Page 23 of Martin Chuzzlewit

  CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE

  MORE AMERICAN EXPERIENCES, MARTIN TAKES A PARTNER, AND MAKES A PURCHASE.SOME ACCOUNT OF EDEN, AS IT APPEARED ON PAPER. ALSO OF THE BRITISH LION.ALSO OF THE KIND OF SYMPATHY PROFESSED AND ENTERTAINED BY THE WATERTOASTASSOCIATION OF UNITED SYMPATHISERS

  The knocking at Mr Pecksniff's door, though loud enough, bore noresemblance whatever to the noise of an American railway train at fullspeed. It may be well to begin the present chapter with this frankadmission, lest the reader should imagine that the sounds now deafeningthis history's ears have any connection with the knocker on MrPecksniff's door, or with the great amount of agitation pretty equallydivided between that worthy man and Mr Pinch, of which its strongperformance was the cause.

  Mr Pecksniff's house is more than a thousand leagues away; and againthis happy chronicle has Liberty and Moral Sensibility for its highcompanions. Again it breathes the blessed air of Independence; again itcontemplates with pious awe that moral sense which renders unto Ceasarnothing that is his; again inhales that sacred atmosphere which wasthe life of him--oh noble patriot, with many followers!--who dreamed ofFreedom in a slave's embrace, and waking sold her offspring and his ownin public markets.

  How the wheels clank and rattle, and the tram-road shakes, as the trainrushes on! And now the engine yells, as it were lashed and tortured likea living labourer, and writhed in agony. A poor fancy; for steel andiron are of infinitely greater account, in this commonwealth, thanflesh and blood. If the cunning work of man be urged beyond its power ofendurance, it has within it the elements of its own revenge; whereasthe wretched mechanism of the Divine Hand is dangerous with no suchproperty, but may be tampered with, and crushed, and broken, at thedriver's pleasure. Look at that engine! It shall cost a man more dollarsin the way of penalty and fine, and satisfaction of the outraged law,to deface in wantonness that senseless mass of metal, than to take thelives of twenty human creatures! Thus the stars wink upon the bloodystripes; and Liberty pulls down her cap upon her eyes, and ownsOppression in its vilest aspect, for her sister.

  The engine-driver of the train whose noise awoke us to the presentchapter was certainly troubled with no such reflections as these; nor isit very probable that his mind was disturbed by any reflections at all.He leaned with folded arms and crossed legs against the side of thecarriage, smoking; and, except when he expressed, by a grunt as short ashis pipe, his approval of some particularly dexterous aim on the part ofhis colleague, the fireman, who beguiled his leisure by throwing logsof wood from the tender at the numerous stray cattle on the line, hepreserved a composure so immovable, and an indifference so complete,that if the locomotive had been a sucking-pig, he could not have beenmore perfectly indifferent to its doings. Notwithstanding the tranquilstate of this officer, and his unbroken peace of mind, the train wasproceeding with tolerable rapidity; and the rails being but poorly laid,the jolts and bumps it met with in its progress were neither slight norfew.

  There were three great caravans or cars attached. The ladies' car, thegentlemen's car, and the car for negroes; the latter painted black, asan appropriate compliment to its company. Martin and Mark Tapley werein the first, as it was the most comfortable; and, being far from full,received other gentlemen who, like them, were unblessed by the societyof ladies of their own. They were seated side by side, and were engagedin earnest conversation.

  'And so, Mark,' said Martin, looking at him with an anxious expression,'and so you are glad we have left New York far behind us, are you?'

  'Yes, sir,' said Mark. 'I am. Precious glad.'

  'Were you not "jolly" there?' asked Martin.

  'On the contrairy, sir,' returned Mark. 'The jolliest week as ever Ispent in my life, was that there week at Pawkins's.'

  'What do you think of our prospects?' inquired Martin, with an air thatplainly said he had avoided the question for some time.

  'Uncommon bright, sir,' returned Mark. 'Impossible for a place to havea better name, sir, than the Walley of Eden. No man couldn't think ofsettling in a better place than the Walley of Eden. And I'm told,' addedMark, after a pause, 'as there's lots of serpents there, so we shallcome out, quite complete and reg'lar.'

  So far from dwelling upon this agreeable piece of information with theleast dismay, Mark's face grew radiant as he called it to mind; so veryradiant, that a stranger might have supposed he had all his life beenyearning for the society of serpents, and now hailed with delight theapproaching consummation of his fondest wishes.

  'Who told you that?' asked Martin, sternly.

  'A military officer,' said Mark.

  'Confound you for a ridiculous fellow!' cried Martin, laughing heartilyin spite of himself. 'What military officer? You know they spring up inevery field.'

  'As thick as scarecrows in England, sir,' interposed Mark, 'which is asort of milita themselves, being entirely coat and wescoat, with a stickinside. Ha, ha!--Don't mind me, sir; it's my way sometimes. I can't helpbeing jolly. Why it was one of them inwading conquerors at Pawkins's, astold me. "Am I rightly informed," he says--not exactly through his nose,but as if he'd got a stoppage in it, very high up--"that you're a-goingto the Walley of Eden?" "I heard some talk on it," I told him. "Oh!"says he, "if you should ever happen to go to bed there--you MAY, youknow," he says, "in course of time as civilisation progresses--don'tforget to take a axe with you." I looks at him tolerable hard. "Fleas?"says I. "And more," says he. "Wampires?" says I. "And more," says he."Musquitoes, perhaps?" says I. "And more," says he. "What more?" saysI. "Snakes more," says he; "rattle-snakes. You're right to a certainextent, stranger. There air some catawampous chawers in the small waytoo, as graze upon a human pretty strong; but don't mind THEM--they'recompany. It's snakes," he says, "as you'll object to; and whenever youwake and see one in a upright poster on your bed," he says, "like acorkscrew with the handle off a-sittin' on its bottom ring, cut himdown, for he means wenom."'

