“That’s terrible.” He whispers against my mouth. “It’s terrible I brought you so close to the edge only to tear it away from you.”
I smile, planting a soft kiss on his mouth. “I’m not worried.”
“No?”
I shake my head. “I prefer the real thing anyway.”
I grip the hem of my navy blue hoodie and pull it off over my head. In the dim, but still so very exposing, light he becomes fixated on my breasts and I toss my hoodie to the floor.
“No bra?”
I smirk and lean in, giving him a slow, sultry lick on his lower lip.
“No panties, either.”
Just like that, Jai’s resolve shatters into tiny little pieces. One heartbeat is all it takes to push me from in control to completely at his mercy. One moment I’m straddling his lap and in the next, I’m flat on my back, his hot, wet mouth devouring my hard nipples one at a time.
“I’m so glad you’re back.” I sigh, pushing my fingers through his messy hair.
He releases my hardened peak with a ‘pop’ and air rushes in to cool his warm saliva.
“Did you doubt I’d come back?”
I rake my fingers down the back of his head before sliding my smooth fingertips across his cheeks, guiding his mouth to mine.
“It’d be a lie if I said it didn’t cross my mind.” I kiss the corner of his lips. “There was a small part of me that thought maybe you’d leave me behind.”
He watches intently as I slip my thumb into my mouth to gather some moisture right before I take it out and slide my hand between us. Jai lifts his hips, allowing my hand to slip effortlessly under the hem of his pants. His hard cock greets me straight away and, making a tight noise in the base of his throat, Jai drops his head and I feel his fast, warm breath on my ear and against my neck.
“I’d never leave you behind.” He whispers tightly as I circle his wet tip with my thumb.
Those are the nicest five words I think I’ve ever heard in my life. I grip his thick shaft and he thrusts into my hand, making the silky soft skin slide up and down. His cock is hot, hard and smooth and I can feel its protruding veins just under the tight skin.
“I’d always come back for you, Kitten. I’m yours.” He mutters against the lobe of my ear.
I freeze for a second. So does he. He’s mine? What does that mean? More importantly, what the fuck am I supposed to do with that? I’ve never had anyone before...I’ve never had a person—a person who belongs to me, who I would refer to as ‘mine’. Is Jai mine? Am I his? Or have I completely misinterpreted his meaning?
I’d never leave you behind. I’m yours.
I’m.
Yours.
It doesn’t get much clearer than that though, does it? Jai lifts his face so it’s directly in front of mine. His thoughtful blue eyes flicker over my face analyzing every twitch, line and freckle.
“Does that scare you?” He asks. “Does the thought of having someone make you uncomfortable?”
I shake my head. A lie. The only people who have ever wanted me in their life changed their mind at the last second. Do you know what it’s like? Feeling overwhelming happiness to the point of crying only to have it ripped from your body and crushed into a million pieces right in front of your eyes? When someone changes their mind on you as a person you can’t help but feel worthless...cheaper than any product, as useless as any device. It has taken me a long time to get over all the times it happened to me as a kid... and I don’t think I can go through it again. Not with him.
“It terrifies me.” I mumble, swallowing hard. “You want me now, but what about tomorrow? Next week? In a month’s time?”
Jai glides his fingers between my breasts and down my stomach, raising shivers from head to toe.
“Why would time change how I feel about you?”
A lump forms in my throat as I remember all the times I’ve been burned. It’s called the cooling off period and it’s a mother fucker. I swallow the lump.
“Because it always does.”
I pull my hand from his pants, done with the conversation. To have sex with him when I know he’s emotionally invested is wrong, and it’s bad for my heart, too. The faster I fall down this rabbit hole, the harder the impact will be when I hit the cold hard floor at the bottom—and I just know it’ll be the coldest, hardest floor imaginable.
I attempt to turn my body and roll out from underneath him, but he grips my shoulders and pushes me back against the mattress.
“Jai.” I complain, pushing his chest in a lame attempt to get him off me.
