Tuesday, 22 February 1944
Fear
IT HAPPENED JUST as I was going through a terrible time. The war was raging all round us, and none of us knew if we’d live to see the next hour. My parents, brothers and sisters and I were living in the city, but we thought we might have to flee or be evacuated at any moment. The days were filled with the roar of guns and rifle shots, the nights with mysterious flashes and explosions that seemed to come from deep within the earth.
I can’t describe it. I don’t remember the details of those tumultuous days any more, just the fact that I did nothing all day but feel frightened. My parents tried all sorts of things to calm me down, but none of them worked. I was scared inside and out. I couldn’t eat or sleep, all I could do was tremble. That went on for a week, until the night that I remember as though it happened yesterday.
It was eight-thirty in the evening. The shooting had just died down a bit and I was dozing, fully dressed, on the divan when we were suddenly startled by two horrendous booms. We all leapt to our feet as if we’d been pricked with a pin, and went to stand in the hall. Even Mother, who was normally so calm, looked pale. The booms were repeated at fairly regular intervals, then all of a sudden there was an enormous crash, followed by screams and the tinkle of broken glass, and I began running as fast as my legs would carry me. Bundled up in warm clothes with my rucksack on my back, I ran and ran, away from the horrible mass of flames.
I was surrounded on all sides by running and screaming people. The burning houses lit up the street and cast a fearful red glow on every object. I didn’t think about my parents or brothers and sisters, only about myself, how I had to get further and further away. I didn’t feel the exhaustion – my fear was stronger – or notice that I’d lost my rucksack. I just kept on running.
I have no idea how long I ran, spurred on by the image of burning houses, screaming and contorted faces, my fear of all that was happening. Suddenly I noticed that it had become quieter. I looked around, as if I’d just awakened from a dream, and saw nothing and no one. No fires, no bombs, no people.
I stopped running and looked more carefully. I was in a field of grass, the moon was shining and the stars were gleaming overhead, the weather was wonderful, the night was chilly but not cold. Hearing no more noise, I sank exhausted to the ground, spread out the blanket I was still carrying and lay down.
I gazed up at the sky and suddenly realized I was no longer afraid. On the contrary, I was quite calm. The odd thing was that I wasn’t thinking of my family at all, nor did I long for them. I longed only for rest, and soon I fell fast asleep in the grass, beneath the starry sky.
When I awoke, the sun was just coming up. I instantly realized where I was: in the distance the morning light revealed a row of familiar houses on the outskirts of the city. I rubbed my eyes and took a closer look round. There wasn’t a soul in sight. The dandelions and the clover leaves in the grass were my only company. I lay back down on the blanket and thought about what I should do next, but my thoughts kept wandering back to the wondrous feeling that had come over me in the night, when I had sat all by myself in the grass and not been afraid.
Later, I found my parents and we all went to live in another city. Now that the war has long been over, I know why my fear vanished beneath that spacious sky. You see, once I was alone with nature I realized, without actually being aware of it, that fear doesn’t help, that it doesn’t get you anywhere. Anyone who’s as frightened as I was should look to nature and realize that God is much closer than most people think.
From that moment on, though countless bombs fell close by, I was never truly afraid again.
Saturday, 25 March 1944
The Wise Old Gnome
ONCE UPON A TIME there was a little elf named Dora. Dora was rich and beautiful and terribly spoiled by her parents. No one ever saw Dora without a smile on her face. She smiled from early in the morning to late at night. She was happy with everything and never gave a thought to sorrow.
Dora lived in a forest, and in that same forest there was a little gnome named Peldron. Peldron was the exact opposite of Dora: she smiled at the beauty of life, while he wailed at all the misery in the world, especially in the world of elves and gnomes.
One day Dora’s mother sent her to the shoemaker’s in Elvesville, and what do you think happened? Lo and behold, she ran into the obnoxious and perpetually scowling Peldron. Now, Dora was nice, but since everybody liked her, she was also very stuck-up. And since she was bursting with confidence too, she ran over to Peldron, snatched off his adorable gnome’s cap and collapsed into giggles a few yards away with the cap in her tiny little hands.
