“Look, Matthias, I’m sorry I’m being such a bitch.”
He didn’t say anything. For once, she didn’t take offense.
“I know you’re doing your best,” she continued. “I know you’re sorry. I just feel like I need to…” She hunted for the right words. “I feel like I want to punch the living shit out of something. This is like having PMS and too much coffee and a dozen Krispy Kremes all at the same time.”
He sat on his bed and removed his shoes, not looking at her. “I know.”
“No, you don’t know—” She stopped herself and tried to regroup. “You’ve had a few hundred years to adjust to this. I’ve had a few days.”
He nodded. She realized for the first time he’d slept in his clothes the night before and was about to do it again. “Don’t you want to change out of those?” she asked.
“Not really. I want to be ready.”
“Ready for what?”
He didn’t answer.
“Albert said we were safe here.”
“I hope we’re safe. I can’t afford to be wrong. Being wrong before almost cost you your life. Twice.”
They sat in silence for a moment. “Thank you, Matthias. Really.”
He nodded. “I’m sorry for the demonstration in Gardiner, Taz. I shouldn’t have gone as far as I did. I should have talked with you, made you aware of the full ramifications before the incident at the house.”
“No, I deserved it.” She took the leap. “Can I have another chance?”
He looked at her and smiled. Her heart leaped in her chest, and she hoped she wasn’t drooling. “As many as you want. I can wait. I’m a patient man. Go back to sleep, and I don’t mean that as an order either,” he hastily added.
She laughed. “I had an idea.”
Surprisingly, with him there, she fell asleep quickly.
The next morning he was up before her. Only two hours sleep—how could he do it?
“Good morning.”
She sat up, rubbing the sleep from her eyes. “Morning.”
“There’s still plenty of hot water.”
“Thanks. What’s on the agenda for today?”
“Would you like to go with me?”
“Depends.” Yes, yes, yes!
He smiled. She wasn’t even mad that he read her thoughts that time. “One of our divisions is working with the USGS to develop new seismology-detection equipment. I’m meeting with scientists today. You might find it interesting.”
“Thanks. I’d like that.”
He hesitated, then held out his hand to her. She took it and threw back the covers. “Can I give you a hug without getting my nuts handed back to me?” he asked.
“Yes.”
She enjoyed the feel of his arms around her. She didn’t want him to let go, wanted to pull him into bed with her. The sheets would still be warm, and the room was chilly. She felt his cock harden against her. Heat flooded her body at the thought of how his strong arms would feel wrapped around her bare flesh…
She gasped when Matthias let her go and stepped back.
“Anastazia, not like this. Not until you really, truly feel it.”
She swallowed and understood what he was telling her at the cafe. Even though she expected to feel desire for Matthias, especially after what happened between them and knowing what she knew, the pull was still great.
So how much of this is real, and how much is his influence on me?
“That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you. I can handle rejection. I want you only if you really, when I’m not around, still have those feelings for me. Even you are not immune to me, and I don’t mean to sound like an asshole saying that. I’m not immune to you, either. But I’ve had a lot longer to practice my self-control, and I know how to keep it in my pants.”
Didn’t a guy like it when a woman tried to climb him like a tree? “How will spending all day with you help me figure out what I want?”
“You have to get to know me sometime. You also have to learn how to put up and maintain a mental barrier against others of our kind.”
“Why didn’t you have this effect on me before, when we first met?”
“Didn’t I?” He smiled. She blushed. She thought about the gym, the car trip, their first dinner meeting.
Yeah, she’d always had the hots for him.
“I can assure you,” he continued, “the feeling is mutual. And always has been.”
“Maybe I am really feeling it.”
“Maybe you are. I hope you are.” He looked like he wanted to reach out and touch her, but he turned away. “We’ll be waiting outside. Breakfast, and then onward.”
Chapter Twenty
After breakfast, she rode with Matthias. Everyone else followed in the second vehicle. “We’re staying down there because of the geyser basin,” he said. “Albert told me he explained some of it. Canyon Village is more convenient, but I’m willing to trade convenience for the additional safety factor.”
Matthias played tour guide along the way. When they passed West Thumb Geyser Basin, he pulled over at the first opportunity so she could see Yellowstone Lake.
“It’s huge.”
He nodded. “It’s also very unpredictable.”
They drove on in silence. When they passed Fishing Bridge, Taz tried to make amends. “I do want to learn as much as I can.”
“I know.” He didn’t look at her. “I’m not trying to keep you out of the loop. I want to tell you everything I know. But I’m worried about who’s trying to hurt you, so I’m a little preoccupied. I’m also trying to not overload you. It’s hard enough on you going through this without extra stuff to worry about.”
“What exactly is going on with me?”
“You’ve spent your life tightly controlled, which isn’t a bad thing. Tim taught you early on to control yourself without revealing anything about your powers. You’ve found ways to explain things that fit your view of reality. You didn’t think it was odd you effortlessly earned a black belt in less than two years?”
She shook her head.
