Chapter 15
I’m at home trying to think on some lyrics for a new song that I’m doing. I’m at sitting at my piano and I glance at my closet door. My dress is hanging on the doorknob and I can’t wait to wear it when Jackson comes. To my house, where everyone is going to be. Why did I ever agree to this? I rub my fingers over the piano, just feeling the thrill on how the piano feels. It just feels so damn good.
I close my eyes and take a deep breath and start playing the piano. My fingers hit the keys with such softness, desire and love. I start humming to the music of the piano.
I keep wanting to sing but I just want to hear my piano. The melody sounds so good and it makes me shiver throughout my whole body. Goosebumps appear on my arms when I continue to play. I’m the type of girl who is shy, the person who sits in the back of the class and never raises her hand. I’m the type of girl who doesn’t even know what to do with her life. Seriously, I’m in grade 11 and I barely even know what I want to be. I mean, I want to be an English high school teacher because I just love English. I want to be a teacher because I want to teach kids something. I always wanted to become a teacher when I was little and it never left my mind.
But I also want to be a singer. Of course, my mom doesn’t approve of this because when I told her, she said that singers don’t make a lot of money, but she’s wrong. I mean Selena Gomez is worth so much money! She is so rich that she must own like 5 houses. Maybe even more, but who’s counting? This is confusing my mind so much that I mess up the song, which makes me mad.
I crack my knuckles and punch the wall. Hoping that my mom doesn’t hear it because she needs to sleep. She has the business trip early tomorrow so she went to sleep early. My mom doesn’t even know what’s going to happen when she’s gone, so I’m scared if she finds out that I’m throwing a party. When I get back to playing the piano I hear a notification from my phone. Hopefully that it’s not Aria because she knows how much I hate it when I’m distracted from my piano time.
I sigh and go over to my bed and check my phone. It’s a text. From Jackson. I open it and see what he wrote. He said, “hi babe”. Hi babe? Moi? Babe? I didn’t really notice I was blushing until I touched my cheek and realize it was scorching hot.
I lie down on my bed and think about what I should write. Should I even write back? I guess I should so I don’t seem like an idiot to a guy who told me he likes me and kissed me. I close my eyes for one second and then I type “Hi” to him. I close my eyes and swear under my breath. I close my eyes, hold my phone to my chest and then hear my phone ringing. I don’t notice who it is. I press answer and try to hear who it is. “Hi?” I say confused because I honestly don’t know who’s calling me at nine at night. “
Hi Mia.” Holy shit he said my name. Oh wait, he knows my name. Why do I feel so nervous when he says my name? I mean I did kiss him… “
Um hi. Just wondering, how did you get my phone number?” He laughs.
“I had to ask someone for it. I just had to call you after, well you know.”
“Oh, um yeah. So, um, how are you?”
“I miss you so much Mia.” My heart stops when he says that he misses me. I mean, we live like fifteen minutes away from each other, and I do see him at school. But he misses me? Doesn’t he kiss like every other girl? I shouldn’t get too attached to him that much. What if he’s just playing with me? Using me. I mean that’s what guys do, right? That’s what my dad did with my mom, he screwed her up and left her when I was born.
“You miss me?”
“Yeah, so much.” “Well I will see you at the party, right?” I say crossing my fingers behind my back because I really want him to come.
“Um well…” He coughs which is making me nervous. If he is not coming why the hell am I doing this?
“Well what?”
“I don’t think I can make it Mia…”
“Why the hell not?” I say sounding really annoyed and mad. I made this party for him! I bought this stupid crappy dress for him! I’m about to punch my wall because of him. I never cry. I only get mad and yell and break things. I never cry. I haven’t cried since I was like a baby. I stopped crying because crying is for wimps. And I am no wimp.
“Um. Well I have something to do that day. I am so sorry Mia.” I grit my teeth and swear under my breath. I am so mad that I am about to throw my phone at the wall hoping that it will break. I take a deep breath and think about how boys are boys. They break your heart and leave you forever. He never liked me… he only liked my body.
“Great. Just great.” I sigh.
“Um you ok?”
No.
“Yes, I am fine.”
“Wow great. Phew.” He says basically laughing. I am so mad that I want to tell him how I feel about him not coming to my party.
“Yeah I know right.”
“I thought you were going to be mad like the other girls.”
“Yeah well guess what? I am like other girls, you idiot. I cannot believe you are not coming! After kissing me and touching my body and almost giving me a hickey! Well you know what, we are over. Don’t talk to me, don’t touch me and do not call me ever again. Just delete my phone number or something.” I say while holding my pillow.
I look down and there are marks on the pillow from me holding it so hard. I guess I really am mad at him.
“Mia wait. Please don’t.”
“Jackson. You were my first real crush. But just knowing that basically you used me for something, just makes me want to cry. And I never cry. I never cry, and because of you and my stupid shitty mind I believed that boys are nice and don’t hurt girls. But I was wrong. So, bye Jackson, I hope you have a nice life. I know I won’t since you're not going to be in it. Bye Jackson.” I say, yelling at my phone. I really hope my mom doesn’t wake up because of my screaming.
“Mia wait, I….” He says sighing into the phone. I hear him breathing. I hear that idiot breathing and hope that he will stop breathing. He broke my heart. Jackson broke my heart. I guess all guys are like that then.
“What?”
“What about the project?”
“I don’t give a shit about the project anymore. You do the work. Not me. Present it without me. I am not going to school tomorrow at all. I don’t give a shit about it at all.”
“Mia wait!” He says while I close my phone. He used me for the project. He only cared about that damn project. I throw my phone at the ground but it doesn’t break. Only my heart breaks. I close my eyes for one second, hoping that it was all a dream, but it wasn’t. It was real.
I call Aria and tell her everything. I pour my heart into that phone call to Aria. She doesn’t say anything until I finish, which makes me feel calm because I hate it when people interrupt me when I speak.
“Oh Mia. I am so sorry.” She says sounding sorry. I love her so much and I just want to see her and hug her hard. Knowing that she won’t let me go, because that’s how nice a friend she is.
“Yeah, yeah. This is what happens when I trust boys, Aria.”
“I know. I know.” She stops for a second then begins again.
“Are you coming to school tomorrow?”
“Yeah I guess so.” I wasn’t really planning to come to school tomorrow but I still want to throw the party even if Jackson isn’t coming. I don’t care anymore. I shouldn’t stop my life because my crush only likes the idea of me.
“I gotta go Aria. I don’t feel like talking anymore.” I say. I just want some peace and quiet to myself.
“Ok Mia. And don’t worry. I’m going to be by your side all day tomorrow. Then it’s party time!” I laugh.
“Yeah, yeah. Bye Aria.”
“Bye Mia. I love you.”
“Love ya too.”
I close my phone and hold it to my chest. I breathe slowly and think about how stupid I’m being. Jackson is only a guy. There are other fish in the sea.
I put my phone down on my pillow and walk over to my piano. I s
it down slowly and start playing. The melody is going through my body. Making me calm as ever.
I stop and stare at my notebook on my piano stand. I grab it and sit down on my bed. I start thinking how Jackson is making me feel and how he just used me. My hand is moving fast and I look down just noticing that I just wrote a lyric.