MEPHISTOPHELES. By all means.
[He writes in the student’s autograph book and returns it.]
STUDENT [reads]. Eritis sicut Deus, scientes bonum et malum.
[He closes it reverently and takes his leave.]
MEPHISTOPHELES. Now heed my ancient serpent-aunt—her words were wise!—
And be like God; you’ll find it no light enterprise. 2050
[Enter FAUST]* [FRA
FAUST. Well, where do we go now?
MEPHISTOPHELES. Wherever you like! We’ll see
The beau monde later, first the bourgeoisie.
With what pleasure and profit you will pass,
Without tuition-fees, from class to class!
FAUST. But what about my beard, my age?
I’m no good on the social stage.
The thing won’t work; I’ve never known
How to mix with people, living on my own.
I feel inferior, I freeze;
I always shall be ill at ease. 2060
MEPHISTOPHELES. My friend, all that will change a few days hence.
You will learn savoir-vivre when you learn confidence.
FAUST. But how are we to leave here? Where
Are your servants, where’s your coach and pair?
MEPHISTOPHELES. One merely spreads one’s cloak—you’ll find
It gives us aerial elevation.
Though, please, this bold step for mankind
Imposes luggage-limitation.
I’ll set the burners going, heat some air, and lo!
We travel light, the earth lies far below. 2070
Congratulations! See how soon it’s done!
Now your new way of living has begun!
8. AUERBACH’S TAVERN IN LEIPZIG* [UR/FRA
[A group of merry-makers.]
FROSCH. Why don’t you laugh? Where are your glasses?
Just staring, just sitting on your arses!
A set of bright sparks, I must say!
By God, you’re all damp squibs today.
BRANDER. That’s your fault; why not show your famous wit?
Some damn fool trick, some silly piece of shit.
FROSCH [pouring a glass of wine over his head]. Here’s both at once!
BRANDER. Twice filthy swine!
FROSCH. Well, it was your idea, not mine. 2080
SIEBEL. No quarrelling, or we’ll chuck you out.
Let’s have a song, my hearties! Swig and shout!
Come! Holla! Ho!
ALTMAYER. Give me ear-plugs! This fellow,
He’s busting me for good with his great bellow!
SIEBEL. It’s got to make the vault resound
If it’s to be the true basso profondo sound.
FROSCH. Right; out goes anyone who takes offence.
Tra la la la la la!
ALTMAYER. Tra la la la la la!
FROSCH. We’re in good voice; commence!
[Sings.] The Holy Roman Empire, we all love
it so;* 2090
But how it holds together, that’s what we don’t know.
BRANDER. A filthy song! Shame! A political song!
A tedious song! My lads, thank God in daily prayer
That running the Empire isn’t your affair!
I reckon it a blessing anyway
That I’m not Emperor or Chancellor today.
But someone here must be the boss:
Let’s choose a Pope, to lord it over us!*
Come, you all know the rules as well as I,
And what a chap must do to qualify! 2100
FROSCH [sings]. Fly away, nightingale, my pretty
sweeting!
Sing to my darling and bring her my greeting!
SIEBEL. No greeting! Damn all sweethearts!
FROSCH. Let me be!
Greetings and kisses she shall have from me.
[Sings.] Oh let me in, the moon is high!
Oh let me in, my love, ‘tis I!
By break of day I’ll be away—
SIEBEL. All right then, sing, and sing her praises! One fine day
I’ll have the laugh on you, my friend.
She double-crossed me, as she will you in the end. 2110
May some randy hobgoblin be her Romeo,
Canoodling with her at the crossroads! May
Some old goat bleat goodnight to her on his way
Home from the witches’ sabbath! Go
And serenade her, then! Real flesh and blood,
Real decent chaps like us are much too good
For such a slut! You make me sick.
I’d serenade her windows with a brick!
BRANDER [banging on the table]. Gentlemen, pay attention, if you please!
