as much as it hurt her.
Closing my eyes, I gritted out, “I just need some time. I can’t deal with everything all at once.”
“Of course,” she rushed out. “Yes, of course.”
When I opened my eyes, she’d whirled away and was dashing down the stairs.
An image of my mother crumpled and broken at the bottom of those very steps seized me, and instinctively I started after her, worried about her tripping in her haste. Falling. Dying. But Ezra set a hand on my chest.
If he’d been forceful or angry, I would’ve fought past him. I would’ve punched him in the eye and caught up with his sister before she left the building. But the guy only looked sad and sympathetic.
“I think you’re right about the time thing. Why don’t you give it a day?” he suggested. “Take care of everything with your mom, deal with…” He waved a hand toward the opened door of my apartment where my siblings were still inside, spilling out memories. “Izzy needs a day too, to let the reality of what she did soak in. Then go see her.”
I heard the door at the bottom of the stairs open and bang shut, letting me know she had made it off the steps safely, so I nodded and let her go.
chapter
TWENTY-NINE
One day actually spanned into two. My five siblings cleaned out pretty much everything that once belonged to Mom. The only things left were her walker, some clothes no one would ever want, and a bu
nch of broken bakery remains. I did find a chipped cup she used to love to drink from, so I kept that, but everything else, I boxed up and hauled down to the dumpster.
Every time I passed the base of the stairwell where I’d found her, my throat would go dry and my chest would twist with pain. I really needed to move out of this hellhole.
I had no idea what I was going to do with the rest of my life. I hadn’t received any word that Henry had rescinded any of the loans or bills he’d paid off for my mom, but I hadn’t seen any proof of the opposite either. If I ended up owing him, at least I was free to find a job somewhere that actually paid me so I could attempt to pay him back. I wasn’t tied to taking care of Mom anymore, so I was free to do anything now, though that thought made me feel even crappier. Any hardship would’ve been worth keeping her alive longer.
Besides, without her, I had no purpose. I honestly felt lost, like a wadded-up piece of newspaper drifting in the breeze. It was only a matter of time before someone caught me and threw me into the trash where I belonged.
On Saturday, I fully planned to sit on the couch and drown myself in my misery for the entire day, but I ended up with two visitors. I wasn’t particularly happy to see either, but they both surprised me.
Gloria showed up first, just before noon.
I didn’t want to answer the door. I didn’t feel like being kind or polite to anyone and there was nothing left here for my siblings to take. The only reason I dragged myself from the couch was because I thought it might be Isobel, though I wasn’t too sure I wanted to see her either. I still didn’t have the energy to deal with the kind of talk we needed to have, and my head wasn’t yet in the right place to make decisions about us. But the draw of maybe seeing her again had me opening the door anyway, even as my gut tensed with anxiety.
At first, I didn’t recognize the person in front of me. It took me another minute to realize she was even a woman. Her head was shaved, not just short but completely bald, and her clothes were sagging loose, hanging off her in a bland beige heap, kind of like sackcloth. No makeup lined her lips or eyes. It took her saying my name and me recognizing her voice to realize who she was.
My eyes widened. “Gloria?”
After drawing in a deep breath, she smoothed her hands over her stomach and said, “I know what I did was wrong. But I’m sorry, so see…” She spread her arms to show me her new look. “I did all this to show you the depth of my woe. Now you know I’m not lying when I say how very sorry I am.”
I blinked at her, stared two seconds longer, then said, “You shaved your own head to get me to forgive you?”
She nodded and bit her lip. “Did it work?”
I snorted. “No. That’s the stupidest thing I ever heard of anyone doing,” and I slammed the door in her face.
If only that had run her off.
If only.
She smacked her palms against the door, cursing my name through the wood. Then she yelled, “I thought if I became hideous like her, you’d finally see me.”
Those words hit a trigger. Detonating, I flung open the door and marched out into the hall to loom ominously over her. And she knew she’d said the wrong thing. Her mouth opened to backtrack, but I pointed at her, silencing her.
“Oh, I saw you,” I told her in a deadly calm voice. “I saw you all these years; I just didn’t like you.”
When her eyes filled with horror and her mouth gaped, I shifted closer, making her retreat a fearful step in reverse. “But you didn’t care what I wanted, did you? You never cared what I wanted. If you had, you might not have been such a malicious lying bitch when Isobel walked into that hospital room. You might’ve realized how much I loved her and needed her that day. But no, you only thought about yourself, and you chased her away to fill your own purpose, which destroyed me. You wrecked my life.”
“But I thought you—”
“No!” I roared. “You didn’t think about me at all. You thought about you, how you could step in and pick up the pieces of my poor, pitiful broken heart, then fit me back together into some mold you thought I could fill so I could give you the happily ever after you’ve always wanted. But I can’t. I’m not the man you keep trying to make me, and I don’t want to be.”
Her bottom lip trembled. It only angered me more. I pointed toward the stairwell.
