“Hey,” he said, noting the worry in my eyes. “It will be fine. You’re going to make it through this.”
I fixed my face, trying to find the magic that had been running through my veins only moments ago. I was the new queen; it wouldn’t do for me to be sad on today of all days. “I know. I’m just not sure how.”
The song came to a close, and Ahren bowed deeply. “You must come to Paris for New Year’s.”
“And you have to come back for our next birthday,” I insisted.
“Then you have to honeymoon in France.”
“Not unless you come back here for the wedding.”
He held out a hand. “Deal.”
We shook on it, and my precious twin pulled me close for a hug. “I was mourning for days, thinking you’d never forgive me for leaving. The fact that you’re not mad at all makes going that much harder.”
“You have to call. And not just Mom and Dad, you have to call me.”
“I will.”
“I love you, Ahren.”
“I love you, Your Majesty.”
I laughed, and we both took a moment to dab at our eyes.
“Speaking of that wedding,” he started, “any idea who your groom will be?”
We surveyed the room. The Elite were easy to spot with their crisp suits and ties, as handsome as any of the visiting royalty. I’d watched them all night, adding their behavior to the piles of information I had about them.
Kile had graciously entertained most of the younger guests, and Fox had shaken so many hands I caught him massaging his wrists at one point. Though Ean and Hale were out of the running, I’d overheard them both giving glowing commentaries about my character to the press, going above and beyond anything I’d hoped for. And then there was Henri. He had done his best with Erik at his side, helping him through conversations, but as I watched him studying the partygoers from his seat, it was clear he’d had a rough time.
“I’ve gone back and forth a few times. It’s hard to know for sure who the right choice is. I just want to do what’s best for everyone.”
“Including you?”
I smiled, unable to answer.
“If there’s one thing I hope my leaving home proves,” he said seriously, “it’s that you have to do whatever it takes to be with the person you love.”
Love. Like clothes, I had guessed it was something that fit no two people exactly the same way. I was still unsure what the word looked like for me, but I sensed that, sooner rather than later, it would be fully defined. All that remained to be seen was if I could be satisfied with the definition.
“I’m telling you, Eady, wars and treaties and even countries will all come and go. But your life is yours, singular and sacred, and you should be with the person who makes it feel that way every blessed second you live it.”
I looked down, studying my gown, feeling the weight of the crown on my head. Yes, my life was singular and sacred, but from the moment of my birth—a mere seven minutes before his—it had belonged to anyone but me.
“Thank you, Ahren. I’ll remember that.”
“Please do.”
I put my hand on his shoulder. “Go find your wife. Be safe getting home, and let us know when you land, okay?”
He took my hand from his sleeve and kissed it. “Bye, Eady.”
“Bye.”
Though I was getting tired, I knew it wasn’t yet time for me to sneak away. One last lap, I told myself. I’d shake hands, give two or three interviews, and duck out the side door.
So many smiles and hugs, so many well wishes and promises to be in contact soon. It cycled energy through me almost as quickly as it sucked it back out. As I rounded the corner where Ean was speaking with a few people who had won the lottery to come to the coronation, another waltz started playing.
“Oh, a dance!” a young girl pleaded. I thought she meant she wanted Ean to dance with her, but she nudged him in my direction, and he was only too happy to escort me onto the floor.
After a few turns I had to ask, “How long have you liked Hale?”
He smiled. “From the moment we were getting prepped to meet you. He just looked so happy, to the point of being cartoonish. It was endearing.”
“It is endearing,” I agreed.
“I’m sorry I lied to you. I was planning on taking this to my grave.”
“And now?”
He shrugged. “I’m not sure. But Hale’s so damned insistent on being true to yourself that, at the very least, I wouldn’t try to use someone like a screen to hide it, the way I tried to with you. It’s not fair to anyone.”
“It’s hard to be fair to yourself sometimes, isn’t it?”
He nodded. “I wouldn’t compare our circumstances though. In the end, no one cares about me, and everyone cares about you.”
“Don’t be silly. I care about you. I cared about the swaggering snob who introduced himself that very first day.” He laughed, thinking back. Some of that veneer had slipped away. Not all of it, but I knew how hard it was to let walls down. “And I care about this nervous, gentle person in front of me now.”
Ean was not the type to cry. He didn’t swallow or blink or give any of the typical signs, but I sensed that if he’d ever been close to shedding a tear, it was right now.
“I’m so glad I get to see you be queen. Thank you, Your Majesty. For everything.”
“Any time.”
The song came to a close, and we bowed our heads to each other.
“Is it all right if I leave in the morning?” he asked. “I’d like to have some time with my family. To talk.”
“Of course. Stay in touch.”
He nodded and crossed the room, ready to begin his new life.
I’d done it. I’d made it through the day without doing anything humiliating, no one had protested, and I was still standing. It was over, and I could escape to the peace and quiet of my room.
And then when I was about to hit the side door, I saw Marid speaking in front of a camera.
He looked at me and lit up like a firework, waving me over to join in his interview. And while everything in me wanted to go and rest, his smile was so charming that I went to his side.
