A month passed after learning of the aliens from Bael. A month with otherworldly strange vibes hanging over us, keeping us edgy.
At breakfast, Matt handed Remy and I paper roses from across the table.
“Aw,” said Remy, smiling down at hers. “You made this?” He nodded at her.
“Thank you,” I told him. The smile felt strange on my lips.
“You know today is Valentine’s Day, right?” he asked.
“Is it really?” J.D. asked. “God, I always hated V-day.”
“Me too,” Mark said. “Blowing a whole paycheck just to try and get laid.”
“Didn’t work, did it?” Tex asked, winking. “Gotta act like you don’t give a shit.”
“Aw, that’s not true!” Remy threw her napkin at him across the table.
“Isn’t it, though?” Texas Harry had a full, scraggly beard now, and it suited him. Nobody here cared if anyone shaved or kept their hair short, though many still did out of habit and respect for “old” ways.
A bizarre sensation of reminiscence filled me as everyone laughed—a longing for our old world—and I quickly shook it off. Those kinds of feelings and thoughts only hurt my psyche. Still, I kept staring at the rose, intricately folded and detailed.
“Aren’t you just a romantic,” Josh joked.
Matt shrugged. “Us short guys have to work extra hard.”
Everyone chuckled again, and it was a nice, warming sound. I looked over at Rylen just as he looked at me, and our gazes caught, making my breath halt and my chest ache. I missed him. He wasn’t even at breakfast most days.
The others must have been thinking the same thing, because Josh said, “Dude, what the hell do they have you doing back there every day?” He inclined his head toward the door in the corner. The door that gave me shivers every time I passed it.
“This and that.” Rylen finished his coffee.
Texas Harry leaned in and whispered, “You met him yet?” We all knew who the him was, and we turned to Rylen, waiting. He’d gotten a haircut and shaved, looking fresh-faced and handsome despite the gray crescents under his eyes.
“Only seen him through glass.” He leaned back in his chair and crossed his arms.
“Please tell me you get to watch him being interrogated,” Texas Harry said with a dirty grin. My stomach turned.
“Ew.” Remy looked at Rylen with question in her eyes.
“He’s pretty much already told them everything he knows,” Ry said, and I noticed that wasn’t an answer. “He was intercepted before he got to see their operation on Earth. They had minimal communications on the vessel with their people here because their comm gear was partially damaged when they entered the Milky Way. We know they have a leader they call the Bahntan, and their leaders are always female.”
Weird. So weird. Hearing these things made me feel like I was at a Star Wars convention, and I had to remind myself this was not play. This was very real.
Matt finished up first and left the table. I nearly groaned out loud when I saw Linette heading our way with a coffee in hand. She kicked Matt’s chair closer to Rylen and sat down right next to him, not looking at any of the rest of us.
“You joining us on the run or not?” she asked him, sipping her coffee as she watched him over the brim. My permanently unsettled stomach felt like a hole was burning through it as she eyed him.
Rylen let out a breath and ran a hand over his head. “Yeah, I’m in.”
I did not like the sound of that.
“Run?” Texas Harry asked.
Linette turned to him. “We’re taking a single convoy to the outskirts of Salt Lake City for resources tomorrow. Got room for one more. You interested?”
“Hell yeah,” Tex said.
Oh, my God. Rylen was leaving the compound? He was going out there? I bit my tongue against the urge to beg him to stay. I couldn’t be the clingy, paranoid, non-girlfriend, sisterly person.
“All right,” she told him. “I’ll let Dog Balls know.” Now she turned to Rylen, leaned closer, and began to murmur. He listened and nodded. The other guys stood and stretched. Remy rested her hand on my knee under the table. Linette must have felt me staring—I couldn’t help myself—and she turned to me.
“Can I help you with something?”
I let out a laugh. “You’re two feet away, at our breakfast table, whispering. Rude much?” Rylen swung his head toward me, as if surprised by my tone. He moved a fraction away from her.
Linette glared and I stood, grabbing my tray. Remy got up with me.
