Chapter 20
“Mia, I gotta tell you something important.” He says taking a huge deep breath before saying a word.
“The only reason I came here was because I got expelled from my whole school. It’s not because my dad got a new job here, it’s because I got expelled, Mia.” He says with pain in his eyes. It’s making me want to ask him why he got expelled, but I don’t want to push him into telling me.
“Do you want to talk about it?” I say looking into his eyes. I can still hear the music, which is making my head hurt. I check my phone to see what time it is and it’s almost nine! What the hell? I text Aria telling her to turn down the volume a little bit because I can barely even hear myself think!
“If I tell you, you gotta promise you won’t tell anybody.” He says, holding out his pinky so I can pinky promise with him.
“I promise, Lucas.” I say wrapping my pinky with his. I’m scared about the secret he’s telling me. What if it’s really bad? Now I’m shaking and I know he sees it. He tugs me closer to him and I put my head on his chest, just waiting for him to tell me.
“Ok, I used to have a girlfriend, and I loved her a lot Mia.” He says and I can feel my heart about to drop.
“Continue” The only words that would come out of my mouth.
“Ok, so I had this girlfriend, and Mia I loved her. Like I loved her a lot.” He says taking deep breaths between each word.
“So, what happened? I look at him and he looks down at me with pain in his eyes. He touches my nose, then to my lips. His thumb touching my lower lip with such softness. I don’t know what his stupid girlfriend did because he’s the most amazing guy I have ever met in my entire life. Lucas takes a deep breath and keeps on going while looking down on me.
“We were at a party and I came with my girlfriend, of course, and we were having fun. I wasn’t a big drinker, I did have some beer but that was all.” He says while playing with my hair. I’m trying to guess what happened at the party, but I’m just going to wait and hear it from him. He takes a deep breath and starts again.
“So, it was getting late and I didn’t really have a curfew but I wanted to get home a little early, before one.”
“That’s early for you? Before one?” I say with my eyebrows raised. He laughs but only for a second. My phone beeps which makes me get up from Lucas, and grabbing my phone to see who it is. It was only Aria telling me that some people are leaving because it’s almost ten o’clock. Damn it’s late. I text her back fast saying ok, then closing it and getting back to my spot with Lucas. He wraps me around with his hands and it makes me feel warm and safe.
“So, can I continue?” He says kissing me in my cheek.
“Oh yeah, sorry. Please continue.”
“Ok, so like I was saying. I wanted to be a little early when I come home so I tried to find Emma.”
“Emma is your girlfriend, I’m guessing.” I say not trying to sound jealous, but I totally am. He just smiles at me and shakes his head.
“Yeah, she was my girlfriend Mia. Not anymore though. As I was saying, I was trying to look for her everywhere. I then asked some people which they said that she went upstairs with some guy I don’t know.” I know what’s going to happen next, and I’m afraid to imagine it. This happens to a lot of people, mostly at parties. I try to stand up so I can see his face more clearly. I sit across from him, crossed legged waiting for what he’s going to say next. He smiles and lets out a deep breath. I take in his hands letting him know it’s ok.
“Lucas, you don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to.” I say in a whisper which makes him shake his head.
“No, I want to tell you.” He says with pain in his eyes. I know what’s coming next. I can feel it coming. I mouth to him that’s it ok and he just shakes his head and continues.
“And so, I was confused on why she went upstairs with a guy. I felt weird, knowing what I was going to see but I didn’t believe it. The bedroom door was opened and so I, um. I walked in on them Mia. My girlfriend with a guy I don’t even freaking know about! She saw me and I yelled at her and him. I started yelling at her, asking why she did this, but she didn’t even give a good god damn reason why. I went home thinking it was all a dream, but it wasn’t Mia. It wasn’t. I still went to school, tried to act normal but I hear people saying stuff about how she cheated on me. I ignored them, but later that day I saw the dude who was screwing her, and so I dropped all my stuff and started punching him. Hard. Someone called the police, so my principal had to make a decision. Whether to send me to jail, or to expel me, and so he chose the second choice. He expelled me Mia. Just because I punched a guy for screwing my girlfriend. I loved her.” He says, not looking at me which is killing me. I felt a wet drip on my arm, which confused me.
I bring my hands to my face and I feel the salty tears coming down on me. I’m crying. I haven’t cried in years and years, and finally I’m crying. I’m crying so hard I’m making sobbing noises which makes Lucas look up. He puts his hands on my face and leans in and kisses my eyes. It’s like he’s kissing my tears away, which is making me cry more. His girlfriend, the girl he loved, screwed with another guy. And he walked on them. If it were me, I would’ve choked her, but I know he’s not allowed to do that. Lucas comes closer and rubs my tears away with his thumb. I must look like a hot mess to him. I’m crying for god's sake! It all makes sense now, though. Why he told me he doesn’t like parties, why he was so jealous of the guy at the mall and of course it explains why he’s seen a girl’s bra before. They all add up.
