Losing his patience, he got really close to my face and growled, “Fine, let’s talk about it now. Talk all you want. But if you want answers from me, you’ll wait until I want to talk about it. Otherwise, you can stay quiet.”
My hands trembled against Page’s back because there was too much emotion for my body to contain. It spilled out of my blackened soul and infected every part of me until I was an erupting volcano of fury.
“How convenient for you, Kane! It must be nice holding all the cards!”
He stood back up. “I think you’re finally starting to get it, Reagan.”
Surprise hit me first because I had expected him to be more apologetic. I stared at him for a long moment, not knowing what to say or how to come back from that.
Linley got out of her chair and moved past Page and me, so I stood up, too, and walked further into the room.
Kane’s mother paused midstride and stared at me for a long time before she moved around me. I got the distinct impression she was challenging me. So I stared back.
She was as perfect and pretty as the first time I’d seen her. Her dark hair lay perfectly styled over her shoulders and her clothes were fitted and at one time, when money meant something, probably expensive. She wore glossy, pale blue slacks with a sharp crease down the center. They tailored perfectly just at her ankles. Her cream sweater appeared spotless and without a single hole or snag. She even wore a pearl necklace to complete her image of southern perfection.
I leveled her with a glare and dared her to say something. Kane had re-bandaged my head but I knew my long dark hair was in tangles and knots over my shoulders. I hadn’t bathed in at least two days, my clothes were stale and wrinkled and the pants were too big and the shirt too small. I was cut and bruised from head to toe and I could only imagine how red and puffy my eyes were.
Sure, this was the Zombie Apocalypse, but standing next to Linley Allen just wasn’t fair.
Except… except that I felt proud to be who I was. I felt proud that my clothes didn’t come at the cost of other people’s unhappiness and suffering. I felt proud of my clothes because they represented the storage facility and that was a settlement I was honored to be a part of. I felt proud of my scrapes and head injuries and every scar on my body because it came with the price of survival, because I had fought for my life and for the lives of others and I had won.
She should be embarrassed for looking flawless in a time where perfection had become a myth… an outdated fairytale. She should be humiliated for her spotless clothes because they confessed that she didn’t work, that maybe she didn’t even know how. She should be jealous of my scars because I could take care of myself, because if you put the two of us out in those woods together, I would walk out of them alive.
And she wouldn’t walk ten feet without losing her life or her soul to the hordes.
Kane broke through our stare down with careful consideration. “Reagan, enjoy your moments with Page. They will be few and far between.” I swallowed against the thick knot in my throat. To his mother, he said, “Mama, let’s make dinner. You’ll have plenty of time to break Reagan later.”
Linley and I both snorted our disapproval at the same time. Our gazes clashed back together when we simultaneously realized what we did. Her glare became utterly glacial as she took me in.
“My son deserves someone so much better than you,” she hissed at me in a slow southern accent that reminded me of debutante balls and charity committees.
I couldn’t help but crack a smile. “Honestly? I couldn’t agree with you more.”
That did not gain me any points with the Lady Allen. Obviously, we weren’t going to be hostage-situation-BFFs anytime soon.
Well, damn.
Kane let out a weary sigh. “Come on, Mama, I’m hungry. You’ll have time for more of this at dinner.”
Linley finally relented and followed her son out the door. Kane closed it behind her and I heard the distinctive sound of a lock being clicked into place.
As soon as we were alone, I walked Page back to the bed and sat her down on it. I kissed the top of her head and then sprinted to the window. I immediately started pushing and pulling to get it up. I thought I might not have switched the lock on the top at first, but no matter which way I turned the stupid thing, the window wouldn’t budge. It got to be so aggravating that I started pounding on the glass with my fists and shrieking at it.
“Reagan!” Page whispered frantically. “They’re going to hear you!”
“I don’t care!” I hollered at the stubborn window.
The door opened not a second later and Kane stuck his head in the room. “Reagan?”
I slammed my back against the wall and puffed out a defeated sigh. “I wanted some fresh air.”
His lips twitched. “I figured, but those windows don’t open.”
“I can see that,” I agree dryly.
He cracked an amused grin at me. “Dinner will be ready in ten minutes.” He closed the door and the lock clicked again.
I threw myself on the bed next to Page and got a strong whiff of the clean-sheet scent. They smelled like crisp cotton and sunshine. And I suddenly hated that smell. I rolled over so that I could look up at Page.
She stared down at me with a serious expression. The skin right between her eyes puckered and her eyes narrowed as she thought something over.
“Now that you’re awake that boy smiles a lot more. He was very worried about you. You were sleeping for a long time.”
I knew Page understood that I wasn’t sleeping. She was world-wise enough to know when someone had passed out or been knocked out. But I didn’t need to correct her now, not here, not in this crazy place. If she wanted to believe I had been sleeping, I was going to let her.
“He was worried his kidnapping plan was going to backfire,” I explained. I didn’t want to think about Kane worried about me. I didn’t want to give his emotions credence. “He’s a bad guy, Page. He’s a very, very bad guy.”
