“It's not that way with Rick. With him, it's all or nothing. And right now it's nothing.” Christy lay across Tracy's bed on her stomach, dangling her head and arms over the edge.
“I take it you two didn't talk the other night after pizza,” Tracy said.
“No, I really blew it. I called him Todd.”
“You called Rick Todd?”
“Well, he was coming on strong, pressuring me and saying I didn't trust him. I was thinking that Todd would never treat me like that, and then I slipped and called him Todd.”
Tracy rolled over on her back and was silent for a moment before saying, “May I ask you a personal question? You don't have to answer if you don't want to.”
“What?”
“Did you ever kiss Rick?” Tracy asked.
“Yeah, a bunch of times. Or, I guess if you want to be more accurate, he kissed me a bunch of times. We didn't do anything more than that, in case that's what you're wondering. Why? Didn't you and Doug kiss when you were dating?”
“No.”
“No? You dated almost two months, and he never kissed you?”
“Doug has never kissed any girl.”
'You're kidding! How old is he?”
“He turned twenty last month. Didn't you know that about Doug? The first girl he wants to kiss is his wife, and their first kiss will be at the altar on their wedding day.”
“Really? I never knew that.”
“I thought he and Todd had made some monk pact and that you knew about it.” Tracy suddenly sprang to an upright position. '“Wait a minute. Do you mean to tell me that Todd has actually kissed you?”
Christy sat up too, feeling a little self-conscious. “Only four or five times, always in front of other people.”
Tracy looked at Christy with a glimmer in her eye. “I'm surprised. That really means something, Christy. I'm sure you're the only girl Todd has ever kissed.”
The feeling of being special diminished when Christy realized that Todd wasn't the only guy she had kissed. At that moment she wished she had never dated Rick Doyle. She wished she could have the last few months to do all over again, knowing that she would do things a lot differently. Neither Rick nor any other guy would pressure her into being anything other than who she truly was from the heart out.
“Don't” look so serious,” Tracy said. “Hey, you know what they say, don't you? Sometimes you have to kiss a couple of toads before the handsome prince comes along.”
on New Year's morning, Christy answered the door ready to go, with a blanket in one hand and a bag of cookies in the other.
She couldn't help but look at him differently than she had in years past. Doug had to be the only twenty-year-old guy in the world who fed starving children and was totally saving himself for his future wife. That kind of godliness was, as Doug had said, irresistible.
“My carriage awaits you, Princess.” Doug playfully bowed at the front door.
“I'm leaving now,” Christy called upstairs into the early morning stillness.
“Hold on,” Bob called back from the kitchen. He emerged with a picnic basket bulging with the breakfast he had prepared for them. “I didn't know if you would find many restaurants open on a holiday. So I thought this might hold you over until you can find some real food.”
“Thanks,” Christy said.
“Thanks,” Doug echoed, reaching for the basket.
“We'll see you and your gang after the parade,” Bob said. “Have a good time!”
Christy waved good-bye and followed Doug to his truck. He had left the engine running and the heater on, so it was nice and warm inside. The hour or so drive to Pasadena turned into a picnic adventure. Christy kept Doug supplied with a steady stream of blueberry muffins and held his carton of orange juice so he could drink it without taking his hands off the wheel or his eyes off the road. Bob had provided a bountiful feast, and Doug, true to form, put it all away.
“I told my uncle about Joab,” Christy said. “And I gave him the address and told him I was going to sponsor a child. I also told him I thought he should sponsor a few kids.”
“How did he take that?” Doug asked.
“Pretty well, I think. He didn't say much. See, over Christmas we had this discussion about how could God be loving when starving people are in the world. I told him yesterday that I thought God had given him enough money to help do something about starvation, but he had to be willing to share his wealth.”
“Whoa, Christy! Harsh attack, don't you think?”
“I felt strongly about it, and I wanted Uncle Bob to see that I was serious. I've always felt free to tell him whatever I think.”
Doug flashed a smile at her, “I think you're right about sharing our money. But it's hard to think like Job in the Bible and say, ȘThe Lord gives, and the Lord takes away. Blessed be the name of the Lord.’”
Christy thought a minute. “Job was that guy in the Bible with all the trials, right?”
“Right,” Doug said. “He lost everything, but he still hung tough and didn't blame God for his problems. In the end God blessed him over and above what he had before all the bad stuff happened.”
“I don't know if I could have that much faith,” Christy admitted.
“I know I couldn't,” Doug said. “And God knows it too, because He hasn't done to me what He did to Job. God seems to have a measuring cup for each person and only measures out the dosage that's right. Pretty awesome, huh?”
“Do you think God really measures out a huge dosage to starving children, and do you really think they can handle it?” Christy asked, not convinced by Doug's answers.
“I don't know.” Doug turned off the freeway. “I do know that He knows each one of them by name, and He promises to provide for everything He created. I also know that we're spoiled rotten, and we don't even know it. We expect God to be our own personal slave and bring us whatever we want whenever we ring the prayer bell.
“It's supposed to be the other way around,” Doug continued. “He's God. He's awesome. He can do whatever He wants. He's the Master. We're the ones who are supposed to be the servants—His servants.”