  'Why didn't you tell me this before!' cried Martin, with an expressionof face which set off the cheerfulness of Mark's visage to greatadvantage.

  'I never thought on it, sir,' said Mark. 'It come in at one ear, andwent out at the other. But Lord love us, he was one of another Company,I dare say, and only made up the story that we might go to his Eden, andnot the opposition one.'

  'There's some probability in that,' observed Martin. 'I can honestly saythat I hope so, with all my heart.'

  'I've not a doubt about it, sir,' returned Mark, who, full of theinspiriting influence of the anecodote upon himself, had for the momentforgotten its probable effect upon his master; 'anyhow, we must live,you know, sir.'

  'Live!' cried Martin. 'Yes, it's easy to say live; but if we shouldhappen not to wake when rattlesnakes are making corkscrews of themselvesupon our beds, it may be not so easy to do it.'

  'And that's a fact,' said a voice so close in his ear that it tickledhim. 'That's dreadful true.'

  Martin looked round, and found that a gentleman, on the seat behind, hadthrust his head between himself and Mark, and sat with his chin restingon the back rail of their little bench, entertaining himself with theirconversation. He was as languid and listless in his looks as most of thegentlemen they had seen; his cheeks were so hollow that he seemed to bealways sucking them in; and the sun had burnt him, not a wholesome redor brown, but dirty yellow. He had bright dark eyes, which he kept halfclosed; only peeping out of the corners, and even then with a glancethat seemed to say, 'Now you won't overreach me; you want to, but youwon't.' His arms rested carelessly on his knees as he leant forward;in the palm of his left hand, as English rustics have their slice ofcheese, he had a cake of tobacco; in his right a penknife. He struckinto the dialogue with as little reserve as if he had been speciallycalled in, days before, to hear the arguments on both sides, and favourthem with his opinion; and he no more contemplated or cared for thepossibility of their not desiring the honour of his acquaintance orinterference in their private affairs than if he had been a bear or abuffalo.

  'That,' he repeated, nodding condescendingly to
Martin, as to an outerbarbarian and foreigner, 'is dreadful true. Darn all manner of vermin.'

  Martin could not help frowning for a moment, as if he were disposed toinsinuate that the gentleman had unconsciously 'darned' himself. Butremembering the wisdom of doing at Rome as Romans do, he smiled with thepleasantest expression he could assume upon so short a notice.

  Their new friend said no more just then, being busily employed incutting a quid or plug from his cake of tobacco, and whistling softly tohimself the while. When he had shaped it to his liking, he took out hisold plug, and deposited the same on the back of the seat between Markand Martin, while he thrust the new one into the hollow of his cheek,where it looked like a large walnut, or tolerable pippin. Finding itquite satisfactory, he stuck the point of his knife into the old plug,and holding it out for their inspection, remarked with the air of a manwho had not lived in vain, that it was 'used up considerable.' Thenhe tossed it away; put his knife into one pocket and his tobacco intoanother; rested his chin upon the rail as before; and approving of thepattern on Martin's waistcoat, reached out his hand to feel the textureof that garment.

  'What do you call this now?' he asked.

  'Upon my word' said Martin, 'I don't know what it's called.'

  'It'll cost a dollar or more a yard, I reckon?'

  'I really don't know.'

  'In my country,' said the gentleman, 'we know the cost of our ownpro-duce.'

  Martin not discussing the question, there was a pause.

  'Well!' resumed their new friend, after staring at them intently duringthe whole interval of silence; 'how's the unnat'ral old parent by thistime?'

  Mr Tapley regarding this inquiry as only another version of theimpertinent English question, 'How's your mother?' would have resentedit instantly, but for Martin's prompt interposition.

  'You mean the old country?' he said.

  'Ah!' was the reply. 'How's she? Progressing back'ards, I expect, asusual? Well! How's Queen Victoria?'

  'In good health, I believe,' said Martin.

  'Queen Victoria won't shake in her royal shoes at all, when she hearsto-morrow named,' observed the stranger, 'No.'

  'Not that I am aware of. Why should she?'

  'She won't be taken with a cold chill, when she realises what is beingdone in these diggings,' said the stranger. 'No.'

  'No,' said Martin. 'I think I could take my oath of that.'

  The strange gentleman looked at him as if in pity for his ignorance orprejudice, and said:

  'Well, sir, I tell you this--there ain't a engine with its bilerbust, in God A'mighty's free U-nited States, so fixed, and nipped,and frizzled to a most e-tarnal smash, as that young critter, in herluxurious location in the Tower of London will be, when she reads thenext double-extra Watertoast Gazette.'

  Several other gentlemen had left their seats and gathered round duringthe foregoing dialogue. They were highly delighted with this speech. Onevery lank gentleman, in a loose limp white cravat, long white waistcoat,and a black great-coat, who seemed to be in authority among them, feltcalled upon to acknowledge it.

  'Hem! Mr La Fayette Kettle,' he said, taking off his hat.

  There was a grave murmur of 'Hush!'

  'Mr La Fayette Kettle! Sir!'

  Mr Kettle bowed.

