Those poor people.
This was what he’d meant, that day on the mountain when he’d told me that he was scared about me discovering all the shit that he’d done and wanting nothing to do with him. It was this shit, him having a ball by killing people.
How on earth had I fallen for him? It was because of the package he came in.
He was really good at showing me kindness, but it wasn’t real. He was evil, and I should’ve never claimed him.
“Earth to Elena,” Becky finally said and I stopped thinking about everything.
I smiled at her as I put a fork of cold scrambled eggs into my mouth. Everyone was finished eating except me.
“What’s your answer?”
“Sorry,” I asked, not even hearing her question.
“Okay spit it out, what is up? First you went to bed like super early, locking your room. Now you are somewhere on cloud nine.”
“How do you know I locked my room?”
“Mom wanted to take you a cup of cocoa and the door was locked.”
“I just wanted some privacy,” I shook my head. “Can I please be excused?” I asked Lucille and she just looked at my plate with worry lines around her eyes. “You’ve hardly touched your food.”
“I’m not hungry. Sorry about last night.”
“It’s okay, go.” She smiled as I got up and left.
The entire morning the journal was haunting me again. I tried to draw, tried to not think about it. I even paced up and down in my room and when I couldn’t do it anymore I took his journal out again and used my pink kiss to open it.
I paged to the last poem I’d read and didn’t even finish it.
The next one, well it was a bit different. Really different.
Darkest days, dreary night
Seems all I do is fight
Endless days, against the world
Only darkness inside can behold
A feeling strong awakens me
The descendant's here, it cannot be
Hopes light ignites inside me
The rider is here to set me free
Soon to be a powerful dent
All my deeds would make amend
Dreary nights would no longer be
Until I saw the he is a she...
This was from the night I came to Dragonia Academy, or he’d written it the next day when he’d realized who I was and why my presence had woken him up. I read a couple after, they were poems about confusion and he’d lied to me about not wondering how they’d gotten me out. He’d asked that question so many times, over and over and it frustrated him as I could see the ink dented hard into the paper.
There were other notes written in-between. A number of a red head, and Phil. He kept writing in codes. Like what the hell is F.C. He needed it a lot too, and Phil was connected to it and another guy. Shit, what if F.C is it some type of drug? Did he do drugs?
Gosh, he was so messed up. How didn’t I know this?
I gasped at the next page. He used Irene and love in one sentence. My skin crawled. Did he and Irene? My mind went back to my first year in Dragonia Academy. He always went to see her, so many times. The night the dragons attacked us, he left with her that night. Never in a million years did I thought they were actually seeing each other. What about Tabitha? Did he even loved her at all, was she just a cover up or something.
That information hit me harder then I thought and I was disgusted with the both of them. Irene and Blake, she’s like three-hundred-years old. Ewe. Then again, Emanual was three-hundred-years old two and I almost…I couldn’t think about it.
I felt sick and needed to put the journal down again.
Blake was right. I so didn’t want anything to do with whoever the hell he was.
I knew absolutely nothing about this fucking asshole.
In the afternoon, I picked up his journal again after I went through all the things I’d gotten from him.
He really didn’t love Tabitha as much as I’d thought if he’d had an affair with the Viden.
She could lose her job over this.
I didn’t even want to think about it.
The next was another poem.
I am power and
I am might
I am flame and fury
I have no need for man nor beast
I am judge and jury
Dark winged thoughts
Spurn her allure
My malaise resisting cure
I strive against her summoning light
Seeking the comforting cloak
of night
Black velvet cognition
shrouds the call of her flame
Repels that in her
Which sings my name
The tides of my essence
Feel her pull
A fight between ocean
and shore
Alone I am unconquerable
But could there be
something more?
I am power and
I am might
An instrument of pain
I shall bow to no one
And none shall call me tame
But
oh! that light
and oh! that warmth
and oh! that silent song
Could there be
Between our worlds
A place where
we belong?
Something totally unexpected happened as I read this one. Tears actually filled my eyes. He’d tried to resist me, made it seem so easy too, but it wasn’t. He’d doubted it on a daily basis. Fought against it constantly. His words were so addictive and although his dark side scared the living crap out of me, I couldn’t stop reading his stupid journal.
I closed the book after I read two more poems and thought about them for a long, long time.
I’d thought keeping him from his darkness was hard, it wasn’t, he’d succumbed to it on numerous times. It was giving in to the light that was difficult.
THE NEXT DAY I promised myself I would appear normal again and went to Longbottoms with Becky and Sammy.
We stayed there the entire day, and talked about my upcoming birthday. Still, Blake’s journal and what he’d done haunted the back of my mind.
How could I have fallen for him? Even if that one poem was stuck in my head.
