“You’re staying here, all break by yourself, aren’t you?” I asked. “Even Christmas?”
Her arms wrapped around her chest and she said nothing.
I worked my jaw, keeping me from saying a whole shitload of things that wouldn’t help this situation. But that was it. I realized it then. There was nothing that would help this situation. And it wasn’t like I hadn’t tried. Avery was there, in my life, at one point, and then gone the next, as if she had never been there. And that was that.
An ache burst through my chest, and with startling clarity, it felt real. Too real. “Whatever,” I said, my voice hoarse. “Have a good Christmas, Avery.”
I’ve never in my life wanted to leave home and head back to my apartment as bad as I had over Christmas. Normally I stayed right up until the start of spring semester, but I couldn’t do it with all the questions.
Where is Avery?
How is she doing?
Did she go home?
On and on they went, and I wondered those very same questions a hundred times over during break. I had no answers, and every time I picked up my phone to text her, I stopped myself. She had made it as clear as humanly possible that she didn’t want anything to do with me.
Whatever we had, as brief as it was, it was over.
My mood was somewhere between shitty and shitastic the day after New Year’s. I packed up my stuff early that morning and was out by my truck when Teresa followed me out.
Stopping beside the front of the truck, she pulled her heavy sweater close to her body as wind whipped between the house and the garage. Sleep clouded her blue eyes. “You’re leaving without saying good-bye?”
I shrugged as I shut the passenger door. “Didn’t want to wake them up.”
She stepped back as I rounded the bumper. “That’s never stopped you before.”
I didn’t say anything.
“What’s up with you, Cam?” she asked.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” I glanced at her. “Shouldn’t you be wearing shoes? It’s freezing out here.”
“Flip-flops are shoes.” She hobbled back and forth, squeezing her arms tight against her body. “And you didn’t answer my question.”
Taking my hat off, I scrubbed my hand through my hair and then pulled the cap back on. I opened my mouth and I had no idea what I was about to say, but there turned out to be no words. The hollowness in my stomach, the empty, achy feeling, had grown and now it throbbed with such intensity, there was no ignoring it.
My sister looked up, squinting in the harsh, cold sun. “It’s Avery, isn’t it? You haven’t talked about her at all. And Mom really thought she’d be coming home with you since—”
“I don’t want to talk about this,” I cut her off, and her eyes widened. The last thing I wanted to think about was the fact that Avery had spent Christmas—Christmas, for God’s sake—alone. I didn’t want to feel bad for her. I didn’t want to feel anything. “Look, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to snap at you. I just need to get back to school.”
“For what?” she asked, frowning. “You have days before school starts.”
“I know.” I stepped forward, hugging my sister. For a moment, she didn’t move and then she hugged me back. As I stepped back and opened the door, I looked over my shoulder at her. “Tell Mom and Dad I’ll text them or call later.”
She didn’t immediately respond and then she nodded. “You’re going to be okay? Right?”
I climbed in the truck as I barked out a short laugh. Of course I was okay. Wasn’t like Avery and I had this extended history and it wasn’t like I had that strong of feelings for her. My attraction had to have been an infatuation, because she was something new. She was something different. That was all.
“Yeah,” I said, smiling in a way that made my lips feel weird. “I’m okay.”
Teresa watched me with a look that said she didn’t believe me at all, and I didn’t really believe myself.
I’d just stepped out of the shower and pulled on a pair of sweats when I heard a knock on the front door. Knowing it couldn’t be Ollie because he was still back home, I expected to see Jase or someone else when I opened the door.
Brittany stood there, her blonde hair pulled back in a short ponytail and hands clasped together under her chin. It looked like I interrupted her mid-prayer or something.
“Hey,” I said, unable to hide my surprise. I wondered how she knew what apartment was mine and then I remembered that she’d been here once before with Ollie, like half the college female population had been. “What’s up?”
She sucked in her bottom lip as she glanced behind her, toward Avery’s apartment, and knots twisted in my stomach. I knew Avery was home. Her car had been outside and hadn’t left since I returned.
“I hate to bother you and you look . . . um, busy.” Her gaze dipped over my bare chest, and I raised my brows. “But I need your help. Well, Avery needs your help.”
A sharp set of tingles spread along the back of my neck as I stepped forward. “What do you mean, Avery needs my help?”
“She’s really sick. I think she has the flu,” she explained in a rush. “She hadn’t been returning my calls so I checked in on her and found her passed out in her kitchen and—”
“What?” I brushed past her, heading for Avery’s door. “Did you call an ambulance?”
“No.” Brittany hurried behind me. “It’s just the flu and I need to get her some meds, but I can’t get her into her bed. She’s too heavy. So I was hoping that you could carry her back and maybe . . .”
I really wasn’t listening anymore. My whole focus was on Avery as I entered her apartment. The smell of sickness was strong—too strong—and I could see her denim-clad legs and bare feet.
Darting into the kitchen, I sucked in the sharp breath. Avery was curled on her side, compressed into a fetal position with one cheek plastered to the floor. Dark, sweat-soaked hair clung to the side of her face. Every few seconds, her body would shake and a tiny, breathy moan would come from her. Concern rose swiftly.
