“She’s funny.” Carl said. “Look at the goodies! Hey, you guys ready for a glass of cream soda? I’ll get the pipe going.”
“I’ll have a glass,” Mary said. “What about you, Jack?”
“I’ll have some,” Jack said.
“Jack’s on a little bummer tonight,” Mary said.
“Why do you say that? “Jack asked. He looked at her. “That’s a good way to put me on one.”
“I was just teasing,” Mary said. She came over and sat beside him on the sofa. “I was just teasing, honey.”
“Hey, Jack, don’t get on a bummer,” Carl said. “Let me show you what I got for my birthday. Helen, open one of those bottles of cream soda while I get the pipe going. I’m real dry.”
Helen carried the chips and crackers to the coffee table. Then she produced a bottle of cream soda and four glasses.
“Looks like we’re going to have a party,” Mary said.
“If I didn’t starve myself all day, I’d put on ten pounds a week,” Helen said.
“I know what you mean,” Mary said.
Carl came out of the bedroom with the water pipe. “What do you think of this?” he said to Jack. He put the water pipe on the coffee table.
“That’s really something,” Jack said. He picked it up and looked at it.
“It’s called a hookah,” Helen said. “That’s what they called it where I bought it. It’s just a little one, but it does the job.” She laughed.
“Where did you get it?” Mary said.
“What? That little place on Fourth Street. You know,” Helen said.
“Sure. I know,” Mary said. “I’ll have to go in there some day,” Mary said. She folded her hands and watched Carl.
“How does it work?” Jack said.
“You put the stuff here,” Carl said. “And you light this. Then you inhale through this here and the smoke is filtered through the water. It has a good taste to it and it really hits you.”
“I’d like to get Jack one for Christmas,” Mary said. She looked at Jack and grinned and touched his arm.
“I’d like to have one,” Jack said. He stretched his legs and looked at his shoes under the light.
“Here, try this.” Carl said, letting out a thin stream of smoke and passing the tube to Jack. “See if this isn’t okay.”
Jack drew on the tube, held the smoke, and passed the tube to Helen.
“Mary first,” Helen said. “I’ll go after Mary. You guys have to catch up.”
“I won’t argue,” Mary said. She slipped the tube in her mouth and drew rapidly, twice, and Jack watched the bubbles she made.
“That’s really okay,” Mary said. She passed the tube to Helen.
“We broke it in last night.” Helen said, and laughed loudly.
“She was still stoned when she got up with the kids this morning,” Carl said, and he laughed. He watched Helen pull on the tube.
“How are the kids?” Mary asked.
“They’re fine,” Carl said and put the tube in his mouth. Jack sipped the cream soda and watched the bubbles in the pipe. They reminded him of bubbles rising from a diving helmet. He imagined a lagoon and schools of remarkable fish.
Carl passed the tube.
Jack stood up and stretched.
“Where are you going, honey?” Mary asked.
“No place,” Jack said. He sat down and shook his head and grinned. “Jesus.”
Helen laughed.
“What’s funny?” Jack said after a long time.
“God, I don’t know,” Helen said. She wiped her eyes and laughed again, and Mary and Carl laughed.
After a time Carl unscrewed the top of the water pipe and blew through one of the tubes. “It gets plugged sometimes.”
“What did you mean when you said I was on a bummer?” Jack said to Mary.
“What?” Mary said.
Jack stared at her and blinked. “You said something about me being on a bummer. What made you say that?”
“I don’t remember now, but I can tell when you are,” she said. “But please don’t bring up anything negative, okay?”
“Okay,” Jack said. “All I’m saying is I don’t know why you said that. If I wasn’t on a bummer before you said it, it’s enough when you say it to put me on one.”
“If the shoe fits,” Mary said. She leaned on the arm of the sofa and laughed until tears came.
“What was that?” Carl said. He looked at Jack and then at Mary. missed that one,” Carl said.
I should have made some dip for these chips,” Helen said.