I’m a man of the world, as you’ll allow. 2120
We have love-sick folk among us, and for these
Civility dictates that I must now
Sing them a good-night song, as I know how.
So listen to my fashionable strain,
And all join heartily in the refrain!
[He sings.]
Down in the cellar there lived a rat,
Where it was dark and smelly;
It lived on butter and it got as fat
As Doctor Luther’s belly.
The cook put down some poisoned cheese, 2130
The rat began to choke and wheeze.
You’d have thought it was in love, in love, in love!
CHORUS [gleefully]. You’d have thought it was in love,
in love!
BRANDER. It raced around, it rushed outdoors,
And drank from every drain, oh!
It scratched the walls and gnawed the floors,
But all its rage was vain, oh!
It leapt and hopped in mortal fear,
The poor beast knew its end was near;
You’d have thought it was in love, in love, in 2140
love!
CHORUS. You’d have thought it was in love, in love!
BRANDER. Then to the kitchen by broad day
In terror it cavorted,
And there beside the fire it lay
And sadly twitched and snorted.
The cruel cook she laughed and said:
‘I’ve cooked his goose, he’ll soon be dead.
You’d have thought he was in love, in love, in love!’
CHORUS. You’d have thought he was in love, in love!
SIEBEL. What’s the great joke then? Vulgar louts! 2150
A very noble art, to lay
Down rat-bane for those wretched brutes!
BRANDER. You’re a rat-fancier, I dare say?
ALTMAYER. This pot-paunch with his balding pate!
Crossed love has made him meek and tame;
He sympathizes with the fate
Of the poor swollen rat—it feels and looks the same!
[Enter FAUST and MEPHISTOPHELES.]
MEPHISTOPHELES. The first thing now that I must do
Is find good company for you;
Life can so easily be fun! These folk 2160
Have made it one long feast and one long joke.
With little wit but with much pleasure
Round in this narrow ring they dance their measure,
Like kittens chasing their own tails.
So long as their headache’s not too bad
And drinks on credit can be had,
This carefree idyll never fails!
BRANDER. Those two are travellers, you can see,
That’s why they’re acting so peculiarly.
They’ve only just arrived, I’d guess. 2170
FROSCH. You’re right; one up to Leipzig! It’s no less
A town than Paris; living here’s an education.
SIEBEL. Who are our visitors, d’you think?
FROSCH. Leave it to me! They’ll have a glass to drink,
And then they’ll talk. I’ll soon extract the truth;
I’ll tweak it out of them like a young kid’s milk-tooth.
They’re f
rom a noble family, I’d swear—
They’ve got that arrogant ill-tempered air.
BRANDER. I think they’re traders, come here for the fair.
ALTMAYER. Could be.
FROSCH. Watch me, I’ll find out who and 2180
what and when.
MEPHISTOPHELES [to FAUST]. The common people never know
The Devil, even when they’ve caught him.
FAUST. Gentlemen,
Good evening.
SIEBEL. And we wish you both the same.
[in an undertone, looking askance at MEPHISTOPHELES.]
What’s wrong with his foot? The fellow’s lame.*
MEPHISTOPHELES. May we join you perhaps, and sit down here?
To make up for the wine’s inferior quality
We shall be glad to have your company.
ALTMAYER. You seem to have a jaded palate, sir.
FROSCH. You were late leaving Rippach, I dare say;
You dined there with Hans Arse, no doubt?* 2190
MEPHISTOPHELES. We didn’t visit him today;
But last time there was much to talk about.
He spoke of each of you at length, and sends
Most cordial greetings to his Leipzig friends.
[He bows to FROSCH.]
ALTMAYER [aside to FROSCH]. That’s one for you!
SIEBEL. A wily customer!
ALTMAYER. I’ll bet
He knows a thing or two!
FROSCH. Just wait, I’ll get him yet.
MEPHISTOPHELES. Did we not hear, if I’m not wrong,
A group of practised voices joined in song?
It must be a rare treat to sing
With this fine vault re-echoing. 2200
FROSCH. No doubt you have a virtuoso’s skill?