Peldron was furious at the hateful creature; he stamped his foot and cried, ‘Give it back, you ugly little imp. Give it back this instant!’ But Dora had no intention of giving it back. She ran even further away, and eventually hid the cap in a hollow log before rushing off to the shoemaker’s.
After searching for a long time, Peldron finally found his cap again. He couldn’t stand being teased, but most of all he couldn’t stand Dora. He was trudging on listlessly when suddenly a deep voice startled him out of his reverie. ‘Psst, Peldron, over here. I’m the oldest gnome in the world, but also the poorest. Can you spare some change so I can buy some food?’
Peldron shook his head. ‘I’m not going to give you a thing. You’d be better off dead, because then you wouldn’t have to put up with the world’s misery any longer,’ he said, and walked off without so much as a backward glance.
In the meantime, Dora had finished at the shoemaker’s, and on the way home the old gnome asked her for some money too. ‘No,’ said Dora. ‘You’ll not get a cent from me. You shouldn’t have let yourself get into such a fix. The world is too nice a place for me to bother my pretty little head with poor people.’ And she skipped off.
With a sigh, the old gnome sat down on the moss and thought about how to deal with these two children. One was too sad, the other too happy, and neither of them would get very far in life if they stayed that way.
As it turns out, this gnome, who was so very, very old, was not an ordinary gnome. He was a sorcerer, though by no means an evil one. On the contrary, he wanted to bring out the best in gnomes, elves and people and to make the world a better place. He sat there, thinking, for an hour. Then he got up and walked slowly to Dora’s parents’ house.
One day after their encounter in the forest, both Dora and Peldron found themselves locked up in a cottage. They were being held prisoner. The old gnome had taken them from their homes because he wanted to straighten them out, and when he had his heart set on doing good, no parent was allowed to stand in his way.
What were the two of them supposed to do, now that they had been thrown together in the cottage? They weren’t allowed to go out, they weren’t allowed to argue, they were only allowed to work all day long. These were the three instructions the old gnome had given them. So Dora did her work, then laughed and joked, and Peldron did his work, then sat around feeling gloomy. Every evening at seven the old gnome came to see if they had done their work, then left them to fend for themselves.
So what did they have to do to regain their freedom? There was only one way, and that was to do everything the gnome asked of them. And he was asking a lot. They couldn’t go out, they couldn’t argue, all they could do was work – those were the gnome’s three orders.
Oh, how hard it was for Dora to see no one but the boring Peldron all day long. Everywhere you looked, there was Peldron. Still, Dora barely had time to talk to him, because she had to do the cooking (which her mother had taught her), she had to make sure the house was spic and span and in her spare time, if she had any, she worked at her spinning wheel.
Peldron, on the other hand, chopped wood and dug over the enclosed garden, and when he’d finished his allotted tasks, he repaired shoes. At seven o’clock Dora called him in to dinner. After that they were both so tired that they could hardly talk to the old gnome when he came every evening to ch
eck up on their work.
This went on for one whole week. Dora still smiled a lot, but she also began to see the serious side of life, to realize that many people had a hard time of it, so that it was not a bad idea to give them whatever you could rather than send them packing with a flippant remark. Peldron lost some of his gloominess. Why, he even whistled occasionally as he went about his work, or laughed along with Dora at one of her jokes.
On Sunday morning, they were allowed to accompany the old gnome to the busy little chapel in Elvesville. They listened much more carefully to the words of the gnome minister and felt quite contented as they walked back through the green forest.
‘And because the two of you have been so good, you may spend the day outside, just as you used to. But remember, you can’t visit your family or anyone else, you have to stay together and tomorrow it’s back to work!’