  'In the name of this company, sir, and in the name of our commoncountry, and in the name of that righteous cause of holy sympathy inwhich we are engaged, I thank you. I thank you, sir, in the name ofthe Watertoast Sympathisers; and I thank you, sir, in the name ofthe Watertoast Gazette; and I thank you, sir, in the name of thestar-spangled banner of the Great United States, for your eloquent andcategorical exposition. And if, sir,' said the speaker, poking Martinwith the handle of his umbrella to bespeak his attention, for he waslistening to a whisper from Mark; 'if, sir, in such a place, and at sucha time, I might venture to con-clude with a sentiment, glancing--howeverslantin'dicularly--at the subject in hand, I would say, sir, maythe British Lion have his talons eradicated by the noble bill of theAmerican Eagle, and be taught to play upon the Irish Harp and the ScotchFiddle that music which is breathed in every empty shell that lies uponthe shores of green Co-lumbia!'

  Here the lank gentleman sat down again, amidst a great sensation; andevery one looked very grave.

  'General Choke,' said Mr La Fayette Kettle, 'you warm my heart; sir, youwarm my heart. But the British Lion is not unrepresented here, sir; andI should be glad to hear his answer to those remarks.'

  'Upon my word,' cried Martin, laughing, 'since you do me the honour toconsider me his representative, I have only to say that I never heardof Queen Victoria reading the What's-his-name Gazette and that I shouldscarcely think it probable.'

  General Choke smiled upon the rest, and said, in patient and benignantexplanation:

  'It is sent to her, sir. It is sent to her. Her mail.'

  'But if it is addressed to the Tower of London, it would hardly come tohand, I fear,' returned Martin; 'for she don't live there.'

  'The Queen of England, gentlemen,' observed Mr Tapley, affecting thegreatest politeness, and regarding them with an immovable face, 'usuallylives in the Mint to take care of the money. She HAS lodgings, in virtueof her office, with the Lord Mayor at the Mansion House; but don't oftenoccupy them, in consequence of the parlour chimney smoking.'

  'Mark,' said Martin, 'I shall be very much obliged to you if you'llhave the goodness not to interfere with preposterous statements, howeverjocose they may appear to you. I was merely remarking gentlemen--thoughit's a point of very little import--that the Queen of England does nothappen to live in the Tower of London.'

  'General!' cried Mr La Fayette Kettle. 'You hear?'

  'General!' echoed several others. 'General!'

  'Hush! Pray, silence!' said General Choke, holding up his hand, andspeaking with a patient and complacent benevolence that was quitetouching. 'I have always remarked it as a very extraordinarycircumstance, which I impute to the natur' of British Institutions andtheir tendency to suppress that popular inquiry and information whichair so widely diffused even in the trackless forests of this vastContinent of the Western Ocean; that the knowledge of Britishersthemselves on such points is not to be compared with that possessedby our intelligent and locomotive citizens. This is interesting, andconfirms my observation. When you say, sir,' he continued, addressingMartin, 'that your Queen does not reside in the Tower of London, youfall into an error, not uncommon to your countrymen, even when theirabilities and moral elements air such as to command respect. But, sir,you air wrong. She DOES live there--'

  'When she is at the Court of Saint James's,' interposed Kettle.

  'When she is at the Court of Saint James's, of course,' returned theGeneral, in the same benignant way; 'for if her location was in WindsorPavilion it couldn't be in London at the same time. Your Tower ofLondon, sir,' pursued the General, smiling with a mild consciousness ofhis knowledge, 'is nat'rally your royal residence. Being located inthe immediate neighbourhood of your Parks, your Drives, your TriumphantArches, your Opera, and your Royal Almacks, it nat'rally suggestsitself as the place for holding a luxurious and thoughtless court.And, consequently,' said the General, 'consequently, the court is heldthere.'

  'Have you been in England?' asked Martin.

  'In print I have, sir,' said the General, 'not otherwise. We air areading people here, sir. You will meet with much information among usthat will surprise you, sir.'

  'I have not the least doubt of it,' returned Martin. But here he wasinterrupted by Mr La Fayette Kettle, who whispered in his ear:

  'You know General Choke?'

  'No,' returned Martin, in the same tone.

  'You know what he is considered?'

  'One of the most remarkable men in the country?' said Martin, at aventure.

  'That's a fact,' rejoined Kettle. 'I was sure you must have heard ofhim!'

  'I think,' said Martin, addressing himself to the General again, 'thatI have the pleasure of being the bearer of a letter of introduction toyou, sir
. From Mr Bevan, of Massachusetts,' he added, giving it to him.

  The General took it and read it attentively; now and then stopping toglance at the two strangers. When he had finished the note, he came overto Martin, sat down by him, and shook hands.

  'Well!' he said, 'and you think of settling in Eden?'

  'Subject to your opinion, and the agent's advice,' replied Martin. 'I amtold there is nothing to be done in the old towns.'

  'I can introduce you to the agent, sir,' said the General. 'I know him.In fact, I am a member of the Eden Land Corporation myself.'

  This was serious news to Martin, for his friend had laid great stressupon the General's having no connection, as he thought, with any landcompany, and therefore being likely to give him disinterested advice.The General explained that he had joined the Corporation only a fewweeks ago, and that no communication had passed between himself and MrBevan since.

  'We have very little to venture,' said Martin anxiously--'only afew pounds--but it is our all. Now, do you think that for one of myprofession, this would be a speculation with any hope or chance in it?'

