I looked at a pile of books sitting on the coffee table. "Yes."
"Why?” she asked. "Why did you write them?"
"Because I missed you. Because I didn't have anyone else to talk to, and so I kept talking to you, even though you never answered." I tipped her chin so she was looking into my eyes. "You, Tenleigh, you are the voice in my head when I feel unsure. I still talk to you a hundred times a day. I tell you about things I think you'd like. I . . ." I laughed self-consciously. "Do I sound crazy?"
She laughed and sniffled. "No," she whispered. "Not at all." She paused and nodded her head to a pile of books with notes sticking out of them. "Can I read them?"
I nodded and kissed her forehead. "Yes. Whenever you want."
She looked up at me. "Kyland, you're making a decent salary now. Don't you think you could have at least fixed your roof?"
"Uh . . ." I hedged, glancing around at the pots and pans sitting on the floor everywhere. I had needed a new roof five years ago. The thing was probably about to cave-in for all I knew. "Tenleigh," I stepped back from her and rubbed my hand over the back of my neck, "the thing is, I'm kind of spending most of my paycheck on something. I hope—"
"My mama," she said, looking almost defeated. "You're paying for my mama's hospitalization."
"How'd you know?"
"You just told me."
I let out a small laugh and then grimaced. "Hell, I'm pretty forthcoming today."
Tenleigh smiled a small, weak smile. "Why did you ask Sam to tell Marlo he was paying for it?"
"I hope Marlo's not mad at Sam. He would have paid for it if he could. He tries to offer me money whenever he can, but I won't take it. He really—"
"Marlo will get over it, trust me."
"Okay. I only asked him to take credit because I knew neither one of you would have accepted if you knew it was me. And because I figured you would have an easier time moving your mama and your sister to California if your mama was doing well. And because I knew you might come back if your mama wasn't doing well. And because I had the means to do it. What else was I gonna do with my money, Tenleigh?"
"Save it so you could get a college education once you quit the mine? Save it so you could start somewhere new?" She raised her hands in the air and let them fall by her sides.
"I did. I was saving. I was saving every penny I earned. Other than my used truck, I didn't spend any of it. But then your mama . . . I don't make enough monthly to pay for her stay there and so I had to supplement with some of what I'd saved. What little I have left, I wanted to keep in the bank so I could come to you as soon as possible, move where you were. There was no point in fixing up this house when I knew I'd be leaving soon."
Her shoulders sagged. "You put your own happiness aside for me, and then for my mama."
I paused, feeling uncomfortable. I had never wanted her to know any of this. "You make me sound selfless, Tenleigh. But you should know that I was plotting ways to get you back. Some of them involved bribery . . . groveling. I'm not above guilt trips."
She laughed a sad laugh and shook her head. "You're so above guilt trips."
I put my hands in my pockets and looked down.
She was quiet for a moment. "You were so angry the first time you saw me back in town," she said sadly.
I flinched, looking up. "I know. I'm sorry. I wasn't prepared to see you back here. I was shocked and angry. I was planning to come for you, to finally get out of here. And then you were back, and again, I was stuck here. And I thought you'd not only come back, but you'd come back because of Jamie. I thought you'd come back here so you could be with him and that I'd have to see that, every day. I'd just lived through hell, and it seemed like a new form of it was beginning again."
"Kyland," she said sadly. "You could have left anyway. Me being back here, even now, doesn't mean you have to stay." Her eyes flitted away and then back to me.
"Yes, it does. If you were inside my heart, you'd know that it does."
She looked at me with a sweet, confused smile and I couldn't help wanting to pull her into my arms and beg her never to leave. "Tenleigh, when I say it was my choice to do what I did, to sacrifice getting out of here so you could, I meant that I did it happily. I mean that. I suffered, yes, but I realized I would happily suffer for you, because that's what loving someone is. Willing to do anything for them, willing to make any sacrifice, suffer so they don't have to. I loved you then, and I still love you now."
