Chapter 14
Nick’s POV
All that anger. All that shouting. All those words. What now? My mind asks despite knowing that there would be no answer. The moment the door shut behind me was the moment I knew what a huge mistake I had made. All the anger instantly vanished as regret took over. She was being fair in her own way. Would you have chosen a different punishment than hers?
I shake my head in response to my own mind's accusations. There is no way that I would have done anything other than what she did. But the moment things changed to being the matters of the heart, she should have stopped. Games of the heart rarely end well. A cool breeze passes by me and I finally acknowledge that this isn't a lie or a dream or an illusion. I take a few steps to get away from the door as an irrational fear of suddenly being pulled in takes over. And when nothing like that happens, I can't help the chuckle that comes out. "I'm free. I'm not stuck." I say out loud to the open world around me.
But then why do you feel like a stranger now? Like you don't really belong in here anymore? My hurting heart asks me. I don't answer it, knowing that what it seeks cannot be fulfilled. She doesn't belong out here. I never belonged in there. We cannot be together. Then why does it feel like you had to force them out even in your mind?
Stupid heart, why can't it listen to reason once? I'll just ignore it and… The thought trails off as I realize that there is nowhere I really want to be other than the place I just left. "I could go home." I muse out loud but then realize that it would be foolish. Mom and Dad would already be asleep and little Jonny would probably be sneaking off to party with his friends. Just then, a silhouette steps forward from the dark and I freeze in terror until I recognize the slightly hopeful idiot blabbermouth. "You could have given me a heart attack, you dumbo. What are you doing here hiding in the shadows?" I hit him on the shoulder to emphasize how ominous his entry was. "Next time I will probably do get a heart attack when you shine light on your face while walking out of shadows like a bad movie villain."
There was more coming but I am suddenly out of breath as Shane attacks me for a hug and squeezes so tight that my ribcage feels like creaking. It is only as I am about to open my mouth to make a poor attempt of a joke when I finally hear what he has been chanting while hugging me to death, "You're alive! Thank god you're alive!"
If I was willing to be insensitive, I would have added how hard he was trying to make that sentence false but I don't dare make a mockery out of his fears. "Can't breathe! Need air." I gasp out before he realizes how hard his grip is and releases me with an "Oh, sorry!"
Stepping back, he asks now with relief clear in his voice. "You have no idea how worried I was!" Then he takes a pause and asks me with a strangely bracing tone, "That scream… that was a girl's voice. What exactly did happen inside?" It is as if his question bring forward all the things that I had slowly began to take my mind away from and I nearly fall under the weight of guilt and despair and disappointment.
"Not now. Not here." I manage to speak and he nods understandingly. Oh boy, you have absolutely no idea. "How about the crypt?" I suggest. It would feel strangely comfortable for this discussion. He simply nods again and we walk away from the house where my entire life changed in a few short hours without looking back even once. And the thing that disturbs me the most is the absence of any sort of eyes staring at my back from the house and how uncomfortable I feel about this loss. "Goodbye, Daisy." I murmur into the air in a low voice.
"Did you say something?" Shane asks in response. I simply shake my head in no. There's nothing left to be said now.
The crypt takes us less than ten minutes to reach from the McCain mansion and once we settle inside it, I tell him everything that happened. What we said, what I felt, how it all was… everything finally finds a release from me. And when I am done an hour later, Shane is dumbstruck with his mouth hanging open. "Is this a joke?" Shane asks before continuing. "Holy… God that sounds like a movie script. If it weren't you, I would have suspected the person to be pulling my leg. You aren't, are you though?" There's barely a pause for me to open my mouth, let alone speak, before he continues. "Nah, you can't be lying. I could read the emotions off your face." Then with a pause he asks again. "Really? Wow, that's a lot to take in."