“Get out and never come back. If I ever see you again, I will hurt you in ways you never even knew were possible.” I’d hurt her the way she’d caused me to hurt.
Even though she’d just backed away from me, revealing her fear, she lifted her chin in challenge. “You don’t mean that. You’d never hurt me.”
Oh, yes, I would. Maybe not physically, but if I were ever to hurt any woman, it would’ve been her.
“Get out!” I shouted so loud I caused a couple doors to open down the hall and neighbors to peer out curiously. I stepped toward Gloria, lifting my hands as if to strangle her. “Get out.”
She yelped in fear.
My fingers shook from the force of my rage. “Get off of my floor.”
Gloria skidded a few more feet in reverse.
“Get out of my building.” I started to follow her, the intent clear in my eyes. I wasn’t sure what I actually would’ve done if I caught her, but it was a good thing she retreated, turning away from me and hauling ass toward the stairwell.
“Get out of my life!” I hollered after her.
As soon as the top of her bald head disappeared from view, I added, “And I hope your hair never grows back.”
Less than ten minutes after I slammed my way back into my apartment, another knock came on my door. I was still too hyped up on anger and adrenaline to realize the knock had been far too polite to be Gloria. But I couldn’t think who else it would be, so I stormed forward and threw the door open, ready to tell her how much she disgusted me.
When I came face to face with Henry instead, I faltered, stumbling off balance before I could steady myself. He didn’t seem to notice the fluster he caused. His head had been bowed humbly.
When he lifted his face, he looked regretful. “Shaw,” he murmured, nodding respectfully. “Ezra told me what happened. I’m sorry to hear about Margaret.”
I nodded and let out an unsteady breath. “Thank you, sir.”
I wanted to ask about Isobel, but I wasn’t sure how.
When he held up a hand where my truck keys dangled, silently returning them to me, I wrinkled my eyebrows, confused.
“Go on,” he insisted. “Take them. They were never mine to remove from you, anyway. Isobel’s the one who bought the truck for you.”
My gaze flashed to him, pure shock reverberating through me.
He smiled sadly. “She didn’t want you to know she’d bought you a truck; that’s why we made it look like a work truck from me. She was pissed when I took the keys back. So, here. It’s yours, free and clear. No strings attached.”
Slowly I reached out, taking the keys, even though I wasn’t certain yet whether I was agreeing to keep them or not.
“And…” Henry shuffled uneasily. “If you can forgive me for the way I reacted without finding out the truth first, then our deal is complete. With everything you’ve done at the house, you’ve more than paid me back for the loans I paid off. Besides, with Margaret gone…well, you just don’t owe me anything else. Our agreement is concluded, and your life is your own again.”
I nodded, not sure what to say.
But he shook his head. “The main reason I came here, though, was to thank you.”
My eyebrows lifted. “Thank me?”
“Yes, Shaw, thank you.” He blew out an unsteady breath. “Since I lost my wife and what seemed like my daughter in that fire, I’d felt as if I’d lost myself, too. I thought if only I could be a better person, if I did enough charitable deeds, if I paid my penance for whatever I did wrong to lose them in the first place, I could at least get Izzy back. Year after year, I handed out loans that ended up never paying back, hoping someday, fate would turn back and karm
a would shine on me again. And then you came into my office.”
He gave me a strange smile. “I never really thought it’d change much to bring you into my home and force you around her, but it did. You were the miracle I’d been waiting for. You brought my daughter back.”
I started to shake my head, unable to accept that kind of credit, but he gripped my shoulder and nodded. “You did. I’m not sure how you did it, but she’s a different person now, not exactly the teenage girl I lost all those years ago, but a lovely, amazing adult version of her. And no matter what happens from here on out, I wanted you to know I’m grateful for those few weeks you gave me of her true, genuine smile. I’d never seen her happier than she was with you.”
Agony and bittersweet memories of Isobel’s smile sluiced through me. I nearly double over from the waves.
Henry kept watching me as if wanting me to say I was over my pain and anger and I was ready to forgive her and move on, but I shook my head. I wasn’t sure what I felt. I was still so lost and confused.
“She really hurt me,” I admitted.
He nodded, not denying it. “I know. She messed up. Just like we’re all prone to do. Her mistake wasn’t intended to hurt you, though, it just ended up that way. She loved you the whole time and loves you now. Plus, she’s sorry for what she did, and I believe she’s fully learned her lesson.”
Of course her father would say that and side with her, but his words affected me, anyway. I knew she’d never had any evil intent. I’d always known that. And no one was perfect. But…
Dammit. I didn’t know what the but was. It seemed like there should be one, except I couldn’t think up what it would be. I either pulled myself together and forgave her, or…or what? Never forgave her? Never saw her again? Never kissed her again? Lived the rest of my life without her?
All because of one mistake that had hurt my feelings?
A mistake I was sure she’d never repeat.