"Kyland," she shook her head. "I don't know what to say. This is so much . . ." She walked to my couch and sunk down in it, the springs groaning. She looked up at me. "I bombed my finals," she said. "I did horribly on them so you would get that scholarship."
"It worked," I said going to sit next to her. "Only, we both had the same idea."
"I don't know whether to laugh or cry."
"Me neither."
She looked at me. "Kyland, I know I'm back, but it's by choice. I can leave if I want to, get a job somewhere else—anywhere I want. You gave me that. You gave me that freedom, that opportunity. You gifted me that. And now, let me gift the same to you. The school will be built in six months and I'll be making good money. I don't need to move into a house. I'll live in my trailer and I'll sacrifice for you like you did for me. I might not be able to pay for a real fancy college, and you'll have to work for your living expenses, but—"
"Ten," I said, bringing my fingers up to her lips. "If there's any chance of us working things out, if," I ran my hand through my hair, feeling exposed and vulnerable, "if there's any chance you can start to forgive me, that we can rebuild what we had, then I want to stay here. I'll work in the mine, or somewhere else maybe. If you—"
Her fingers were suddenly at my lips the same way mine had been at hers a minute earlier.
"I already do forgive you. And I never stopped loving you." She shook her head. "I tried. I tried so hard, but it didn’t work. I love you, Kyland, I always have."
I sucked in a breath. Gratitude. Relief. Love. She left me breathless. She forgave me. She'd never really left. My fighter. This girl. My beautiful girl.
I stood up so fast she squeaked out loud. I scooped her up into my arms as she let out a short, surprised laugh.
"I'm taking you into my room now. And pitifully enough, I don't even have a bed. There's a quilt on the floor and a pile of blankets on top of that. And I feel ashamed and sick that I'm about to bring you in there, but God help me, I can't wait one second longer to get you naked."
She laughed. "Kyland, walk," she ordered. "Walk fast."
She didn't have to ask me twice.
CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT
Tenleigh
I was in Kyland's arms. He was taking me to his bed—his bed on the floor. And I didn't care. Not even a little. Although the state of his house was sad and pathetic, and it made me want to cry for how he'd lived all this time, I would happily be with him anywhere. And he had done this for me. Kyland.
He set me down when we got into his room. It looked the same as I remembered it, except in the place where his twin bed had once been, just like he'd said, there was a quilt laid out with a folded pile of blankets on top of that.
We began undressing slowly, the air filled with a delicious anticipation. Unlike yesterday, we were going to take our time—enjoy every moment. I pulled my shirt off over my head and dropped it to the floor. Kyland's naked chest was already on display—hard muscle covered in smooth male skin—and I took a minute to let my eyes roam over it. I licked my lips, my eyes focusing on one dark brown nipple. God, he was even more beautiful than I remembered, every part of him.
"Tenleigh, if you keep looking at me that way, this isn't going to last very long."
My eyes darted to his and I laughed shortly. "Have you," I cleared my throat, "been with anyone else? It's okay if you have," I rushed on. "I wouldn't blame you of course, I just . . . for me, yesterday was the first time since I was last with you and I want you to know that, even if—"
"Tenleigh," Kyland
said, his voice raspy. The expression on his face was a mixture of tenderness and relief. "I haven't been with anyone else."
Relief flooded my own system. "Why?" I breathed.
"Because, how was I going to get you to forgive me for leading you to believe I had slept with someone else if all the time you were gone I really was sleeping with other people? Because I have a perfectly functioning right hand and because I haven't wanted anyone since you."
Tenderness filled my heart first and following that, I couldn't help the image that came into my head of Kyland lying right here, his thick erection in his hand as he brought himself to orgasm. I shivered with desire, moisture trickling from between my legs.
"I haven't wanted anyone else either," I said.
Kyland released a long breath. I moved closer to him, my fingertips lightly moving over his skin, up to his shoulders and down his arms. He was utterly still and when I glanced up at his face, his expression was tense, almost pained.
