“Are you feeling alright?”
I know the voice instantly - Darius. I don’t turn around, watching the night sky light up slowly with diamond stars.
“I feel like a kid again, a kid who has no control of her life, relying on idiot grownups who just argue,” I say.
He walks up beside me, careful space kept between his shoulder and mine. He stares at the dark ocean lapping at the moonlit sands.
“Helplessness is the worst feeling,” He agrees. “But at least you have your necklace.”
“I wish you made it so that no alchemist could touch me, instead,” I pout. Darius surprises me by chuckling darkly.
“Only the young ones are like Antonio - drunk with power and emotionally crippled by inexperience. But he is far from harmless. I am glad Lake helped you.”
“I saw your face,” I say, downing my punch. “You looked like you wanted to help, too.”
“I did,” He nods. “But I cannot.”
“Why?”
“If I threaten too many alchemists, if I become a threat, the Sage Council would ban together and perform an alchemy to confine me,” Darius traces a circle on the balcony’s railing. “I would normally not care - I’ve been confined in many awful places, and I deserve to be confined in many more. But alchemy has a special place for the worst of their criminals.”
“Right - the Darklands. You mentioned them the first time we met.”
Darius’s face softens. “I’m surprised you remember.”
“I remember everything about those two days,” I set my chin. I realize how that must sound - like I enjoyed our time together - and I suddenly can’t meet his eyes.
“Regardless,” Darius says after a long silence. “Antonio is dangerous. I was concerned.”
“For my Azoth’s safety,” I finish dully.
“No. For your safety,” He insists. “Mia’s safety.”
An electric shock stabs straight into my heart. It dissolves as warm tingles throughout my arms, into my fingers and toes.
“Whoever you go to, you must feel safe with them,” Darius continues. “Whoever your alchemist is, you must be able to be happy with them.”
“Why?” I murmur. “You said I wasn’t good for anything except my Azoth back at the University. But now? Why the change? Why would you care whether or not I feel safe, or happy?”
Darius looks over at me, his eyes suddenly gentler than I’ve ever seen them. It’s alarming, unnatural, like watching snow burn or rocks float, and just as awe-inspiring. My chest feels tight, and the space between my thighs burn. He doesn’t say anything, the music and voices from the party dimming into background noise. All that’s left is the ocean’s murmur, and Darius’s soft golden eyes drinking in my face, and me melting beneath his gaze.
“Mia! There you are -”
Antonio comes from behind and grabs my hand, Darius hidden from his view by the statue. Darius is faster than he is, reaching out and twisting Antonio’s arm behind his back. Antonio struggles and swears, but Darius holds him tight and speaks slowly, darkly.
“You will not bother Mia any longer.”
“I-I have the right to bid on her as much as any alchemist, munkie,” Antonio snaps, though fear makes his voice shake wildly and his eyes wide. Darius leans him over the balcony, forcing his head to look at the hundred-foot drop to the rocks below.
“Are you threatening me?” Antonio spits. “Good! D-Do it! I’ll tell the Sage Council and they’ll destroy you like the rabid dog you are!”
Darius laughs, the sound sending chills down my spine. “No, child. They decided long ago to let me live. That is my punishment for a crime you couldn’t possibly comprehend.”
Antonio shoots a furious glance at me. Darius laughs again.
“You, on the other hand, are a lackluster alchemist from a family whose power is waning. And most of all, you’re getting greedy. She is not yours. She is not an Azoth you can manipulate into bedding and abusing. She is the Azoth. She is our hope. And the Council knows that. Imagine what they’d do if they saw you trying to hoard her for yourself.”
Antonio freezes. Darius holds him upright, towards me.
“Anything you’d like to add, Mia?” Darius asks lightly. I swear his eyes are dancing.
“Yeah,” I snarl at Antonio. “ If you talk to me again, I’ll kick your nuts into your asshole.”
Darius releases him. The second he’s free, Antonio scrabbles into the ballroom, disappearing from sight. Darius turns to me, smiling faintly.