“Amber,” Rylen said.
“I’ll see you later,” I told him.
I was seething as I dropped my tray in the kitchen.
“Why do you let her get to you?” Remy whispered to me.
“Hey,” Texas Harry said from behind us. I turned to him and he nodded toward where Rylen and Linette were still sitting close, talking. “They’re just talking work shit, but you ought to stake your claim before it’s too late.” His eyebrows rose and fell meaningfully, and my jaw clenched. He walked away, leaving me with Remy, who propped a hand on her hip and smugly said nothing. I gave my head a hard shake.
“Seriously, Amber?” she hissed. “The world’s been taken over by freaking aliens and you’re still scared to tell him you love him?” Her words were filled with a frustration bordering on anger.
I deflated as the ridiculousness of my fear registered. For a second, as it was all put into perspective, my personal fears were miniscule. In the scheme of things, I had no time to waste and nothing to lose. Except Ry . . .
“Fine,” I whispered. But even that word sent a shock of trepidation through me.
She gave me a hard peck on the cheek and muttered, “You’re such a brat,” before walking away. Not a brat, I thought to myself. A coward.
I was not happy about the resource run. If Linette and Rylen were so integral to whatever behind-the-scenes things were going on, it seemed to me they should have sent other soldiers. It was clear that what Linette wanted, she got, and she was a thrill seeker. My jealousy of her knew no bounds.
I caught Rylen that night as he was bringing his clothes up from the laundry room. I was on my way down with mine. I may or may not have known he was doing his at that exact moment.
“Hey,” I said. We stood on the landing between flights of the stairwell, both of us holding our laundry in our arms, flashlights blazing. We didn’t have much. Just a couple basic outfits that we wore over and over.
“Hey, Pep. You okay?”
I hesitated. “I wish you weren’t going on that run in the morning.”
He paused to process this. “Don’t worry about me.”
My feet shifted. “Aren’t you nervous?”
“Nah. I’m actually looking forward to getting out of here for a day. Feeling kind of cooped up, you know?”
“Yeah,” I whispered. My heart picked up speed. I’d been planning all day what to say. I was going to ask him if we could hang out when he got back, just the two of us. But what came out instead was, “Be careful of Linette, okay?”
He gave a shrug. “She’s harmless. Just a little wild, but she knows what she’s doing out there. She’s led all the runs.”
“No, I don’t mean about the run.” I hiked up my drooping pile. “I don’t think she, uh, respects the fact that you’re in mourning . . .”
His eyes narrowed on mine until I got nervous and dropped my gaze.
“I don’t get that feeling from her,” he said. “She’s friendly to everyone, not just me. And most of the time she’s obsessing about work. Look, I know you don’t like her, and I know she’s rough, but she’s good people.”
He had no idea she had eyes for him. And for once I was glad of his cluelessness. But how would he react if, or when, she made an official move? He hadn’t been with a woman in, well, months at least.
As if reading my mind, he said, “I’m not looking for that anyway.” But he sounded . . . frustrated.
My jaw tightened. I
wished he would have said he wasn’t looking for that from her. How was I supposed to tell him how I felt, knowing he wasn’t looking for that at all? I wanted to respect this, but I knew damn well Linette wouldn’t.
His jaw clenched as he readjusted his stance, “And what if I was looking for that, Pepper? I’m not a saint. Would that make me so fucking terrible? Because someday—”
The door below us opened and voices echoed up the stairs. My heart was hammering and my knees freaking wobbled. Was he saying he wanted to start hooking up with girls soon? With Linette, maybe?
I held my clothes tightly as Rylen and I moved aside to let people pass. As luck would have it, Linette was in the rear of that group. Ugh, my stomach. She slugged Rylen in the arm and watched him with sultry eyes as she passed. Throwing up was a definite possibility.
“Get some rest, Airman. Big day tomorrow.”
He lifted his chin in response. She flicked her eyes to me for a second and continued up.
