“That’s days from now!” I argued.
“Shit takes time, darlin’. Don’t you worry; we’ll have your man out soon. You have another phone number?”
“What? No, just this one,” I answered, confused.
“He’s not gonna be able to call, then. Can’t make collect calls to a cell phone—has to be a landline.”
“I can go get one!” I answered almost frantically. “I’ll go today.”
“Saturday, girl. Nothing’s open. Just give it a few days and he’ll be able to call. I’ll let you know if anything else comes up.”
He hung up again without saying goodbye, and I dropped the phone to my lap.
“Fuck,” I whispered, raising my eyes to Farrah and Gram who were waiting. “Probation violation. I don’t even know what that means!”
“Just means they’ll hold him for a few days, maybe longer,” Gram reassured me, sitting down next to me on the bed. “You just worry about you and that baby.”
“I need to go to Oregon,” I responded, flipping my blankets back so I could crawl out of bed.
“What the hell would you do that for?” Gram argued. “Nothing you can do up there that you can’t do down here. You need to just wait until we know how long he’s gonna be there.”
“I can’t just sit here. I feel like I’m going to crawl out of my skin knowing he’s in there.” My nose tingled with tears as I rifled through my dresser, picking out clothes. “I have to do something.”
“Why don’t we go baby shopping?” Farrah piped up from where she was laying, covered by the blankets I’d thrown off. “Plus, you need some new clothes, that shirt is way too small.”
I looked down at the tee I’d put on and pulled at the hem to cover the sliver of belly I was showing. I’d gotten significantly rounder in the last month and I’d had to start wearing yoga pants and leggings constantly because I couldn’t zip my jeans.
“I can wait a little longer before I buy maternity stuff,” I answered, my nose crinkled in distaste. I’d seen some of the shit other ladies at my doctor’s office had been wearing. No, thank you.
“Dude, you’re like the Hulk; you’re busting out of that shit. We need to at least buy you some bigger regular shit—people are already staring because you look like an after school special. No need to look white trash, too,” Farrah told me seriously as she climbed off the bed.
“I’m not white,” I commented drolly as I followed her out of my room.
“Half-white trash then!” she called as she walked into her room and slammed the door behind her.
“It’s nice to have her back,” I said quietly to Gram, putting my arm around her shoulder as we reached the living room.
“It is, but don’t think that girl is all healed up just because she came in all smiles this morning. Nothing’s ever that easy,” she warned. “I’m going to go get my billfold from the house and let Cody know where we’re going.”
I brushed my teeth and hair, but didn’t bother with anything else before sitting down on the couch to wait for Gram and Farrah. I needed a moment, just a moment, to let everything from the last twenty-four hours sink in. The pendulum of my emotions had swung widely the day before, from worry over Asa to complete awe of our son, and I felt like I couldn’t catch my breath.
I hadn’t realized how much I still depended on Asa to feel safe until Poet had told me that he was locked away from me. The entirety of my need for him had come crashing down and I hadn’t known how to deal with it, so I’d picked a fight with Farrah. Our argument had been a long time coming, but I didn’t delude myself into thinking that I’d been angry with her. She was just the tip of the proverbial iceberg, not the solid chunk below the surface.
I felt lost knowing that Asa was unavailable to me, and scared that he was in jail worried out of his mind. I knew he could take care of himself, he’d made that clear on several occasions, but I hated that he’d missed our appointment and was probably beating himself up about it. I desperately wanted him with me.
“Okay, I’m beautiful! You ready?” Farrah called cheerily as she came down the hallway, slinging her purse over her shoulder.
“Who are you?”
“Your cool-as-shit best friend. Now get off your ass and let’s go,” she answered with a smirk.
“Gram got to you, didn’t she?” I asked suspiciously, narrowing my eyes at her.
“She ripped me a new one. It still hurts to sit down,” she told me with a grimace as I laughed. “That old broad knows just how to twist the knife.”
“Ha! You haven’t seen anything yet,” I told her as we walked out of the house and locked the door behind us. “She’s a freaking virago.”
“The hell is that?”
“Callie, stop jabbering and let’s go,” Gram called as if I hadn’t just been waiting on her. I shook my head and smiled as she started down the stairs.
“You need to read more,” I told Farrah teasingly as we jogged down the stairs behind Gram, only pausing slightly as we hit the bottom step. We’d gotten better about ignoring the spot where Echo had been killed, but I knew both of us still felt that jolt of fear whenever we reached the bottom. We could have moved into another place that didn’t make us cringe, but for some reason those shitty-ass apartments made us feel safe. They felt like home.
“Shotgun!” Farrah called as she ran toward my car.
“Fuck you! I’m the pregnant one!” I bitched back as I waddled after her.
God, I’d missed her. Even with my mind swirling with worry over Asa, I was still almost giddy at the thought of shopping for baby things.
And I refused to feel guilty about it.
Gram had been right when she’d spoken her words of wisdom at the doctor’s office the day before.
These moments would only happen once, and I could either let outside forces overshadow the joy I felt about my baby boy, or I could revel in the feeling despite those forces.
I was going to have a son. I chose to revel.