CHAPTER 23
“HERE SHE IS, THE LADY of the hour,” he said, wrapping an arm around me as the interviewer giggled.
“Your Majesty, how are you feeling?” she asked, pointing the microphone at my face.
“Am I allowed to say tired?” I joked. “No, it’s been an incredible day, and with so many distressing things happening in our country recently, I certainly hope today will lift everyone’s spirits. And I’m very excited to get to work. Thanks to the wonderful young men in the Selection and friends, like Mr. Illéa here, I’ve gotten to know so much more about my people. I’m hoping we’ll be able to find ways to hear and address needs much more efficiently.”
“Can you give us any hints at what you’re planning to do?” she asked eagerly.
“Well, I think our town hall meeting, which was completely Marid’s idea,” I said, gesturing to him, “started off a bit rocky but was ultimately very informative. And Sir Woodwork actually had an interesting proposal recently about giving citizens a much easier way to petition the crown. I can’t say too much about it at the moment, but it was incredibly inspired.”
“Speaking of proposals,” she said excitedly, “any news on that front?”
I laughed. “Let me get through my first week as queen and then I’ll turn my focus back to dating.”
“Fair enough. And what about you, sir? Any words of advice for our new queen?”
I turned to face Marid, who shrugged and ducked his head. “I just wish her all the luck with her reign, and finishing her Selection. The guy who wins her heart will be luckier than he knows.”
Marid swallowed, seeming to have a hard time meeting the interviewer’s eyes again.
She nodded heartily. “He certainly will.” She turned to the camera and signed off, her attention no longer on us.
&nbs
p; I took Marid’s arm and swung him around, moving us out of earshot. “I don’t want to be rude after all the kindness you’ve shown me, but behaving like that is inappropriate.”
“Like what?” he asked.
“Like you and I might have been something if only the Selection hadn’t happened. This is the third time I know of that you’ve said something like that, but I haven’t even seen you in years. I am duty and honor bound to marry one of my candidates, so acting wounded when we’ve had absolutely nothing together is unacceptable. I must insist that you stop it at once.”
“And why would I do that?” he said, his voice becoming slick.
“Excuse me?”
“If your family had been paying the slightest bit of attention to your people, you might have learned by now that when it comes to the public, I have an incredibly powerful voice. They treasure me. You should see the piles of fan mail I receive. Not everyone thinks the Schreave line is the valid one.”
I froze, terrified that there was truth to what he was saying.
“You owe me a lot, Eadlyn. I’ve kept you looking good in papers and spoken well of you in interviews, and I saved that town hall meeting. I did that, not you.”
“I could have—”
“No, you couldn’t. And that’s the problem. You can’t do this job alone. It’s nearly impossible, which is why you getting married is a wonderful idea. Only you’re looking in the wrong place.”
I was too stunned to speak.
“And, let’s be honest: if any of those boys were that excited about you, wouldn’t they be swarming around you this very second? From the outside looking in, they’re all indifferent.”
My shock turned to anguish. I looked around the room. He was right. None of the Elite seemed remotely aware of my presence.
“In the meantime, if you unite with me, the Illéa-Schreave line will be completely secure. No one would dare question your right to rule if you were my wife.”
The room swayed a little, and I fought to keep myself together as he went on. “And you can check the figures if you like, but as far as public opinion goes, my approval rating is twice what yours is. I could elevate you from tolerated to adored overnight.”
“Marid,” I said, hating that my voice sounded so weak. “This isn’t possible.”
“But it is. And either you can end this Selection on your own, or I can drop rumors about us to the point that no one takes it seriously anyway. By the time I’m done, you will look more heartless than they already think you are.”
I straightened my back. “I will ruin you,” I vowed.
“Try it. See how fast they turn on you.” He kissed my cheek. “You have my number.”
Marid walked away, casually shaking hands with those he passed as if he was already a member of the royal family. While all eyes seemed to follow him, I quietly ducked out of the room.
I was a fool. I’d thought that Hale cared about me, that Ean was here to support me, and I couldn’t have been more mistaken. I’d been wrong to trust Burke and Jack and Baden. I’d been positive Marid was here to help me, and he’d only been trying to set himself on the throne. My instincts were wrong at every turn, and suddenly it seemed as though the people around me were nothing but fakes.
Was I mistaken about anyone else? Was I wrong to trust Neena or Lady Brice? Was Kile not the friend I thought he was? Could I trust what I felt or thought about anyone?
I leaned against the wall, on the verge of tears. I was the queen. No one was as powerful as me. And yet I’d never felt more helpless.
Another figure came out of the doorway, and before I could duck farther out of sight, Erik’s face came into view.
“Your Majesty, I’m sorry. I was just escaping the crowds. It was a little too much for me in there.”
I didn’t answer.
“Seems to have been a bit too much for you as well,” he added cautiously.
I stared at the floor.
“Your Majesty?” He moved closer, whispering, “Can I help you?”
I stared into those wildly blue eyes and abandoned all the worries in my head. My heart said, Run. So I grabbed his hand and did just that.
