of paper out of my pocket and unfold it to read the instructions and coordinates for the telescope.
“It’s not dark enough yet,” I say once the telescope is set up. “So we’re just going to sit here for a while.”
She smiles as I sit down next to her on the blanket. “What do you want to do?”
“I’m sure you can take a few guesses, but I have some things I need to say first.” She gazes into my eyes, giving me her full attention, as I begin. “I know the past year hasn’t been easy on either one of us, but I want you to know that I’m going to try my best to make every day of the rest of our lives better than the last. I promise that I will try to make you smile every day. But I also know that with the good times come the bad times. Fuck, there will probably be miserable times, but I wouldn’t want to be miserable with anyone else.”
“Chris? What is this? Are you dying or something?” I laugh so hard I almost choke. “It’s not funny! You’re scaring me.”
“I’m not dying. I’m trying to tell you that I can’t wait to start our life together… as a married couple.”
I pull up the sleeve of my hoodie and hold out my left wrist so she can watch as I peel off the gauze. She doesn’t blink as I reveal the tattoo slowly. Finally, I remove the dressing and she covers her mouth. The tattoo reads, “To love is to destroy pain. I love your heart,” followed by tomorrow’s date.
“Why is there a date?” she whispers.
I lift her chin so I can look her in the eye. “That’s our wedding date. We’re getting married at midnight.”
She lets out a deep breath and her lip trembles as the tears fill her eyes then roll down her cheeks.
“Is that okay?” I ask and she nods vigorously though she doesn’t speak. She just curls her arms around my neck and I pull her close to me so I can give her some of my warmth.
I give her a few minutes to compose herself before I whisper in her ear. “Can I play a few songs for you?”
She releases me and wipes her face. “Of course.”
I kiss her cheek before I grab my guitar. The first two songs I sing aren’t my own, but I know they’re songs that she loves: “First Day of My Life” by Bright Eyes (she laughs when I sing the last line) and “I Won’t Give Up“ by Jason Mraz.
When I finish, I close my eyes and take a deep breath as I prepare to sing the song I tucked behind the last page of the songbook I gave her for Christmas. I always get nervous the first time I perform a song, especially when it’s a song that means so much to me.
I open my eyes and she smiles, and that’s enough to get me through the first line.
“Bring Me Home”
The sunlight followed you in, but you never saw it coming,
Held the rain clouds like a blanket, and took off running,
Then I grabbed your hand and slowly pointed at the sun,
Closed your eyes and dropped it all just to feel the warmth,
Step inside, it’s cold outside
Girl, you’re not alone
You waited long, you cried
But, girl, you’re still my home
My home
“Love is not the only thing we share,” you whispered here,
We let her in, then let her go, never knew such tears,
The morning came, I paid you my heart, you paid me your life,
Won’t ever forget my purpose, long as you’re my wife.
Step inside, it’s cold outside
Girl, you’re not alone
You waited long, you cried
But, girl, you’re still my home
My home
When the stars fall down upon us
And the last flame flickers out
I’ll be there to whisper in your ear
I love your heart, babe, bring me home.
I finish the song and she takes my guitar from me, then gently places it on the blanket behind her. She takes my face in her hands and looks me in the eye. “I want you to make love to me right here.”
“It’s pretty cold out here and you’ll mess up your hair.”
“You’ll keep me warm and fuck my hair.”
I chuckle as I grab her face. “I’d rather fuck you.”
Crushing my lips against hers, I slide my tongue into her mouth. Her tongue is warm and sweet and she whimpers softly as I pull back to lightly suck on her top lip.
She puts her hands on my shoulders and gently pushes me away, then she proceeds to slowly peel off each layer of clothing. First her coat and sweater, then her shirt and bra. She instantly begins to shiver and I quickly undress so I can hold her against me to warm her up.
She lies back on one end of the blanket and I fold it in half over us as I settle myself between her legs. She wraps her arms around my shoulders and her legs around my hips. I rub the tip of my cock over her clit and she gasps as she closes her eyes and leans her head back.
