“Word,” I choked out. I only said it once, but in my head it was ringing out over and over again.
“Yeah?” His hand slid up to cup the side of my throat and I shuddered.
“Yeah,” I confirmed.
His other hand came up until they were both on my neck, tilting my head back as he stepped into me. The first kiss was tentative, our lips barely brushing, but when my hands lifted to rest on his chest, all bets were off.
His mouth pressed against mine as he groaned, and I immediately opened up, letting his tongue slide between my lips. Kissing had always been flawless with us, a choreographed dance that had us tilting our heads just so for maximum impact, and even after years apart and different lovers between us, that hadn’t seemed to change.
Chapter 52
Patrick
My hands were shaking so badly and I couldn’t seem to stop them.
I had her. She was right there in my arms and she wasn’t pulling away. She wasn’t pulling away.
It was a fucking miracle.
This wasn’t a desire to comfort me like it had been the last time. Dear God, it had been twenty years since she’d had her hands on me that way. How could so much time pass by in the blink of an eye? It was both incredible and incredibly humbling that the minute we touched, all the years seemed to disappear.
“On de bed,” I ordered, running my hands down the front of her body until my fingers were gripping her hips. I wanted to spin her around and slap her ass to get her moving so I could watch it as she climbed onto the bed, but I didn’t dare let go of her. I was terrified that if our connection broke for even a moment, she’d realize that she didn’t really want me.
“You’re bossy,” she said, stepping backward.
“I’ve always been bossy.”
“You never needed a bed before. Too old to nail me against the wall?”
She was baiting me, pushing to get what she wanted, and my cock was so hard from her tone that it was about to rip through my briefs.
“We’re gonna be at it a while, yeah?” I replied, drawing a deep breath in through my nose to calm my breathing. “I want ye spread out and comfortable.”
I dropped my hand to her thigh as she reached the bed, and listened to her breathing speed up as I pushed the nightgown to her waist.
Shorts my arse. They were underwear, and just as I’d imagined, they only covered half of her cheeks.
“Dis comes off,” I rasped, gripping her nightgown and pulling it over her head.
I stopped then. Everything stopped—my hands, my breathing, my heart.
She was everything I’d missed for years, and more than anything I could have imagined.
Her chest was heaving, and her breasts swayed, the hard nipples pointed toward my chest like little beacons. They weren’t as perky as when we were young, but they were heavy and thick and I couldn’t help the sound I made as I stared. I drew my gaze downward, over her oddly shaped bellybutton that I knew came from when she’d carried Nix, and the small white lines that zigzagged their way from the top of her underwear to halfway up her stomach.
I wanted to cry in that moment. Why hadn’t I paid attention all those years ago? Why hadn’t I taken the time to really see the body she was showing me and realized then, before it was too late, that I wanted to see that skin stretched tightly over our child? I hadn’t catalogued her changes then; I’d been too anxious to get as close to her as I could.
Perhaps if I had been less selfish, I’d have found a way to make her love me again.
“You’re staring,” she whispered, running her hands down my belly.
“I’m in awe.”
“It’s just a body.”
“It’s yer body.”
“It’s getting impatient,” she said slyly, running her nails up my chest and pinching one of my nipples between her fingers.
It was like a jolt straight to my balls, and I felt my cock twitch as I shuddered.
I grabbed her hand in mine, pulling it up to my head, and leaned down to pull one of her tight nipples into my mouth, drawing a moan from us both. Her fingers curled into my hair the way I’d known they would and I pushed her back gently until she was falling onto the bed. When she got there, my lips popped off her nipple and her hands fell down beside her head, raising her breasts slightly on her chest. Fuck me. Her laid out before me was every dream, every fantasy and every sight I’d believed I’d never see again.
I flipped her over.
I couldn’t stop myself.
I had to see those fucking booty shorts.
Her back arched, tilting her round ass toward me. I stared for a moment, running my hand down her bare back, stopping just short of the waistband of those beautiful, beautiful underwear. When her hips began to sway the tiniest bit from side to side in an unconscious movement, staring was no longer enough.
I grabbed my cock and squeezed it hard as I leaned down and bit the meaty part of her ass just below where it was covered by fabric. The overwhelming urge to bite harder flashed through me, but instead, I sucked hard.
“Shit!” She gasped beneath me, and her back arched more than I would have imagined was possible. “Again.”
I moved to the other side and bit down again, growling as she pressed back against my mouth. Christ.
I wrapped my hand around the back of her thigh and pressed her leg onto the bed, opening her up to me. The center of her panties were dark with arousal, and my mouth watered as I ran my nose down the back of her thigh. As I made my way back up, she was trembling, and I swear to Christ she screeched as I bit into the skin where her ass met her thigh.
My hand moved quickly, tugging her panties to the side and feeling no resistance as I pushed two fingers inside her. She was shaved bare, hot and soaking wet, and her muscles clamped down so tightly I had a hard time pulling my fingers back in order to thrust again. I turned my hand, instinctively moving the tips of my fingers to the spot I knew would have her crying my name. Even after all those years, I still knew exactly how deeply I needed to press my fingers inside Amy before curling them back.
