“Not likely,” Cooper mumbled. Why would he want to give them anything?
“Accidentally,” Ryan clarified. “Delilah and Brent both have more than their fair share clinging to them.” Cooper saw Brent look up swiftly, eyes wide, before Ryan continued. “Luckily, they’re both stable enough not to be in too much danger. However, I suspect you’ve infected almost everyone you’ve been in contact with since the accident.”
Cooper shuddered at the thought. “Most of the time they don’t even bother me,” he insisted. “I see them when I try to sleep or something, but not much otherwise.”
“Most of the time, you aren’t able to see them,” Ryan said. “It takes intense training or a dreadful mistake for a human to be able to see creatures of raw power, like the beasts hunting you. In your case, you can see them when you’re partially outside your flesh.”
The concept made Cooper shudder, but he tried to stay focused. “What’s the other problem?”
“Samantha,” Ryan answered bluntly. “She’s not a ghost. Human ghosts don’t exist. I can’t say for certain what she is, except that she is obviously associated with the scavengers and closely linked to you. The beasts that cling to you don’t have the intelligence to make a plan, or keep their host alive for their long-term benefit, but there are creatures that do possess such a capacity. Samantha might be one of them.”
Cooper shook his head at the implication. “You don’t know Samantha. She’s lonely and scared, not some kind of evil parasite.”
“If we stop to assume for a moment that Samantha is a human ghost,” Ryan said slowly, “what did you want from me?”
Somehow, the question surprised Cooper, though it was an entirely reasonable one. He couldn’t answer right away. What had he hoped for? He suspected he had clung to Brent’s company for reassurance that he wasn’t in fact crazy. Brent had said that Ryan could help, and Cooper had gone with him, wanting help … but with what, if not just further validation?
“I want to help Samantha,” he said out loud, though even that was vague and, of course, Ryan caught on to that ambiguity right away.
“You want to help her,” Ryan said. “How? If she is in fact a ghost, if she is in fact dead, then how do you intend to help her? Would you bring her back to life if you had the ability? Even if she died in a pretty fashion, according to your tale she’s been gone for months. Her body is not going to be in good shape. She might need to acquire another one—”
“No, no, nothing like that,” Cooper protested, repulsed by the image of a Samantha who had been left to rot for months, with her long blond hair pooling in fluids of decay.
“If she is a ghost,” Ryan said, continuing inexorably, “then it’s likely that whatever else is left of her is in a box somewhere. If you’re not discussing resurrection or possession, then you’re talking about exorcism. If you want me to banish her—or, more gently, I could say ‘to send her on’—then I could almost certainly do that.”
“But you already said that ghosts like her don’t exist, so how can you propose to do anything like that?” Cooper challenged.
Ryan shrugged enigmatically. “Whether she’s a ghost or something else, she doesn’t have a mortal form, and that makes her vulnerable. In the field of psychic arm wrestling, I almost always win. I usually prefer to understand something before I banish it, especially when dealing with apparently sentient beings, but I’m offering scenarios here.”
“And if she’s one of those other things you talked about, what will happen to her?”
“Oh, now you’re willing to consider it?” Ryan asked. Cooper was pretty sure he had just fallen into a really obvious verbal trap. “I think, Cooper, that you should take some time to sort out what you want. Do you want the truth and to help Samantha, or do you want to comfort yourself? If it’s the latter, is having her around and dealing with her mystery more comforting to you than letting her go would be?”
Of course he wanted to help Samantha, but if she was really a ghost, that would mean allowing her to be dead.
He remembered what Ryan had said about the shadows making painful emotions worse. Maybe, without them, he and Samantha would be in better shape, and could take care of their own problems.
“You said my first problem was my not being attached to my body right or something, which attracts the shadows,” he said, trying to circle back to a simpler part of the conversation. “Can you help me solve that issue? I mean, if you’re right, and Samantha is … something else, something bad … then if I fix my shadow problem, she won’t have any use for me, right? And if she stays around after they’re gone, then she probably isn’t using me the way you think she might be, and we can explore other options.”