“Look at me,” I whisper, and she quickly obeys.
She whimpers as she gets closer to coming. I keep my eyes locked on hers as I slide into her.
“Chris?”
“Yes?”
I dip in and out of her slowly, trying to keep time with every beat of her heart. One beat, in. Two beats, out. With every stroke, our bodies get hotter and closer to climax. I feel myself getting ready to explode, so I pull out and slide my hand between us to lightly caress her clit. Her mouth drops open and she begins to close her eyes again, but I shake my head.
“Keep your eyes on me.”
“Oh, God.”
“I love you,” I whisper.
“I love you, too.”
When her legs begin to quiver, I ease off and she gasps as I slide back into her. I imagine the beat of our hearts as a song I’ve yet to write. The soft cries she makes every time I hit her core are the music.
Suddenly, she shakes her head. “I’m gonna come.”
I pull out of her again and kiss her hard as I grind my pelvic bone against hers. She moans into my mouth and her entire body begins to tremble. I keep my mouth over hers, kissing her deeply as I swallow her cries of ecstasy. She curls into me and that’s when I slide into her again. I groan as I finally release myself inside.
I brush her hair away from her face, my cock still twitching inside her, as I gaze into her eyes.
“Can’t we just stay here all night and get married another day?” she asks.
“There are over a hundred people waiting for us,” I whisper as I lean down to kiss her neck and I taste salt. “You’re sweating.”
“So are you.”
“Get dressed. I have something to show you.”
Chapter Thirty-Six
Claire
“Are you ready?” he asks once we’re both dressed. “It’s the bright star to the right of the cluster of four stars. Right in the center of the star field.”
We never took a telescope when we went stargazing at Jordan Lake. I sidle up next to him and bring my eye to the eyepiece. There are thousands, or millions, of stars in this field, but right in the center there is a cluster of four bright stars. To the right of those is an especially bright star. It twinkles and makes me think of my mother and her smile.
“What is it?” I ask.
“It’s not really a star. It’s an asteroid called Vesta, named after the Roman goddess of home.” He smiles warmly as he fixes a piece of my hair that’s out of place. “I don’t know what happens when we die, but I know that if your mom is looking down on us, she’s looking down from there. And she’s proud of you.”
I wrap my arms around his waist and squeeze him as tight as I can. “Thank you for being my knight in shining armor.”
“We’d better get going. It’s past nine. We still have to get there and change before Jake and Rachel’s ceremony. Then ours comes right after. If we miss their wedding, we can pretty much count on Rachel never planning another wedding for us again.”
He packs up the telescope and I fold up the blanket. He slings the telescope case over his shoulder and grabs t
he blanket while I sling the guitar strap over my shoulder and pretend to play as we walk back to the car.
“You don’t remember how to play anything I taught you?”
He grabs my arm and pulls me sideways so I don’t step into a craggily bush, since I’m too busy looking at the frets, trying to position my fingers.
“I don’t know. I’m pretty sure I could play ‘I Will Follow You Into the Dark’ if you gave me a refresher course.”
Once my fingers are positioned in what I think may be the correct placement, I brush my fingers over the strings and the sound that fills the cold desert air sounds nothing like a real song.
Chris shakes his head in dismay. “That’s shameful.”
“Whatever. Where is the wedding?”
“It’s not far from here.”
When we reach the SUV, Chris throws the guitar, telescope, and blanket into the trunk and the driver sets off back toward the highway. Chris pulls a bit of brush from my hair and attempts to smooth down the wildness. I brush a bit of dirt off his cheek and he attempts to bite my hand.
Finally, the car begins to slow and my stomach drops as I see, in the middle of the desert, a collection of white tents illuminated from within with golden light. A makeshift parking lot has been cordoned off to the right where at least thirty cars are parked. Lighted pathways intersect from the parking lot and between the tents. On the far left, there appears to be a reception area enclosed with white linen and the top open to the stars.