MEPHISTOPHELES. Alas, no; little aptitude, but much good will.
ALTMAYER. Give us a song!
MEPHISTOPHELES. If it amuses you,
I’ve quite a repertoire.
SIEBEL. But sing one that’s brand new!
MEPHISTOPHELES. We’ve just been travelling in Spain, a fine
Country, the land of song and wine.
[Sings.] There was a king reigned over us,
He had a great big flea—
FROSCH. Hear that? A flea! Let’s listen to the rest!
A flea’s a cheerful sort of guest. 2210
MEPHISTOPHELES. There was a king reigned over us,
He had a great big flea;
He loved it as a father does,
And that was plain to see.
He called his tailor and said: ‘There,
Now show what you can do!
This lord must have some clothes to wear,
He must have breeches too!’
BRANDER. But tell the tailor: Mark well what we’ve said!
Measure exactly, see to it 2220
Those breeches are a perfect fit;
One crease, and off will come your head!
MEPHISTOPHELES. So now the flea was richly dressed
In velvet and in silk,
With stars and crosses on his chest,
Like others of his ilk.
The king he made him minister,
And soon, as I’ve heard tell,
His cousins at the court they were
All ministers as well. 2230
The courtiers then did curse and groan,
Flea-bitten one and all;
The queen was bitten on her throne,
The servants in the hall.
Yet no one dared to kill those fleas,
Or dared to make a fuss.
But we can pick them off and squeeze
Them dead when they bite us!
CHORUS [gleefully]. But we can pick them off and squeeze
Them dead when they bite us! 2240
FROSCH. Bravo! bravo! That was fine!
SIEBEL. Destruction to all fleas, I say!
BRANDER. Catch ’em and squash ’em, that’s the way!
ALTMAYER. Three cheers for liberty! Three cheers for wine!
MEPHISTOPHELES. I’d gladly drink a toast to liberty
If only you had wines of better quality.
SIEBEL. Now that’s enough from you, Mr Pernickety!
MEPHISTOPHELES. The landlord wouldn’t like it, I’m afraid,
Or I’d invite these worthy guests to try
A vintage from our own supply.* 2250
SIEBEL. Oh, I’ll deal with the landlord; go ahead!
FROSCH. A glass of the best wine’s a gift we’ll thank you for,
But fill our mouths full, if you please!
If I’m to play the connoisseur,
Large samples stimulate my expertise.
ALTMAYER [aside]. They’re from the Rhineland, that’s quite clear.
MEPHISTOPHELES. Fetch me a borer!
BRANDER. What d’you want that for?
D’you have your wine-casks just outside the door?
ALTMAYER. The landlord’s got a tool-box over here.
MEPHISTOPHELES [taking the borer]. Now, which wine do you fancy?
FROSCH. What! 2260
Have you a whole variety?
MEPHISTOPHELES. You are free to choose, we have the lot.
ALTMAYER [to FROSCH]. Now you begin to lick your lips, hee hee!
FROSCH. Well! Hock will suit me, if the choice is mine.
Home-grown products are best, God bless the Rhine!
MEPHISTOPHELES [boring a hole in the edge of the table where FROSCH is sitting]. Now find some wax and make some stoppers, quick!
ALTMAYER. Oh, this is some old conjuring-trick!
MEPHISTOPHELES [to BRANDER]. And you?
BRANDER. I’ll have champagne, if you don’t mind;
The very finest, the real bubbly kind!
[MEPHISTOPHELES bores; meanwhile one of the others has made the wax stoppers and pushes them into the holes.]
Foreigners have their uses, I suppose; 2270
Home’s best, but some good things just can’t be had.
A Frenchman stinks in every decent German’s nose—
But when one’s drinking, well, their wine’s not bad.
SIEBEL [as MEPHISTOPHELES comes to his place.]
I must confess, dry wines are not for me;
Give me a glass of something really sweet!
MEPHISTOPHELES [boring]. Tokay shall flow for you; just keep your seat.