Brittany sighed. “I had her sitting up before I left.”
“Are you sure we don’t need an ambulance?” I asked, kneeling down. Carefully, I scooped the strands of damp hair off her face. Her lashes twitched, but her eyes did not open.
“I called my mom—she’s a nurse. She told me Avery should be fine as long as her fever goes down and she gets fluids in her, but I need to get her some meds.”
“I’ll stay with her while you go.”
Brittany said something else, but I didn’t hear it. I was only vaguely aware of Brittany picking up her purse from the back of the couch as I slipped an arm under Avery.
“No,” she moaned, twisting toward the floor feebly. “Cool . . . feels good . . .”
“I know, but you can’t sleep on the floor.” I lifted her up, wincing when her hot cheek landed against my chest. God, she was burning up. I turned, with her in my arms, realizing that Brittany had already left.
Avery mumbled something as she turned her face, but the words were too muffled and too slurred for me to understand.
“It’s okay,” I told her, because I really had no idea what to say. “You’re going to feel better soon.”
She didn’t respond as I carried her back to her bed. When I laid her down, I sat back and got a good look at the shirt she wore. Areas of the damp material clung to her skin. There were patches that were suspicious and made me think of the stench of sickness.
“Shit,” I said.
I looked around the room, finding a pair of pajama bottoms and a sleep shirt folded on her dresser. Taking one look at her, I made up my mind.
Many times over since I’d met Avery, I had imagined undressing her. The very fantasy of doing so had kept me up many nights. I hated to admit that it still did, even though I knew that it would never happen, at lea
st in the way I wanted.
Stripping her of her ruined clothing happened faster than a heart attack and was just as about as fun as one. Especially considering she was mostly unconscious and was nothing more than dead weight.
I didn’t peek. Okay. I might’ve peeked at the pink lacy bra, but it was a brief and totally innocent accident.
Once I had her in fresh clothes, I tucked her legs under the blanket. It was only when I noticed the bracelet did I remember that she didn’t sleep with it on. Wanting her to be comfortable, I slipped it off her wrist and placed it on the nightstand.
I grabbed two wet cloths from the bathroom and ran them under cold water. When I returned, she hadn’t moved, but she sucked in a sharp breath when I pressed the cloth to her forehead.
I don’t know how much time passed, but the first cloth warmed and I replaced it with the second one. Avery turned onto her side, wrapping her arm around mine. It was like she was holding me there, but the girl was in a fevered state and was delusional. She didn’t know what she was doing. Several times, she murmured things I couldn’t understand. At one point, she smiled, and my chest tightened.
“I miss that,” I said hoarsely.
She wiggled closer, and I smoothed the wet towel to her cheek. As the smile faded from her lips, the knots in my chest eased.
Brittany returned, and between the two of us, we coaxed flu meds and water down Avery’s throat. It wasn’t pretty. A sick Avery made for an extremely disagreeable Avery.
“I’m going to open the windows and air out the funk. Clean up the kitchen and stuff.” Brittany hovered by the door. “You don’t have to stay, you know, if you don’t want to.”
I shouldn’t stay. I’d done my good deed for the day, and if Avery woke up and saw me here, she’d probably accuse me of being a creeper. Biting the inside of my cheek as yet another soft whimper reached my ears, I turned to her. Under the rapidly warming cloth, her brow was pinched in discomfort. Her body was still curled toward me and that one arm was still wrapped around mine.
Adjusting the cloth, I knew I wasn’t going anywhere. “I’ll stay.”
Nineteen
I only knew that Avery was feeling better because she had stopped by the apartment. I wasn’t sure why she had and I wasn’t willing to find out. I told Ollie to tell her I wasn’t there. In a moment of rare seriousness, he’d asked if I was being serious.
I was.
The afternoon I’d spent with her while she’d been sick hadn’t done a damn good thing for me. All it had done was stir up shit I didn’t want to deal with.
Once the semester started, I spotted her all over campus. I wanted to talk to her, to see how she was doing, but there would’ve been no point. At least none I could see, but it was on Friday when it happened—when I couldn’t avoid her.
I was crossing the street, heading toward Knutti, when I heard my name shouted in a hoarse, barely recognizable voice. That was why I stopped and turned around.
Avery hurried up the steep hill, coughing so hard her entire body trembled with the force. Concerned, I shoved my hands into my hoodie to keep myself from acting like some kind of white knight and sweeping her into my arms.
Out of breath, she stopped in front of me. Her face was pale still, but her cheeks were flushed. The shadows were still under her eyes and the sweater she wore enveloped her.
“Sorry.” Her voice was horrible sounding. “Need a second.”
“You sound terrible.”
“Yeah, it’s the Black Death and it never goes away.” She cleared her throat and then swallowed before she lifted her chin.
Our gazes met, and I thought . . . I thought I saw something in her eyes. A mirror of what I felt, but there was a good chance the case of beer I drank the night before was still lingering in my veins.
I looked away, grinding my jaw. “I’ve got to get to class, so . . . ?”
The look of flight crossed her face, but she remained in front of me. “I just wanted to say thank you for helping Brit out when I was sick.”