“You did this?” I whisper.
“Rachel and I did this, with some help from Senia and my mom.”
“Senia knew!”
“Well, there’s no one, besides me, who knows you better. Leaving the reception area open was her idea, but I picked out your dress.”
I look at him, my eyes wide, unable to contain my surprise. “You picked my dress.”
“Don’t look so scared. I picked it from a selection of dresses that Rachel gave me.”
“I’m only kidding,” I say, punching him in the arm. “I know you wouldn’t pick anything bad.”
He rolls his eyes then instructs the driver to take us around the reception tent and toward a couple of tents where the silhouettes of people scurrying about inside look like agitated ghosts. We get out of the car and Chris leads me to the entrance of the nearest tent, but he doesn’t go inside. He stands just outside with his back to the entrance.
“Mom, are you in there?”
Two high-pitched squeals erupt through the glowing fabric, followed by the sound of frantic footsteps. Senia emerges from the tent first and she’s wearing a beautiful black dress that’s cut just above the knee to show off her long legs. The sleeves are made of a thin, slightly transparent material that covers her entire arm. I’m assuming that’s because it’s freezing out here, but she still looks stunning.
Senia grabs my arm. “Come on, we have to get you ready. Go away!” she shouts at Chris.
Chris reaches for my other hand before I step inside the tent. “See you later, babe.”
He kisses my hand and I sigh as Senia yanks me into the tent and around a wall of folding partitions that I suppose are meant to keep people outside from seeing the silhouettes of our naked bodies.
“There’s my girl,” Jackie says as soon as she sees me.
She gives me a loud kiss on the cheek and I don’t bother wiping off the lipstick because I know Senia is going to make me look perfect before I go out there tonight.
I look past Jackie and Rachel is standing in the corner of the boxed off changing area in front of a full-length mirror.
“Rachel,” I whisper, stunned by the sight of her. “You look beautiful.”
She turns around to face me and she’s smiling. “Do you really like it?”
The dress looks vintage with a lacy bodice and heart-shaped neckline. The skirt reaches down to her feet and is made of layers of creamy, almost transparent silk. Her ivory skin and red lips combined with her dark curls make her a picture perfect bride from a long forgotten era.
“I love it.” I try not to show the disappointment in my face as I think to myself that there is no way my dress will be that pretty.
“Oh, just wait until you see your dress, honey,” Jackie gushes.
“Yeah, your dress is way prettier,” Rachel says. “You’re going to flip when you see it.”
“Thank you for helping Chris with everything. I don’t know how I’m going to repay you. I hardly helped at all with your wedding.”
“Well, there’s not much you could have helped with, without figuring out what we were up to. And you don’t have to repay me, but if you must, you can always name your first born after me.”
It dawns on me that Chris has been asking me not to tell anyone about the pregnancy until after the wedding so I don’t ruin Rachel’s big day, but this is both my and Rachel’s wedding days. Why would he tell me to keep it a secret? I shake my head because I have a feeling Chris has yet another surprise planned for tonight.
“Come on. You need to get dressed,” Senia says, pulling me toward the other corner of the dressing area.
A dress covered in multiple layers of plastic hangs on a hook next to another full-length mirror. Senia and Jackie begin peeling off the layers of plastic until they unveil what can only be described as the most beautiful wedding dress I have ever seen.
The fitted bodice has a straight neckline that curves down to the waistline. Layers of silky chiffon gather at the waist then tumble quietly to the floor, looking almost dreamlike in their softness. The entire bodice is covered in a delicate lacy pattern, but it’s not actually lace. When I run my fingers over the bodice, it feels smooth and cool under my fingertips.
“Do you like it?” Rachel asks nervously.
“I love it.”
“All right. You make her look beautiful and I’m going to go see if the wedding planner needs anything,” Jackie says as she steps out of the changing area.