“Wasn’t there another bottle of that cream soda?” Carl said.
“We bought two bottles,” Jack said.
“Did we drink them both?” Carl said.
“Did we drink any?” Helen said and laughed. “No, I only opened one. I think I only opened one. I don’t remember opening more than one,” Helen said and laughed.
Jack passed the tube to Mary. She took his hand and guided the tube into her mouth. He watched the smoke flow over her lips a long time later.
“What about some cream soda?” Carl said. Mary and Helen laughed.
“What about it?” Mary said.
“Well, I thought we were going to have us a glass,” Carl said. He looked at Mary and grinned.
Mary and Helen laughed.
“What’s funny?” Carl said. He looked at Helen and then at Mary. He shook his head. “I don’t know about you guys,” he said.
“We might go to Alaska,” Jack said.
“Alaska?” Carl said. “What’s in Alaska? What would you do up there?”
“I wish we could go someplace,” Helen said.
“What’s wrong with here?” Carl said. “What would you guys do in Alaska? I’m serious. I’d like to know.”
Jack put a potato chip in his mouth and sipped his cream soda. “I don’t know. What did you say?”
After a while Carl said, “What’s in Alaska?”
“I don’t know,” Jack said. “Ask Mary. Mary knows. Mary, what am I going to do up there? Maybe I’ll grow those giant cabbages you read about.”
“Or pumpkins,” Helen said. “Grow pumpkins.”
“You’d clean up,” Carl said. “Ship the pumpkins down here for Halloween. I’ll be your distributor.”
“Carl will be your distributor,” Helen said.
“That’s right,” Carl said. “We’ll clean up.”
“Get rich,” Mary said.
In a while Carl stood up. “I know what would taste good and that’s some cream soda,” Carl said.
Mary and Helen laughed.
“Go ahead and laugh,” Carl said, grinning. “Who wants some?”
“Some what?” Mary said.
“Some cream soda,” Carl said.
“You stood up like you were going to make a speech,” Mary said.
“I hadn’t thought of that,” Carl said. He shook his head and laughed. He sat down. “That’s good stuff,” he said.
“We should have got more,” Helen said.
“More what?” Mary said.
“More money,” Carl said.
“No money,” Jack said.
“Did I see some U-No bars in that sack?” Helen said.
“I bought some,” Jack said. “I spotted them the last minute.”
“U-No bars are good,” Carl said.
“They’re creamy,” Mary said. “They melt in your mouth.”
“We have some M&M’s and Popsicles if anybody wants any,” Carl said.
Mary said, “I’ll have a Popsicle. Are you going to the kitchen?”
“Yeah, and I’m going to get the cream soda, too,” Carl said. “I just remembered. You guys want a glass?”
“Just bring it all in and we’ll decide,” Helen said. “The M&M’s too.”
“Might be easier to move the kitchen out here,” Carl said.
“When we lived in the city,” Mary said, “people said you could see who’d turned on the night before by looking at their k
itchen in the morning. We had a tiny kitchen when we lived in the city,” she said.
“We had a tiny kitchen too,” Jack said.
“I’m going out to see what I can find,” Carl said.
“I’ll come with you,” Mary said.
Jack watched them walk to the kitchen. He settled back against the cushion and watched them walk.
Then he leaned forward very slowly. He squinted. He saw Carl reach up to a shelf in the cupboard. He saw Mary move against Carl from behind and put her arms around his waist.
“Are you guys serious?” Helen said.
“Very serious,” Jack said.
“About Alaska,” Helen said.
He stared at her.
“I thought you said something,” Helen said.
Carl and Mary came back. Carl carried a large bag of M&M’s and a bottle of cream soda, Mary sucked on an orange Popsicle.
“Anybody want a sandwich?” Helen said. “We have sandwich stuff.”
“Isn’t it funny,” Mary said. “You start with the desserts first and then you move on to the main course.”
“It’s funny,” Jack said.
“Are you being sarcastic, honey?” Mary said.