I knew my dragon was a poet, Professor Pheizer had told me that, and she was even on to him at that stage. Had she read his journal like she had with mine too, or had he given her another journal? A pretend one that didn’t have all the secrets this one did?
“So, Queen Margerite says that they are going to throw you a party before your big day and bring out the cake at twelve,” Becky explained
“At night?”
“It is your birthday, Elena. It’s her conditions if you don’t want a huge extravaganza on your day.”
“Fine,” I conceded.
“It will be held at the same place we held the Dragons’ function. I like that place. It will be perfect.”
“It’s going to be boring.”
“Why boring? I’m there.”
“You’ve not been yourself lately.”
“Well, I have my reasons.”
“Have you gotten through to him yet?”
“Nope.” She sulked again.
“I’m sure they are somewhere where there is no signal.”
I remembered what Emanual told me. If Blake was miserable, George would be too.
“Okay, what else?”
“She said no fancy dresses.”
“Finally!” I yelled manically.
Becky and Sammy laughed then Sammy got up. “Need to meet Dean at the coffee shop. See you girls later.”
“Bye,” I said while Becky sulked some more.
I smiled. I wanted to tell her so badly about his journal, but didn’t. I knew she would just want to read it too and then all his secrets would come out.
I still couldn’t believe that he’d had a thing for Irene. It explained a lot, like why he’d always
talked so highly of her.
“So what do you want to do on your birthday?”
“I don’t know. Maybe just spend it at Longbottoms.”
“Fine.”
“What? I like Longbottoms.”
“I know you do, you own half the place.”
I laughed. It wasn’t half, but it was pretty close.
WE LEFT AROUND four and I couldn’t wait to read the journal again. I had to sit through a spa day with the girls, and when nine o’clock finally came, I said goodnight and went to my room.
I closed my door and locked it again.
I opened Blake’s journal and carried on where I’d stopped yesterday.
I could more or less make sense of where he was in his life now.
Most of them were about me, about him resisting me as his rider. He’d mentioned it so many times and he’d put voice to the feelings he’d had after a while. He’d even written a poem about saving me that time. He’d thought his one chance was gone, how it made him feel, and then when he’d realized I would live, he’d kicked himself in the butt again.
Why had he saved me?
Then there was this one. It was when he came back from that beating, it was about Paul.
Betrayal and Consequences was what he’d called it.
A dark pleasure so grand
comes when they fall into my plan.
I wickedly lie, smile, and deceive
not a word of truth from me leaves.
I see a stranger roam the halls
gain their trust and more they fall.
Evil laughter echoes within
my Dark Side is pleased with the chaos and din.
My one true friend that remains,
as clouds of disaster starts to rain,
Leaves on a dangerous quest…
and until he wins, will not rest.
He wants to find a way to ‘save the world’,
tame the dark, and have the light unfurl.
I know the truth, I know ‘the way’.
I keep quiet. I don’t want to be saved.
I revel in the knowledge that I’m succeeding,
then the stranger makes his move and I’m reeling.
At first I feel glee, no one will catch on to my plan,
but she’s in danger…no, I won’t save the woman.
From within a spark bursts forth, I must go.
She might die, I really don’t know.
Silence. The world is still.
My friend is dead…the greatest man I knew.
I’m at the funeral, my girlfriend’s bruised.
If I were good I wouldn’t hurt those I claim to love,
If I’d been honest life right now wouldn’t be so tough.
If I had been honest, if I’d been good,
my friend would be alive…I know he would.
‘She’ would’ve conquered me…the one true heir.
I’m not good, but is this fate fair?
With her new form, fire and wings,
is she really the future queen?
No matter what, I betrayed my greatest friend.
I’m confused, I need his advice, but because I exist, he’s dead
Tears rolled over my cheeks and I chucked his book away from me. He’d really known all of this, even though he’d told me he hadn’t. It still hurt knowing that Lucian died because he was so dishonest. He was right to fear what would happen when I found out about all the shit he had done.
He’d tried harder after that, I knew he had, even though he didn’t want to help me, not before I changed into Cara, but he was selfish and only thought about himself.
I didn’t care anymore if it was a Rubicon thing, he was a fucking idiot.
Lucian and Brian were dead, while he knew the truth. He wanted to kill me too. How can anyone love someone if they wanted him or her dead at a stage?
I didn’t read any more of his poems after that one. I told myself I wouldn’t.
I would free him after we freed Etan, and then I hoped he would just disappear and I would never see him again.
He was really scaring me so much.
My birthday party was in a few days and I had another interview with some host who tried her best to talk about what had happened to me, but I just shook my head.
Jenna didn’t like it that much as she really liked this host and she said that I might have just killed this campaign by not co-operating. She has the numbers in views and blah, blah, blah.