Chapter 62
Callie
Monday came and went with no word from Poet or Asa.
So did Tuesday and Wednesday.
On Thursday, I threw up twice from nerves, and still no word.
I finally got a call on Friday.
“Asa!” I answered the phone excitedly, feeling like I was taking a deep breath for the first time in a week. “Hello?”
“Hey, Sugar,” he answered quietly.
“I missed you! Are you okay?”
“Yeah, I’m fine. How are things with you and baby?”
His voice sounded off, and my stomach churned.
“We’re both fine. The doctor said everything on the ultrasound looks great!” I answered with false cheer.
“I’m sorry I didn’t make it, sweetheart. I really wanted to fuckin’ be there.”
“I know, baby,” I told him quietly. “I wished you were there, too. You want to know what we’re having, or do you want to wait until I see you?”
“Better tell me on the phone, Callie. Not sure when I’ll be able to make the trip down there.” He paused for almost a full minute. “I can’t leave the state.”
“Well, I’ll just come to you, then!” I promised, still hanging on to my false cheer. “I can leave now and be there by tonight!”
“That’s not gonna work, Calliope,” he answered vaguely, and as I listened to him, my legs started to tingle as if they were falling asleep.
“What? Why? I can be right there. I’ll even take Gram with me, if that’s what you’re worried about. Or Cody! I can bring Cody!” I was racing through the words frantically, trying to convince him that it was a good idea.
“I love you. I love you so much,” he told me seriously, and I fell against the wall as I heard his breath hitch, my legs giving way until I’d slid completely down to my ass.
“I love you, too,” I whispered back. “I want to be with you.”
“Sugar, things are worse than we thought. I wish I could explain it all to you, but the l
awyer said not to talk about it on the phone, so you’re just gonna have to trust me.”
“Trust you with what? What’s going on, Asa?”
“They think they found something on my bike that I wasn’t supposed to have,” he mumbled, pausing to sigh deeply, “I was coming from the clubhouse, and your friend’s dad said to bring her his love.”
Confusion set in and I sat silently for a few moments before I realized he was speaking in some sort of code.
“When I got pulled over, they took me in. Judge let me out on bail, but it’s only a matter of time before they arrest me again. The lawyer thinks they’re gonna make an example outta me,” he told me quietly. “I don’t want you driving all the way up here before the court date.”
I inhaled on a sob, scared as hell. “I’ll just come up and see you and then leave again. I won’t be there long!” I pleaded.
“Not good for you to sit that long in a car, Sugar,” he answered gently. “Round trip, that’s almost twenty hours. You gotta take care of you and the baby.”
“But I miss you,” I whimpered, not willing to give up.
“Fuck, I miss you, too. But I don’t want you driving all the way up here,” he told me firmly. “I gotta go, Sugar. I’m sitting in the fuckin’ parking lot of the jail, but I wanted to give you a call first thing. I’ll call you back as soon as I get home, okay?”
“We’re having a son,” I replied quickly, in an anxious bid to keep him on the phone.
“A son?” he whispered.
“Yeah.” I smiled, tears rolling down my face. “They even took a picture to prove it.”
“They took a picture of our son’s dick?” he asked, his voice rose at the end in disbelief.
“Chill out!” I giggled. “It’s a grainy black and white photo. It’s not porn!”
“A son,” he muttered again quietly. “Thank you.”
“I’m pretty sure you determine that, but you’re welcome.”
“I gotta go, Callie. I’ll call you back,” he muttered abruptly, shattering the moment we’d been having.
“As soon as you get there?”
“Yeah, Calliope, I’ll call you the minute I park,” he assured me. “I love you.”
“Love you, too,” I murmured and then listened to the click as he hung up.
Cody found me bawling on the kitchen floor only a few minutes later.
“What the hell, Callie?” he panicked, lifting me to my feet with his hands under my arms.
“Asa called,” I told him dully as I grabbed a glass and filled it with water. “He’s out.”
“Then why the hell were you crying on the floor?”
“He said it’s bad, Cody,” I whispered, looking directly into his eyes. “He said they’re going to arrest him again.”
“What? Why?” he asked, bewildered.
“I don’t know! He said that they’d caught him with something, and then said something about Slider sending his love to Farrah! He wasn’t making sense!” I barked, running a frustrated hand through my hair.
“Wait, what does Farrah have to do with it?” he asked protectively, pushing out his chest and crossing his arms over it.
“I have no idea. I think he was trying to tell me something without really saying it.”
“What exactly did he say?”
“That he came from the clubhouse and my friend’s dad asked him to bring his love to her.”
“Holy fucking shit,” he mumbled, looking at the floor and rubbing the back of his neck. “He was carrying something for Slider.”
“What?” I screeched.
“It makes sense. Think about it—they found something on him, right? And he said Slider sent his love to Farrah, but that would be a pretty fucking weird thing for him to do,” he told me intently, his eyes boring into mine. “Slider sent something with him.”
“You think he was making a drop for Slider when he was supposed to be coming down for our doctor’s appointment?” I asked incredulously. “That would be so fucked up!”
“That’s what it sounds like,” he confirmed.
