It’s always on the news that most tragedies where a child dies, some sort of preventable negligence occurred. I want to ask so badly if that’s what happened, but when I glance up at Zach for answers he grows still.
“Don’t,” he says. “Whatever you’ve got going through your mind, let’s not even talk about it.”
Instead of pushing the issue further, I back off and give the topic space. It’s obvious from his change of mood that he still has issues dealing with her death, and who am I to push him to open up to me. After all, I am still just some woman he slept with. We barely know each other.
I sigh and return my head to his chest and study the contours of his abs. I have to accept this night for what it is. Just sex.
It’s not long before my eyes grow heavy and I’m fast asleep.
RIFF
I lay awake and watch her sleep against me. She’s so beautiful. Her pouty lips drift open and she breathes slowly. She’s peaceful and it’s amazing to watch someone completely relax when they sleep.
I’ve drifted in and out all night, but now that the sun’s up, I know it’ll be a matter of time before we walk out of this room and I never see her again. So I don’t want to waste any more time sleeping.
It’s been a long time since anyone has asked me about Hailey’s tattoo. Even longer still since anyone has cared enough to try to pump me for details about her. I knew Kitten was different from all the other women I’ve been with. That’s why I wanted her so much.
The ringtone on my cell plays throughout the quiet room. I snatch it off the nightstand and without looking at the caller ID, I answer, “Somebody better be dead.”
A bitter laugh rolls through my earpiece and my stomach clenches. “You might as well call me that.”
My jaw tenses. “What do you want, Dad? I told you to never call me.”
He huffs into the phone. “I would be happy to never speak to your piece of shit ass again, but seeing as how there’s no payment in my bank account yet, I figured I’d better call to make sure you haven’t forgotten about your dear, old Dad.”
I squeeze the phone in my hand. “Nice to know I’m your fucking meal ticket.”
“You listen to me you little bastard. That money better be in my account today, or so help me—”
Blind rage overtakes me and makes me forget Aubrey’s asleep on my chest as I shout, “Or you’ll what? Beat my ass? Sorry old man, but that bridge has long been crossed and we won’t be going back over it. You’re lucky I send shit. One of these days I’m going to tell you to fuck off.”
He laughs. “Idle threats, son. We both know you owe me, so get me my fucking money!”
Before I can get another word in, Dad hangs up on me.
Fucking asshole.
I would give anything to be able to cut him out of my life. He’s an old, bitter man who loves to make me feel like a fuck-up every chance he gets.
Disgusted, I toss my phone back on the nightstand. My eyes shoot down to study Kitten. Not once has she made a move like she’s awake, which is a small miracle from God considering I basically screamed in her ear.
My relationship with my father is something I don’t want anyone to know about, let alone witness first hand. I hate the fact that the guys in the band know about my past at all, but I hate even more that Trip and Tyke were witness to it. I hate people’s fucking sympathy more than anything in the world. I’m a piece of shit and deserve none. I deserve the hell I’ve been through.
Aubrey stirs in my arms, and I tense.
Shit. She probably did hear that after all.
She stretches her slender arms out and yawns before she peers up at me through those sexy, long lashes of hers. She smiles and then snuggles back into me. “Good morning.”
Relief floods me. Surely if she heard that fight she’d be asking me who I was talking too. I’m glad I don’t have to give her some lame-ass lie to try to cover up who I am. I don’t need her knowing I’m a fucked up mess.
“Mornin’. You hungry? I can order us up some room service before we head back to the bus, or maybe we can go another round while we still have some privacy?”
She bites her bottom lip after she runs her tongue across it. “I think another round is definitely called for before breakfast.”
Aubrey rises up and presses her lips to mine.
I really do like the way this girl thinks.
As things start to get good, Aubrey’s cell rings. What the fuck is with all the calls this morning?
She tries to pull away, but I only squeeze her in my arms tighter which causes her to giggle. “Zach, I have to get that. It could be Lanie.”