Christy knew she had fallen into the spoiled rotten category more than once. She knew she had treated God that way before, like her personal slave.
“So how does a person become a servant of God?” she asked.
“By surrendering. Offering yourself to Him.”
“I seem to have to do that over and over,” Christy admitted.
“Oh, me too. It's a constant thing. We have to keep choosing if we'll serve God or ourselves. It's usually easier to serve ourselves.”
“I'm just glad He doesrr't keep track of how many times I ask Him for forgiveness,” Christy said.
Doug smiled. “I know what you mean. God is pretty awesome, isn't He?”
Christy agreed, and looking out her window at all the parked cars lining the streets, she added, “I really appreciate your driving me up here today, Doug.”
Her emotions had begun to flirt with the idea of what it would be like to go out with Doug like this on a regular basis. He was a special guy. After all, Bob, Marti, and even Jon seemed to think she should recognize what a treasure he was.
“I'm glad it worked out. You're like a little sister to me, Christy, and I enjoy keeping an eye on you for Todd.” Doug glanced at her as if he weren't supposed to have said that.
Christy felt disappointed and not quite sure if she should feel insulted. It was embarrassing to have romantic thoughts about someone who saw himself as her bodyguard.
“Can I ask you something?” Christy asked, speaking fast before she lost her courage. “Are you interested in being with me because I'm your friend, or did Todd make you promise that you would guard me or something while he was gone?”
“What I said sounded kind of rude, didn't it?”
“I'm not sure what you were trying to say,” Christy said.
“I like spending time with you, Christy, and I think you're a really awesome s
ister in the Lord. But I would never think of seriously dating you as long as that bracelet is on your wrist. Todd's my closest friend, and I'd never snake him.”
Christy glanced down at the gold chain on her wrist and realized it was the one part of Todd she hadn't buried in the box with the rest of her souvenirs during her memorial service. She was so used to wearing it that she hadn't even thought to take it off.
“But did Todd put me up to this? No. I want to spend time with you because you're you and I value our friendship. I'm not much into dating anyway. Tracy probably told you I'm much better at being friends.”
Christy appreciated Doug's honesty, and she knew they were both better off keeping their relationship just the way it was. Still, she couldn't help but wonder if anything would be different between her and Doug if Todd hadn't found his way into her heart.
She had met Doug and Todd the same day. What was it that made her and Todd close while it left her and Doug “just friends”?
“Oh, good!” Doug said. “There's a spot for us to park over there.”
He pulled the truck onto a dirt area alongside dozens of other cars and turned off the engine. He and Christy loaded their arms with blankets, a small ice chest, and of course, the bag of cookies they had been saving.
They walked for several blocks until they came to Colorado Boulevard, where hundreds of people lined the streets, huddling in beach chairs with their sleeping bags pulled up to their chins. On one corner they passed a portable outhouse with a short line of people waiting to use it.
Christy noticed an older house with a wide front porch and a huge tree in the front yard. A hammock hung between the porch and tree, and two boys around her brother's age were wedged together in the hammock, covered with blankets and looking like a big cocoon suspended in the moist morning air.
Uncle Bob was right Everyone sleeps outside waiting for the parade. If my parents could see this, they would know it would have been harmless for me to have done it too.
A few yards up, Christy noticed some college-age guys tossing a Nerf football in the blocked-off street.
“That looks like Rick,” Christy said. “I don't know who that guy with him is though.”
The guy receiving Rick's pass had on a navy blue sweatshirt with the hood pulled over his head, which made it difficult to determine his identity.
“You don't suppose…” Doug began and then stopped.
'“What?” Christy asked.
“Oh, it's crazy,” Doug said. “For a minute I thought the guy over there with Rick might be Todd. Todd always wears a sweatshirt like that.”
Christy felt an immediate rush inside as if she had just taken a dip on a roller coaster with her eyes closed. It can't be Todd. Can it? What if it is?
“Hey, Rick!” Doug called out, waving.
Rick held the football and looked around.
“Over here,” Doug yelled.
Rick spotted him and waved back. The other guy jogged over with him, and Christy eagerly tried to see who it was. He didn't run like Todd.
The guy pulled down the hood of his sweatshirt and revealed flaming red hair that could only belong to Katie.
“Hi!” Katie greeted them enthusiastically.
Christy drew in a deep breath and felt her stomach do another dive.
“Where did you get that sweatshirt?” she snapped at Katie.
“It's my brother's. Why?”
“Oh, I just wondered.” Christy tried to calm down. “So, where's everybody else?”
“We never found them last night,” Katie said.
“You mean you and Rick stayed here all night, just the two of you?” As soon as she said it, Christy realized how accusing she sounded.
“Boy, what's with you this morning?” Katie asked. “Get up on the wrong side of the new year?”
“No, I'm sorry. Forget everything I said. Let's start over.” Christy changed her voice to a brighter tone. “Oh Katie, hi! I'm glad we found you. How's it going?”
Katie gave Christy a questioning look, “Rick wanted to wait until you guys arrived before we went looking for the rest of the group since this is the street corner Doug told him to wait on.”