Neither of them grumbled, for they were far too happy at being allowed to go into the forest. All day long they danced and looked at the flowers, the birds, the blue sky and especially the warm and friendly sun. And they were content. In the evening, they went back to the cottage as their mentor had instructed them to do. They slept soundly until morning, then trotted off to do their work.
The old gnome kept them in the cottage for four whole months. On Sundays they were allowed to go to church and roam around outside, but during the week they worked their fingers to the bone.
One evening, at the end of the four months, the old gnome took them both by the hand and led them into the forest. ‘Look here, my children. I’m sure you’ve often been angry with me,’ he began. ‘I also think you’re longing to go home. Aren’t you?’
‘Yes,’ Dora said with a nod. ‘Yes,’ said Peldron with another nod.
‘But do you understand that being here has done you good?’
No, neither Dora nor Peldron understood what he meant. ‘Well, then, I’ll explain it to you,’ the old gnome said. ‘I brought you here so that you would learn that there is more to life than your own pleasure and sorrow. You’ll now be able to deal with life much better than you did before. Dora has become a bit more serious and Peldron a bit more cheerful, precisely because you were forced to make the best of the situation in which you found yourselves. I believe you two get along with each other much better now. Wouldn’t you say so, Peldron?’
‘Oh, yes, Dora’s a lot nicer than I used to think she was,’ the little gnome answered.
‘In that case, you may go home to your parents. Think back sometimes to your stay in this wooden cottage. Enjoy the good things that life has to offer, but don’t forget the sad things, and do what you can to help lessen the sorrow. All people can help each other; all gnomes and elves too. Even little elves like Dora and little gnomes like Peldron can do quite a lot. So, go on your way and don’t be angry with me any more. I did what I could for you, and all for your own good. Farewell, my children, till we meet again.’
‘Bye-bye,’ said Dora and Peldron, and off they went to their separate homes.
The old gnome sat down in the grass. He had just one wish, and that was to get all children on the right path as quickly as he had these two.
Indeed, Dora and Peldron lived happily ever after. They had learned once and for all that there are appropriate moments for both laughter and tears. Later, much later, when they had grown up, they even decided to share a house, and Dora did the work inside and Peldron the work outside, just as they had when they were children!
Tuesday, 18 April 1944
Blurry the Explorer
ONCE, WHEN BLURRY was a very little bear, he felt a terrible urge to get away from his mother’s care for a while and to see for himself a bit of the big wide world.
For days, he was so busy trying to come up with a plan that he wasn’t his usual lively self. But on the evening of the fourth day, it ‘hit’ him. Now that his plan was ready, all he had to do was carry it out. Early the next morning he would go into the garden, quietly of course so that Miesje, his little mistress, wouldn’t notice, then he’d crawl through a hole in the hedge and after that…well, after that he’d go out and discover the world!
All of which he did, and so quietly that he had already been gone for several hours before anyone noticed that he’d made his escape.
His fur was completely covered with dirt and mud when he emerged from the hedge, but a bear, especially a little teddy bear out to discover the world, couldn’t be bothered by a little thing like dirt! So, with his eyes on the ground to keep from stumbling over the bumpy cobblestones, Blurry stepped jauntily down the alleyway between the gardens and on to the street.
Once there, he was startled for a moment by the many tall people, whose long legs seemed to swallow him up. ‘I’d better move over to the side to keep from getting trampled,’ he thought, and that was in fact the most sensible thing to do. Blurry was a sensible bear, no doubt about it, for, despite his tender age, he wanted to discover the world all by himself!
So he kept to the side and made sure he didn’t get crushed. But suddenly his heart began pounding like a sledgehammer. What on earth was that? A huge, dark, black abyss was yawning at his feet. The trapdoor to a cellar had been left open, but Blurry didn’t know that, and his head began to spin. Would he have to go in there?
He cast an anxious glance in all directions, but the stockinged legs of the ladies and the trousered legs of the gentlemen were walking around the dark hole as if nothing were the matter. Not quite recovered from his fright, Blurry inched his way past it, step by step, until he was again able to continue along the wall normally.