“You are a crack target shooter. You fluently speak two foreign languages—”
“Three.”
“Three then. What’s the third?”
“I learned Italian last year.”
He smiled. “Eccellente, mia amore.”
Taz smiled as he continued. “Most people cannot do that. Things are easy for you in many ways, so you push yourself to do more. That’s been to compensate because you couldn’t use your powers, even though you didn’t know it. You had to deal with the built-up energy somehow. You needed the challenge, sought it out. Including people. When you broke up with your partners in the past, you realized it was because you felt they were totally open, no more secrets, and that you were the one in charge.”
“I don’t want secrets.”
“Pardon me, cara mia.” She smiled again. “Secrets wasn’t the right word. I mean they melted before you. At first they seemed strong, then it’s like they bowed before you without you even asking. They were totally open to you, without mystery, without any will of their own.”
She looked down at her lap. “Okay, fine. Yes.”
“You wanted an equal.”
“They were nice.”
“I didn’t say they weren’t. But looking back, you see what I mean.”
She nodded.
I won’t cry. I will not cry!
He didn’t look her way. “You don’t have to ignore those things anymore. Your intuition, your experiences, they’re all valid. You’re not just hypersensitive or obsessive. You can hear and see and sense so much more than others. You will learn how to control and master it, instead of ignoring and compensating.” When Taz rebuilt the bubble around her thoughts, Matthias fell silent. “You can do that, too.”
“When I do that, you can’t read my thoughts?”
“Not when you put up a strong one. It will be very draining on you if you do it too long. At first, at least.”
“Can’t you just not listen??
??
“I try, but it’s like grocery store music. You don’t hear it until something catches your attention. Then the harder you try to tune it out, the louder it seems. I know you might not believe me, but I don’t spend time trying to listen to you. I spend most of my time actively focusing on other things so I’m not hearing you.”
“Thank you. I think.”
“Taz, please, don’t start with me.”
“No, I didn’t mean it like that. Seriously.” She touched his leg. “Truce? I’m sorry I’m snappy. I don’t want to be like that.”
He nodded. “I meant it when I said I have patience. I’m willing to wait. As long as it takes.” He looked at her, and she wished she could just let go, fall into his eyes and his arms and give herself to him without reservation. To fully trust him.
She didn’t speak the rest of the drive. He took her on a tour of the Canyon Visitor Education Center, through the large supervolcano exhibit. The others maintained a discreet distance, and Matthias was so caught up in the subject that she was able to forget their issues and enjoy herself.
It was nice seeing this side of him. Professional, yet personal and passionate about what he shared with her. He delighted in the large model of the Yellowstone caldera, explaining the different eruptions to her, how the hydrothermal features worked. After a while she saw yet another side of Matthias—enthusiastic, real. Normal. A really nice, smart guy she enjoyed spending time with.
Who happened to have a body to die for.
They met with a scientist and went on a short hike to see some of the equipment nearby. The scientist explained their gear to Taz. She knew from Matthias’ expression he was pleased. They didn’t finish until after three and had a late lunch at Canyon before setting off for their cabins at Old Faithful.
“Want to see something?” he asked as they left.
“Sure. Surprise me.” Her mood was greatly improved after the nearly normal morning they’d shared.
He took a turn and they headed down a winding, one-way paved road.
“Bring your camera.”
He parked. She followed him down a steep set of steps to an overlook. She heard a dull roar and finally spotted the source. Below them lay a huge canyon several hundred feet deep, sediments in the rocks painting it with vibrant colors, a river flowing through the bottom of it.
“There.” He pointed to their right.
It took her breath away. “That’s the lower falls!” She snapped several pictures.
“It’s gorgeous, isn’t it? The Grand Canyon of Yellowstone.”
She was acutely aware how close he stood behind her, not touching, but his mouth inches from her ear. She closed her eyes and tried not to think of what she wanted to do to him, how hot his breath felt against her skin…
“I’m sorry,” he said, stepping back. “I shouldn’t be so close.”
She turned and grabbed him, kissing him. He didn’t respond at first, but then he put his arms around her and kissed her back. It took every ounce of her will to release him. When she let go and stepped back against the fence, she realized he was shocked and speechless. That had been all her doing, not his. She turned from him, facing the falls.
“Don’t toy with me, Matthias,” she thought. “If you don’t want me to act like a bitch, don’t play with me, big guy.”
She heard his breathing, choppy and quick. She’d caught him by surprise.
Surprise!
“You’re right,” he gasped. “I’m sorry.”
“I’m not,” she thought, then turned to him.
“I should embrace this instead of fighting it, right?”
He looked at her and nodded.
She realized they were alone on the overlook. There were plenty of people around, but for some reason they were all interested in other areas and not working their way down the stairs to the overhang. Moe, Larry, and Curly must be doing their job.
“You don’t tell me what to do. Don’t order me around like a kid,” she thought, hard. When Matthias winced, she realized maybe that was too strong.