Ryan smiled again. It was patronizing, and it kind of made Cooper want to hit him.
“If that’s the plan,” Cooper said when it became obvious that Ryan was waiting for him to continue, “then I guess it would help to know how this happened in the first place? I mean, I didn’t just pick up magic powers out of nowhere, right?”
Ryan’s indulgent smile was replaced by a wince. “Your ability isn’t a ‘magic power,’” Ryan said. “For human beings to gain real power, they need to make deals. They need to work with beings a little less human than those of us in this room. Your little trick? It’s more like a reflex. You probably learned it in the accident. It’s no more inhuman than Brent’s telepathy, or—”
“How do you pick up telepathy as a reflex?” Cooper interrupted.
“Just like any other one,” Ryan replied vaguely. “May I demonstrate?”
“Um … okay?”
He had barely spoken the words before Ryan’s fist came up and caught him square on the jaw. It wasn’t nearly as hard a blow as Cooper had received on the football field, but he was completely unprepared for it, and it sent him stumbling back toward the couch.
“What the hell was that for?” he demanded.
“You said I could demonstrate.”
“I didn’t—” Okay, he did, and should have known better, given how many times Ryan had already pushed his buttons. “I didn’t mean—”
“The point would have been lost if I explained ahead of time,” Ryan said before, incredibly, he tried it again.
Still wound up from the first blow, and watching Ryan a good deal more carefully now, Cooper managed to dodge this one—and throw a right hook back at him. But Ryan just stepped into Cooper’s punch and, instead of getting hit, somehow sent Cooper sailing back to the couch again, where he lay, disoriented, while Ryan kept talking.
“Human beings learn quickly to avoid and respond to things that might hurt them,” Ryan said. “It’s simple. We pick up cues that warn us of approaching danger. We become more sensitive to those cues when we know we’re in danger. And when we find a way to defend ourselves, we use it instinctively.”
Cooper rubbed his jaw, still wondering how this guy who looked like a college kid and spoke like some kind of professor had managed to knock him off his feet twice in the same afternoon.
“Now,” Ryan said, continuing, “I’ll give you the same option I gave Brent when he first came here. I can help you clamp down so hard on your ability you’ll never reach it again, or I can teach you to use it as you choose, instead of just lashing out with it in a blind panic. Either way, in the process you’ll learn how to keep yourself contained when you need to be, so the scavengers can’t make a meal out of you.”
“I appreciate the offer,” Cooper grumbled, “but … first, two more questions. If you’re saying these abilities are developed through some kind of protective response, then why is mine putting me in danger? Brent said his telepathy put him in the hospital.”
“Because sometimes your body makes mistakes. It’s a bad idea to shut your eyes when something flies at your windshield while you’re driving, or to freeze in place in the middle of the street when a truck is about to run you over, right? But people still do it. That’s why we need to make a conscious effort to control our responses.”
/>
Cooper knew there was sometimes a difference between what your body wanted you to do, and what you needed to do, especially when it came to football, where he had trained himself to hold on to the ball, even if it meant falling on his face.
“Next question,” he said. “How do I put this? You’re kind of an asshole. Why do you want to help me at all?”
“I told you,” Ryan said, a hint of frustration in his tone. “Possessing real magic involves making deals with powers beyond your current comprehension. My family made those agreements centuries ago, and we have been sorcerers and scholars ever since. The le Coire family is the oldest and most powerful human line on this continent to ever study these magics. I believe, as did most of my ancestors, that our power isn’t just a gift to be squandered. I don’t have to like you, and vice versa, for me to have an obligation to offer to teach you. Whether you say yes is up to you.”
Cooper hesitated. He knew he needed to learn what Ryan had to teach, if only to prove that Samantha wasn’t evil, and to convince Ryan to help her, somehow, too. He just didn’t like the idea of spending more time with him.