“I had no idea you could be so…colorful with your threats.”
“You haven’t seen anything, yet,” I smirk. My heart swells strangely - excitement and pride and gratitude. Darius is suddenly so much closer than I remember. The heat of his chest radiates into mine.
“Do you…” I gulp. “Do you want to dance?”
“I would -” Darius closes his mouth, as though he didn’t mean to say something so fast. “No. No, we cannot. There are others that need your attention.”
“Like Antonio?”
Darius exhales. “You know what I mean. You are more rare and precious than diamonds, here. You should spend your valuable time with other alchemists in order to figure out which of them is suitable for you.”
Maybe it’s the beauty of the night intoxicating me, or maybe it’s the fact I won’t see him after this, but I lean my head on his chest.
“If you wont dance with me, then at least let me stay here. Like this.”
“Mia -”
“Just for a second,” I laugh, burying my face in his suit, the divine smell of ash and cinnamon getting me drunk better than any cocktail. “Just let me have a second, please.”
He stands completely still, and I nearly laugh again at how stupid I am - how stupid I could be to think he’d ever want to dance with me. Me; the scarred girl. Me; the girl who’s evil.
“Thank you,” I say, my hand moving to find his large, warm one. Our fingers meet. “Thank you for everything.”
“I did nothing,” Darius says, his voice low and strained.
“You made the necklace for me. And it’s helped me feel safer.”
“Good. That’s all I want - for you to feel safe.”
“Is that…” I lace my fingers in his. “Is that all you want?”
His body goes still. I backtrack.
“S-Sorry. Nevermind. I feel stupid for - I feel stupid for even saying that. It just would’ve been nice, you know? It would’ve been nice to - to be with you.”
I slap my free hand over my mouth and hiss through it.
“Shit. Shit, shit -”
Fingers tear my hand away from my face. A soft mouth presses on mine in an instant, Darius’s lips warm and languidly slow. He crushes my body to his, his hand cradling my neck and his fingers tangling in my hair, and all at once the kiss turns to an inferno - hot need spurring Darius deeper and harder. His incisors scrape my lips, my tongue, the sharp points sending a sick thrill running through me. His other hand travels down my spine, to my ass, his palm gripping it hard and forcing my hips to grind against his. My insides are on fire, every inch of me crying out for his smell, his taste, his touch -
I only barely hear the gasp of someone else. Darius hears them, though, and pulls away instantly, leaving me cold. I blink through my haze and see Rose, looking furious. She latches onto my wrist and steers me away.
“What have I told you, Darius?” Her face is livid - the color of an overboiled lobster as she hisses at him. “You cannot touch the Azoths - her, of all Azoth!”
Darius’s warm expression sets harder and quicker than the first frost of winter. He nods curtly, suddenly all emotionless business again.
“Forgive me, Rose. It was a momentary lapse in judgment.”
“Don’t ask forgiveness of me,” She snarls. “Ask it of the people you got killed.”
Darius’s expression cracks down the middle, like a suit of armor run through. But before I can say anything, Rose leads me away forcefully, her voice
near-hysterical.
“You must never let yourself be alone with him. I know he was the one who discovered you, but he is a terribly dangerous creature -”
“He’s not an animal,” I interrupt. “Stop talking about him like he is!”
Rose stops, whirling me around and placing both her hands on my shoulders. Her rosy-cheeked, matron-like exterior turns stalwart, her eyes unblinking as they bore into mine.
“He will kill you. He killed my sister, and he will kill you if given the chance. He may wear the shell of a man, but he is a monster. Never forget that.”
Sister? Darius killed her sister? My thoughts swirl chaotically in my head, so much that I only faintly understand where Rose is leading me - to the front of the mansion, just by the string quartet, where a great raised platform waits. The people from the ballroom gather around it, the lights dimming. Rose leads me to stand with another girl - but she’s a few years older than me and decidedly more Norwegian. Rose takes the stage, a copper rod in her hand. She speaks into it, and her voice is mysteriously magnified - alchemy, no doubt.