‘Well, I’m out in the big wide world now, but where is it? I can’t see the world through all these stockings and trousers,’ Blurry thought to himself. ‘I suppose I’m too small to go exploring. But I don’t care. The older I get, the taller I’ll be, and if I drink my milk with the skin on it (the very thought of it made him shudder), I’ll be as tall as all these people. So I suppose I should just keep on going, and sooner or later I’m bound to bump into the world.’
Blurry therefore walked on, taking as little notice as he could of the many legs, both fat and thin, around him. But…did he have to keep walking? He was very hungry, and it was also starting to get dark. Blurry hadn’t thought of that – that he’d have to eat and sleep. He’d been so full of exploration plans that he’d forgotten all about such ordinary and unheroic things as eating and sleeping.
Sighing, he kept walking for a while, until he discovered an open door. For a moment he hesitated. Then he made up his mind and tiptoed inside. He was in luck, because, after going through another door, he saw two food bowls placed on the floor between four wooden legs. There was milk with skin on it in one of the bowls, and a stew of some kind in the other. Starving, and eager to try such delicious food, Blurry first gulped down the milk, skin and all – as grown-up bears should – then immediately polished off the stew. He was happy and full.
But, oh, horrors, what was that? A white creature with huge green eyes was slowly creeping forwards and staring straight at him. It stopped directly in front of him and asked in a high-pitched voice, ‘Who are you and why have you eaten my food?’
‘I’m Blurry, and I need to eat if I’m going to see the big wide world, which is why I ate your dinner, though I didn’t know it was yours!’
‘Ah, so you’re out exploring the world. But why did you have to explore my food bowl?’
‘Because I didn’t see any others,’ Blurry said, in as unfriendly a voice as he could muster. Then he thought better of it and asked in a friendlier tone, ‘So, what’s your name and what kind of strange creature are you?’
‘I’m Mirwa and I’m an Angora cat. I’m extremely valuable. Anyway, that’s what my mistress always says. But you know, Blurry, I’m lonely and bored a lot of the time. Will you stay here and keep me company for a while?’
‘I’m willing to spend the night,’ Blurry replied firmly, with an air of doing the beautiful Mirwa a favour. ‘But tomorrow I have to ge
t back to exploring!’
Mirwa was happy to leave it at that for the time being. ‘Come with me,’ she said, and Blurry followed her into another room, which was filled with legs – wooden legs, both big ones and small ones – but also…over in the corner, a large wicker basket with a green silk cushion. Mirwa leapt right on to that cushion with her dirty feet, but Blurry thought it would be a shame to get it dirty.
‘Can’t you clean me up a bit first?’ he asked.
‘Of course,’ she said. ‘I’ll wash you the same way I wash myself.’
Blurry wasn’t at all familiar with her method, which was just as well, since if he’d known he would never have let her begin. Anyway, the cat ordered him to stand up, then proceeded very calmly to lick his feet with her tongue. Blurry shivered and anxiously asked Mirwa whether that was the way she usually washed herself.
‘Of course,’ she said. ‘Wait and see how clean you’ll be. You’ll be all shiny and sleek, and since shiny teddy bears are welcome everywhere, you’ll get to see even more of the world!’
Blurry tried to hide his shivers. And like a brave little teddy bear, he didn’t utter another peep.
The cat’s washing took a very long time. Blurry was starting to get impatient and his feet hurt from having to stand so long. But finally…finally, his fur was shiny again!
Mirwa climbed back into the basket and Blurry, who was exhausted, lay down beside her. Mirwa tucked him in, you might say, by covering him with her furry coat, since she was practically lying on top of him. Within five minutes, they were both fast asleep.
The next morning Blurry woke up bewildered, and it was several moments before he worked out what was on top of him. Mirwa was snoring a little, and Blurry was dying to have breakfast. So, without a thought to the comfort of his gracious hostess, he shook her off and immediately began issuing orders: ‘My breakfast now, please, Mirwa. I’m starving!’