“Take a day,” Ryan suggested. “Ask Brent and Delilah what it’s like to study with me. Look around and see if you can recognize which people near you have your shadows clinging to them, and how it’s affecting them. And,” he concluded with a cool smile, “maybe you should see what Samantha thinks of the plan.” He shrugged. “Or maybe you shouldn’t. If she is the one keeping you alive, and she thinks you might not be useful anymore, it could end badly. Either way, be here tomorrow morning if you want my help.”
Cooper wanted to defend Samantha again, but couldn’t seem to find the words as a shiver ran down his spine.
Cooper rubbed his jaw as he and Brent climbed onto the train going back to town. “I’m wondering if Ryan and I would both survive it, if I accept his offer to teach me anything.”
“I don’t know of anyone who’s died there yet,” Brent assured him. “Ryan is always pretty abrasive, but he gets easier to work with once he believes that you’re willing to put in the effort.”
“How hard is it to convince him of that?”
Brent seemed to ponder that one for quite a while, before saying, “As you might have guessed, you’re not the first person to try to hit him. I’ve never seen anyone connect, though I tried my best. More importantly, I’ve never seen Ryan get angry about it. He says that it’s easiest for most people to tap into their power when their emotions are running high, so I think he baits people on purpose.”
“Oh, fun,” Cooper grumbled.
“Speaking of which, is Samantha angry about being locked out?”
Cooper nodded. “She said she was going to follow Delilah, so she’s probably at the car wash now.” He wasn’t sure what to make of her abrupt about-face on her opinion of Delilah. Was she as unsettled as he was by finding Delilah at Ryan’s?
“Do you want to swing by after we get back to town?” Brent asked. “I think the flyers I saw said the car wash would run until five, so we could get there half an hour or so before they shut down.”
“I don’t know,” Cooper said. “If Ryan’s right, my being around them could hurt the other guys, too, couldn’t it?”
“I don’t know,” Brent said, before he blurted out, “You have to have some thoughts on what Ryan said about Samantha. What if she isn’t what you think she is? Maybe she isn’t even what she thinks she is, and that’s why you two haven’t been able to figure out who she is.”
“I just don’t believe she would hurt anyone,” Cooper said, recalling too vividly how scared Samantha had seemed after having been “lost” last night. No matter what Ryan said, Cooper had a hard time believing it was really all an act.
Of course, her fear made him more afraid, which was what those shadow-creatures were supposed to—
No. He didn’t believe that. Even if Ryan was right and Samantha couldn’t be a ghost, that didn’t mean she was evil. Maybe Samantha didn’t mean to lie to anyone, but was deceiving herself, like Brent said.
Despite his reservations, when they left the train, Cooper found himself heading toward the grocery store parking lot where he knew the team would be. He wanted to see Samantha again to make sure she was all right.
And he wanted to see the guys. He had been so nervous about even calling them all summer, but if part of that nervousness had been caused by the shadows, then he should seize the moment before they came back. Ryan had said that healthy people weren’t at risk, so Cooper didn’t think he’d actually be endangering them. He would say a quick hello, and hopefully find Samantha in the process.
Brent was following quietly beside him, “Going to check out the car wash after all?”
“I guess I am,” he said. “I mean, I should, right?” He felt as if he could breathe easier than he had been able to in months.
Brent shrugged. “You want company or should I ditch?”
“Would it be absolutely pathetic if I asked you to come?” Cooper asked. John had seemed willing to forgive and forget that he had abandoned him for months, but their conversation had still been awkward even before the shadows came. Cooper didn’t know how the rest of the team would react. They had a right to be pissed at him.
“No problem,” Brent said. “I can provide an excuse and drive the getaway car if we need to make our escape.”
Cooper laughed a little at the image, but it was mostly forced.