“Ladies and gentlemen, my most esteemed colleagues and friends, welcome to the 305th showing of the Azoth. Is it not the most beautiful night?”
The applause is deafening. Lake and Zhen wave to me from the crowd, but I’m too flustered and confused to wave back. What in the hell is going on? Rose keeps talking, but I don’t hear any of it - only a loud buzz reverberating in my brain. Darius’s face is in the very back, against the wall. He looks tired, so much more tired than I’ve ever seen him. Exhausted. My eyes question him - Rose’s sister? - but his gaze gives nothing back.
Suddenly, all the lights in the mansion go out, drenching us in thick darkness. But I can still feel Darius’s gaze on me, lingering and soft, like a caress, the touch of a feather. It sends shivers down my spine.
I want him. I want him so much it scares me.
It scares me so damn good.
PART THIRTEEN
THIRTEEN
Chapter 13
THIRTEEN
A single spotlight bursts to life, illuminating Rose. She’s still as serious as ever, her smile barely there.
“We’ll now begin the showing. Natasha Bingham, please step forward.”
The girl next to me takes hesitant steps over to Rose. Rose backs out of the spotlight, whispers something to the girl, and disappears into the shadows completely. Natasha stands there, looking awkward and uncomfortable, but she takes deep breaths, and keeps breathing.
Then the spotlight cuts out. And in front of my eyes, she starts to glow. It isn’t her that glows - it’s the stage below her. I hadn’t noticed it before, but the stage is made entirely of prima materia - the coppery glint barely visible In the low light. It starts glowing a soft blue, spots of it growing bright like a patchy lava lamp, or glowworms moving beneath the surface of water. The crowd claps, the applause gentle and polite, murmurs rising up as the spotlight comes back on. Natasha smiles wanly at me as she steps down from it, and Rose steps back into it. The stage below her fades back to its unlit state.
“Thank you, Natasha. Will Mia Redfield now step forward?”
I swallow the urge to run away, and walk towards her. The spotlight blinds me - I can’t see the crowd anymore, but they can certainly see me. I look out into the darkness, scared and feeling completely alone.
“You can do it, sweetcheeks!” Lake’s voice rings out. People shush him quickly, but his words inflate my shriveling heart. Lake’s out there, watching me. And Zhen. And…Darius. They’ve been kind to me - even if the alchemists as a whole don’t give two shits about me, they do, at least a little.
Rose comes up behind me, and whispers in my ear.
“Just relax, darling. Think of something that makes you happy, and relax. It will come naturally.”
She backs away, and the spotlight cuts out. I’m plunged into complete and utter darkness. My heart hammers against my ribs, begging to be let out. Happy. Something that makes me happy. My brain scrambles to remember the last time I was happy - truly happy.
A greyhound bus. Ellie. Ellie and me on the bus bound for San Francisco - our backpacks the only things we owned in the world anymore. She brought trail mix, and I picked all the candy out and she complained. I plugged earbuds into my phone and played my favorite songs. I watched Idaho slip away, miles of road growing between my horrible past and my freedom. Freedom. Darius kissing me, wanting me as much as I want him, maybe -
I hear whispers, then gasps. When I open my eyes, someone must’ve turned on the lights - I can see everyone in the crowd again. But the light doesn’t stop getting bright, and I look down.
The entire stage is a pure white-blue, burning with enough light to make me flinch. People shield their eyes, some hide their faces in their jackets. The only one who isn’t flinching away is Darius, standing tall and looking straight at me. He smiles. Not a smirk, or a snigger, but a real, true smile - filled with happiness and banishing any last remnants of his exhausted look. He’s a different man - his face more handsome in joy than in his usual stony sorrow.
***
Rose leads Mia away, and the farther they get the deeper my regret lodges in my gut. I can feel the crowd’s eyes on me. I look up, locking eyes with one of the alchemists, but she looks away quickly. The others do likewise, averting their gazes and striking up their conversations again.
They’re pretending I don’t exist.