  'Well,' observed the General, gravely, 'if there wasn't any hope orchance in the speculation, it wouldn't have engaged my dollars, Iopinionate.'

  'I don't mean for the sellers,' said Martin. 'For the buyers--for thebuyers!'

  'For the buyers, sir?' observed the General, in a most impressivemanner. 'Well! you come from an old country; from a country, sir, thathas piled up golden calves as high as Babel, and worshipped 'em forages. We are a new country, sir; man is in a more primeval state here,sir; we have not the excuse of having lapsed in the slow course of timeinto degenerate practices; we have no false gods; man, sir, here, is manin all his dignity. We fought for that or nothing. Here am I, sir,'said the General, setting up his umbrella to represent himself, and avillanous-looking umbrella it was; a very bad counter to stand for thesterling coin of his benevolence, 'here am I with grey hairs sir, anda moral sense. Would I, with my principles, invest capital in thisspeculation if I didn't think it full of hopes and chances for mybrother man?'

  Martin tried to look convinced, but he thought of New York, and found itdifficult.

  'What are the Great United States for, sir,' pursued the General 'if notfor the regeneration of man? But it is nat'ral in you to make such anenquerry, for you come from England, and you do not know my country.'

  'Then you think,' said Martin, 'that allowing for the hardships we areprepared to undergo, there is a reasonable--Heaven knows we don't expectmuch--a reasonable opening in this place?'

  'A reasonable opening in Eden, sir! But see the agent, see the agent;see the maps and plans, sir; and conclude to go or stay, according tothe natur' of the settlement. Eden hadn't need to go a-begging yet,sir,' remarked the General.

  'It is an awful lovely place, sure-ly. And frightful wholesome,likewise!' said Mr Kettle, who had made himself a party to thisconversation as a matter of course.

  Martin felt that to dispute such testimony, for no better reasonthan because he had his secret misgivings on the subject, would beungentlemanly and indecent. So he thanked the General for his promise toput him in personal communication with the agent; and 'concluded' to seethat officer next morning. He then begged the General to inform him whothe Watertoast Sympathisers were, of whom he had spoken in addressing MrLa Fayette Kettle, and on what grievances they bestowed their Sympathy.To which the General, looking very serious, made answer, that he mightfully enlighten himself on those points to-morrow by attending a GreatMeeting of the Body, which would then be held at the town to whichthey were travelling; 'over which, sir,' said the General, 'myfellow-citizens have called on me to preside.'

  They came to their journey's end late in the evening. Close to therailway was an immense white edifice, like an ugly hospital, on whichwas painted 'NATIONAL HOTEL.' There was a wooden gallery or verandahin front, in which it was rather startling, when the train stopped, tobehold a great many pairs of boots and shoes, and the smoke of agreat many cigars, but no other evidences of human habitation. By slowdegrees, however, some heads and shoulders appeared, and connectingthemselves with the boots and shoes, led to the discovery that certaingentlemen boarders, who had a fancy for putting their heels where thegentlemen boarders in other countries usually put their heads, wereenjoying themselves after their own manner in the cool of the evening.

  There was a great bar-room in this hotel, and a great public roomin which the general table was being set out for supper. There wereinterminable whitewashed staircases, long whitewashed galleries upstairsand downstairs, scores of little whitewashed bedrooms, and a four-sidedverandah to every story in the house, which formed a large brick squarewith an uncomfortable courtyard in the centre, where some clothes weredrying. Here and there, some yawning gentlemen lounged up and down withtheir hands in their pockets; but within the house and without, whereverhalf a dozen people were collected together, there, in their looks,dress, morals, manners, habits, intellect, and conversation, were MrJefferson Brick, Colonel Diver, Major Pawkins, General Choke, and MrLa Fayette Kettle, over, and over, and over again. They did the samethings; said the same things; judged all subjects by, and reduced allsubjects to, the same standard. Observing how they lived, and how theywere always in the enchanting company of each other, Martin even beganto comprehend their being the social, cheerful, winning, airy men theywere.

  At the sounding of a dismal gong, this pleasant company went troopingdown from all parts of the house to the public room; while from theneighbouring stores other guests came flocking in, in shoals; for halfthe town, married folks as well as single, resided at the NationalHotel. Tea, coffee, dried meats, tongue, ham, pickles, cake, toast,preserves, and bread and butter, were swallowed with the usual ravagingspeed; and then, as before, the company dropped off by degrees, andlounged away to the desk, the counter, or the bar-room. The ladies had asmaller ordinary of their own, to which their husbands and brotherswere admitted if they chose; and in all other respects they enjoyedthemselves as at Pawkins's.

  'Now, Mark, my good fellow, said Martin, closing the door of hislittle chamber, 'we must hold a solemn council, for our fate is decidedto-morrow morning. You are determined to invest these savings of yoursin the common stock, are you?'

  'If I hadn't been determined to make that wentur, sir,' answered MrTapley, 'I shouldn't have come.'

  'How much is there here, did you say' asked Martin, holding up a littlebag.

  'Thirty-seven pound ten and sixpence. The Savings' Bank said so atleast. I never counted it. But THEY know, bless you!' said Mark, with ashake of the head expressive of his unbounded confidence in the wisdomand arithmetic of those Institutions.

  'The money we brought with us,' said Martin, 'is reduced to a fewshillings less than eight pounds.'

  Mr Tapley smiled, and looked all manner of ways, that he might not besupposed to attach any importance to this fact.

