things the way you do?” Bea took off down the alley in a huff that I heard over the clunk-clunk of her boots. It was totally unfair. She was more mobile. I had to carry drums and stuff.
“Hallelujah and the Southern Gothic is a great name for a band,” I yelled to Bea as she tried to flag a cab at the other end of the alley. “It’s Church Grunge. It’s Chunge. A whole new genre. Think about it.”
“Uh, we’re a Northern band!” Bea screamed back. “It makes no sense whatsoever! You are so sophomoric!”
“Yeah, right. If I’m anything, I’m new and original. I’m way before that. I’m freshmoric. So there.
“More like freshmoronic!” Bea screamed. She’s got a set of lungs on her.
A bedroom light flicked on in a studio apartment overhead and a guy yelled out the window, “It’s three in the flippin’ morning! People are trying to sleep!”
“Sorry your bedroom window has an alley view, buddy. You should have paid more rent. Can’t you hear? I’m trying to salvage what’s left of a great American band. Now listen, Bea, I’m a creative genius. Come to grips with it.”
“I need more say in the band. Period.”
“I let you pick the song order, didn’t I?”
“Hey genius, quit being so stupid and let the woman have her input,” the guy yelled from above.
“You don’t talk to rockstars like that,” I called up to him. Back to Bea, “Globs I tell you. Big gray globs in the artistic integrity sink! That’s what this has come to.”
“Quiet down!”
“I’m through speaking with you, buddy. Now shut the window to your smelly apartment before I pass out from the garlic smell.”
Splat!
Right then I felt a greasy substance running off my head and into my ears. As best I could I wiped it off with my hands and flicked the gray substance onto the pavement. I glanced up. “What is this?”
“Bacon fat, buddy.”
“Look what you did, Bea. I got swine lard tossed on my head.”
She chuckled. “And you deserve it.”
“Yeah you do,” came the voice from above.
So Bea flung open the door of a cab, took off her guitar and set it inside. She climbed in the back and barked orders to the driver. There was no use trying to convince her. It’s easy to bust up a band when only one person has to leave. She knew that, too. That’s the kinda person she is.
Twenty minutes later, when I had cleaned my head off in Gustavo’s bathroom and loaded my drums, I slunk back into the meter maid car as some guy said, “You were good tonight, kid. Real good. When is your next gig?”
I sighed as I shut the door on him.
The next week I learned Bea moved to Venice. That’s in Italy.
The Divine Dante
Squirt Guns in Hades
(Partial Chapter I)
A Dark Wood
BEA THINKS SHE dumped me, but I secretly dumped her without her knowing it. That’s when she took off for Venice where she’s probably being serenaded by some gondolier singing bad Italian love songs to her. I’m going to fly there from New York and plead with her on bended knee to take me back so our two-person rock band can rule the world again and we can rock on for all eternity.
Naw!
That’s the plot of a novel or maybe three. Who knows? But I’m not a novelist. I’m a rockstar. I’ve certainly never written a novel. Geez, I’ve hardly read any. Most rockstars don’t even read sheet music let alone big thick books.
And since there’s no way I’m ever going to Venice to get my girl back, s’ppose you’ll want answers to a bunch of squirrelly questions like the name of our band and why Bea broke up the band and how come my parents gave me the sorry name of Edward T. Nad instead of something rock-n-roll like Sting or Bono or Slash. Next you’ll want to know what model combat boots I wear on stage and the type of wood I use for my drumsticks and why I drive around in a meter maid car. The obvious questions.
__________
_____
__
You’ve read the prologue. Now read The Divine Dantes: Squirt Guns in Hades, the first book in the Infernal Trilogy.
The Divine Dantes
Squirt Guns in Hades
(Book I of the Infernal Trilogy)
“[A] lively and good-natured work with a great deal of humor and wordplay . . ..” —Publisher's Weekly Reviewer
“[R]eminds me a little of the fun I find in Carl Hiaasen or Christopher Moore, but he definitely has his own vibe . . . .” —Breakthrough Novel Award Expert Reviewer
Fiction by Andrew Barger
The Divine Dantes: Squirt Guns in Hades (Book I)
The Divine Dantes: Paella in Purgatory (Book II)
The Divine Dantes: Cruising in Paradise (Book III)
Mailboxes – Mansions – Memphistopheles
Coffee with Poe: A Novel of Edgar Allan Poe’s Life
Anthologies Edited by Andrew Barger
Edgar Allan Poe Annotated Entire Stories and Poems
Mesaerion: The Best Science Fiction Stories 1800-1849
Phantasmal: The Best Ghost Stories 1800-1849
BlooDeath: The Best Vampire Stories 1800-1849
6a66le: The Best Horror Short Stories 1800-1849
Shifters: The Best Werewolf Short Stories 1800-1849
Leo Tolstoy’s 20 Greatest Short Stories Annotated
Orion An Epic English Poem
______
About Andrew
Andrew Barger is the award winning author of Coffee with Poe: A Novel of Edgar Allan Poe’s Life, a short story collection: Mailboxes – Mansions – Memphistopheles, and The Divine Dantes Trilogy. He is also the editor of a number of other books, including Edgar Allan Poe Annotated and Illustrated Entire Stories and Poems, Phantasmal: The Best Ghost Stories 1800-1849, and Mesaerion: The Best Science Fiction Stories 1800-1849. He wants to start a band, but is having trouble settling on a name for it.
Connect with Andrew Online
AndrewBarger.com
Blog:
AndrewBarger.blogspot.com
Facebook:
facebook.com/AuthorAndrewBarger
Goodreads:
goodreads.com/author/show/1362598.Andrew_Barger
Twitter:
@andrewbarger
Edward T. Nad Facebook Page
facebook.com/edward.nad.9
Copyrights Trademarks and Ownership: © Copyright Andrew Barger. All rights reserved. The Divine Dantes™ is a book series trademark. ISBN: 978-1-933747-47-7. Digital images of the cover may be resized and shown as “fair use” for purposes of selling and promoting the book. This work and all names, characters, places and incidents are fictional. Any resemblance to actual events or persons, living or dead, is coincidental. BOTTLETREE is a registered trademark of Bottletree Books LLC. Andrew Barger is part owner of Bottletree Books LLC. The Bottletree logo, and related trade dress, including all cover art designs are trademarks of Bottletree Books, LLC.
Thank you for reading books on BookFrom.Net Share this book with friends