I’m intrigued and wonder what’s caused the turnaround in her behaviour. Surely she must have some good news.
‘I’m going to stay with Grandma and Grandpa for a while.’ She stares at me, waiting for my reaction.
My first thought is, I can’t go. I can’t leave Luc. We’ve got important plans. My second thought is, she used the word 'I' and not 'we'.
‘What? You’re going by yourself?’ I ask.
During the last month, I would have absolutely preferred it if she had been at my Grandparents’ place. I hated to see her in such a bad way and would rather she be grief-stricken anywhere else but here. But now, seeing her restored to her old self, I don’t want her to go. I want her to take care of me. To stay. I want us to try to heal ourselves together.
I hadn't realised how much I’ve been missing the company of my mother. I haven’t just been grieving for Skye, I’ve been adrift without the reliable everyday closeness of Ma. At this moment I almost want to forget my mission with Luc and try to get back to being a family of sorts.
‘Just for a bit, sweetheart. The helicopter’s picking me up this afternoon. Pa has arranged it all.’
‘This afternoon? But how long will you be away for?’ Hurt pricks at me and the word ‘abandoned’ pops into my head. I feel sick. Although she’s been as good as useless to me over the past few weeks, I don’t want her to go. The thought terrifies me. I feel like a little child, out of my depth and overwhelmed. I feel hot tears welling behind my eyes, but I also feel a creeping, burning anger that mothers aren’t supposed to behave like this. She should be here for me. I need her. But I’m not going to beg.
I breathe back the tears before they can fall, and I set my mouth into a hard line. The anger lodges like a piece of stale bread in my throat. She speaks again.
‘Riley, darling, we’ve all had an unbelievably dreadful time of it. I’ve been ill and I know I neglected you when you needed me. I’m still not quite right yet so Grandma and Grandpa are going to help me get better and then I can come home and we can start trying to get back to normal again. It won’t be for long. Please, my darling, please be strong for a little while longer.’
She sounds like her old self but I can see in her face that these words are costing a lot of effort. She looks tired and old. Her make-up doesn’t enhance her features, it just sort of sits on top of them like a mask. The panic and anger leaves my body and I suddenly feel so tired I want to curl up into a ball and sleep for a year.
‘Okay.’ I don’t look at her when I say it.
‘You’re such a good girl. I’ll be back soon, I promise. Now come and give me another hug.’
That afternoon, Pa comes out into the garden and tries to be happy for my benefit but I can tell he’s upset by the way he keeps clenching and unclenching his fists and sticking his chin out in an almost defiant way, like a little boy.
It’s a stiflingly warm day and the wind from the copter blades does nothing to relieve my hot exhaustion. It whips my sleek, newly straightened hair all around my face and the noise irritates me. Pa speaks and I only catch a few words above the noise.
‘Stupid idiots. They put it down too near the roses. They’ll be blown to bits.’ But whereas a couple of months ago he would have been purple with rage. Today he just murmurs sadly. The fight seems to have escaped from Pa like air from a shrinking balloon. Before all this, I would have laid bets on him roaring and threatening throughout the Perimeter to get Skye’s killer recaptured, calling in favours, leaving no stone unturned. But Pa’s a broken man.
He carries Ma’s cases across the lawn and helps her up into the plush cabin where two guards are already seated. She blows us kisses through her tears and then, just like that, she