  'Upon the ring--HER ring, Mark,' said Martin, looking ruefully at hisempty finger--

  'Ah!' sighed Mr Tapley. 'Beg your pardon, sir.'

  '--We raised, in English money, fourteen pounds. So, even with that,your share of the stock is still very much the larger of the two yousee. Now, Mark,' said Martin, in his old way, just as he might havespoken to Tom Pinch, 'I have thought of a means of making this upto you--more than making it up to you, I hope--and very materiallyelevating your prospects in life.'

  'Oh! don't talk of that, you know, sir,' returned Mark. 'I don't want noelevating, sir. I'm all right enough, sir, I am.'

  'No, but hear me,' said Martin, 'because this is very important to you,and a great satisfaction to me. Mark, you shall be a partner in thebusiness; an equal partner with myself. I will put in, as my additionalcapital, my professional knowledge and ability; and half the annualprofits, as long as it is carried on, shall be yours.'

  Poor Martin! For ever building castles in the air. For ever, in his veryselfishness, forgetful of all but his own teeming hopes and sanguineplans. Swelling, at that insta
nt, with the consciousness of patronizingand most munificently rewarding Mark!

  'I don't know, sir,' Mark rejoined, much more sadly than his custom was,though from a very different cause than Martin supposed, 'what I can sayto this, in the way of thanking you. I'll stand by you, sir, to the bestof my ability, and to the last. That's all.'

  'We quite understand each other, my good fellow,' said Martin rising inself-approval and condescension. 'We are no longer master and servant,but friends and partners; and are mutually gratified. If we determine onEden, the business shall be commenced as soon as we get there. Under thename,' said Martin, who never hammered upon an idea that wasn't red hot,'under the name of Chuzzlewit and Tapley.'

  'Lord love you, sir,' cried Mark, 'don't have my name in it. I ain'tacquainted with the business, sir. I must be Co., I must. I've oftenthought,' he added, in a low voice, 'as I should like to know a Co.; butI little thought as ever I should live to be one.'

  'You shall have your own way, Mark.'

  'Thank'ee, sir. If any country gentleman thereabouts, in the public way,or otherwise, wanted such a thing as a skittle-ground made, I could takethat part of the bis'ness, sir.'

  'Against any architect in the States,' said Martin. 'Get a couple ofsherry-cobblers, Mark, and we'll drink success to the firm.'

  Either he forgot already (and often afterwards), that they were nolonger master and servant, or considered this kind of duty to be amongthe legitimate functions of the Co. But Mark obeyed with his usualalacrity; and before they parted for the night, it was agreed betweenthem that they should go together to the agent's in the morning, butthat Martin should decide the Eden question, on his own sound judgment.And Mark made no merit, even to himself in his jollity, of thisconcession; perfectly well knowing that the matter would come to that inthe end, any way.

  The General was one of the party at the public table next day, and afterbreakfast suggested that they should wait upon the agent without loss oftime. They, desiring nothing more, agreed; so off they all fourstarted for the office of the Eden Settlement, which was almost withinrifle-shot of the National Hotel.

  It was a small place--something like a turnpike. But a great deal ofland may be got into a dice-box, and why may not a whole territory bebargained for in a shed? It was but a temporary office too; for theEdeners were 'going' to build a superb establishment for the transactionof their business, and had already got so far as to mark out the site.Which is a great way in America. The office-door was wide open, and inthe doorway was the agent; no doubt a tremendous fellow to get throughhis work, for he seemed to have no arrears, but was swinging backwardsand forwards in a rocking-chair, with one of his legs planted high upagainst the door-post, and the other doubled up under him, as if he werehatching his foot.

  He was a gaunt man in a huge straw hat, and a coat of green stuff. Theweather being hot, he had no cravat, and wore his shirt collar wideopen; so that every time he spoke something was seen to twitch and jerkup in his throat, like the little hammers in a harpsichord when thenotes are struck. Perhaps it was the Truth feebly endeavouring to leapto his lips. If so, it never reached them.

  Two grey eyes lurked deep within this agent's head, but one of them hadno sight in it, and stood stock still. With that side of his face heseemed to listen to what the other side was doing. Thus each profile hada distinct expression; and when the movable side was most in action, therigid one was in its coldest state of watchfulness. It was liketurning the man inside out, to pass to that view of his features in hisliveliest mood, and see how calculating and intent they were.

  Each long black hair upon his head hung down as straight as any plummetline; but rumpled tufts were on the arches of his eyes, as if the crowwhose foot was deeply printed in the corners had pecked and torn them ina savage recognition of his kindred nature as a bird of prey.

  Such was the man whom they now approached, and whom the General salutedby the name of Scadder.

  'Well, Gen'ral,' he returned, 'and how are you?'

  'Ac-tive and spry, sir, in my country's service and the sympatheticcause. Two gentlemen on business, Mr Scadder.'

  He shook hands with each of them--nothing is done in America withoutshaking hands--then went on rocking.

  'I think I know what bis'ness you have brought these strangers hereupon, then, Gen'ral?'

  'Well, sir. I expect you may.'

  'You air a tongue-y person, Gen'ral. For you talk too much, and that'sfact,' said Scadder. 'You speak a-larming well in public, but you didn'tought to go ahead so fast in private. Now!'

  'If I can realise your meaning, ride me on a rail!' returned theGeneral, after pausing for consideration.

  'You know we didn't wish to sell the lots off right away to any loaferas might bid,' said Scadder; 'but had con-cluded to reserve 'em forAristocrats of Natur'. Yes!'