Shifting my gaze to the diner all the way down the hill and across the street, I drew in air. “It’s not a big deal.”
“It was to me. So, thank you.”
I nodded and dared a glance at her. It was a mistake. The wind had blown a strand of shimmery hair across her cheek and it was hard not to catch it and sneak it back behind her ear. “You’re welcome.”
“Well . . .” Her brows knitted together.
“I’ve got to go,” I said again, turning to the side entrance. “I’ll see you around.”
“I’m sorry.”
Slowly, I turned around. Those two words were like being punched in the balls, because what exactly was she sorry for? I shook my head. “Me too.”
I was probably more sorry than she was.
“I’m beginning to think Ollie is out in the parking lot drinking our beer,” Jase said, leaning against the wall.
Beside me, Steph nodded in agreement. “Well, whoever thought it was a good idea to send him to Sheetz is the one at fault.”
She had a point, but we could’ve prepared better for fight night. Our place was packed like it always was for these events.
Steph leaned into my side, pressing her breasts against my arm, and I suspected she wasn’t wearing a bra. Wasn’t she supposed to have come with Jase? Sliding my cap around backward, I inched forward and glanced over at him.
He shrugged one shoulder and then turned to Henry as one of the preliminary fights picked up. The front door opened, letting in a burst of cold air just as the Canadian on the screen dished out a brutal strike down. The room was a mix of cheers and boos.
“Look who I found!” Ollie shouted.
I ignored him as the two fighters scrambled across the ring, but then Steph whispered, “You have a visitor.”
Distracted, I glanced over to my left and almost did a double take. My brows shot up as my eyes locked with warm, brown ones.
Avery stood beside Ollie, clenching a bottle of beer to her chest. Her hair was pulled up and she was all pink cheeks and wide eyes.
She had never been in my apartment before. Never. And I couldn’t believe she was here now and I had no idea why, but seeing her . . . well, it was like seeing the sun after days of rain.
I smiled slightly. “Hey.”
“Hey.” The hue of her cheeks deepened.
For several moments I was unable to look away from her and I wasn’t the only one. Several of the other guys, including Henry, were eyeballing her in a way all guys did when fresh meat was in the building.
I willed my gaze to the TV, but I was aware of Ollie guiding her to the empty recliner. My eyes were on the screen, but my entire body and my thoughts were to the right of me. A thousand questions rolled through my head. Seeing her in my apartment was the last thing I had expected. I was caught completely off guard.
“You want a beer, babe?” Steph asked, curling a hand around my upper arm.
I shook my head, focused on Henry. The fucker had slowly made his way over to where Avery sat. Nothing was wrong with the dude. I kept telling myself that, but when he said something about her socks, I started picturing him as the next serial killer.
Avery was drinking, much to my surprise, and I mean really drinking. Tequila shots and at least two beers for someone who didn’t drink was one hell of a way to kick off being a lush.
Her soft giggle hit me straight in the chest. My eyes narrowed as Henry grinned and Avery smiled.
“Seems like your friend likes Henry,” Steph commented quietly. “Interesting development.”
My heart kicked against my ribs in protest. Was she flirting with him? My hands curled around my knees as Avery laughed again. What the fuck? Jealousy—red-hot, ugly jealousy—hit my veins with the consistency of dunking my head in an acid bath.
I glanced at the screen and then Jase n
odded at me, his gaze flickering over to Avery. I sat the beer down on the coffee table as Henry said, “Old enough to know better.”
Damn right he was fucking old enough not to even be thinking what I knew he had to be thinking.
“Hey Henry,” I called out as my skin stretched tight. “Come here a second.”
“Jesus,” Steph muttered, crossing her arms as she leaned back against the couch.
Henry leaned down when I motioned him closer. “What up, man?”
“Leave that girl alone,” I told him, voice low as I met and held the older guy’s gaze. “I’m fucking serious. She’s not for you or anyone in this room.”
Henry’s brows rose and so did the corner of his lips. “Message received, buddy.”
I watched him make his way over to Jase, and I felt a little better. Not much, because I couldn’t fucking believe that after everything with Avery, she’d show up at my apartment, and start drinking and flirting with Henry the Horn Dog. I was absolutely in a state of fucking shock.
“You totally cock blocked,” Steph said, placing her hand on my arm again.
“What?” I twisted to her. “What do you mean?”
She rolled her eyes. “They were getting to know each other and you cock blocked.”
Getting to know each other? Fuck no that wasn’t happening right in front of me. “Do I look like I give a fuck that I stopped it?”
Steph jerked her hand back, but, honestly, I also didn’t give a fuck about her in that moment. Avery was smiling at Henry. Her smiles were so fucking rare and she was smiling at him. I couldn’t even remember the last time I was jealous, but I recognized the bitter taste in my mouth. It mingled well with anger.
Avery glanced at me and her smile started to fade.
“This is not happening,” I said.
Steph shot to her feet, and I had no idea what she was pissed about, but I really didn’t care. Standing up, I stalked over to where Avery sat. A big, wide and slightly drunk smile broke out across her face.
“Come with me for a sec?” I said, surprised by how even my voice sounded.