Lucas isn’t one of those guys, he’s different. He’s not Jackson, who only cares about himself. He’s a guy who cares about people, about who he loves and who’s he’s with. Trying to think of how to react and show him how much he means to me, and how much he means to me trusting me that story. I do the thing I always do best with him. I kiss him. I lean in and kiss him without letting go. He wraps his arms around me and brings me onto his lap, pulling me closer to him. He kisses harder and harder, numbing the pain away he had with his ex-girlfriend onto me. I bit his lower lip and he moans. I put my arms around his neck pushing him closer to me. I know he feels how much I need him, and I feel that way from him too.
“God, Mia” He says in between the kisses. I know I’m making him crazy because he’s making me feel that way too. I feel his hands going around my back, wanting to get under my dress. I try lifting up his shirt, which he helps me. He throws his shirt on the ground, and oh my god, he looks so freaking beautiful. He has a twelve pack which is making me want to touch, which I do. I touch him which makes him breathe hard. His hands go under my dress, lifting it from me and throwing it to the ground. Thank god, I’m wearing my nice bras and panties. They are black and so they look really sexy on me. Did I predict this would happen to me?
Lucas takes me all in and then dives in and kisses me. He kisses me on my neck, then down to my collarbone, then close to my breast. I know he sees the fear in my eyes because it makes him stop. I’m scared, totally scared. I don’t want to end up like my mom, because of some guy! I mean she had me at eighteen years old because she had no condom! She had sex without protection, had me then had to raise me all alone because my father ‘couldn’t do it!’ He left my mom when I was just born, and my mom has been raising me all my herself. I’m not ready for all of this shit to happen. Lucas lift my chin up so he can look at me in the eyes. Now he sees the pain in my eyes, like I’ve seen in his. And trust me, it isn’t pretty.
“What’s wrong?” He says in a concerned voice. This is the time Mia. This is the time where you’re going to tell Lucas all about why you don’t trust guys. Why it takes you so long to trust one. And why it’s hard for you to say, “I love you” back to a guy.
“I also have to tell you something.” I say looking straight into his eyes, with no fear. He looks at me, confused, but won’t be any more once I tell him everything. I take a deep breath and start from the beginning. My life. My dad, and Jackson. Lucas’
eyes widen once I tell him how my dad left my mom and me, and about how Jackson used me. Lucas’ eyes showed sadness and madness. Once I’m done Lucas takes a deep breath and grabs me into his arms. He hugs me tight, not letting go. Showing me he is not my father, and will never ever be.
“I won’t do that to you Mia. I’m not your father, and I am certainly not Jackson. I will wait for you. You hear me? I will wait for you. The only thing that I want from you is your trust. Please Mia, give me your trust.” He says breathing into my shoulder. I want to, but I don’t know if I can. What if Lucas turns like my dad? What if he leaves me, like how my dad left my mom and I? I never had a father figure, and I know I turned out okay, but there was always something missing in my life. My mother did a pretty good job raising me, but there was no other parent in my life. Just my mom. I see Aria and how her dad acts with her. He kisses her on the top of her head, says I love you back, and says how happy he whatever she plans to do in life. I never had that. And I never will. I feel Lucas’ fingers circling around my back, and I do the same to him.
It’s time Mia, tell him how you feel about him, and no matter what he says or does, you know how he’s gonna feel about you. I take a deep breath and try to get out of Lucas arms, even though I don’t even want too.
“Hey, Lucas, I uh.” I say taking a deep breath, blowing a piece of hair out of my eyes. I kind of now feel a little naked now. I mean I’m only in my bras and panties. I kind of want to get a blanket and throw it on me, but I feel like Lucas will think that I don’t want him looking at me. I just look at my hands, wondering what to do with them. I feel Lucas looking at me, hoping that I can at least say something at him, instead of looking like an idiot.
“You what, Mia?” “Um.” I say sniffing. I’m not crying, but I know I’m about to any second.
“Mia, what is it? Do you, not like me? Is it because of the story? Is it because of… this?” He says motioning between us. I shake my head, because it’s not that at all. Come on mouth, speak! Why the hell are you dying on me right now?
“No!” I say. Thank god! At least one good word came out of my mouth.
“Then what is it?”
“Lucas, I… I just…don’t know how to trust anymore.” I say breathing out a breath of relief. Thank god, it’s over with.