  'And they are here, sir!' cried the General with warmth. 'They are here,sir!'

  'If they air here,' returned the agent, in reproachful accents, 'that'senough. But you didn't ought to have your dander ris with ME, Gen'ral.'

  The General whispered Martin that Scadder was the honestest fellow inthe world, and that he wouldn't have given him offence designedly, forten thousand dollars.

  'I do my duty; and I raise the dander of my feller critters, as Iwish to serve,' said Scadder in a low voice, looking down the roadand rocking still. 'They rile up rough, along of my objecting to theirselling Eden off too cheap. That's human natur'! Well!'

  'Mr Scadder,' said the General, assuming his oratorical deportment.'Sir! Here is my hand, and here my heart. I esteem you, sir, and askyour pardon. These gentlemen air friends of mine, or I would not havebrought 'em here, sir, being well aware, sir, that the lots at presentgo entirely too cheap. But these air friends, sir; these air partick'lerfriends.'

  Mr Scadder was so satisfied by this explanation, that he shook theGeneral warmly by the hand, and got out of the rocking-chair to do it.He then invited the General's particular friends to accompany him intothe office. As to the General, he observed, with his usual benevolence,that being one of the company, he wouldn't interfere in the transactionon any account; so he appropriated the rocking-chair to himself, andlooked at the prospect, like a good Samaritan waiting for a traveller.

  'Heyday!' cried Martin, as his eye rested on a great plan which occupiedone whole side of the office. Indeed, the office had little else in it,but some geological and botanical specimens, one or two rusty ledgers, ahomely desk, and a stool. 'Heyday! what's that?'

  'That's Eden,' said Scadder, picking his teeth with a sort of youngbayonet that flew out of his knife when he touched a spring.

  'Why, I had no idea it was a city.'

  'Hadn't you? Oh, it's a city.'

  A flourishing city, too! An architectural city! There were banks,churches, cathedrals, market-places, factories, hotels, stores,mansions, wharves; an exchange, a theatre; public buildings of allkinds, down to the office of the Eden Stinger, a daily journal; allfaithfully depicted in the view before them.

  'Dear me! It's really a most important place!' cried Martin turninground.

  'Oh! it's very important,' observed the agent.

  'But, I am afraid,' said Martin, glancing again at the Public Buildings,'that there's nothing left for me to do.'

  'Well! it ain't all built,' replied the agent. 'Not quite.'

  This was a great relief.

  'The market-place, now,' said Martin. 'Is that built?'

  'That?' said the agent, sticking his toothpick into the weathercock onthe top. 'Let me see. No; that ain't built.'

  'Rather a good job to begin with--eh, Mark?' whispered Martin nudginghim with his elbow.

  Mark, who, with a very stolid countenance had been eyeing the plan andthe agent by turns, merely rejoined 'Uncommon!'

  A dead silence ensued, Mr Scadder in some short recesses or vacations ofhis toothpick, whistled a few bars of Yankee Doodle, and blew the dustoff the roof of the Theatre.

  'I suppose,' said Martin, feigning to look more narro
wly at the plan,but showing by his tremulous voice how much depended, in his mind, uponthe answer; 'I suppose there are--several architects there?'

  'There ain't a single one,' said Scadder.

  'Mark,' whispered Martin, pulling him by the sleeve, 'do you hear that?But whose work is all this before us, then?' he asked aloud.

  'The soil being very fruitful, public buildings grows spontaneous,perhaps,' said Mark.

  He was on the agent's dark side as he said it; but Scadder instantlychanged his place, and brought his active eye to bear upon him.

  'Feel of my hands, young man,' he said.

  'What for?' asked Mark, declining.

  'Air they dirty, or air they clean, sir?' said Scadder, holding themout.

  In a physical point of view they were decidedly dirty. But it beingobvious that Mr Scadder offered them for examination in a figurativesense, as emblems of his moral character, Martin hastened to pronouncethem pure as the driven snow.

  'I entreat, Mark,' he said, with some irritation, 'that you willnot obtrude remarks of that nature, which, however harmless andwell-intentioned, are quite out of place, and cannot be expected to bevery agreeable to strangers. I am quite surprised.'

  'The Co.'s a-putting his foot in it already,' thought Mark. 'He must bea sleeping partner--fast asleep and snoring--Co. must; I see.'

  Mr Scadder said nothing, but he set his back against the plan, andthrust his toothpick into the desk some twenty times; looking at Markall the while as if he were stabbing him in effigy.

  'You haven't said whose work it is,' Martin ventured to observe atlength, in a tone of mild propitiation.

  'Well, never mind whose work it is, or isn't,' said the agent sulkily.'No matter how it did eventuate. P'raps he cleared off, handsome, with aheap of dollars; p'raps he wasn't worth a cent. P'raps he was a loafin'rowdy; p'raps a ring-tailed roarer. Now!'

  'All your doing, Mark!' said Martin.

  'P'raps,' pursued the agent, 'them ain't plants of Eden's raising. No!P'raps that desk and stool ain't made from Eden lumber. No! P'raps noend of squatters ain't gone out there. No! P'raps there ain't no suchlocation in the territoary of the Great U-nited States. Oh, no!'

  'I hope you're satisfied with the success of your joke, Mark,' saidMartin.

  But here, at a most opportune and happy time, the General interposed,and called out to Scadder from the doorway to give his friends theparticulars of that little lot of fifty acres with the house upon it;which, having belonged to the company formerly, had lately lapsed againinto their hands.