Yeah, see, the thing about Linette was that I reluctantly admired her. I’d always thought of myself as a girl who could hang with the big dogs, but she took it to a whole other level. If she wasn’t after Rylen, I’d try to make nice. But as it was, I was currently swallowing bile due to her, so no thank you on making nice.
“All right,” Rylen said when we were alone again. He let out a long breath. “Just . . . forget I said that.”
Not a chance. “I don’t expect you to never move on. It’s her, in particular, that I don’t—crap, I don’t know what I’m saying.”
“You want to pick who I’m with someday?” he asked. I couldn’t get a reading on his tone. His intensity was making me nervous, like he was angry or his frustration had escalated. Rylen had never been this way with me before. He moved up to the same step as me, looking down, searching my face. “‘Cause what if the woman I want is not who you’d choose for me? What if you don’t want what I want?”
My eyes burned and I swallowed moisture away. I picked through the confusion of his words and chose my own carefully. “Of course I don’t think I get to pick for you, Ry. I know I have no say-so in your decisions, believe me.”
“What does that mean?” he asked.
“Nothing.” I shook my head, my face hot. “I need to go to bed.” I turned to go up, away from this conversation and the direction it had turned.
“Aren’t you doing laundry?”
My face flamed. “I’ll wait ‘till morning.” Stupid, stupid, stupid.
We took the stairs up and then paused in the hallway between our rooms. I had no idea what had transpired between us in the stairwell. I just knew I felt dejected.
“I’m sorry,” he said. “I shouldn’t have said any of that. I have a lot on my mind. It’s no excuse, I know.”
As embarrassed as I was, I didn’t want to leave things like this, not when he was going on a dangerous mission tomorrow.
“We haven’t talked in so long.” I swallowed, looked down at the carpet and then back up. Say it, Amber. “I miss you.”
He stared at the wall and I swear his muscles all relaxed as his face took on a tired expression. “I miss you too. I know our schedules have been nuts since we got here. We should all hang out when I get back tomorrow night.”
All? Oh. Of course.
“What?” he asked. My face must have fallen.
“Nothing.” I forced a small smile and held my dirty laundry tighter. “We should definitely hang out tomorrow when you get back. Be careful, okay? No crazy heroics.”
“I’ll do my best.” He leaned forward and kissed my forehead, then watched me as I let myself into my room, feeling less excited than when I left it.
Frayed nerves had me on edge. The convoy could only be out during sun hours because they’d be spotted too easily at night if they had to use lights. So I paced the med room all day. Now and then I stopped and tried to study. I’d taken to reading some of the dentist’s medical books to teach myself things I didn’t know. My training was mostly in basic emergency treatment, stabilizing people until they could get to a specialist. I usually poured over the books in my free time, but today I couldn’t concentrate.
I kept looking at the clock. The convoy was due back by seventeen hundred. It was fifteen hundred now. Two more hours. A light knock on the door had me jumping as I turned.
“Just me,” said Remy. “Want some company?”
“Yes.” I sighed. She was just what I needed. “How’s it going in the greenhouse?”
“Good. The romaine lettuce is sprouting and the next cherry tomato plant is about to ripen. We have salads in our future! Plus a ton of zucchini buds. I’m already getting together recipes. Zucchini muffins will be awesome for breakfast.”
I had to smile at her veggie enthusiasm. I wanted to tell her about my failed attempt to get Rylen to agree to alone time, but saying it out loud would leave a bitter taste in my mouth.
“So,” she said. “I know the grief meetings aren’t really your thing, but I’ve talked to Tater and he’s agreed to join me.”
My eyebrows shot up. “Really?”
“Yeah. I had to ask him, like, ten times. He probably agreed just to shut me up, but I think he needs it as much as me.”
I nodded, feeling my chest tighten. She was right. Tater was struggling hard. He’d always worn his emotions on his sleeve and had a difficult time controlling his anger. Between watching our grandparents and parents killed, then killing a man himself, he was not himself anymore. Rylen said he had to drag him to the gym on most days.