It’s a wasted effort. Pushing against his body is like trying to move a boulder when its bottom is buried seven feet underground. I grit my teeth until they ache and my muscles tremble. Nothing. He lets me push at him for a few seconds before he ‘tsks’ in frustration and grabs my wrist. I growl as he pins my hands above my head and drops his hips harder against mine.
“Jai—”
“No.” He bites out, cutting me off. “Now you shut up and listen.”
I glare up at him and his aggressive, blue eyes.
“I care about you. Why is that so fucking hard to accept?”
Tears pool at the rims of my eyes and I hate it. I’ve cried more in the last month than I have between the ages of ten and twenty-one.
“Because this entire thing is fake. Our relationship exists only in a forced environment. Am I the type of girl you’d approach in a bar or at the mall?” I shake my head. “I’m not your kind of girl. I’m not anyone’s kind of girl.”
His grip tightens. “Then what are you?”
Funny enough, he poses a question I’ve been asking myself my entire life. What the fuck am I?
“I don’t know...I guess...I guess I’m nothing.”
He releases my hands and I pull them to my chest.
“I make you feel like nothing? When I touch you and kiss you, you feel nothing?”
I shake my head. “I feel everything...and that’s what scares me. When this is over and you move on there’ll be something bigger and better waiting for you—someone funnier and prettier, someone who won’t have the one million hang ups I do. But this is it for me. You are it. What I experience with you I know I’ll never experience with anyone else. For the rest of my life I will be comparing other men to you and they won’t even come close. I can’t handle that.” I swipe at a stupid fucking tear. I can’t believe I’m getting so emotional over this. “So don’t fuck with my feelings and don’t tell me you’re mine. Sure, we can pretend while we’re stuck in this mess, but don’t lead me to believe this is something it will never be. I can’t handle that. Not anymore. Not after the life I’ve had.”
Jai presses his forehead against mine as the tips of his fingers caresses the side of my face. “Christ. Do you ever give yourself a break?”
I open my mouth to speak, but Jai crushes his lips to mine, preventing any words from falling out. As his tongue licks mine, I don’t even remember what I was going to say in the first place.
And that’s okay. I’m done talking anyway.
Her
Jai
Fucking Kitten. How can one woman be so damn infuriating? You tell any other girl you’re all hers and she’ll just about cream her pants. But not Kitten. No. God forbid she make anything easy for me. I knew the moment I met her she had some pretty high walls protecting her, but I was certain I’d done a good job at bringing them down. Apparently, her walls are extra-fortified. Once they crumble to a certain percentage, they send out an alert and build themselves back up again. Lucky for her I’m a fiend for punishment.
I never intended to say what I said. I was so caught up it just came out. Still, I meant it. If there’s any girl on this planet that is tailor made for me she is it. I don’t mean she’s my soul mate or that we’re made for each other. I’m talking in terms of companionship, a mutual friendship. She knows me and I’m comfortable around her. That’s all I care about. She’s right about one thing, though. I would never approach
her at a bar or at the mall. Mostly because I don’t ‘approach’ women. It sounds fucking creepy. I talk to women—any woman. It doesn’t matter if they’re youthful or mature, sweet and skinny or big and beautiful. My willingness to be with a woman depends on what they have on the inside, not how their exterior appears. I like intelligence and strength in a woman. I like humor and curiosity. I don’t give a shit about what they can offer me physically. That being said, I can’t deny the fact I’ve indulged in sex with women I’ve barely known on plenty of occasions, but it wasn’t like I coerced them into it or promised them more. They wanted it. They had something I desired in one way or another. It is what it is.
But Kitten ticks all my boxes—boxes I didn’t know I had until this very moment. She’s had my back since day one. She trusted me when she didn’t have to and she’s allowed me to find comfort in her body when I probably shouldn’t have. I’m not perfect. I’m so far from perfect I’m practically the antonym. I’ve made mistakes, that I know, but she is yet to use them against me.
My tongue glides with hers and my hips are locked into place by her slender, but strong legs that are wrapped tightly around me.