  'You air a deal too open-handed, Gen'ral,' was the answer. 'It is a lotas should be rose in price. It is.'

  He grumblingly opened his books notwithstanding, and always keeping hisbright side towards Mark, no matter at what amount of inconvenienceto himself, displayed a certain leaf for their perusal. Martin read itgreedily, and then inquired:

  'Now where upon the plan may this place be?'

  'Upon the plan?' said Scadder.

  'Yes.'

  He turned towards it, and reflected for a short time, as if, havingbeen put upon his mettle, he was resolved to be particular to thevery minutest hair's breadth of a shade. At length, after wheeling histoothpick slowly round and round in the air, as if it were a carrierpigeon just thrown up, he suddenly made a dart at the drawing, andpierced the very centre of the main wharf, through and through.

  'There!' he said, leaving his knife quivering in the wall; 'that's whereit is!'

  Martin glanced with sparkling eyes upon his Co., and his Co. saw thatthe thing was done.

  The bargain was not concluded as easily as might have been expectedthough, for Scadder was caustic and ill-humoured, and cast muchunnecessary opposition in the way; at one time requesting them to thinkof it, and call again in a week or a fortnight; at another, predictingthat they wouldn't like it; at another, offering to retract and let themoff, and muttering strong imprecations upon the folly of the General.But the whole of the astoundingly small sum total of purchase-money--itwas only one hundred and fifty dollars, or something more than thirtypounds of the capital brought by Co. into the architectural concern--wasultimately paid down; and Martin's head was two inches nearer the roofof the little wooden office, with the consciousness of being a landedproprietor in the thriving city of Eden.

  'If it shouldn't happen to fit,' said Scadder, as he gave Martin thenecessary credentials on recepit of his money, 'don't blame me.'

  'No, no,' he replied merrily. 'We'll not blame you. General, are yougoing?'

  'I am at your service, sir; and I wish you,' said the General, givinghim his hand with grave cordiality, 'joy of your po-ssession. You airnow, sir, a denizen of the most powerful and highly-civilised dominionthat has ever graced the world; a do-minion, sir, where man is bound toman in one vast bond of equal love and truth. May you, sir, be worthy ofyour a-dopted country!'

  Martin thanked him, and took leave of Mr Scadder; who had resumed hispost in the rocking-chair, immediately on the General's rising from it,and was once more swinging away as if he had never been disturbed.Mark looked back several times as they went down the road towards theNational Hotel, but now his blighted profile was towards them, andnothing but attentive thoughtfulness was written on it. Strangelydifferent to the other side! He was not a man much given to laughing,and never laughed outright; but every line in the print of the crow'sfoot, and every little wiry vein in that division of his head, waswrinkled up into a grin! The compound figure of Death and the Lady atthe top of the old ballad was not divided with a greater nicety, andhadn't halves more monstrously unlike each other, than the two profilesof Zephaniah Scadder.

  The General posted along at a great rate, for the clock was on thestroke of twelve; and at that hour precisely, the Great Meeting ofthe Watertoast Sympathisers was to be holden in the public room of theNational Hotel. Being very curious to witness the demonstration, andknow what it was all about, Martin kept close to the General; and,keeping closer than ever when they entered the Hall, got by that meansupon a little platform of tables at the upper end; where an armchair wasset for the General, and Mr La Fayette Kettle, as secretary, was makinga great display of some foolscap documents. Screamers, no doubt.

  'Well, sir!' he said, as he shook hands with Martin, 'here is aspectacle calc'lated to make the British Lion put his tail between hislegs, and howl with anguish, I expect!'

  Martin certainly thought it possible that the British Lion might havebeen rather out of his element in that Ark; but he kept the idea tohimself. The General was then voted to the chair, on the motion of apallid lad of the Jefferson Brick school; who forthwith set in for ahigh-spiced speech, with a good deal about hearths and homes in it, andunriveting the chains of Tyranny.

  Oh but it was a clincher for the British Lion, it was! The indignationof the glowing young Columbian knew no bounds. If he could only havebeen one of his own forefathers, he said, wouldn't he have pepperedthat same Lion, and been to him as another Brute Tamer with a wire whip,teaching him lessons not easily forgotten. 'Lion! (cried that youngColumbian) where is he? Who is he? What is he? Show him to me. Let mehave him here. Here!' said the young Columbian, in a wrestling attitude,'upon this sacred altar. Here!' cried the young Columbian, idealisingthe dining-table, 'upon ancestral ashes, cemented with the gloriousblood poured out like water on our native plains of Chickabiddy Lick!Bring forth that Lion!' said the young Columbian. 'Alone, I dare him! Itaunt that Lion. I tell that Lion, that Freedom's hand once twistedin his mane, he rolls a corse before me, and the Eagles of the GreatRepublic laugh ha, ha!'

  When it was found that the Lion didn't come, but kept out of the way;that the young Columbian stood there, with folded arms, alone in hisglory; and consequently that the Eagles were no doubt laughing wildly onthe mountain tops; such cheers arose as might have shaken the hands uponthe Horse-Guards' clock, and changed the very mean time of the day inEngland's capital.

  'Who is this?' Martin telegraphed to La Fayette.

  The Secretary wrote something, very gr
avely, on a piece of paper,twisted it up, and had it passed to him from hand to hand. It was animprovement on the old sentiment: 'Perhaps as remarkable a man as any inour country.'