“So, you guys are talking? Are the two of you . . . ?”
“No.” She hopped up on the patient bed, rustling the paper. “I still like him and care about him, but we just can’t. It’s weird. Sometimes he’s waiting for me when I get off shift, and we walk to our rooms together in silence. We hang out, but we don’t talk. I think just being with someone you knew before helps. It’s comforting. A lot of the people here don’t have that.”
My hands suddenly became very interesting. We were so lucky to still have each other, and I did feel guilty about all the lonely soldiers here while I was busy keeping to myself. I wasn’t good at . . . people. Thank God for the Remys of the world—people who would stop and hug someone they saw crying—people who went to grief groups and actually supported others.
“Thank you for being there for him,” I said.
Before she could answer, we were jarred by a buzz that I knew to be the “doorbell,” and then we were on our feet at the sound of shouts coming down the entrance tunnel of the compound. My stomach swooped.
“Medic! Man down!”
My heart and innards twisted and dropped as I nearly tripped over my feet running into the hall. I pushed my personal fears aside and sudden clarity overcame me, like old days. I saw the scene clearly. A man, his boots dangling down as four others carried him. My eyes scanned the faces and saw Rylen as one of the carriers, his hands under the man’s arms from behind—relief physically crashed over me and I grabbed the wall. Further scanning told me the patient was bearded.
Shit. Texas Harry. The clothing over his entire arm and torso were covered in blood.
“Oh, my gosh!” Remy said.
“Go get the dentist,” I told her. “Captain Ward.” I would need help.
I rushed forward to run along beside them. I didn’t even have to ask for information.
“Shot in the shoulder,” Linette said. “Fucking civvy bandits.”
“He’s lost a lot of blood,” Rylen said. “We kept pressure on it this whole past hour, but he lost consciousness.” I could see they’d tried to wind a bandage around the wound, but it was in an awkward area. I had to get it cleaned ASAP.
I sprinted back to the med room ahead of them and began grabbing the things I’d need: scissors, alcohol, sterilized bandages, IV needle and fluid bag.
They brought him in and hoisted his heavy body onto the table with grunts. His cheeks, normally tinted pink, were colorless like plastic. I got to work cutting
off his clothing while I shouted orders.
“Ry, find his file and see what his blood type is.” I pointed the scissors to the filing cabinet. “Linette, can you cut the rest of his shirt off while I get his IV ready?” She didn’t immediately come forward and I looked to see her grimacing at his bloody form like she was about to puke. Great. “Never mind. Go sit in the hall,” I told her. She rushed out. I didn’t have time to marvel in the fact that Linette had a weakness.
“He’s A positive,” Rylen said.
Thankfully the dentist ran in at that moment and I thrust the scissors at him. He began to cut away the material while I got the IV line ready.
“Rem, see if anyone in the kitchen or common area is A positive. We need blood donors.” She ran from the room.
After the shirt was cut, Rylen helped me yank the entire thing off his torso. His shoulder was a gory mess. I swabbed the crook of his good arm with alcohol and got the IV in him, fluids and antibiotics running. I gave his pulse a quick check. It was slow. Way too slow. I tried to keep my emotions at bay, but Tex’s joking smile filled my mind and I nearly choked on a wail. I pushed it back down.
“Come on, big guy.” I patted his cheek. “We’ve got you. Hang with us.”
Captain Ward had begun cleaning the wound, and he frowned. “Bone particle.”
“Get it all out,” I told him.
“I’ve never done this.”
We switched places so I could clean the wound. The bullet went clean through, but it hit bone and made a disgusting mess of things. If we could get the worst of it cleaned and closed, the muscle and bone would heal themselves over time.
“We have to get his body heat up,” I said. They threw blankets over him and found a beanie hat to pull over his head and ears.
Devon and a petite woman I recognized as Linette’s roommate, Shavonta, stopped in the doorway. “You need A-positive?” Devon’s hand went to the top of his head, and his voice wavered. “Ah shit, Harris?”