We sit together in silence as he tries to understand all that he heard just now while my mind wanders off to her again. What is she doing now? Has she already forgotten me? Or does she wait with the open door, hoping to have me back again? Wondering about things could be is one thing but what I'm really confused is what I really want to happen. Do I really want to go back there or do I just want her to miss me too? Even if I do take back what I said, is there anything that I could have spoken to end things on a better note in the situation we were in? Well obviously I could have been more understanding but would have been of any use in the end when she was still a ghost and I was still alive? Because one thing was clear that I wasn't ready to die just yet to be with her. That's corny and crazy and stupid and just plain idiotic.
A sudden movement snaps me out of the thoughts and I jerk away in surprise. Realizing that it was only Shane being Shane, I relax. "Calm down a little, would ya? You already have tried to give me several heart attacks in one day."
"I think you should go back." He says. There's no easing in, no indirect approach or any other way of saying it in other words. He simply blurts out what he thinks about this all.
"What? Why?" I immediately shout. "Out of all that I told you, how in the hell did you come up with that idea?" He simply gives me a grin and asks the one question that all my confused thoughts have been directed towards.
"Do you want to go back to her or not?"
As hard as I try, I cannot bring myself to lie. "Yes." I sigh. "Now why do you think I should go back? And even if I do go back, there is a very high chance she won't even let me in the house."
"And why is that any reason to stop?" He let out a huff and then came by me. I scooted over to make space for him to sit. "Buddy, you are in love. Though with a ghost who frankly scares me shitless. But still, it's love, man. What have you got to fight for if you won't even fight for your love?"
"But you know what she did." I try to protest but he fixes me with a droll look that just screams 'yeah, and so what?' Clearly he sees through the lies I have been holding on to for so long.
"She did what she thought would be a good punishment. Why do you think that was unfair? Is it for any reason other than the fact that you were the one being punished?" He barely gave me enough time to understand what I heard, let alone process it, when he continued again. "Of course, you already know. You told her that already. So what do you do next about the two of you?"
"I… I don't know. I am not getting what you are implying." I stutter as I try to see what he's leading to.
"God, you sure do need a lot of handholding when it comes to this love story of yours. Idiot, with no future for the two of you, you need to move on!" He almost shouts. Then he takes a deep breath and continues in a much controlled tone. "And I know that you, being the caring you, won't be able to move on until she's okay. Now even I know that facing a fate of forgetting everything and fading away in the next fifty years is not okay. So now try again. What do you do next?"
"I'll help her get free?" The question comes out slowly but as I speak, I realize that this is what I should really be doing now.
"There shouldn't be a question mark at the end of that line, you slowpoke!" He chastises me and then continues. "Now to do this, you need to get back to the mansion." Then with a slow voice, he adds what I'm probably not supposed to hear, "And now you continue your journey through the longest night of your life." Can't disagree there, I mentally remark, and stand up to walk back to the mansion.
"By the way," I suddenly stop and turn as a thought occurs and have to balance myself when Shawn knocks into me with a grunted 'thanks for the warning', "Can I have a watch or something? It's odd to be there. I feel like I have been there for days even
when it has only been hours." It is obvious that a witty response lies on the tip of his tongue but he holds it in and silently unfastens the watch he's wearing and hands it over.
"Remember to bring it back." He warns me as he hands it over. As I fasten it on my wrist, he continues, "Now how are you going to get back in?" That's a very good question. I think, there's no doubt that the front door would be now locked for me. Perhaps there's a window?
"Judging from the look on your face, it would be safe to say that you don't know either." Shane comments before starting to walk ahead of me. "We'll just figure it out there then. Come on, let's go. I need my sleep too." My mind must be on overdrive because that simple comment makes me realize that I haven't felt even the slightest bit of tiredness despite the long day and night. I mean the early morning lacrosse practice, then the boring classes, then the after school practice should have been enough to wear me out. But on top of it all, the entire house chores I did to take my mind off of the fear of this night hadn't given me one second of rest. And then I had spent almost the entire night in there. So how come I wasn't sleepy at all? I don't get to come up to the conclusion though because Shane gives me one. "And you? Well, you're headed for one big crash. Adrenaline helps only for so long." Well, that's plausible.