“My brother is going to kill him,” she whispered in a confident voice.
I debated quickly over how to respond to that and how much of the truth she was ready for. In the end, I couldn’t help but be honest. “Your brother’s only allowed to kill him if I don’t get to him first.”
In a more serious tone, Page asked in a barely there voice. “How are we going to get out of here, Reagan? This is a very long way from my brothers. We drove for a very long time to get here.”
That was exactly what I was afraid of.
Shoot.
“We’re going to pay attention to everything, alright? There are only two of them and I think if we somehow found a way to get out or found weapons or something, that Linley wouldn’t be able to stop us.”
“Linley?” Page asked softly.
“The woman,” I explained. “Her name is Linley and the boy’s name is Kane.”
“Oh.”
“Were they really okay to you, Page? If they weren’t, you can tell me. You don’t have to keep anything a secret from me.” My tone was pleading and desperate. She scooted down on the bed until we were both lying down and our heads were propped up on our elbows.
“I got scared,” she admitted.
“Will you tell me what happened? I can’t remember anything after the they attacked us in our room.”
She looked down at the bedspread before nodding. “They, my brothers...” She stopped talking and I could tell she was having a hard time going on.
“Baby girl, your brothers are fine. You know that, don’t you? They would never let anything seriously happen to us. And they would never leave us, alright? They are fine. They’re on their way to get us. I know that they are. I know they would never let you leave them.”
“They would never leave you either,” she promised me with so much conviction my eyes started to water again. “They will find us, Reagan. I know that they will.”
The tears burned in my eyes but I wouldn’t let them fall. I knew she needed my assurance right n
ow and my confidence. But truthfully, it was her strength that was getting me through these scary moments.
I reached out for her hand and squeezed. “Tell me what happened, Page. That might help us get out of here.”
She nodded and seemed to gather her courage before starting her retelling of the events from last night. “The men grabbed us and showed us to my brothers. My brothers got really angry and started fighting to get to us. That’s when you… fell asleep, but they held you up and showed Hendrix that they had guns. Then he got really mad and yelled so much that the men started punching him. They punched him so hard that he fell asleep, too, and then they did the same to King and Harrison. When everyone was… sleeping, the men tied them up and carried you and me outside. They put us in a car like Gage has and drove for a very long time. We went to a town first and then they put us in a different car. This car had these people in it and another man. And then they drove us here. They brought us inside and took you to the other room and carried me in here. They gave me food and toys and told me to play quietly while they took care of you. They said if I ran or screamed that I would scare you and I should be good so that you would wake up.”
I took slow, deep breaths to keep my emotions in control. They didn’t help.
I stood up and started to pace the length of the room, hoping that physical activity might stay the panic or drive away the near madness I felt curling at the edges of my sanity.
I had survived in a world full of Zombies for more than two years. I had been close to death over and over and over and over and somehow always kept my wits about me.
This was different.
The stillness. The silence. The confusion. This unfamiliar house. Kane and his mother. The absolute unknown…
Page.
I couldn’t grapple control of my hysteria or cool my anger; it all felt too much. I couldn’t feel this much. I needed to calm down and become clinical. I needed to analyze every aspect of this house and the woods surrounding it and figure a way out. I did not need to panic.
But even knowing all that seemed to add fuel to the fire of mania and I couldn’t catch my breath.
My mind raced a million miles a minute and my hands started shaking. Images of Hendrix being beaten until he blacked out assaulted my mind. The thought of him fighting to get to me and losing to a gang of thugs with no moral compass or sense of humanity attacked me. Those thoughts tumbled together with fear that Haley had never made it back to the compound. And if they had, then what had they walked into? There were so many in that group. Had they succeeded in bringing Miller home? Or did Matthias have them all tied to that flagpole? Was he torturing them now? Were they hurt?
Had someone not made it?
I glanced at Page and knew that we were trapped. How could I leave this house with her? How could I take her out into a Feeder-infested world, not knowing anything about where I was or how to get back to anywhere near the compound? I didn’t even know which direction to start walking in! How could we leave without a car, without weapons, without a goddamn map?
Each thought came on a high-pitched wheeze. I kept sucking in more breath but I could never let a full one out. My lungs expanded until they burned in my chest; my head swam and my vision blurred. My mind screamed at my body to slow down, to ease a long breath out but I could not get any part of me to obey.
Page scrambled to kneeling across from me while I rocked back and forth in front of the window. I heard her saying my name but I couldn’t catch a breath to answer her. I gripped the back of my head and swayed back and forth in an effort to soothe all of this away; but I could not breathe.
Page jumped off the bed and pulled at my arms, trying to get my attention. She screamed up at me, but her voice sounded as though it came through a tunnel. I shook my head trying to indicate I couldn’t hear her and the tears started falling from my eyes. The only sound that resonated in my head was the high-pitched intake of breath in my own lungs.
The door burst open and Kane ran into the room. With one shrewd glance around the room, his eyes landed on me and recognition settled over his features. He walked slowly over to me, squatted calmly in front of Page and gave her instructions that I could not understand or hear.