“Who wants cream soda?” Carl said. “A round of cream soda coming up.”
Jack held his glass out and Carl poured it full. Jack set the glass on the coffee table, but in reaching for it he knocked over the glass and the soda poured onto his shoe.
“Goddamn it,” Jack said. “How do you like that? I spilled it on my shoe.”
“Helen, do we have a towel? Get Jack a towel,” Carl said.
“Those were new shoes,” Mary said. “He just got them.”
“They look comfortable,” Helen said a long time later and handed Jack a towel.
“That’s what I told him,” Mary said.
Jack took the shoe off and rubbed the leather with the towel.
“It’s done for,” he said. “That cream soda will never come out.”
Mary and Carl and Helen laughed.
“That reminds me, I read something in the paper,” Helen said. She pushed on the tip of her nose with a finger and narrowed her eyes. “I can’t remember what it was now,” she said.
Jack worked the shoe back on. He put both feet under the lamp and looked at the shoes together.
What did you read?” Carl said.
“What?” Helen said.
“You said you read something in the paper,” Carl said.
Helen laughed. “I was just thinking about Alaska, and I remembered them finding a prehistoric man in a block of ice. Something reminded me.”
“That wasn’t in Alaska,” Carl said.
“Maybe it wasn’t, but it reminded me of it,” Helen said.
“What about Alaska, you guys?” Carl said.
“There’s nothing in Alaska,” Jack said.
“He’s on a bummer,” Mary said.
“What’ll you guys do in Alaska?” Carl said.
“There’s nothing to do in Alaska,” Jack said. He put his feet under the coffee table. Then he moved them out under the light once more. “Who wants a new pair of shoes?” Jack said.
“What’s that noise?” Helen said,
They listened. Something scratched at the door.
“It sounds like Cindy,” Carl said. “I’d better let her in.”
“While you’re up, get me a Popsicle,” Helen said. She put her head back and laughed.
“I’ll have another one too, honey,” Mary said. “What did I say? I mean Carl,” Mary said. “Excuse me. I thought I was talking to Jack.”
“Popsicles all around,” Carl said. “You want a Popsicle, Jack?”
“What?”
“You want an orange Popsicle?”
“An orange one,” Jack said.
“Four Popsicles coming up,” Carl said.
In a while he came back with the Popsicles and handed them around. He sat down and they heard the scratching again.
“I knew I was forgetting something,” Carl said. He got up and opened the front door.
“Good Christ,” he said, “if this isn’t something. I guess Cindy went out for dinner tonight. Hey, you guys, look at this.”
The cat carried a mouse into the living room, stopped to look at them, then carried the mouse down the hall.
“Did you see what I just saw?” Mary said. “Talk about a bummer.”
Carl turned the hall light on. The cat carried the mouse out of the hall and into the bathroom.
“She’s eating this mouse,” Carl said.
“I don’t think I want her eating a mouse in my bathroom,” Helen said. “Make her get out of there. Some of the children’s things are in there.”
“She’s not going to get out of here,” Carl said.
“What about the mouse?” Mary said.
“What the hell,” Carl said. “Cindy’s got to learn to hunt if we’re going to Alaska.”
“Alaska?” Helen said. “What’s all this about Alaska?”
“Don’t ask me,” Carl said. He stood near the bathroom door and watched the cat. “Mary and Jack said they’re going to Alaska. Cindy’s got to learn to hunt.”
Mary put her chin in her hands and stared into the hall.
“She’s eating the mouse,” Carl said.
Helen finished the last of the corn chips. “I told him I didn’t want Cindy eating a mouse in the bathroom.
Carl?” Helen said.
“What?”
“Make her get out of the bathroom, I said,” Helen said.
“For Christ’s sake,” Carl said.
“Look,” Mary said. “Ugh. The goddamn cat is coming in here,” Mary said.
“What’s she doing?” Jack said.
The cat dragged the mouse under the coffee table. She lay down under the table and licked the mouse.
She held the mouse in her paws and licked slowly, from head to tail.