John looked up just then and did a double take. Cooper froze like a rabbit as the 227-pound linebacker ran at him. If John actually hit him with any force, he was going to go down, hard, before John even realized that Cooper had lost most of the bulk and muscle that would enable him to meet that kind of greeting.
Thankfully, John stopped, grinning, a couple feet in front of Cooper. If the shadows that had harassed John back at school had done any damage, it didn’t show.
“It’s good to see you up and about and not looking like hell,” John said bluntly, his smile not fading.
“Yeah. I’m sorry I haven’t called or anything.”
“I figured you’d get in touch when you felt up to it. I told the guys to leave you alone until then … though I don’t suppose you’ll be coming back to the team?”
Cooper shook his head, relief at the warm greeting actually making his head spin. When the doctors had first told him that it was a very bad idea for him to go back to football, it had seemed like a death knell. Now, months later, he managed to smile as he said, “I’m going to have to watch this season.”
“Well, you two look like you need to catch up,” Brent said, apparently having decided he had stood awkwardly nearby long enough. “I’m going to bail. Unless you still need help with that thing, Cooper?”
Cooper recognized the offer as an excuse to leave, in case he needed or wanted it, and was grateful.
“You should stick around, Coop,” John said. “Hang with us. We’re all going over to the beach after we’re done here if the weather holds, and then we’re going to hit Frank’s Grill for dinner.”
Cooper was shaking his head before he even realized it. “I’ve got work in the morning,” he said, even though he knew perfectly well that his father would let him off work in a heartbeat if he asked, and his mother would be delighted he was going out with the guys from the team. Unless he could find a swimsuit that didn’t show his arms, torso, or legs, he wouldn’t be hitting the beach anytime soon. Maybe someday, but he wasn’t quite ready to show off the extent of the damage to the world yet.
“C’mon,” John said. “You can come out for a while. Who needs sleep, right? You don’t even need to do suicide drills at practice tomorrow. You can handle—”
“I can’t,” Cooper said, more sharply than he had intended.
John went quiet.
“Sorry, man,” Cooper said, dropping his head as he tried to push back the anxiety that was starting to spike again. “I’m still a little … off. I don’t know. Say hi to the guys for me, though?”
/> “Say hi to them yourself?” John suggested, gesturing over his shoulder to the rest of the team, who were manning the car wash when they weren’t glancing not entirely subtly over at John, Cooper and Brent. Delilah wasn’t with them; either she had decided not to come back to the car wash, or she was promoting the car wash somewhere else.
Cooper was glad not to have to face her again yet, but disappointed to see that Samantha wasn’t here, either.
“Might as well say hello,” Brent encouraged him.
Cooper looked skeptically, wondering if Brent was trying to help or get rid of him.
John seemed equally confused, as if he were trying to figure out who Brent was and why he was involved. “Do I know you?” he asked.
“I went to a couple parties with Delilah,” Brent answered with a sigh.
“Oh,” John said, his eyes widening in surprise. “Well. Um. Huh.”
“Let’s go say hi,” Cooper said, changing the subject. Cooper wondered how recently Brent and Delilah had broken up, and what she had been saying to the guys since.
He started across the parking lot, acutely aware that the rest of the team had dropped any attempt at discretion and had turned to smile at him. He tried to remind himself that these were his friends, and not to be feared.
But when Reggie, one of the biggest guys on the team, clapped him on the shoulder, he remembered one of the reasons why he had avoided these friends in the first place. The friendly gesture, once so familiar, not only made him stumble but sent a shard of pain from his shoulder, past his once-broken ribs, and into his recently fractured hip.
He managed to bite back what would have been a very loud curse, but couldn’t hide his pain or the way it made his skin pale.
Not all of his issues were supernatural or in his head.
“Oh, God. Sorry, man,” Reggie said.
“You okay?” John asked, immediately at his side.
Pity. Yeah, that was the other thing he had really not wanted to deal with. Just thinking about it made the world around him seem to darken, and he had a feeling that the shadows had found him.