We walk back the rest of the way in silence. When we do get there, I see that what I feared is true. The front door is slammed shut just how I left it. And it seems Daisy has locked it. Shane bothers to try to free it but I know she won't let it open. I don't know how but I know that she's watching me right now from one of the windows. She won't let me in, I realize sadly. I turn around to go back and step off the porch when Shane stops me. Or well, his terrible imitation of a chicken does.
"Oh come on, Peters." He shouts even though we are less than three steps apart. "You were so excited to go back in. Giving up already?" He barely waits for me to process what he said before continuing. "Let's check out the back. Perhaps a window will be open." Even from where I stand, I see that this is highly unlikely since the windows have been boarded up. Still, I humour him.
"Lead the way." As we move to the side, being as noisy as we can since the only person who can hear us already knows we're here, I see exactly what I predicted: boarded windows. All of a sudden, I run into something and let out an 'Oof!' before recognizing it as Shane's back. "A warning next time would be fine," I mutter as I back up a little and then look at his stiffened form staring at something.
My first instinct is that perhaps he saw Daisy and I instantly whip my head up to look for her. It takes me a few seconds to realize that Daisy isn't anywhere visible. I look down at Shane, about to ask him what exactly he was looking at when he speaks. "That window is open." Shocked, my eyes move directly to where he is staring and I see that he's right. I also recognize the room in which it exists. Of all the rooms, she kept her own window open. Did she do it so she wouldn't feel lonely?
With no prior signs, a wind picks up and as it fights the house for passage, it raises a musical tune. I am no expert in music composition but the feelings it evokes in me are obviously bittersweet and reminiscent. Through some dormant part of my mind, which is awakened at the tune, I come up with a phrase for the tune. "Selfless decision, selfish love. Bound in the memories, a beautiful dove. Stuck in the memories of loved ones lost, Oh, fear has her pay a heavy cost." I don't realize I have spoken them aloud until Shane turns around and asks me if I said something.
I shake my head in negative as a protective feeling comes over me towards this small passage. It's not ready and it's not for him, my mind tells me. He looks at me oddly before continuing, "Well that window is at the first floor so climbing it alone isn't possible." Then with a sigh, he adds. "Come on then, climb on me to get there. And if you break my back, I'll kill you." Resisting the urge to make a joke is hard but this is not the time or the place for one. We do as he follows and my fingers just fail short of grabbing a hold strong enough to pull myself over.
"Hold still already! It's time to use all those muscles. Come on, push me up a little more higher. I'm almost there. Hurry before she realizes we're doing this. Wait, why are your legs shaking?" I add the last part when I notice how badly they are shaking. His eyes are closed and his entire body is trembling. He responds with an unintelligible grunt and I know that I have to risk a jump now before we both fall.
Just then, I'm lifted a little more and am able to get a strong hold on the windowsill less than a second before Shane falls. I pull myself over and then look down at Shane while calling out a thanks. But I stop before a single sound escapes my mouth and I suspect that I saw something that I only imagined. But it's kind of hard to imagine solid ground lowering back to its normal ground level. The rise was just enough to push me through. And this means only one thing, my mind tells me and I immediately turn around. It is what I suspected.
"What are you doing back here, Nick Demming Peters?" She speaks, her form alternating between visible and invisible. It is clear that she holds some sort of mask over her emotions for her voice is blank and I can sense nothing from her. I look at her in concern, wondering if she has enough strength left after that extra push of power. What I don't do is respond because my mind is now suddenly a clean slate.
"Answer me, why are you back here?" She asks again and this time, I hear the emotions she's trying to hide. Confusion, excitement, desperation, joy, hurt. And this realization, that she hasn't forgotten me, is the strength that makes me voice my true answer.
"For you."