Caleb moans, taking over by slipping his tongue between my lips. He’s holding my face, then his hands slide behind my neck and thread through my hair. I taste mint. Smell Caleb. Feel his warmth encasing me as our mouths move together and our tongues tangle.
It’s me who moans—or I guess I groan—when he pulls away. He twists a lock of hair around my face. “You’re always so shy and I like it, but you’re getting more comfortable around me and I like that more. I’m not sure I really deserve it, but when I’m with you, you kind of make me feel like I do.”
Before I have the chance to ask him what he means, he has my hand again and we’re walking again. Toward home. Away from this solace I have with him.
Chapter Fourteen
Gabe shows up at my work a little after 7:00. Like always, I’m a mixed-up ball of emotions because there’s a part of me that’s really excited to see him. I like Gabe. I don’t like him the way I like Caleb, but I do care about him. He’s a friend and that means a lot to me. Then there’s that other part of me that knows it would be easier if I wasn’t friends with Gabe, because of how Caleb feels about him. Of course, I don’t get why he feels that way, but for some reason, he thinks Gabe’s trouble.
But no matter what, I’m not the type of girl to bail on a friend. I know how it feels not to have them and I can’t turn my nose up at him for no reason.
I give Gabe a small smile while I wipe down the last dirty table in the diner. About thirty seconds after Gabe walks through the door, Liz walks up to me. “How do you feel about heading out early tonight?”
“Um, sure. I guess.” What am I really supposed to say to that? No? “Thanks.” I hold a finger up to Gabe to tell him to hold on a second and then head behind the counter to write my time in. A minute later I’m heading out. Gabe’s not inside, but I see him waiting for me outside. It’s twilight, the sun hiding behind the mountains.
“Hey. I got off early tonight.” Obviously. I shuffle. Is he going to ask me to hang out with him? I kind of want to, but again, I think about Caleb. Is it okay for me to do stuff with another boy? “I see that. Are you heading home or you want to do something? I saw a flyer that they play old movies in the park. We could go hang-out there if you want? I figured it might be fun for us to actually do something together.”
You know how people tell you they have an angel on one shoulder and a devil on the other? Not me. No, not a vampire either, but I have Mom sitting on my right shoulder. Her finger shaking away while she’s telling me this is dangerous and I need to get my butt home. The image on the other shoulder is a little more tempting. A sexy pair of green eyes looks at me, telling me to ditch Gabe. That’s he’s a jerk and I should go hang-out at the cabin.
And I really do want to go to the cabin, but I also have Gabe standing in front of me, looking as lonely as I used to feel. There’s something about him, something hiding behind his smooth demeanor that tells me the sad Gabe I talked with in the car the other night. The one whose snobby parents don’t appreciate him and his housekeeper is his best friend. That’s the real Gabe. When those parts show, he doesn’t look practiced. What kind of friend would I be if I bailed on him?
Somehow, I’m going to have to make Caleb understand that. Which he will, right? He knows how lonely I’ve been and he wouldn’t want me to do that to someone else. “Sure. Sounds fun.”
Gabe smiles and for a minute, it reminds me of Caleb. Not because they look alike, but because it’s the first time I’ve seen a real one out of him. It’s vulnerable. Not as smooth.
“You have to be home by 9:30, so your mom won’t know, right?” He doesn’t give me the chance to reply before continuing. “That gives us almost two and a half hours. I promise, you won’t regret it.”
We hop in my car and I drive over to the park. One cool thing about Mom’s vampire obsession is, when I’m sneaking around, I don’t have to worry about running into her. Sure she risks running into the boogey man from time to time, but I’d bet my life she wouldn’t be caught dead in the park, watching movies after dark.
A little niggling of guilt hits me. Because I’m here when she wouldn’t want me to be and because she would never do something like this.
It’s pretty full when we get there. People are laid out on blankets, sitting on picnic tables and benches. We find a spot toward the back and slightly away from everyone else. I move to sit down on the grass, but Gabe stops me. “Sorry I don’t have a blanket, but here,” he shrugs out of his jacket. “Sit on this.”