“The cat’s high,” Carl said.
“It gives you the shivers,” Mary said.
“It’s just nature,” Carl said.
“Look at her eyes.” Mary said. “Look at the way she looks at us. She’s high, all right.”
Carl came over to the sofa and sat beside Mary. Mary inched toward Jack to give Carl room. She rested her hand on Jack’s knee. They watched the cat eat the mouse.
“Don’t you ever feed that cat?” Mary said to Helen. Helen laughed.
“You guys ready for another smoke?” Carl said.
“We have to go,” Jack said.
“What’s your hurry?” Carl said.
“Stay a little longer,” Helen said. “You don’t have to go yet.”
Jack stared at Mary, who was staring at Carl. Carl stared at something on the rug near his feet.
Helen picked through the M&M’s in her hand.
“I like the green ones best,” Helen said.
“I have to work in the morning,” Jack said.
“What a bummer he’s on,” Mary said. “You want to hear a bummer, folks? There’s a bummer.”
“Are you coming?” Jack said.
“Anybody want a glass of milk?” Carl said. “We’ve got some milk out there.”
“I’m too full of cream soda,” Mary said.
“There’s no more cream soda,” Carl said.
Helen laughed. She closed her eyes and then opened them and then laughed again.
“We have to go home,” Jack said. In a while he stood up and said, “Did we have coats? I don’t think we had coats.”
“What? I don’t think we had coats,” Mary said. She stayed seated.
“We’d better go,” Jack said.
“They have to go,” Helen said.
Jack put his hands under Mary’s shoulders and pulled her up.
“Good-bye, you guys,” Mary said. She embraced Jack. “I’m so full I can hardly move,” Mary said.
Helen laughed.
“Helen’s always finding something to laugh at,” Carl said, and Carl gr
inned. “What are you laughing at, Helen?”
“I don’t know. Something Mary said,” Helen said.
“What did I say?” Mary said.
“I can’t remember,” Helen said.
“We have to go,” Jack said.
“So long,” Carl said. “Take it easy.”
Mary tried to laugh.
“Let’s go,” Jack said.
“Night, everybody,” Carl said. “Night, Jack,” Jack heard Carl say very, very slowly.
Outside, Mary held Jack’s arm and walked with her head down. They moved slowly on the sidewalk. He listened to the scuffing sounds her shoes made. He heard the sharp and separate sound of a dog barking and above that a murmuring of very distant traffic.
She raised her head. “When we get home, Jack, I want to be fucked, talked to, diverted. Divert me, Jack. I need to be diverted tonight.” She tightened her hold on his arm.
He could feel the dampness in that shoe. He unlocked the door and flipped the light.
“Come to bed,” she said.
“I’m coming,” he said.
He went to the kitchen and drank two glasses of water. He turned off the living-room light and felt his way along the wall into the bedroom.
“Jack!” she yelled. “Jack!”
“Jesus Christ, it’s me!” he said. “I’m trying to get the light on.”
He found the lamp, and she sat up in bed. Her eyes were bright. He pulled the stem on the alarm and began taking off his clothes. His knees trembled.
“Is there anything else to smoke?” she said.
“We don’t have anything,” he said.
“Then fix me a drink. We have something to drink. Don’t tell me we don’t have something to drink,” she said.
“Just some beer.”
They stared at each other.
“I’ll have a beer,” she said. “You really want a beer?”
She nodded slowly and chewed her lip.
He came back with the beer. She was sitting with his pillow on her lap. He gave her the can of beer and then crawled into bed and pulled the covers up.
“I forgot to take my pill,” she said.
“What?”
“I forgot my pill.”
He got out of bed and brought her the pill. She opened her eyes and he dropped the pill onto her outstretched tongue. She swallowed some beer with the pill and he got back in bed.
“Take this. I can’t keep my eyes open,” she said.
He set the can on the floor and then stayed on his side and stared into the dark hallway. She put her arm over his ribs and her fingers crept across his chest.