I tore down the hallway, looking back once to make sure no one was following.
As I hoped, the Women’s Room was empty. Leaving the lights off, I pulled us closer to the window, so at least I’d have the moon to help me see.
“At the risk of making an even bigger fool out of myself than I already have, can you please answer something for me? And you absolutely must be honest here. I give you permission to hurt my feelings. I have to know.”
After a long moment he nodded, though his expression told me he was terrified of what might come.
“Is there a chance that you feel for me the way I feel for you? If you’ve felt even a fraction of this riot that’s been happening in my heart, I need to know.”
Erik let out a breath, seeming stunned and sad at once. “Your Majesty, I—”
“No!” I said, ripping the crown off my head and flinging it across the room. “Not Majesty. Eadlyn. I’m just Eadlyn.”
He smiled. “You are always just Eadlyn. And you are always the queen. You are everything to everyone. And infinitely more to me.”
I placed a hand on his chest and could feel his heart pounding in time with mine. He suddenly seemed aware of how desperate I was and wordlessly cupped my cheek in his palm and leaned down to kiss me.
Every moment we’d ever had together danced through my head. His awkward stance the day we first met, and how I scolded him before the parade for biting his nails. The way he protected me when the fight broke out in the kitchen, and how my eyes flitted to him over and over when the boys were deep in prayer outside the hospital wing. And, most astonishingly, the moment in the Women’s Room when Camille asked who filled my head, and how hard I fought to stop myself from saying his name out loud then and there.
All of it, every magical, forbidden second burned through me as we continued our dangerously treasonous kiss. When we finally broke apart, I was in tears, positive that Ahren leaving and the fear of losing my mother had been painless in comparison to this.
He shook his head, still holding on to me. “Of course the one time I let myself fall in love, it’s with someone in another stratosphere.”
I dug my fingers into his shirt, his vest, so angry that I couldn’t hold on to it forever. “This will be the first time in my life I haven’t been able to have something I truly wanted. It’s so cruel that it happens to be you.”
He swallowed. “It really is impossible then?”
My face fell. I didn’t want to say the words. “I’m afraid so. In so many ways now. I can hardly grasp it all to explain, but everything just got much more complicated for me.”
“You don’t owe me an explanation. I already knew. I made the mistake of letting myself hope for a moment. That’s all.”
“I’m so sorry,” I whispered, dropping my gaze. “If I thought I could cancel this whole thing, I would. But it would be seen as one more mistake on top of all the other selfish, stupid things I’ve done.”
Using his other hand, he gently lifted my chin. “Please don’t speak that way about the woman I love.”
My smile was weak. “I’ve been so unfair to you. It was eating me alive, all the wondering, but maybe we would have been better off if we’d never known.”
“No,” he said, somehow able to find comfort in the middle of us being torn apart. “There is no shame in loving who you love, and there is great honor in doing what is right. It’s a pity those two things don’t overlap for us, but that makes this moment no less important to me.”
“Or to me.”
He held my hand so tenderly, still seeming shocked that he had the courage to do it at all.
“I should get back,” he said. “I’d hate to cause a scandal.”
I sighed. “You’re right.” And still I couldn’t quite let go. I stood pressing myself to him. “I’m not engaged yet,” I whispered
. “Would you meet me tomorrow night?”
It was impossible not to see all the gears turning in his head. It was also easy to see the moment when he stopped thinking and nodded yes anyway.
“I’ll get word to you. Leave now, and I’ll make my way out in a few minutes.”
Erik gave me one last hurried kiss and dashed back into the hall. Meanwhile, I retrieved my crown and walked over to the hidden panel behind the bookcase. I wanted to be sure no one would find me tonight.
There were no more rebels in Illéa, no threats like that to run away from. But there were still dozens of secret passages in the palace, and I knew every single one.
CHAPTER 24
“GOOD MORNING, YOUR MAJESTY,” LADY Brice greeted me as I walked into the office. Typically, I’d been able to sleep in on Sundays, but there was no way I could spend my first day as queen in bed, especially not after the way things ended last night.
I sighed, both tired and thrilled. “I heard it a million times yesterday, but it still feels strange to answer to that title.”
“You’ll have decades to get used to it,” she replied with a smile.
“Speaking of that, I need to speak with you about the Selection, and my reign, and an unexpected complication.”
“Complication?”
“Can you tell me something? How popular is Marid?”
Lady Brice whistled. “He’s made quite a name for himself over the last few years. He’s frequently interviewed on the radio, and he’s so handsome and comes from such a well-known family that he ends up in a lot of print media as well. Plenty of people listen when he speaks. Fortunate he decided to turn up when he did, huh?”
Before I could explain what had happened last night, I heard the door open behind me, and Josie burst into the room.
“Hey! Hope I’m not late!” she exclaimed.
I closed my eyes in frustration. I completely forgot she was supposed to start shadowing me today.
“Can I help you?” Lady Brice asked.
“Oh, I’m here to help you,” she announced. “I’m shadowing Eadlyn today. Maybe longer, if this goes well.”