“Mia, you don’t have to now. I’ll wait for you, I will. I won’t let you go. You are so different than any other girls Mia. You’re special.” He says looking in my eyes. Damn it, I’m gonna cry again.
“I am?” I say choking out the words. I can’t even swallow. It’s too hard.
“Of course, you are! Mia, when I first met you, like two days ago, I was scared. I was a new kid in a classroom who I didn’t even know anybody. Like anybody. I was looking around the classroom until I stopped on your face. You made my heart stop. You were the prettiest, beautiful girl I have ever seen in my entire life time. You're not fake. That’s what’s awesome about you. When Mr. Davon told you to show me around the school, I swear to god I felt my heart stop. Anyway, I didn’t even know what to say to you. I was too scared. I mean how could a girl like you, like a guy like me? I mean come on!” He says which I’m laughing. Does he not know how all girls look at him? I mean he’s so hot. He basically looks like those models on a cover page magazine!
“Mia, when I saw you playing the piano in the auditorium I think my heart stopped. I mean the only reason I went to the piano was so I could look cool. But really, I knew nothing about playing it. When I heard you play, I thought I saw Beethoven in front of me. I kind of felt embarrassed on how I played Twinkle Twinkle Little Star in front of you, and you played Für Elise just like the real Beethoven himself!” I blush when he compliments me. I mean yeah, I’m good, but not that good. Just hearing Lucas say how good I am, well it’s the best thing in the entire world.
“Hmm, really?”
“Oh yeah, now since we are actually talking about you playing the piano, can you play something for me?” He says which makes me shake. I mean, it’s not that bad. I have done it before, but I know he’s going to want something special for him this time. So, I just smile at him, kiss the corner of his mouth, then get of my bed and straight to my piano. I know the party is still continuing which is making me laugh. I kind of feel bad making Aria take care of the party. I’m just hoping that when I’m done with Lucas, I don’t find her drunk in a bathroom or something. Just thinking of that makes me shudder.
I open my piano and hear Lucas behind me. I slide my fingers across the piano keys just feeling the piano. I love that feeling, and I know Lucas sees it by the way my eyes light up. I take a deep breath and sit down. I slide a little bit to the right so Lucas can sit down with me. I pat on the seat and he sits down. I feel like Aria would kill me though because I’m letting Lucas sit next to me, but not her. Once I did it, and she took a video of me and wanted to put it on YouTube. I almost died when she asked me that. I am not going to be put on a website just for people to see me play the piano. I don’t need that. All I need is myself, and I’m fine. I look to Lucas and he smiles.
I take a deep breath and start placing my fingers on the keys that I want, and then I start playing. My fingers go all over the piano making beautiful melody. I feel Lucas’ eyes on me, but I don’t stop. I want to make this moment special and so to make it even more; I don’t think what I’m doing and all I hear is my voice singing in a melody to the piano. My voice hits all of the notes which makes me smile. I play and sing until the song is finished. I take my fingers off the piano and then turning to see Lucas’ expression. He’s smiling at me, but also is in shock. Did I sound bad? I bite my lower lip which makes Lucas laugh.
“Ok, you’re making me confused. Did I sound bad? Or are you just tormenting me?” I say with a straight face.
“Mia, that was amazing.” He says with that smile that I always adore. Maybe I can trust him, it’s just my mind that’s making me confused. But what about my heart?
“Really?” I say and he just rolls his eyes. I guess I am really good. I close my piano and then get up to check my phone. Before I reach for it I feel Lucas’ hands on me. I pause for a second then turn around. He licks his lips which makes me get goosebumps everywhere. I now remember that I’m basically not wearing anything. So stupid. He notices me almost putting my arms around my body to cover myself from him, so he takes both of my hands and tugs me toward him. He wraps his arms around my waist and takes me all in. I then lift my arms up and wrap them around his neck.
I stand up on my tippy toes because he’s so darn tall to me. I’m not that short, but not tall either. Just tall enough to reach up and kiss him on his beautiful lips. He brings be closer breathing in my scent. I know this is making him crazy, and so I laugh. He lifts one of his eyebrows up which makes me laugh more.
“Are you laughing at me?” He says with a question on his face.
“Ah, no. I’m just taking you all in.” I say while trying to keep in my laugh.
“Oh well, you can laugh as much as you want. I love it when you laugh and smile. Don’t keep it in Mia. It’s just…” He says smiling at me.
“Just what?”
“Well since I basically have no shirt, it kind of makes me think you're laughing at me. Which is making me feel insecure about my body.” I laugh so hard I almost choke.
“I’m making you insecure? The boy who basically just told everyone in the mall you were looking for your mommy?”