“No way,” I mumbled, pushing past him. “Tell Gram I’ll be over later. I need to take a shower.”
I strode into the bathroom, effectively ending our conversation. I needed to think.
Asa wouldn’t have made a drop when he was coming down for something so important. I knew him. I knew he wouldn’t taint our day with club shit. He knew how I felt about the club even though I’d never voiced it.
My mind ran a thousand miles a minute as I took a shower, and I tried desperately to find something else hidden in his words.
When I climbed out and dried off, I noticed a missed call from Asa, but I didn’t call him back. I needed to get my head together before I talked to him and didn’t want to accuse him of something that wasn’t true. I was afraid that if I called, I’d demand he tell me that Cody was wrong—that he hadn’t made his trip to see me into some sordid club errand.
I was not only afraid it was true, I was also afraid that if I asked him directly and someone was listening in, I’d get him into even more trouble. There were certain things that I knew he kept from me—things about what he did for the Aces. I wasn’t sure if he couldn’t tell me, or just chose to keep them a secret in some misguided attempt to shelter me, and honestly I’d never cared before. I’d deliberately chosen to ignore that part of his life that didn’t pertain to me directly, as I did with most everything else in my life.
Was it self-centered? Probably, but I couldn’t stop it. I’d been protecting myself for so long at that point that it was second nature for me to take things at face value and refuse to question them. I should’ve learned with Farrah that I needed to be more aware of the things happening in my peripheral, but I hadn’t. And now, once again, the fact that I’d turned a blind eye was coming back to haunt me.
I got dressed and headed to Gram’s slowly, loathe to answer the questions I knew she and Farrah would have. They were curious and worried, just like I was, and I knew I’d have to give a full accounting of what Asa’d said. I was still trying to convince myself that Cody had been wrong, and something else was going on, when I walked in Gram’s front door.
“Hey, chickie!” Farrah called from the kitchen as I strolled in. She was helping Gram make dinner, and it gave me a warm feeling when I thought about how close they’d become. Farrah had basically grown up without any parents, taking care of herself from a young age, and it was beautiful to see how she soaked up Gram’s presence.
Gram had stepped in, with little fanfare, and treated Farrah the same way she did Cody and me—loving with a touch of guilt when needed.
“Hey,” I answered back, watching Farrah closely. “I talked to Asa.”
“Yeah, Cody told us,” she answered tentatively, turning from the stove to look at me.
“He said Slider told him to bring you his love.”
“Yeah, right!” she scoffed, turning away again.
For some reason, those words confirmed to me what I had refused to believe, and a small flame of resentment started deep in my chest.
Slider had asked Asa to bring something entirely different to California.
Chapter 63
Grease
I was having a shitty week.
First, I got pulled over and arrested, then the club’s lawyer told me the DA smelled blood in the water and it looked like the judge was going to make an example out of me, and finally, something was up with Callie. I wasn’t sure what was going on, but when she’d called me back Friday night, she’d seemed off.
I wasn’t sure if she’d fully understood what I was telling her when we’d spoken, but she didn’t ask again to visit. I was pissed at myself that I’d told her no, because I missed her like hell, but I knew that the drive would be horrible for her and I wasn’t good company anyway. I was on the fucking chopping block, waiting for the blade. The wait was worse than the punishment because I fucking knew I was going to see the inside of a cell again, and not knowing h
ow long I’d be in was driving me insane.
We had a fucking baby on the way. A son. And I was pretty sure I was going to miss the first part of his life. There was a slim chance that I’d be out in four months, but I wouldn’t even let myself think that it would be a possibility. No, I’d be locked up and probably miss a ton of shit.
It made me sick to think of Callie going through all that alone. I knew that her Gram would be with her every step of the way, but I wouldn’t. I wasn’t going to get to see her waddling around and complaining about how her back hurt.
I was going to miss the excitement of her water breaking, of the contractions that would make her hate me, and the relief on her face when some doctor finally gave her the drugs she needed to take the edge off. I was going to miss her sweaty hair and tired face, and the way I knew she’d look at me—like I could make everything better.
I was going to miss the look on her face when she saw our son for the first time.
It hurt like hell.
I’d spent the week getting my shit in order. I made sure that someone would deposit money into my account periodically, checked and rechecked with Poet and Slider to make sure they’d keep an eye on Callie, and paid all of Callie’s bills six months in advance so she wouldn’t have to worry. I didn’t want to leave anything to chance; I didn’t want anything to worry her when I couldn’t be there.
I’d also called my girl constantly that week. I had nothing to do while we waited, so I spent the time with her. Well, as much as I could with her being hundreds of miles away. We were spending more time on the phone than we ever had, discussing everything from politics to baby names. We even discussed what would happen while I was inside—how she’d need to deal with the accounts, how to shut off my cell phone once I didn’t need it, the boys in Sacramento she could call if she was having car trouble. We talked about everything except whatever was bothering her and had her going silent for full minutes at a time while I wondered what the fuck was wrong. It went past the ache we were both feeling at the thought of being separated. Something was happening with her and I had no clue what it was or how to fucking fix it.