Rick and Doug, their arms loaded with Rick and Katie's stuff, joined the two girls. Rick handed Katie her backpack and blanket.
“Ready to go on safari?” Doug asked. “Trie rest of the group has to be around here somewhere.”
Feeling like a refugee, Christy fell in step behind Doug, and Katie did the same behind Rick. The guys led them out into the street, where it was much easier to walk without obstacles.
“I feel like people are looking at us as if we're part of the parade,” Christy said to Katie. “I hope we find the rest of the group soon. This stuff is getting heavy.”
“Look over there.” Katie pointed across the street to a guy setting up a television camera on an adjustable metal platform.
“Hi, Mom,” Katie called out, waving to the camera. “Happy New Year!”
Then, liking the idea of being in the middle of the parade route much more than Christy did, Katie started to goof off, waving to the little kids who lined the curbs.
“Good morning, little friends!” she said in her elf voice. “Rise and shine. The big parade is coming soon!”
“Stop it,” Christy said in a mock scold. “They're starting to wave at you. They think you're part of the parade.”
Katie laughed and waved back. “You've got to take your fans where you can find them!”
Then they heard someone calling, “Hey, Christy! Doug! Over here.”
The foursome crossed the street as they spotted Heather and Tracy standing and waving at them. A group of about a dozen people Christy knew from previous beach gatherings was camped out beside the street. For the next ten minutes, there was a flurry of hugs, introductions, and explanations.
Once they settled in and wedged their blankets into the space available, Christy plopped herself down next to Tracy, “I feel like a pioneer woman who just made a six-month trek to California. Somehow this whole Rose Parade was a lot more glamorous from the comfort of my living room couch.”
“So?” Tracy asked. “Did you talk to Rick yet?”
Before Christy could answer, Rick, who they didn't realize was standing behind them, stuck his head between them and asked, “Did I hear someone mention my name?”
“Oh!” Tracy said, startled.
She looked at Christy and then at Rick, “I was asking Christy if you two had a chance to talk yet.”
Christy turned her head away from Rick.
“I don't know,” Rick said. “Have we had our talk yet, Christy?”
“Not exactly,” she said, still not looking at him.
“Then maybe you'd better step into my office.” Rick offered his hand to pull her up.
Christy let him help her to her feet and gave Tracy a grimace that said, “Why did you say anything?”
Tracy smiled and blew Christy a kiss to send her on her way.
Rick led Christy away from the crowd and headed down a street that crossed the parade route. He stopped at a low cement-block fence that edged the front of someone's yard. Sitting down, he motioned for Christy to sit beside him.
She remembered the time last year when Rick sat with her on a cement-block wall at school and talked her into trying out for cheerleading. Today the damp chill from the cold cement shot right through Christy's jeans, and she shivered.
“Cold?” Rick pulled off his high school letterman's jacket and wrapped it around her shoulders before she could answer.
The jacket smelled like Rick. It felt like Rick's arms were once again around her. He was being so sweet and looked at her so tenderly. This was finally their moment to talk, and she had absolutely no idea what it was she wanted to say to him.
'“You know, you're the only girl I've ever done this with,” Rick said, a half grin pulling up the side of his mouth.
“Done what?” Christy asked.
“I've never talked to a
ny of the girls I've dated after we broke up. You're the first one. Their friends would talk to me sometimes. Usually it was only to tell me what a jerk I was to their friend.”
This was a vulnerable side of Rick she knew he didn't show often. Christy used her eyes to tell Rick to continue.
“Ever since junior high,” he explained, “I'd go out with a girl, break up with her, and never talk to her again. Now that I'm in college, I have a bunch of girls who are good friends. And, you see, you're in the middle. You're not like any of the girls I dated in high school, and you're not one of the girls from our college Bible study. I don't really know what to do with you.”
With Rick's jacket warming her and everything so tender between them, Christy wanted to say, “Take me in your arms and hold me. I'll be whatever you want me to be, Rick!” Fortunately, she remembered all the strained feelings, hurts, and insecurities from when they had dated. She remembered Rick's arrogant nerve when he took Todd's bracelet from her.
“Let me be one of your friends, like the girls at your Bible study,” Christy said softly. “I want to be friends with you the way I am with Doug and these others. And I want you to be friends with Tracy, Heather, and Katie. I want us to all do things together and not have to feel weird because of what went on in the past.”
“I want that too.” Rick reached over and squeezed her hand. “Friends?”
“Friends,” Christy agreed, squeezing his hand back. “Are you sure we're okay?” she asked as an afterthought.
“What do you mean?” Rick asked.
“The last time we tried to talk, you said that you didn't think I trusted you and that I'd never given our relationship a chance. Do you still feel that way?”
Rick let out a deep breath. “I guess it's no secret that I've always felt a little jealous of the place Todd has in your life. Maybe there's room for both of us. Maybe there isn't. You're going to have to be the one to decide. I don't see any harm in you and me being friends and you and Todd being friends, as long as that's what we all are. Friends.”
Christy thought she liked the arrangement, even though something in Rick's voice made her wonder if he didn't want more from their relationship. For now though, Rick seemed willing to wait and be friends, and that's what she wanted from him.