I couldn't believe this. I couldn't believe I was here, with Kyland. He had given everything up for me. He loved me. He'd never betrayed me—he'd only ever sought to make my life better. And I still loved him. I'd always loved him. Somewhere, somewhere inside, the hurt had seemed so unbelievable because it didn't make sense. I knew this man. I knew his heart, his soul. And he was only good. I sucked in the emotion that threatened to overwhelm me. Kyland brought his hand to my cheek and stroked his thumb over my cheekbone, and I leaned in to his touch. Home.
I needed to be as close as possible to him. I needed to touch him everywhere. I needed to convince myself this was real.
I reached down and unbuttoned my jeans, sliding them down my legs, along with my underwear, and dropping them on the floor. Kyland did the same and we stood before each other naked.
I glanced down at his straining erection and like the day before, I couldn't help reaching down to caress it several times from base to tip. Kyland let out a guttural groan.
When he leaned toward me, I expected his kiss to be hard—filled with the trembling lust I was feeling—but instead it was soft . . . sweet and slow. He tilted his head and nibbled tenderly at my lips, finally sliding his tongue against mine in a hypnotic dance.
Our bare bodies pressed against each other, igniting me, and when I pulled back to lie down on the blankets on the floor, he came with me, taking my mouth in another slow, sliding kiss once we were both lying down.
"I've always loved the way we fit together," Kyland murmured, pressing his body closer to mine. I felt his hardness nestled between my legs and moaned longingly. "Spread your legs a little, Ten," he said against my mouth. Lust shot through my body and I did as he said, widening my legs so he could guide himself to my opening.
He eased in just a little, inch by slow inch, the expression on his face one of focused bliss. God, he was beautiful, his high cheekbones tinged with pink, his lips parted, and a slight sheen on his brow. "I love you," I said.
He moaned. "I love you, too. Always have. Always will." And then with one thrust, he was completely inside me. I gasped out at the intense feeling of fullness, my body relaxing around his invasion as I wrapped my legs around his hips.
For just a second I recalled the way he'd felt the first time he'd thrust into me, tearing my flesh and filling me in a way I'd never been filled before. It had hurt so much I'd almost told him to stop, but I hadn't. And after a few minutes, the worst of the pain had begun to ease and I'd been able to focus on the wonder of Kyland above me, moving inside me. I'd been so desperately in love with him.
I still was.
He brought his mouth to my nipple and flicked it with his tongue as he began to move and I was suddenly very much back in the present. I groaned and wove my fingers into his short hair, my fingernails scratching his scalp. A groan escaped his mouth as he came up off one breast and moved to the other, still thrusting leisurely into me. "Kyland, oh God," I moaned. I brought my hands down to his shoulders. The steady drumbeat of arousal between my legs was increasing. I raised my hips to meet his thrusts.
"You feel so good, Tenleigh."
I tried to speak, but my words dissolved on my tongue as the most intense orgasm I'd ever had detonated and sent shock waves all the way down to my toes. I leaned my head back with a whimper as I clenched and spasmed around Kyland.
His movements became jerky and uneven and then he thrust into me one final time, spilling into me as he moaned his orgasm into my neck.
We lay there for several minutes, our breathing labored, our skin dewy with exertion. Finally, Kyland brought his head up and smiled down at me. "God, I missed you so damn much. I wondered if yesterday would be the last time." His smile was tender, but there was sadness in his eyes.
I put my hand up on his cheek and ran my thumb over his cheekbone. "We have a lot to make up for. But all the time in the world." I smiled, my heart filled with hope and joy.
Kyland pulled out of me and I winced slightly. He rolled to the side and sat up slightly to pull a blanket over us. Then he gathered me in his arms and I rested my head on his chest.
"I'm really sorry about this bed situation."
I snuggled closer and turned my nose into his skin, inhaled, and then kissed his nipple. "What bed situation?" I asked, smiling against his chest.
He chuckled. "I don't know. I forgot what I was talking about."
I laughed softly, too. I brought my hands up, propped them on his chest, and rested my chin on them so I could look up at him.
"What are we gonna do, Ky?"
He smoothed my hair back off my forehead. "About what?"