“Thanks, Gabe.” I take the coat even though it wouldn’t bother me to sit on the grass. He joins me and we sit down. “These are pretty old movies.” I tilt my head toward the oversized screen.
“Yep. They’re good though. Do you ever watch them?”
I shake my head.
“What? We’re going to have to work on that. They’re classics.”
“What are you? Eighty?”
Gabe shakes his head. “Ha ha.” Then he looks sad for a second. “My parents used to go watch movies in the park. It’s the only normal thing I remember them doing. I used to beg to go, but they never let me.”
I immediately feel guilty for teasing him. I reach out and touch his hand. “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be. Such is life. Let’s talk about you. How’s school going? Are those girls still giving you trouble?”
Even though the LP is the last thing I want to talk about, I appreciate him asking. “It’s pretty crazy, actually. They haven’t bothered me in a long time. Stacy’s even tried to talk to me a few times. I’m thinking lobotomy.”
Gabe laughs heartily. “Well, whatever works, I guess.”
“What about you? Have you met anyone else in town, yet?”
“No. I’m not always real good with people.” He tries to smile at me.
“Yeah…me either.”
The movie’s still playing in the background, but we’re not paying any attention to it. We talk about all the places Gabe has lived, the kinds of subjects I’m working on in school, some of his favorite older movies and I tell him about the show I went to with my mom the other day.
Time ticks by and I know soon I’m going to have to leave. I don’t want to for a couple reasons. I’m having fun with him. I feel comfortable with Gabe in a way I’ve never really felt comfortable with anyone. I feel like I can be myself with him. Like who I am is good enough and though I feel that way with Caleb too, there’s always that little undercurrent of electricity. Those fluttery, extra feelings that sometimes make me feel like I’m steps behind him.
But then…I wouldn’t trade how I feel with him for anything in the world.
The other reason? I know I have to tell Gabe about Caleb. And I feel bad about it because he was nothing but nice to Caleb, even though Caleb seems to hate him and wants him to die a fiery death or something.
“I like spending time with you, Abigail. I shouldn’t…but I do.”
I look over at Gabe and for a second, I’m nervous. His blue eyes are so intense, that it’s almost impossible to turn away. It’s not a scared kind of nervous, but the-moment-is-here kind. “There’s no reason you shouldn’t have fun with me, Gabe. No matter, what, okay? We’re friends and there’s nothing wrong with that, but I do have to tell you something.” I’m studying the grass real intently now. Gah. Why does everything have to be so mixed up?
Gabe’s hand slides under my chin and he lifts my face. “You can trus—you can tell me anything.”
Intense doesn’t do justice to the way he’s looking at me right now. Gabe leans forward. I feel my cheeks heat and jerk back. “This is a little embarrassing.” I pull a Caleb and scratch my head. “I’m going to feel really stupid if I don’t need to say this, but I want to make sure you know I’m kind of …with…Caleb…now.”
Gabe’s whole body visibly stiffens and I’m scared I was way off base and he couldn’t care less. Then he mutters, an, “Oh.” Now it’s Gabe who’s not looking at me. “And he treats you well? No offense, but he seemed like a r
eal jerk.”
“I know, but I swear he’s not. I’m not sure what came over him that night. He’s been through a lot.” Then I feel stupid for saying that because Gabe has too. “Not like that’s an excuse, but…he’s special.” And I think I love him. What? Oh my God. Do I think I love Caleb? I shake my head. Now’s not the time to think about that.
“That’s good, then. You deserve it, Abigail. To be happy, I mean. But what does this mean for us?”
Us… The word sounds weird to me, but there is an ‘us’. A friends-us. “It means we’re still friends. I’m not the type of girl who’s going to forget about a friend, Gabe. As long as you like having me around, I’ll be here.” Unless I die of embarrassment for sounding like such an idiot first…
“Come on, Abigail. You know that’s not going to happen. The guy practically ripped my head of when you guys weren’t dating. You think he’s going to be okay with us hanging out?”