Then she and Becky quarreled.
I was so over it.
Besides, I’d told Kevin he could get the exclusive and really didn’t care about this one. She was so fake. Just wanted the numbers and whatnot.
That night I had the urge to read more of Blake’s poems. Why I couldn’t just leave his journal alone was beyond me.
I opened his book again and paged past until I found the last poem I’d read.
Hope is gone
she’s not the heir.
So why is it
that I care?
She’s a Rubicon
ah, I see.
She’s meant to kill
and defeat me.
I train her
and peace calms my soul
She’s kind and incredible
I come to know.
She wins my heart,
but I won’t tell.
The darkness whispers
we can’t be together, though I fell.
I tell her the mission
she’s to kill me and save the land.
She’s mad and angry
she says…she loves me. Am I in quicksand?
We’re not for each other,
I must let her see.
I say hateful words
that I don’t mean.
I’ve damaged her spirit, the one I’ve come to adore,
darkness swallows me whole, I know no more
And then he’d written this….
His words were speaking to my soul. No wonder his music was so good. He was truly a poet, described things in ways I would never understand, but this, this made sense. All of them did. I knew he’d lied but reading the words of what had truly happened while he’d trained me that time, made me furious again. He’d fallen for me then, but because of me turning into Cara, throwing everyone and himself off, he didn’t trust it. And because of the darkness he’d slipped into, he didn’t feel anything when he woke after that.
So what if I was a Rubicon? I kept him from turning dark. Even though it wouldn’t have lasted but it should’ve given him hope and he still ran away from it like usual.
I huffed as I realized that he was one of the most complicated creatures I’d ever met. He was like layers of good and evil all mixed into one, just like an onion that was starting to rot.
How can someone trust that, really trust all of it?
It scared me still that he was like this, but I’d found my new addiction—his poems.
Whether they were dark or not, it was addictive.
Never Breath was a poem too, and so was Forever Last. Both great hits in Paegeia. They’d reached number one on the charts. It was a pity that the rest of the world wouldn’t hear The Shifters. Stupid band name.
I read a couple more, it changed drastically as the last one was one he’d written after he’d stepped over the edge and they had to sedate him. They were all dark again.
They weren’t kind either. It was before he came back, why he was so mean.
Darkness roams, controlling me
There's a love that cannot be
Truth has come, opening all
It won’t last, I’ve lost my soul
Freedom be mine, rider no more
Human girl, pathetic door
Veil of darkness covers me
I don’t want to can’t you see?
Evil, darkness, I’ve embraced
Forever mine, loneliness laced
He’d truly hated me. He’d never wanted this. I closed the book and put it back int
o the drawer. Wondering again why he had kissed me then.
I grunted. I was staring to rhyme myself from reading poems upon poems, and I wasn’t even a poet. Yet, he’d told me why he’d kissed me. It was so Blake. He hadn’t fallen for me; he just couldn’t hear my thoughts anymore. Had he even been speaking the truth up on that mountain that day?
I don’t know. All I knew was that I should’ve never trusted anything he said, this, this was who he was. These were the words of his soul, his dragon’s soul. It came from his heart. His dragon’s heart. This, I should trust this.
I should’ve never read his journal again and hoped and prayed that it would stay that way. I grunted again and made myself fall asleep.
I FORCED MYSELF not to read his journal for two days and it was working. I was weaning myself from his words.
It was the day of Queen Margerite’s function for my birthday.
A part of me was actually looking forward to it, as Becky said we should just get snotters, aka horribly drunk. Sammy of course didn’t like this one bit, as there would be many cameras.
I didn’t care anymore. The campaign was a huge failure. The numbers were not near where they should be and I don’t have what it would take to get people to fight for this cause.
We were going to party straight through, celebrate, get drunk and blow out candles at the stroke of midnight, and then party more until we passed out.
Becky really missed George, she was depressed, but today she was excited. A part of me even wondered if she hadn’t gotten a hold of George. She was really looking forward to tonight.
We took ages to get ready, but we all looked the part in our designer jeans and leather jackets.
I wore boots without heels. My feet needed a break from all Jenna’s wardrobe choices.
The function started at seven, I didn’t do many interviews. I was just happy that it was my function and thanked everyone that had thrown this party for me.
We posed for many pictures—ones that were worthy of the front page.
I’m sure after tonight they would get just what they were looking for.
Everyone was there.
Even Arianna and Heico. They looked over the moon in love and I wished I were a fly on King Caleb’s wall at night just to hear him bitch and moan about how Heico wasn’t good enough for his princess. I had to admit, I was starting to like her more and more, giving her old man all the hell he deserved.