ALTMAYER. Gentlemen, tell me honestly—
You’re surely just playing a joke on us!
MEPHISTOPHELES. Come, come! In such a noble company
That would be most discourteous. 2280
So tell me, without more ado,
What wine can I now offer you?
ALTMAYER. Any you like, let’s not waste time!
[The holes are all bored and stopped up.]
MEPHISTOPHELES [with strange gestures].
Grapes grow on the vine,
Horns on the goat are mine,
Wooden the vine-stem, grapes from wood,
Wine from the table is just as good.
Deep into Nature’s mystery
Our miracle delves; believe what you see!—
Now pull the stoppers out and swill. 2290
ALL [as they draw the stoppers and the wine each of them asked for runs into his glass]. Oh, precious nectar! Now we’ll drink our fill!
MEPHISTOPHELES. But this wine, please, you must not spill!
[They drink glass after glass.]
ALL [singing]. Oh now we’re having a cannibal feast,
Happy as five hundred swine!
MEPHISTOPHELES. This mob’s on the free, watch them enjoying it!
FAUST. I think I’d like to leave now.
MEPHISTOPHELES. Wait a bit,
And their real bestiality will show!
You’ve not seen half the fun, you know.
SIEBEL [drinks carelessly, his wine spills on the ground and bursts into flame]. Help! Hell’s alight! Help! I’m on fire!
MEPHISTOPHELES [c
ommanding the flames]. Sweet element, be still, be dark! 2300
[To the company.] This time, just a slight purgatory-spark.
SIEBEL. What’s the idea? Just you wait, my fine squire!
We don’t care for this sort of lark.
FROSCH. You’ll pay for it if you try that again!
ALTMAYER. I think we’ll take him outside and explain.
SIEBEL. How dare you, sir, how dare you come
Here with this hocus-pocus stuff?
MEPHISTOPHELES. Cork your mouth, ancient wine-tub!
SIEBEL. Skinnystick!
Insult us, would you?
BRANDER. That’s enough!
Just wait, we’ll kick him in the bum! 2310
ALTMAYER [pulls a stopper from the table, fire leaps out at him].
I’m burnt! I’m burnt!
SIEBEL. It’s magic! Draw
Your weapons! Wizards are outside the law!
[They draw their knives and advance on MEPHISTOPHELES.]
MEPHISTOPHELES [with a solemn gesture].
False word and shape compel
Mind and space by this spell!
Be here, be there as well!
[They stop in astonishment and stare at each other.]
ALTMAYER. Where am I? What a wonderland!
FROSCH. Vineyards! Can this be true?
SIEBEL. And grapes right here to hand!
BRANDER. Look, under all these green leaves, see
These vines, these juicy grapes, bless me!
[He takes hold of SIEBEL by the nose. The rest do the same to each other and raise their knives.]
MEPHISTOPHELES [with another gesture]. Illusion, let 2320
their eyes go free!—
You’ll not forget the Devil’s little joke.
[He vanishes with FAUST, the companions let go and recoil.]
SIEBEL. What’s the matter?
ALTMAYER. What’s this?
FROSCH. Was that your nose I had?
BRANDER [to SIEBEL]. And I’ve got yours; now that’s a funny thing.
ALTMAYER. I’m shaking! It was like some kind of stroke!
Get me a chair, I’m feeling bad!
FROSCH. But good God, what’s been happening?
SIEBEL. Where is the fellow? If I find him
He’ll not escape scot-free after our quarrel.
ALTMAYER. I saw him put the cellar door behind him—
He rode out sitting on a barrel— 2330
I’ve got lead weights in both my feet.
[Looking round at the table.]
God bless us! Is there any wine still there?
SIEBEL. It was a sham, all trickery and deceit.
FROSCH. But I was drinking wine, I’ll swear!
BRANDER. And what about those grapes, and why—?
ALTMAYER. Now who says miracles are all my eye?
9. A WITCH’S KITCHEN* [FRA