After I change into my dress, Senia drapes a smock over me so she can do my hair and makeup. She smiles as she works quietly.
“Wow…. This is it. I’m getting married to Chris.”
“Are you having second thoughts?” Senia says, cocking an eyebrow as she shades in my eyebrows.
I laugh at this. “What a cliché? Of course, I’m not having second thoughts, but I’m definitely having a moment. This feels surreal. Just six months ago I was… Well, I was convinced that Chris and I were over, and so was my life.”
Rachel grabs my shoulders as she stands behind me so I can see her in the mirror. “Sometimes you don’t know how much you love someone until you lose them. Jake and I broke up for a couple of months while you and Chris were broken up.”
“You didn’t tell me that.”
“Well, it’s not something I like to talk about. But he was on tour with Chris. Tristan was still being an ass and refusing to talk to them. And… I know Jake would never cheat on me, but I had never been away from him for longer than a couple of weeks. It drove me a little crazy and I broke up with him.” She sighs as she stares off into the distance at whatever memory she’s recalling. “He texted me every single day and sent me a postcard from every city they went to. He talked about Chris in some of those texts and, man, he was not doing well after you changed your number.”
I grit my teeth together to keep my eyes from tearing up. I don’t know why Rachel feels the need to tell me this right before the wedding. I guess it’s just her need to always be honest.
Senia winks at me as she begins dusting a fine translucent powder all over my face and neckline. “This is to make your skin ‘glow.’ Not that you need it.”
Finally, she applies my lipstick in a sheer nude color, just a shade darker than my lips. I rise carefully from the stool and scoot over a few feet to stand in front of the full-length mirror. In the reflection, I see the moment Jackie walks in and her eyes lock on my face. I turn around and she presses her lips together, but this does nothing to stop the tears.
&
nbsp; “See you later, Mrs. Knight,” Senia whispers to me before she and Rachel make a hasty exit.
Jackie tilts her head as she looks at me. “Could you be any more beautiful?”
“You’re not allowed to make me cry. I just had my makeup done.”
“I don’t want to make you cry. I just want to look at you.” She walks around to examine me from all angles with a wistful expression. “I need you to promise me something.” She grabs both my hands and looks me in the eye. “When you go out there and promise to love Chris for the rest of your life, look him in the eye. He is no longer mine, so please take care of him.”
“I will.”
“I know.”
She blows me a kiss so she doesn’t mess up my makeup then she leaves me alone in the tent with no idea when I’m supposed to make my big entrance. I turn back to the mirror to make sure everything is in place and my heart jumps when I see Chris.
Chapter Thirty-Seven
Chris
“Wow,” I whisper breathlessly as I attempt to take in the sight of her, but I don’t think beauty this exquisite can ever be fully appreciated. “If your beauty were a song, you’d sell out a million stadiums.”
The left side of her mouth curls up in a bashful half-smile as she looks at the floor. I walk slowly toward her so I can take in every inch of her. Her face is serious now as she watches me come closer.
“You look incredible,” she says. “I love the dark gray shirt with the black suit and tie. I hate tuxedos.”
“Don’t forget my makeup. I think Senia did a pretty good job.” She smiles then suddenly her lips quivers as if she’s going to cry. “Are you okay?”
She snatches a tissue off the vanity and dabs her eyes to catch the tears before they fall. “I’m just happy. And…. I wish Abigail were here with us.”
I want to take her in my arms and tell her I wished the same thing about twenty minutes ago, but I don’t want to upset her even more or ruin her dress. We’ll have plenty of time to talk about Abigail over the next seventy years, or until she turns eighteen and decides to meet us after she gets all the pictures we’ll be sending the Jensens. Right now, I need to give her the one thing I know will get her out from under this dark cloud of grief.
“Claire, when I first met Abby in the hospital, I sang to her. I sang a lullaby as she lay sleeping under the heavy sedation.” I grab another tissue for her and continue. “She never so much as twitched when I sang her the lullaby, but