“Make it quick.” I hold her a second longer before letting her go.
Kitten answers on the fourth ring. “Hello?” Her tone is raspy and slow.
She listens for a few seconds to the person on the other end of the line, and I notice how adorable she is when she tries to concentrate. I lean in and nibble on her neck.
She giggles. “Stop, Riff.”
The use of my stage name causes me to pause. All night long she’s used my real name. Is she calling me that to impress whoever is on the other end of the line? My heart sinks a bit, but I know she has got the right idea. We can’t get in too deep with one another if we only have this short time together.
I kiss a trail down her chest and suck a nipple in my mouth, trying to coax her off the phone and back into my bubble for a little while longer.
“Yes,” she says, breathlessly.
I grin. That yes sounded more like it was for me, than whoever’s on the phone.
Aubrey sighs. “Don’t be mad. We’ll be together all the time in about a week when you come home. Besides you have Noel to play with.”
Ah, she’s talking to Lanie. In that case she definitely needs to get off the phone. The skin on her stomach is so soft against my lips.
Aubrey giggles again when I dip my tongue into her belly button. “But it could be just like that if you’d let it.”
“Why don’t you hang up and let me fuck you again?” I mumble before I suck her clit into my mouth.
She grabs a handful of the sheet and grips it tight. “Um, gotta go, Lanie. Love you.”
She ends the call and tosses her phone to the side. I grin and nip her skin. Victory is mine. Now her full attention is mine.
I shove two fingers inside and begin to work her into a frenzy.
AUBREY
Zach’s bike screams as we roll into the parking lot. He parks us beside the semi-trailer he got the motorcycle from last night.
I peel my arms from around him. “I think you have a death wish.”
He chuckles. “I like life with a little edge is all. Besides, I didn’t drive that fast.”
I hop off the bike and rip the helmet off. “Well, it was fast enough to scare the shit out of me.”
He grins and hooks an arm around my waist and pulls me into him. I straddle his right leg as he still sits on the bike. “What happened to my self-assured wild cat from last night? The one that was fearless?”
I wrap my arms around his neck, and curse myself for letting this thing between us feel so easy. A guy like him can break my heart if I get attached, which is the exact thing I’m trying to avoid from happening again.
I shrug. “I’m trying to wean her out of my system.”
His eyes search mine. “That’s too bad. I like her.”
Him liking my wild side is exactly the reason I need to change it. He’s too similar to all my other exes. They all used me until they were tired of me and tossed me aside like my feelings for them meant nothing. I don’t want to ever be treated like that again, if that means reevaluating my taste in men, so-be-it.
A man like Zach will never settle down and I don’t want to be over thirty and still trying to find a man that will be more than a baby-daddy to me. I need a man that’s into a family for the long haul.
“Wait here while I make sure no one fucks up my bike,” Zach says before kissing me on the c
heek and jumping off the bike.
His black t-shirt and faded jeans cling to his sculpted body in the right spots as his strong arms clutch the handles to push the motorcycle to the end of the trailer.
Zach asks the road crew to stash his bike back on the trailer and I glance around the busy parking lot. Behind the scenes of a massive show like this is crazy. People are everywhere. I can’t imagine for one second this crazy world being my life. I don’t know how the guys deal with being surrounded by so many people all the time. It would drive me insane to never have any privacy.
A group of women, some of whom I recognize from standing and waiting for the tour bus to arrive, approach Zach as he supervises the roadies with his bike. A tall, leggy blonde with an obvious paid-for rack caresses his shoulder. Hate twists in my gut when he doesn’t immediately shove her hand away, knowing damn well I can see him.
My body jerks, willing me over to tell the chick to back off, but I instantly stop myself. What the hell am I thinking? He isn’t mine. What we had last night isn’t anything more than a one-night stand. I know that, but it doesn’t stop the jealousy from reaching every nerve in my body when I see him with another women.