“Patrick,” she groaned, her hips rolling against my face and hand. As her breathing grew shallow and her body began to shudder, I wondered what the fuck I was doing.
I pulled my hand away, making her yell out in protest, then ripped her underwear down her legs, leaving them at her knees as I pulled apart her ass cheeks and pressed my mouth against her wet cunt.
Yes.
Fuck.
Yes.
I was starving.
I let her juices cover my face, knowing that no matter how much I washed up in the morning, I’d be smelling her for days. Lovely.
“Your beard,” she gasped, pulling one leg from her underwear so she could spread her legs farther. “Holy hell.”
I tilted my head a little and let the hair below my lip scratch gently along her clit. That was all it took to push her over the edge, silent and shuddering helplessly against the bed.
I stood as soon as her body relaxed into the comforter and pushed my boxers down my legs as I stared at her pink, swollen pussy lips peeking out at me between her thighs. I needed in there.
I stepped up and gripped her hips, my fingers digging into the sharp bones as I pulled her body high enough to meet mine.
“Patrick, no!” she said urgently, and my stomach rolled as I immediately let go of her and took a step back.
She was going to push me away. She was going to turn and tell me to get lost while I stood there with my cock in my hands. I opened my mouth, but nothing came out as I felt my chest flush and the red begin creeping up my neck.
It wasn’t an ego thing. She could turn me down a hundred times and I’d not be angry. That was her right, and it was one that I respected. It also wasn’t about the fact that my cock was so hard it was beginning to hurt. I could take care of it in the shower—it wasn’t my first choice, but it would at least provide relief.
No, it was the idea that she was so very close to me and I cou
ldn’t make love to her that had my stomach churning and my face flushing. I wanted to be as close to her as I could. I wanted to wrap myself around her, and breathe her in and come inside her.
I was ashamed and completely devastated that she’d stopped me.
“Patrick!” she called, jolting me out of my head. “Are you going to just stand there?”
“What?” I shook my head, my heart racing.
“Condom?”
“Ye want me to wear a condom?”
“I can still get pregnant, but I’m too old for more kids, and you’ve had your dick in too many places to name,” she said reasonably, and I broke out in a cold sweat of relief making me shudder.
“In me wallet,” I told her dumbly, the fear of being pushed away making me a bit shaky.
“It’s not doing any good in there,” she teased as she rolled completely to her back. “Are you okay?”
“Aye,” I mumbled, grabbing my wallet off the nightstand and pulling a row of three condoms out.
“You’re sure of yourself,” she said in amusement as I dropped them on the bed.
“Dere’s a good chance I’ll rip de first one in me haste wit’ de way me hands are shakin’,” I replied honestly, my voice quiet. “De second one we’ll use.”
“You’re shaking?” she asked, her face growing soft as she grabbed one of my hands to study it.
“I have never been more afraid or excited in me life.”
“Afraid?”
“Dat ye’ll realize I’m not what ye want.”
“Excited?”
“Like a thousand Christmases rolled into one moment.”
“Do you want me to take care of the condom?”
“Dat would probably be best.”
“Lay down,” she ordered, letting go of my hand to pick up the condoms.
I lay down on the bed next to her, my feet still planted on the floor, and watched her rip the condom open carefully. The second she touched me, my body jolted.
The sensitivity was almost painful as she wrapped her hand around the shaft and pulled up slowly, making my hips rise off the bed. Then she leaned down and took me in her mouth while I watched in awe.
“I’ll not last long, ye do dat,” I said ruefully, gripping her jaw gently to pull her away. I both hated and loved how close to the edge I was, wishing I could watch her lips around me, but knowing that if she didn’t stop, we’d be finished.
She rolled the condom down my length in one smooth move, and I helped her seat it at the base, making sure that it was situated where it needed to be.
It was the first time we’d ever used one, and I wondered briefly if it would make everything different.
Then she was there, kneeling above me while those long ropes of hair brushed the tips of her breasts and she pressed my cock inside her.
I yelled out as she dropped down, and used my legs to press into her deeper. I’d been insane to think that anything would change the way it felt to be inside her. I still felt the same rush of emotion, the same overwhelming urge to get as far inside her as I possibly could.
Nothing compared to the way I felt when I was inside her. Nothing.
I held on to her hips as she rolled them above me, but soon I was pulling my hands away so I could lean up and brace myself on my elbows. Her breasts were swaying with each movement and my mouth watered at the sight.
“Lean forward,” I ordered, glancing up into her heavy lidded eyes. “I want yer nipples.”
She shuddered, then rested her hands on my shoulders, bringing her breasts to my face.
Her cunt clenched as I pulled first one and then the other nipple between my lips, biting them gently and sucking them up against the roof of my mouth. She didn’t wear perfume or scented lotion, and the only thing I could taste was her. The salt of her skin and the sweet of her skin were the most potent aphrodisiacs I’d ever encountered. I wanted to inhale her.