"About everything. About us."
His hand halted. "What do you want to do?"
"I want to figure out where we're going to live—"
He released a breath. "Oh. We'll figure all that out. Once I find the will power to get out of this bed with you. Which could be three months from now."
I laughed. But I got up and sat on my knees facing him and looked at him very seriously. "I have to stay here and finish this school. I made a commitment and it's important to me. And I know you're still working to pay for my mama's care." Love and gratitude filled my heart at all he'd done for me and I grabbed his hand. "But after that, Kyland, I can hire someone else to run the funding for the school and I can work anywhere. Like I said, I get to give that gift back to you now. And so it's your turn to go to college." I was speaking quickly, the ideas coming fast and furious into my brain. "Rather than staying here, I could come with you, wherever you want to go—anywhere. And I'll get a teaching job there and we'll get a really small, inexpensive apartment and we might have to take out a small loan, but—"
Kyland laughed, a tender, but joyful sound. I halted talking and looked at him, realizing that for the very first time since I'd met him, his expression was filled only with joy. "That's all very sweet and we can talk about all that, but, Ten, you're topless right now and I haven't had any sex for four years, so I'm finding it hard to concentrate here."
I laughed and leaned in and kissed him. He smiled against my mouth, kissing me back. I squealed when he flipped me over and gazed down at me grinning his beautiful grin. "We have options now, beautiful girl. I have a couple more months at the mine and your mama is going to be in the hospital for a few more months, too, but after that, the world is our oyster. Or at least it feels like it." Peace. That's what I saw in his handsome face. That smile spoke peace, peace and hope.
The breeze blew through the open window next to Kyland's makeshift bed, ruffling the curtains, and I smelled the unmistakable smell of lavender. I gasped and turned my head. "There's lavender out there."
He nodded. "That's why I used the computer at the Evansly library to look up how to plant it initially. The smell of it reminded me of you. It helped me remember why the suffering was worth it. It helped me focus on what I was doing and why. It helped me remember the moment at the edge of our lavender field after we'd made love, when I realized I'd do anything to get you out of here, even if it mean
t breaking your heart." Sadness filled his expression. "I brought some inside in the winter. Christmas was the hardest time for me."
"Oh, Kyland." My breath hitched and heartbreak moved up my throat. "For me, too," I whispered, squeezing my eyes shut as I recalled those desolate holidays—the ones I'd spent with our old principal's niece who had taken me in when I'd first moved to San Diego.
He shook his head. "Let's not be sad. You're here now. It was worth it. And also, that's how I found out about lavender being a good cash crop. It's helped a few people. Some good came from it."
I nodded. "Yes," I whispered. I leaned up and kissed his lips softly.
He made love to me again, this time soft and slow, our initial desperation quenched. Afterward, as we lay together in the dwindling daylight, the sun slanting through his window, and as I gazed at the man I loved—finally beside me—the world seemed only full of light and hope.
CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE
Kyland
That weekend was the most joyful weekend of my life. We spent half of it on the floor of my room, the breeze blowing the scent of lavender through the open window, making love until our limbs were sore, and I didn't remember where she ended and I began. My Tenleigh, the one woman who soothed my soul and excited my body both at the same time. Nothing had changed in that regard.
When our backs were achy from lying down too long, we took a hike in our mountains. Once I had only seen desperation and poverty here—and there was no lack of pain and struggle in Appalachia. But now, walking hand in hand with Tenleigh, what I saw was the wild beauty of the forests just coming to life after a long winter. The wildflowers were blooming everywhere, the meadows awash in color, the streams were sparkling in the sunlight, and the air was warm and tasted of the sweetness of spring. These were the hills of my blood, the land my father and all his fathers before him had worked and loved in, toiling in the coal mines, working the soil of their land, and falling in love with women who would give them proud Kentucky sons and daughters. For the first time since I'd been a little boy, I felt fierce with the love of home, of these mountains, of the people who lived here, trying, failing, trying again, hanging on by their fingernails to their God-given pride and their enduring love of Appalachia.