I do hold a small amount of satisfaction in knowing I was given permission to call him by his real name, though. Actually, now that I think about it, I probably shouldn’t call him that. That implies we have a certain level of intimacy—one he doesn’t share with the other women he takes to bed. While I don’t want to be grouped with the rest of the women he usually sleeps with, I don’t want him getting any ideas about what we share happening more than this weekend.
Maybe I should set shit straight now.
I approach Zach and the women all stare me down on the way. The blonde doesn’t make a move to remove herself from his side, and he doesn’t seem to mind her there.
“Hey, Riff. I’m going to try to find Lanie. I’ll catch you later,” I tell him with as much confidence as I can muster to show I’m cool with parting ways from him.
I turn on my heel, only to find myself halted with Zach’s arm around my wrist. “You’re not going to wait on me?”
The blonde is no longer at his side, but she stands with her arms folded and her lips in an obvious pout behind him. Zach crinkles his brow as he waits on me to answer.
I stare into his green eyes for a second before my gaze flicks to the pack of groupies waiting on his attention. “No. You seem busy.”
He shakes his head. “Don’t be like that. You’re not jealous, are you?”
I flinch. Am I that easy to read? “No, of course not. I just don’t want to be in your way.”
He cups my face and gives me a quick peck on the lips. “Kitten, you’d never be in my way. I wish you would stay, but if you insist on going inside without me...here. He reaches into his back pocket and pulls out a golden ticket. “The guys know this means you’re with me and will get you access to all the areas I can be in. Don’t lose it, because I’m not finished with you yet.”
A thrill shoots through me at the idea of spending another night tangled up in his sheets. I smile up at him. “Okay, then. Find me later.”
He gives me a genuine smile before kissing me hungrily right in front of the women standing beside us. After he’s fully satisfied, he lets me go. “That’ll tide me over for a little while.”
He winks at me before he turns and heads into the back of the trailer with the road crew.
I touch my slightly swollen lips with my fingertips and then notice the evil stares I’m receiving from the women he left me alone with. The urge to stick my tongue out at them and sing “Nana-nana-boo-boo” overwhelms me, but I know that will probably end up with me in a fight. So, I decide to take the classy route and turn and walk away.
Two nights with him doesn’t constitute a relationship in any form, merely a man I enjoy having sex with and want to do again before we part ways.
Who the hell am I kidding? If this keeps up, my heart is going to be in some serious danger here. If I’m not careful, I’ll be heading towards the same path I’ve sworn never to go down again.
Chapter 9
AUBREY
Backstage is absolutely insane. Lanie is back here somewhere. I have to find her in this madhouse. I spot her instantly in the crowd. Her beauty stands out everywhere. She has it in her mind that she’s an average looking girl. She never pays attention to the way people look at her. Her flawless skin stands out in her tank top and cut off jean shorts as she does her best to fade into her surroundings and become invisible. She flips her long, brown hair over her shoulder as she turns and I catch her eye.
“Hey, girl!” I wrap her in my arms.
She grins. “Hey, yourself. Nice of you to finally come up for air long enough to visit me for a while.”
I roll my eyes at her. “Don’t hate because I know how to let loose and have a little fun.”
“I bet he got you loose,” she snickers.
I smack her arm. “Oh, my god. I can’t believe you.”
“So, how did it go?”
My eyes roll back in my head. “Riff is amazing. Best sex I’ve ever had.”
“Riff, really? Usually cocky men can’t deliver.”
I shake my head. “This one can.” I hold up six fingers.
She shakes her head. “You two are perfect for each other. You’re both machines.”
I laugh and give her a playful shove. “So you’re telling me nothing happened with you and Noel last night? You two were pretty cozy on the way back.” Lanie sighs dramatically, and I’m instantly thrown into a giggling fit that she’s finally let her guard down with Noel. “I knew it! Tell me!”
Lanie holds her hands up in surrender. “Okay. Okay. Jeesh, get a grip. We kissed.”