There’s one thing I know for certain about Emily and it’s that she has this pull. The air surrounding her is heavier than anywhere else. When I’m close I can’t breathe. Her very existence suffocates me and I crave it. I crave the dense air in my lungs and it gets worse when her mouth is on mine...because I’m willing to suffocate for a longer lasting taste of her. I break the kiss and rest my forehead against hers. A moment ago she wanted me badly and her heavy-lidded eyes tells me she still does. I trail the back of my fingers between her generous breasts and down the flat slope of her stomach to the hem of her black yoga pants. A part of me tells me to slip under the hemline and finger fuck her into oblivion. The other part advises I don’t want to be an asshole and perhaps ask for permission since she seems to be in a sensitive place.
“Can I?” I ask, brushing my fingers along the fabric.
I lift my stare to meet hers and her deep brown eyes lock me in place. Who would have thought sex with her started out so emotionless and primal, but now I’m considering her feelings while almost being swallowed whole by mine.
I can’t help it. It’s like she fills the void that has developed inside of me all these years. She makes me feel like maybe…maybe this will all be okay in the end and that I won’t be alone when it’s over. After everything I’ve been through, that’s something I need. Desperately.
Emily’s forehead slides against mine as she nods. Our eyes stay locked as I flatten my palm against her abdomen and slip it under her pants. She’s not wearing panties—just like she said. My blood heats at the thought of it being all for me.
I glide my hand over the hairless mound at the top, unable to stop until my fingers slide against her tidy lips. My cock throbs.
Smooth.
Bare.
Wet.
So. Fucking. Wet.
I try to keep my cool, but there’s no ignoring the tension that constricts my dick. My mind goes erratic. Mine. Mine. Mine. All fucking mine.
Pressing lightly, I slide my fingers up and down, teasing not touching. Emily lets out a gentle sigh as I move to place soft kisses on her jawline. Her skin is flawless and smooth, and it emits a tantalizing berry scent as I run my nose down the length of her throat. It bobs with a hard swallow and under my lips, goose-bumps rise. She sighs again and this time her hips squirm, begging me to hurry up. I like that about Emily. She’s not afraid of sex or afraid of looking too eager for it. If she wants it, she shows me just how bad. There is no flirting—no mind games—only us and our unrelenting desires, begging to be quenched in the rawest of ways.
Removing my hand from between her thighs, I kiss my way down her stomach, reveling in the way it clenches every time my lips grace her flesh. She is perfect. Every inch of her. This lost little Kitten is, quite possibly, the most beautiful woman I’ve ever had the pleasure of seeing naked.
Sitting back on my heels, I grip the edges of her pants. Instantly, she lifts her hips for me and I shuffle backwards, sliding the fabric down her perfect legs before tossing them to the floor.
She’s naked. And I’m stuck. Frozen stiff. Yep, stiff. Have you ever seen something so incredibly mesmerizing and breathtaking that you don’t want to look away, even for a second, because you know you’ll never see anything as beautiful as it again for the rest of your life? This is like that. Only she’s a human being that can be touched and explored...the most dangerous kind of art. It almost feels wrong to taint it, but I’m going to.
Because I need to claim her as mine...
Because I’m selfish and, deep down, I’m as primal and as ugly as a caveman born to adhere to my baser urges. Though civilization has changed us and morphed us into men who ask permission, we are still as weak as we were in the beginning. There is no conforming. There is no cure.
She slips a hand over her stomach and I notice the movement is a little self-conscious. Why wouldn’t it be? I’m sitting here staring like I haven’t seen her naked before. I suppose I haven’t, technically.
I pull my shirt off over my head and toss it to the floor. Emily watches me through half-lids as I lower my body over hers. I see a lot in her eyes... excitement, anticipation and fear.
“Emily...” I whisper.
*Emily*
My name filters in through my ears and I just about shiver. I can barely breathe as nerves suffocate my voice box.
“Mm?”
Jai brushes his nose gently against mine.
“Are you all right?”