  This young Columbian was succeeded by another, to the full as eloquentas he, who drew down storms of cheers. But both remarkable youths,in their great excitement (for your true poetry can never stoop todetails), forgot to say with whom or what the Watertoasters sympathized,and likewise why or wherefore they were sympathetic. Thus Martinremained for a long time as completely in the dark as ever; untilat length a ray of light broke in upon him through the medium of theSecretary, who, by reading the minutes of their past proceedings,made the matter somewhat clearer. He then learned that the WatertoastAssociation sympathized with a certain Public Man in Ireland, who held acontest upon certain points with England; and that they did so, becausethey didn't love England at all--not by any means because they lovedIreland much; being indeed horribly jealous and distrustful of itspeople always, and only tolerating them because of their working hard,which made them very useful; labour being held in greater indignity inthe simple republic than in any other country upon earth. Thisrendered Martin curious to see what grounds of sympathy the WatertoastAssociation put forth; nor was he long in suspense, for the Generalrose to read a letter to the Public Man, which with his own hands he hadwritten.

  'Thus,' said the General, 'thus, my friends and fellow-citizens, itruns:

  '"SIR--I address you on behalf of the Watertoast Association of UnitedSympathisers. It is founded, sir, in the great republic of America! andnow holds its breath, and swells the blue veins in its forehead nigh tobursting, as it watches, sir, with feverish intensity and sympatheticardour, your noble efforts in the cause of Freedom."'

  At the name of Freedom, and at every repetition of that name, all theSympathisers roared aloud; cheering with nine times nine, and nine timesover.

  '"In Freedom's name, sir--holy Freedom--I address you. In Freedom'sname, I send herewith a contribution to the funds of your society.In Freedom's name, sir, I advert with indignation and disgust to thataccursed animal, with gore-stained whiskers, whose rampant cruelty andfiery lust have ever been a scourge, a torment to the world. The nakedvisitors to Crusoe's Island, sir; the flying wives of Peter Wilkins; thefruit-smeared children of the tangled bush; nay, even the men of largestature, anciently bred in the mining districts of Cornwall; alikebear witness to its savage nature. Where, sir, are the Cormorans,the Blunderbores, the Great Feefofums, named in History? All, all,exterminated by its destroying hand.

  '"I allude, sir, to the British Lion.

  '"Devoted, mind and body, heart and soul, to Freedom, sir--to Freedom,blessed solace to the snail upon the cellar-door, the oyster in hispearly bed, the still mite in his home of cheese, the very winkle ofyour country in his shelly lair--in her unsullied name, we offer you oursympathy. Oh, sir, in this our cherished and our happy land, her firesburn bright and clear and smokeless; once lighted up in yours, the lionshall be roasted whole.

  '"I am, sir, in Freedom's name,

  '"Your affectionate friend and faithful Sympathiser,

  '"CYRUS CHOKE,

  '"General, U.S.M."'

  It happened that just as the General began to read this letter, therailroad train arrived, bringing a new mail from England; and a packethad been handed in to the Secretary, which during its perusal andthe frequent cheerings in homage to freedom, he had opened. Now, itscontents disturbed him very much, and the moment the General sat down,he hurried to his side, and placed in his hand a letter and severalprinted extracts from English newspapers; to which, in a state ofinfinite excitement, he called his immediate attention.

  The General, being greatly heated by his own composition, was in afit state to receive any inflammable influence; but he had no soonerpossessed himself of the contents of these documents, than a change cameover his face, involving such a huge amount of choler and passion, thatthe noisy concourse were silent in a moment, in very wonder at the sightof him.

  'My friends!' cried the General, rising; 'my friends and fellowcitizens, we have been mistaken in this man.'

  'In what man?' was the cry.

  'In this,' panted the General, holding up the letter he had read alouda few minutes before. 'I find that he has been, and is, theadvocate--consistent in it always too--of Nigger emancipation!'

  If anything beneath the sky be real, those Sons of Freedom would havepistolled, stabbed--in some way slain--that man by coward hands andmurderous violence, if he had stood among them at that time. The mostconfiding of their own countrymen would not have wagered then--no, norwould they ever peril--one dunghill straw, upon the life of any man insuch a strait. They tore the letter, cast the fragments in the air, troddown the pieces as they fell; and yelled, and groaned, and hissed, tillthey could cry no longer.

  'I shall move,' said the General, when he could make himself heard,'that the Watertoast Association of United Sympathisers be immediatelydissolved!'

  Down with it! Away with it! Don't hear of it! Burn its records! Pull theroom down! Blot it out of human memory!

  'But, my fellow-countrymen!' said the General, 'the contributions. Wehave funds. What is to be done with the funds?'

  It was hastily resolved that a piece of plate should be presented to acertain constitutional Judge, who had laid down from the Bench the nobleprinciple that it was lawful for any white mob to murder any black man;and that another piece of plate, of similar value should be presentedto a certain Patriot, who had declared from his high place in theLegislature, that he and his friends would hang without trial, anyAbolitionist who might pay them a visit. For the surplus, it was agreedthat it should be devoted to aiding the enforcement of those free andequal laws, which render it incalculably more criminal and dangerousto teach a negro to read and write than to roast him alive in a publiccity. These points adjusted, the meeting broke up in great disorder, andthere was an end of the Watertoast Sympathy.

  As Martin ascended to his bedroom, his eye was attracted by theRepublican banner, which had been hoisted from the house-top in honourof the occasion, and was fluttering before a window which he passed.

  'Tut!' said Martin. 'You're a gay flag in the distance. But let a manbe near enough to get the light upon the other side and see through you;and you are but sorry fustian!'