He nodded and she continued, trying to lower her mental volume. “Just talk to me, Matthias. Please. Tell me what’s going on so I can participate and not feel like a prisoner. I need to learn how to control these freaky powers, right?”
He nodded again.
“Come here, big guy.”
As moved toward her, his eyebrows shot up in surprise, and she truly realized even he wasn’t immune to her. When she released him, he stopped a few steps away, watching her. Then, of his own free will, he closed the distance between them and took her into his arms.
She looked up at him. “This is bad stuff we’re going up against, isn’t it?”
He nodded. “I’m sorry.”
“Are we going to die?” she whispered.
He knew what she meant. “Not if I can help it. But we’ve got a few more days here in the park, at least.”
“Then let’s not waste it.”
She kissed him.
* * * *
Matthias managed to regain some self-control back at their cabin. He tried to pull away from her, and she captured him with her eyes, drawing him to her.
He shook his head, mentally struggling against her. “I can’t fight you, Taz.”
“Do you want to?”
She felt his resistance and released him. He collapsed on her bed. “No, I don’t want to fight you. I already told you, you have to learn self-control and restraint. I won’t force you to sleep with me. Please give me the same consideration.”
Her stomach twisted, remembering the guard, the waitress. Then she grew defensive. “You don’t have to force me. What is your problem, Matthias? I thought you’d be happy I want you.”
“Because you have to learn not to force people to your will. Not in circumstances like this. Especially now.”
She crossed her arms. “So what kind of circumstances are okay?”
“Life and death. Literally.”
“What about Mayfield and the waitress?”
“Those were demonstrations. Neither remembers what happened, and fortunately, neither does the guard. And it was just talk, not action. I didn’t make him dig up his roses, and I didn’t follow through with the waitress, obviously. They were not harmed. I do not make a normal practice of that. You had to learn because you weren’t listening. The only way to get you to listen was to show you why you cannot do that.”
She winced. “Okay, point taken.”
He closed his eyes. “You are much more powerful than I thought.”
“Is that good or bad?”
“It depends on what you do with it.” He sat up, tossing her jacket to her. “Come on.”
Matthias told the guards to wait for them at the end of the boardwalk then took her by the hand. It was getting late, the sun dipping low over the valley. There were still a few tourists scattered around, but most were waiting for Old Faithful’s next performance.
Matthias led Taz to a section of boardwalk near where she saw the bison. They were far enough from Old Faithful and the lodge and cabins that all they heard was the sound of the geysers, the breeze stirring the lodgepole pines, and insects and animals.
He sat. “Here.” He patted the space on the boardwalk next to him. When she was seated, he rearranged himself behind her, her back pressed against his chest, so she was sitting between his legs. He put his arms around her and held her hands.
“Close your eyes and relax against me. You don’t need to talk, just think.”
She tried to do as he asked, struggling to let go of her thoughts of what she wanted to do to him. She felt a twitch against her back and tried to ignore that as well.
He obviously liked her thoughts.
He pressed his cheek against hers. She felt his stubble, his scent stirring her emotions. It was difficult not to turn and kiss him.
“Keep your eyes closed. I want you to clear your mind. You remember what it looks like ahead of us? I want you to reach out with your mind, l
isten to my thoughts, see through my eyes. You have to trust me.”
“I don’t know how to do that.”
“I know you don’t,” he whispered. “That’s what you have to learn. That’s another reason I brought you here. We might not have time for this later. I needed a place we could practice in private, where I wouldn’t worry about you every moment you were out of my sight. Now relax and concentrate. Reach out to me.”
Taz wasn’t sure what to expect. She was never good at these mind clearing exercises. She always ended up getting sidetracked on a thousand different thoughts. Maybe if she tried to picture a darkened room.
She tried that.
With windows.
And suddenly, she was in a darkened room, walking toward the two open windows, looking out on—
“Good,” he whispered. “Let it come.”
There was a jolt in perspective, and she was looking through the windows, seeing what he saw. Her point of view shifted again and she saw through his eyes, really seeing. She looked to the left and watched a family walking toward them, engrossed in their picture taking. She pivoted his eyes to the right where a bison emerged from the trees.
She felt Matthias’ fingers on her wrists, felt his grip tighten slightly. She still couldn’t hear his thoughts.
“Do it,” he whispered, his voice soft in her ear but sounding a million miles away.
Taz looked at the bison, which grazed just outside the trees. It stopped chewing and paused.
“Look at me.”
It raised its head and looked at her.
“Come here.”
Matthias’ fingers tightened but he didn’t stop her.
Could he stop her, even if he wanted to?
The bison walked toward them.
“Stop.”
It stopped about fifteen feet away, watching them.
Finally, Matthias whispered in her ear. “Let it go, Taz.”
She watched the bison watching them.
“Go.”
It turned and walked into the trees.
Taz opened her eyes in time to see its tail twitch as it disappeared into the woods.
She turned to Matthias. His eyes were closed, and his face looked pinched. “Did I…” she asked, unable to continue.