I nod, but I’m not so sure. Is it normal to feel this pressure in my chest? The way my palms are sweating, is that okay? What about the overwhelming urge to hold Jai close and never let him go? Is that a sex thing? Or is that my feelings betraying me?
“To be honest, you look a little nauseous.”
I muster a small smile as Jai’s dark, blue eyes flare and widen while his lips curve at one corner.
“Finally caught feelings, have you?” He teases.
“You don’t catch feelings.”
He kisses my mouth once. “Sure you do. They come out of nowhere and hit you when you least expect it.” He kisses me again. “Like now.”
The pressure in my chest becomes dense, like a sack of potatoes at the realization. Shit. I have caught feelings. I mean, I’ve always had feelings for Jai, but not like this. I’ve never wanted to cry at the thought of him leaving me...before now.
“Relax.” He chuckles, running a hand up my inner bicep and down the side of my breast. “Why are you so terrified of feeling something?”
I’ve been asked this question once before by the woman at my first children’s home. It was when I made the decision to never cry again. ‘Why are you so afraid of feeling something, Child?’ I didn’t answer her aloud, but I remember my internal answer well. ‘I’m not afraid of feeling. I’m afraid of losing.’ It doesn’t make much sense to me now, but it did back then. I guess what it means is; you can’t have your heart broken if you stop giving it out to people. At the end of the day, no one can take care of your heart like you can and you know why? Because when it shatters by their hand, only you feel it.
“I’m terrified because it makes this real.” I tell him. “Aren’t you scared of this becoming real?”
Jai’s large hands surround my face and cup my chin. “It’s real already, Kitten. It was real the second you came to my room after your shower.”
So it was. I throw my arms around his neck and crush my mouth to his, kissing him hungrily. His mouth devours me, his tongue fucking mine so perfectly. To feel his weight directly on me brings a comfort like no other.
Jai pulls back for air for only a second before his mouth finds the column of my throat. I moan and close my eyes as he leaves a line of nips and kisses behind as he makes his hungry way to my breasts.
My breath catches as he eagerly sucks the first nipple into his mouth. Light
tremors shake me as he tastes it and swirls his hot, wet tongue around the pebbled flesh.
“Oh!” I choke out, squeezing him between my thighs.
I barely have time to get used to the feeling before he switches to the second breast and sucks at it like it’s the last breast he’ll ever put in his mouth. Again, the feeling barely registers before he licks and bites and sucks his way over my ribs and down my stomach. I stuff my hands under my pillow to keep them from pulling his hair. My flexing hips are a lost cause, forever destined to push against his excited lips, urging him lower.
All thoughts flee as he stops at the apex of my thighs and peers up at me. Unashamedly, my head is craned so I can watch him ravish me completely. He flashes me a wicked smile that just about melts my skin from my bones before lowering his head, raining soft, tender kisses on my inner thighs. My blood buzzes and my chest heaves. It takes him all of two seconds to send me into a frenzy of need.
“Fuck, Jai.” I hiss, unleashing my hands. I reach down and rake my fingers through his hair. “Please!”
He smiles against my skin and I feel it. He sucks a portion of flesh between his lips and catches it between his teeth. I hiss again, yanking my thigh free as his teeth click together. Still with a grip on his dark hair, I wiggle my hips, unable to hide my fevered anticipation for him to finally put his mouth on my pussy.
After another eternity of teasing, of feeling his hot breath right where I desire different parts of his anatomy, he relents, pressing his lips and tongue against my body’s most sensitive spot. And I moan. Loud. Suddenly, my orgasm rushes me, taking me completely by surprise as his tongue finishes its sixth or seventh stroke. I sink my teeth into my bottom lip as my legs quake and my stomach clenches. A second later, my mouth opens and I cry out in ecstasy as he continues to taste me. When the feel of his perfectly trained muscle becomes unbearable, I giggle and he lifts his head.
“Fuck, Kitten. That didn’t take long.”
I simper as my body slows in its shaking. Jai slides up next to me, his fingers dancing over my stomach and onto my breasts. I turn to gaze into his eyes, a content smile curling my lips.