I shake my head. “He’ll understand. I know you don’t know him, but Caleb wouldn’t want me hurt. He’s…it’s hard to explain. He’s had a tough life and I think he somehow feels like it’s his responsibility to protect people he cares about.” As soon as I say the words, I know they’re true. Caleb loved his mom and he couldn’t protect her. It wasn’t his job, but he thinks it is and he’s hated himself for it ever since. My heart bleeds a little more for him.
“He was just being cautious because he didn’t know you, but if I explain to him that I trust you, and that I don’t want to lose my friend, Caleb will understand. He’ll want what’s best for me.” Because even though he treated Gabe unfairly, I know it came from his heart. From his need to take care of people he cares about.
Gabe’s quiet for a minute before he talks. “And what if he’s not? What if he tells you to stop being friends with me?”
“Then I’d tell him no.” The words are quiet, but true. I would hate to be in that situation. Hate to risk what I have with Caleb, but all my life, I’ve wanted to be normal. To have friends and those things are happening for me. I know what it feels like not to have someone in your corner and how could I just walk away from a friend? But I couldn’t walk away from someone I love either, so how would I tell him no?
“See? You want to think it would be an easy choice, but it would hurt you. No matter what you did.” Gabe pushes to his feet. “I’m going to make this easier on you. You won’t have to make a choice, Abigail. I’ll keep scarce for a while. The last thing I want is for him to break your heart because of me."
I stand too. “He wouldn’t do that. You don’t know him, like I do.”
Gabe gives me a sad smile. “I’ll still be around. Don’t worry about me. I just don’t want to cause any trouble for you.”
Gabe turns and walks away, ignoring me as I yell for him to come back.
Chapter Fifteen
Two weeks go by in waves of school and Caleb. We’re together every day, both on our walks, during school and after, whenever I can get away. He’s lightened up in a way I never really expected my moody boy to be. But I like it. I like everything about him, the quiet and the laughs. The sullenness and the sweet words and kisses. Oh, and there’s lots of kissing. I don’t mean to brag, but apparently I’m pretty good at it.
I’m really wondering if my luck has changed. The LP is still not bothering me. It’s strange because I still get dirty looks from Heather and Tiffany, but Stacy always smiles at me and always tells them to leave me alone. I’m not dumb enough to think it’s real, but if they bring it, I’ll be okay.
The only downside is, I miss Gabe. I didn’t realize how much he meant to me until he was gone. But I miss him. When no one else gave me the time of day, he friended and I think he’ll always be my best friend.
“What are you thinking about?” Caleb rolls over on the blanket we’re laying on down by his swing.
“Nothing. Everything.”
Caleb nuzzles my neck. I don’t think I’ll ever get used to this. To us. “Your headaches have been better lately, haven’t they?” My words come out breathless. How’s a girl supposed to talk with Caleb’s mouth teasing her collarbone? He gives me little, nipping kisses, before making a trail up to my mouth. I’m rewarded with another kiss on my lips and those familiar fireworks go off inside me that only Caleb ignites.
“Nope. I think you’re good for me.” He smoothes back my hair, looking down at me.
“It’s you who’s good for me.”
“Yeah? I don’t feel like it.” He plays with my hair again. “You know I would never hurt you, right? That shit my dad did. That’s not me. I’d do anything to take care of you.”
But you’re still leaving, I want to tell him, but I can’t. How can I ask him to stay here? When he feels like he’s suffocating in memories here? “I know…”
Caleb leans forward, his lips pressing to mine. I thread my fingers through his hair, needing to pull him closer. I know every millimeter of his mouth now. I’ve memorized his taste, his feel. It’s enough I could drown in it.
“I gotta tell you something. You know Ms. Griggs?” He’s still looking down in me, playing with my hair and making it almost impossible to concentrate. “The guidance counselor?”