She finally leaned back and I watched one of her hands reach down to where our bodies connected, rubbing at the bundle of nerves there. Her lips were stretched around me, glistening with moisture, and I had a hard time moving my eyes away from the sight.
When her movements began to grow jerky, I glanced up at her face, and what I saw there made my entire body grow cold.
She’d hit her release and she was pulsing around me, but her head was lifted toward the ceiling and tears were running silently down her cheeks.
I was frozen for a moment, not sure what was happening, but as she shuddered one last time, one of my hands thrust out and grabbed her hip, stopping her movements.
Her head jerked down in surprise.
“What are you doing?” she asked, moving against my grip.
“Yer cryin’.”
“It’s okay.” She rolled her hips against me, and my stomach knotted.
“Why?”
“It was a really good orgasm,” she said, trying to play it off.
I met her eyes silently as she tried to move, but with every thrust and roll, I grew softer, until I lifted her off me before the condom could come off.
“What the fuck?” she asked in confusion, looking down between us.
I shook my head as I ripped the condom off, not sure what to say. I couldn’t…
I just couldn’t. I knew by the expression on her face that she was hurt, but I didn’t know what to say to make it better.
I would not fuck her while she cried. Ever. I didn’t care what type of tears they were, the sight of them erased all arousal from my body.
“Patrick?”
I walked away, tossing the condom in the bin and wetting a towel from the bathroom before going back to where she sat silently on the bed. She shuddered as I ran the wet towel over her body, starting with her neck and ending between her thighs.
“What just happened?” she asked quietly, wrapping her arms around her chest.
“I love ye—”
“Patrick, don’t,” she warned.
I ignored her. “I love ye. More den meself. More den anyt’in’.” I closed my mouth and tried to get my accent under control. I’d spent almost thirty years in the US, but I still found myself reverting back to the old pronunciations when I was fighting my emotions. “I’ve always loved ye.” I continued, “I’m not sure what happened dere or why ye were cryin’. But I will not ever touch ye when ye don’t want to be touched.”
“I told you—”
“Ye lied.”
She lifted her chin, but didn’t say another word as I pulled the bedding down for her to climb in. I laid down beside her on my back and breathed a small sigh of relief when her body gravitated toward mine.
I didn’t know what else to say. Every sentence that came out of my mouth seemed inadequate, and I didn’t want to make the situation worse while I tried to process it.
Had I missed something—some small movement or facial expression that would have told me that she wasn’t enjoying herself? As always, I had no idea whether I was coming or going, her complexities leaving me completely baffled.
When she’d arrived at the hotel earlier, I’d been surprised, but really fucking glad she was there. After the night I’d had searching the pub where Nix was attacked, we’d finally found the boys who’d done it.
They hadn’t even been trying to hide, but it hadn’t taken long for them to realize their mistake.
By the time we’d handled that situation I was exhausted, but the adrenaline coursing through my veins hadn’t allowed me to relax.
I felt her breathing deepen and I pulled her a little closer to me before turning to my side and wrapping her arm around my waist. I needed to try and sleep so I could stop by to see Nix early the next morning. He deserved to know what had happened.
I thought about every single movement and sound that had come from Amy while I was inside her her, and by the time I fell asleep, I still couldn’t pinpoint the moment that I should have known she no longer wanted me to touch her.
***
When I woke the next mor
ning, I knew instinctually that she’d gone before I’d even opened my eyes.
My back was cool where she’d slept, and as I looked toward the dresser, I noticed that her bag wasn’t resting where she’d dropped it.
Her room key was on the bedside table.
Son of a bitch.
I was up and out of bed in seconds, and it only took minutes before I was leaving the hotel for the hospital. If I knew Amy, she was already visiting Nix, and I was hoping I could pin her down there. I needed to talk to both of them, and neither discussion could wait.
“Hey, Trick,” Nix said as I walked into the room. He was alone for the first time in three days, and my stomach dropped in foreboding.
“Nix, how ye feelin’?”
“A little better today. Face still hurts, stomach still hurts.”
“Take a while for that shite to fade, I’m sure.” My eyes darted around the room.
“She’s not here,” he said flatly.
“What?”
“Mum’s not here. She said she had some things to do this morning,” he said skeptically.
“You think that’s not the case?”
“Considering she showed up here at six-thirty in the morning and left by seven, I’m going to take a shot in the dark here and assume you and her had a falling out…again?”
“I don’t know why—”
“Don’t bullshit me, man,” he said with a small shake of his head. “I know the signs and so do you. Why do you keep doing this?”
I sat down heavily in the chair next to his bad and glanced down at my hands. I’d had my anchor touched up a few times over the years to keep it vivid, and I’d noticed the night before how faded Amy’s had become.
It was a good representation of our relationship. I was holding fast, and she was fading away.
“I love her,” I told him simply.
“You may love her.” He moved his mouth around a bit as if he was looking for the right words to say. “I get it, man. I do. But every time you play your hand, she’s a mess afterwards. For months. It never works the way you want it to, and it never gets any easier—for you or for her. So why can’t you just let it go?”