I am a ghost to them - frightening and meant to go unseen. I disturb them and this carefully-crafted facade of beauty and socialization they call a showing. I’ve been to so many hundreds of these, sitting on the sidelines and watching as those who can die fritter away their lives with gossip and plays for power. I have seen it all. I’ve known every alchemist in this room since they were infants. I know all their secrets. And that scares them much more than my reputation. I lock eyes with a Reaper, but he flinches and turns away.
Even the ones meant to destroy my kind are afraid of me.
But there are a few who do not fear. Zhen is one of them. She glides over to me, standing at my side as I stare ahead at the prima materia stage that lifts from a hole in the marble floor. I’ve seen the stage many times. But this is the first time I’ve seen Mia so beautiful. Her waterfall of wavy ebony hair contrasts her dress - a white dress, simple but elegant, completely different from the multitudes of gaudy designer dresses in the room. When I first saw her at the club can’t compare to how she looks now. A haze of light seems to follow her, making her glow from within. Is she truly so different? Or is it my perception that’s changed?
“You’ve done nothing but stare at her since you’ve arrived,” Zhen teases. I tear my eyes away quickly.
“I find it hard to believe that observation, coming from a blind woman.”
Zhen smiles, like she’s enjoying some private secret. We both know she isn’t blind - in fact, her eyes are much better than any alchemist here. She can’t see colors, or true details, nor can she see a sunset. But her senses for Azoth have given her a laser-like sight.
“It’s wonderful,” Zhen says finally, looking at Mia. “When that girl is around…her Azoth is so bright; it sheds light on everything around her. So I can see so much more when she’s near. I can see birds in trees, the stitching on a child’s jacket. And even my own face I haven’t seen for fifty years.”
I look at her. Zhen smiles brighter.
“She lights up this world for me. I have no doubt she will do that for others, too.”
“It depends,” I say. “On who her alchemist will be. They could squander her gift, or use it for their own power and glory. The Council must deliberate carefully.”
“And if they don’t?” Zhen asks. “If they give her to someone unsuitable? What will you do then?”
I’m silent. My eyes find Mia again. Even as the lights dim and the other Azoth takes the stage, I can see her profile. She is nervous. Of course she is. She barely knows what’s going on, and everyone in the room wants a
piece of her, carnally or literally. Her worry is palpable. A deep part of me burns with the urge to bring her to my side, shield her from their stares, smooth away the concerned lines in her face - claim her so that the unworthy scum never look twice at her again. The thought of her in the hands of a sniveling, power-hungry worm makes my stomach churn.
“I would take her back,” I say. “And demand the Council find someone better.”
“Who is this ‘better’ person in your mind?” Zhen asks lightly. “I have the feeling they might be held to such vigorous standards that they may not exist at all. Unless, of course, that person is you.”
“Don’t be ridiculous,” I snarl. “I simply want the most skilled alchemist possible for her, in order to use her Azoth for the betterment of this world.”
“Fine, then. A skilled alchemist for the girl. It doesn’t matter if they are cruel, or manipulative, or forceful. As long as they’re a skilled alchemist.”
I clench my fists. “No. They must be fair, and kind.”
“Oh my. This fair and kind and skilled alchemist sounds very attractive. I wonder if Mia will come to admire them.”
I swallow hard. Zhen stares straight ahead, her smile intact, but a little sad.
“An alchemist loving an Azoth always ends in despair,” she murmurs, her eyes glancing towards Genevieve in the corner. “Especially if the love is pure. Nothing that is good in this world of alchemy ever lasts for long.” Her eyes brighten as she looks to me. “Except for you, Darius. You’ve lasted for quite a long time.”
“I am not good,” I say.
“You try,” Zhen insists. “That is more than most do.”
We watch in silence as the prima materia stage begins to glow with the Azoth’s efforts. Faint spots of blue light up on the metal surface, like sunlight through murky water. It’s considerable, much better than the Azoth of the last showing. But it’s nothing impressive. And it’s less than nothing compared to what’s going to come next.