I raise my eyebrow. “A kiss? Was it like a polite peck or was it full on tongue I-want-your-body make-out?”
She frowns. “It definitely wasn’t polite.”
A kiss, really? That’s all. “Lanie, god, sometimes I swear for someone so smart, you sometimes act like an idiot. You should be ecstatic right now. Reconnecting with your first love is something people dream about and you’re getting that. I don’t see why you don’t just let loose and let it happen.”
“But the job—”
“But, nothing. Don’t make me give the ‘jobs aren’t everything’ speech. Jobs don’t keep you warm or make you feel sexy, but Noel Falcon totally can. Anyone can see the guy is crazy about you.”
I don’t know why she can’t see that everything she’s ever wanted is right in front of her. What I wouldn’t give for a package of tattooed sexiness to be madly in love with me. Stuff like that only happens in fairy tales, and she’s wasting her chance at pure happiness.
The wheels turn in Lanie’s mind, I can see it all over her face. I stare at her expectantly. “Quit doing that.”
She flinches. “Doing what?”
“Overthinking things. You’ll never know until you let down your walls a little.” I hate it when she gets so uptight she can’t see past the wall she’s built around herself.
She runs her fingers through her hair. “Why are you pushing this? You hated him before.”
I shrug. She’s right. When he called her a ball busting bitch to a crowd of twenty thousand people, I wanted to kill him, but I’ve seen a different side of him now. He was hurt before because she left him once. I can totally relate to having a broken heart. Mine’s been stomped on more times then I care to admit. “Because you’re my best friend, and I love you. I want you to be happy. Plus, he’s not the asshole I thought he was.”
She gives me a weak smile and then wraps her arms around me. It’s good to see I’m getting through to her a little bit. She’ll end up driving him away and then hating herself for it if she doesn’t stop rejecting him.
“Hey now...” We both turn and find Riff staring at us. “Nobody gets this girl’s lovin’ but me.”
I giggle like a giddy kid at Christmas when Riff grabs me up in a hug. “Riff!”
Lane rolls her eyes at us. “On that note, I’m out of here.”
Riff sets me on my feet. “What was all that about?”
I shrug. “Lanie has the tendency to push good things away in her life. Sometimes she needs a little help seeing things clearly, is all.”
He pulls his lips into a tight line. “Maybe not everyone feels like they deserve good things to happen to them.”
“Not Lanie. She’s a good person. She feels like Noel will crush her heart. She still loves him. I can tell.”
He sighs. “Maybe it’s best you not push them together.”
I tilt my head. “Why? They obviously still love each other. What do you know?”
Riff opens his mouth, but quickly closes it, clearly deciding not to spill any details.
“Come on. What’s going on?”
He shakes his head. “Forget it. It’s not my place to say. All I can tell you is us rocker types aren’t meant to be trusted.”
That comment throws me off guard. “You can’t all be bad.”
“Yeah we can, and I’m probably the worst.”
A lump builds in my throat. “Why would you say that to me, Riff?”
“I’m the guy women have fun with, not the one they settle down with. I’m no good for you, Kitten. Trust me. I’m a one man heart-wrecking crew,” he says.
Any doubts that I had in my mind that we could ever be more than this weekend flies from my mind. It can’t be spelled out for me any clearer. So, I need to get my game face back on and look at this for what it is—a purely physical fling.
RIFF
I feel like a douche bag of epic proportions the moment I basically tell Kitten I’m using her only for sex. She doesn’t deserve that from me, but for now it’s the best I can give her. She doesn’t need to get her hopes up that we can be more, because we can’t. I fuck things up too much. It’s only a matter of time before I do something stupid and she ends up hating my ass.
This whole situation is fucking up my head. More than anything I wish I was a good guy, someone worthy of a girl like Kitten. The only thing I can hope for is that one day she’ll find a man that can give her everything she deserves, like monogamy and children. I can’t give her either one of those things.