“Hey, I needed that point. Also, what’s wrong about needing my mommy?” He says which makes us both laugh.
“Nothing. It’s just I pretty much won that dare with asking that hot jock his underwear size.” I say which makes him roll his eyes. I know this is pretty much killing him, since I’m in my undergarments talking about that guy at the mall. He groans and sighs while looking at me.
“Thanks for reminding me about that guy. I definitely wanted to kick his ass back then.”
“But why?” I ask still not really knowing why he
was mad.
“Because Mia, you’re mine. And I’m not letting some big dumbass take you away from me. I…. I love you Mia.” And there is was. The tear dropper that was waiting. The words “I love you” just given to me just like that. Somehow a hole in my heart that was caused by my dad and Jackson, was suddenly filled up by Lucas. By his words. By his “I love you”. I don’t think I’m blinking which is making Lucas scared. But I don’t want him to be. I reach up and kiss him hard on the lips. Never letting go from him. He’s mine, I own him now. Now I just gotta tell him that. I kiss him harder, as he does too. Even though my mind does not completely trust him, my heart does. Every little bit of it. It’s telling me to love him too. You can do it Mia. Let go. Let go of all the things you thought of guys, and just throw them all out. You have Lucas now, and he has you.
As I’m kissing him I let go a little bit just to breathe, and to sneak a sentence in between. A sentence so common, but used right at the right times. A sentence that only comes out of the heart, and straight into that person’s body. That person’s heart. A sentence that can take someone’s breath away, but still make you breathe. That sentence that will change your whole life in one second. And that sentence is….
“I love you too.”
Epilogue
A month has gone by and right now I’m about to have a panic attack. Ever since the day Lucas said, “I love you” to me, it made me think anything is possible. So, the next day I went to Ms. Willow and told her that I agreed to the speech arts competition. She was so happy she took my hands and jumped up and down like a little girl. I knew Lucas was behind me eavesdropping, which made me laugh. When Ms. Willow was jumping with excitement he laughed and I scoffed at him.
It was the day. The day that was going to change my life, just like the day I said, “I love you too” back to Lucas. This day is all about me, which is making me want to have a heart attack.
I’m standing on the stage behind the curtains, pacing around in a circle like an idiot. I have my cue cards with me just in case if I forget a sentence or something.
I hear footprints and I think it’s Lucas wishing me good luck, but it’s not. It’s my mom and Aria. My mom comes up to me giving me a tight hug which is squeezing my stomach so hard, I feel like my intestines will spill out of my mouth. She tells me that she’s happy for me, which makes me happy too.
I hear an announcer saying that the contestants have to get ready, which includes me. My mom hugs me one last time, then leaves. Leaving Aria and I alone.
“I’m so proud of you Mia.” She says eyes full of tears. Damn it, she’s going to make me cry, which will mess up my mascara.
“Don’t you dare make me cry. I gotta give a speech in about five minutes Aria!” I say, begging her not to make me cry. She just laughs and rolls her eyes. I give her a tight hug, then say goodbye as she leaves me alone on the stage.
I continue to pace around the stage like a crazy person, going over what I’m about to say. I hear footsteps again, thinking that it’s Aria again, wanting a second hug, but this time it’s not. It’s Lucas. As I turn around I’m lifted off the floor by his big arms and spun around the stage. I kind of feel like a princess now, and he’s my prince.
“Lucas, what are you doing here? I gotta present in five minutes!” I say at him, which makes him scoff.
“Oh, come one Mia! I couldn’t at least say good luck to my girlfriend?” I love when he says that word. Girlfriend. Ah, that makes me want to fly and never stop until I land in a fairy tale.
“Wow, aren’t you a nice boyfriend.”
“Well, I guess I gotta go, do I?” He says in a sad smile.
“Oh yes, you have to.” I say to him, still not letting me down on the floor. He looks at me in the eyes, and then kisses me hard. I kiss him harder, showing him how much I love him.
“I love you Mia.” He says letting go, and looking at me in the eye. Damn it, here come the waterworks. I look at him and think about that time at the party. How he just said, “I love you” to me, which made me wanna cry. How I thought about that one sentence, but also another one.
He loves me, he loves me not.
He loves me, he loves me not.
He loves me... he loves me.
Those words going through my head at the party, seem so easy to me now. He loves me, and I love him. Now I just have to say one last thing. One last sentence, yet again, going to change my life.
“I love you too.”
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Thanks! -The Real-life Aria
About the Author
Amy Sparks is a sixteen-year-old (as of 2017) who lives in British Columbia, Canada. She has written one book, He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not, and she is planning on writing more books on the future. In real life, she has a best friend called Aria, on whom she based Mia’s best friend Aria.
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