Page shook her head and wrapped her arms around my waist. Her touch penetrated the fog of my breakdown and I flinched into her. But Kane pulled her away and explained more sternly what he wanted her to do. Tears dripped down her cheeks now as well but finally she agreed to whatever he wanted her to do; she walked to the door. She stood in the doorway watching me with fear written all over her pretty little face.
Kane stepped in front of me, blocking my view of her. I couldn’t focus on him though. He was the reason for this. He was the reason I was in this stupid mess. He was the reason that I had been through hell and back and had finally broken to the million little pieces of crazy I’d been waiting to become.
He tried to pull my hands away from the back of my head but I held firmly and his touch was too gentle to get his way. I ripped my body away from his touch and took a step back so that my back slammed into the window frame.
He frowned at me and said something in a low voice that I couldn’t hear. My breathing picked up and his face blurred in front of me as the oxygen became too much. I swayed precariously and everything dimmed to black before slowly coming into focus again.
I felt the warmth of his hands as they slid up and down on my waist in a comforting gesture. He stepped close to me so that our bodies were only a few inches apart. I could feel his body heat wrap around me, smell that same heady scent I had earlier, I feel the desperation as it rolled off him in waves.
“Reagan,” his deep voice infiltrated through my haze. “Reagan, take a deep breath. You’re hyperventilating. You need to slow down your breathing.”
His voice had an almost hypnotic tone to it and I leaned into him as the world darkened once more. My ears felt stuffed with cotton and a faint ringing sound resonated inside my head.
But somehow I found the will to obey. The second he said “hyperventilating” I realized that I had control over my body. This wasn’t some fast descent into madness; this was a panic attack. This was simple and I fought Zombies on a daily basis, I had already defeated this man in front of me and nearly killed him; I was stronger than a panic attack.
“Let it out slowly,” Kane instructed.
I obeyed. I breathed all the way out and some of the tightness in my chest eased. My head cleared a bit and a tiny sliver of dizziness receded.
He stepped back and put his hand on my back. Helping me bend over, he instructed me to put my hands on my knees. I didn’t immediately respond, so he took my hands and guided them into place. With the most careful touch, he steered my head down and his hand drifted to my back. He rubbed soothing circles across my shoulder blades while I worked to even out my breathing.
Bending over helped and slowly my breathing went back to normal and the dizziness faded. Nausea hit me next, but I had to believe it was a result of the trauma I just put my body through and I knew eventually it would go away, too.
“You alright?” Kane asked in a soft voice when I seemed to finally get my shit together.
I stood up slowly. “Um, yeah. I think so.” My voice was hoarse and rough, but I could look at the room around me now with more focus.
“Do you get panic attacks often?” Kane asked.
I gave him a sideways look. “What do you think?”
“Then what changed about today?” His hand was still on my back, his fingertips pressing against my spine.
“I’m trapped, Kane. You did a really nice job of covering all your bases. We are effectively kidnapped.”
The truth was that I couldn’t really believe that. The survival instinct inside of me beat too strongly for me to actually resign myself to the future Kane laid out for me. However, for the moment, those words rang out completely true and my panic attack had cemented that fact into me. I was trapped for right now. Kane had thought of every lit
tle detail. The fact that he brought Page with us was almost genius, granted, the sick, sadistic, psychopathic kind of genius, but genius all the same. He planned for everything.
But that only meant that I would have to plan for everything, too. I needed to be smarter about this, faster, quicker, more cunning than ever before.
My panic turned into a resolution so strong inside me that I could feel it tattoo itself on my bones.
I would not give up. I would not give into Kane and I would not let Page be in this unnecessary danger for one second longer than she had to be.
Kane’s expression registered surprise before he frowned at me. “This doesn’t make sense to you,” he stated.
“Is it supposed to?”
He shook his head and his frown deepened. “Not yet.”
I raised my eyebrows at him, waiting for more of an explanation but apparently he didn’t feel that I needed one.
“Fine, Kane, whatever.”
That earned me a slow smile. He took a step closer to me and his free hand pinched my chin so that he could force my gaze to his. “Is that going to happen again?”
Knowing that he was referring to my panic attack, I drawled, “How could I possibly know the answer to that question.”
“You felt out of control.” He stared down at me with those intense gray eyes and I couldn’t look away. “That’s why you panicked. You realized you were not in control.” He paused thoughtfully and said, “It will not hurt you to let someone else take care of you, Reagan.”
“That’s not why I panicked. Hendrix takes care of me all the time.”
He shook his head. “No he doesn’t. You take care of you. You don’t let other people take over. Not even your precious Hendrix.”
“I trust him with my life.”
“You trust me with your life, too.”
I opened my mouth to argue, but I knew he would see through me. To my extreme annoyance, I did trust him with my life. At least in the sense that I knew he would protect me from Feeders and keep my body safe. The other parts of my life were a little more questionable- as in the freedom parts of it.
“What is your point, Kane?” God, this man was frustrating.