“Yeah. She took my transcripts, some papers I wrote, my GPA and sent them to this college friend in Oregon or something. I didn’t know she did it, but he said I could get in. That with my grades I could probably get a full ride.”
I scramble into a sitting position, pushing him off me in the progress. “What? That’s fantastic.”
“Yeah, she’s still pissed at me I won’t be acknowledged as valedictorian, but--”
“WHAT?” This time I yell.
He has the nerve to look sheepish. Shaking his head toward the ground. “I told you I’m smart, Kitten.”
“Not that smart! Not that I don’t believe it, but wow… That’s awesome, Caleb. Why won’t you be acknowledged?”
Caleb groans. “Because it’s never been something to be happy about. My dad would kick the shit out of me, ‘You think you’re better than me? Smarter than me, boy?’ All my friends either talked shit or wanted me to do their work for them. It’s just not something that’s ever done me any good.”
I smile and run my hand through his hair. “It’s going to do you good now. This is your ticket out of here, Caleb.” The words hurt to say, but I want this for him. “You’re going to get to leave this town and never look back. I’m so happy for you.” I try and make light of the situation by saying, “My boyfriend’s a genius.”
Caleb laughs. “Not hardly. It’s not like that, Kitten. But…I’m thinking of seeing if I can put it off for a while. You graduate early next year, right? We can--”
“No.” I shake my head. “Absolutely not. You’re not staying here, Caleb. You hate it here and this will be really good for you. You deserve it.” He deserves more than this and I’m happy something is finally going right for him even though it breaks my heart to think of him leaving.
Caleb leans back on his hands, the relaxed, no-big-deal-attitude back in affect. “You’re good for me too. I told you that.”
What he just said is too important for him to try and act like it’s no big deal. I crawl forward, sitting on his lap and straddling him. Gah, it still freaks me out I can just do this. Touch him whenever I want. “So I’ll come when I graduate. You know I don’t want to stay here either.”
“Kitten, I… You’re the only person in my whole fucking life who’s ever been there for me. Who I feel like I matter to them, too. I don’t want to walk away from you. I can’t leave you behind the way I was left.” He leans forward. I have to hold onto his neck so I don’t fall backward. Caleb’s hands cover his face, rubbing them. I know he does things like this when he needs a minute. When everything is too much. A minute later he pulls his hands away.
“You’re not leaving me because I’ll come after. I can’t let you lose this chance, Caleb. It’s too important. You need to do what’s best for you.”
“See? Th
at’s just what I mean.”
We don’t talk anymore. Caleb’s mouth comes down on mine and we kiss. Kiss until there’s no one else in the world except us. Until there’s not thoughts of him leaving, of me staying behind. Until my heart is forged together with his, just like our mouths.
***
It’s been a couple days since Caleb and I had our last make-out session in the woods. I still can’t get over how he makes me feel. Does he love me? He didn’t say it, but what he did say, in some ways it means so much more. He hates this place, but he would stay for me. That has to mean something, right?
I smile, missing him. We’d separated right after school today because he had a couple jobs to do. How pathetic am I? A few extra hours without him and I’m practically crying into my pillow. Okay, maybe not that bad, but still.
I jump when I hear a light rapping sound from my window. My body goes right into action. It has to be Caleb, right? He must have missed me as much as I missed him! I slip the lock open and slowly open my window.
It’s not Caleb.
It’s Gabe.
I’m caught between being bummed it’s him and excited because it’s been so long since I have seen him. “Hey. What are you doing here?”
“I can go, if you want. I just thought...”
“No!” I whisper/yell, wanting him to know I’m serious, but not wanting Mom to hear. “I didn’t mean it like that. I’m just surprised, that’s all.”
Gabe shrugs. “I miss you. I know I shouldn’t, but I do.”
“I miss you too.” I miss my friend.
“We’re friends, right?”
“Of course!” I smile at him “I told you that. You’re one of my only friends, Gabe.”