***
When visiting hours were over we piled back into Dani’s car, just idling there at the top of the parking garage.
“What now?” Dani asked.
“I don’t know.”
“It’s a long drive back,” Felix said. “I’m sure your moms are worried.”
I had eighteen missed calls from my mom, ten voice messages—each one an octave higher than the last. I knew if I called her now she’d be pissed. But I knew if I didn’t she’d be even more pissed. I dialed her number and she picked up on the second ring.
“What the hell, Bryn?”
“I’m sorry.”
“No you’re not, but you will be. You better be on your way home this second. I don’t care if you kids have to drive all night. Get your asses back here now.”
“Not yet.”
“What do you mean not yet?”
“I mean I’ll call you in the morning. Look, I’m fine. We’re fine. I’ll be home soon.”
“Soon. When exactly is soon?”
“I’ll be home soon,” I said again. “There’s just something I have to do first.”
“Bryn, if you—“
“Bye mom.”
I hung up on her mid-sentence. I just couldn’t think with her yelling in my ear, with Dani asking what now, with Roman lying in that hospital bed. Still. After everything we’d been through. After I finally found him.
I don’t know what I’d expected. That he’d hear my voice, that he’d feel me somehow. That that would be enough to wake him up. That I would be enough. But I wasn’t. I’d sat there all day listening to him breathe and it was all either of us could do. All his dad had been able to do for six months.
I sunk against the seat trying not to think about his face. It was seared there over every crooked smile and almost laugh, over his eyes pouring into mine, teeth kneading his bottom lip. I tried to remember him the way he was. The way he would be. But all I could think about was him lying in the sand and how he’d looked more dead in that hospital bed than the corpse I’d found six months earlier. The corpse I’d brought back to life.
I sat up. “We have to go back.”
“We haven’t slept,” Dani said. “Maybe we should rest for a little while before we try to drive back.”
“Yeah,” Felix said. “I can get us a hotel room.”
“No. Not home,” I said. “Back inside. I need to go back.”
“Bryn—”
“Just…for a minute. I just, I want to be alone with him for a minute before we go.”
“But visiting hours are over,” Dani said.
“Then we sneak in,” Felix said. “Use a service elevator or something. Dani and I will create a distraction while you slip inside his room.”
Dani shot him a look. “And if a nurse comes? What if someone sees us?”
“Then I’ll go alone,” I said. “But I’m going.”
“No,” Felix said. “We’ll all go. We’ll help.”
We found the service stairs and slipped through the heavy door when no one was looking. We scaled them as quietly as we could but even the lightest step echoed along the concrete space. We heard other footsteps and froze. A door slammed shut, taking the sound with it, and we kept going. After six flights I peered through the small window onto Roman’s floor. The lights were dimmed, the nurses’ station casting a putrid glow over the elevators.
We watched a few nurses disappearing into rooms, quietly making their way out, still making their rounds. We spent half an hour tensing at every footstep and slamming door, waiting for a lull.
“What now?” Dani asked.
The nurses were starting to congregate behind the desk, slipping out of view behind a wall.
“Think there’s a break room or something back there?” Felix asked.
“Maybe.” I eyed the desk. It was tall and wide. If I crouched down low I thought maybe I could slip by without them seeing me.
“Okay,” Felix whispered. “Dani and I will walk to the front desk. You crouch down and follow close behind us. Hopefully they won’t see you. We’ll distract them while you make it down the hall to his room.”
“Okay,” I said. “Let’s do it.”
I examined the distance from the front desk to the window at the far end of the floor. The space seemed to narrow, overhead lights stretching on forever.
Felix pushed open the door and I followed them out on bent knees. They hooked arms, Dani holding out her jacket a bit to help hide me from view. They made it to the nurses’ desk and I crouched there, trying to find an open doorway.
“I’m sorry,” a voice said, “visiting hours were over at eight.”
Felix sighed. “Dani, I told you it would be too late to come by.”
“Well, I could have sworn he told me visiting hours lasted until nine.”
“Just like you could have sworn it was the first building on the third floor. You know we’ve been walking around this hospital for almost an hour. We got lost twice…”
I made a break for it, cutting into an open room. There was a nurse scribbling on one of those plastic clipboards and I slipped back out. I saw someone coming down the hall and I ducked into another room, pushing the door open with a loud click. It was empty except for the person lying unconscious in the bed next to the window.
I peered through the crack in the door. It was quiet. When I didn’t see anyone I leaned out, looking back toward the nurses’ station. Felix and Dani were still arguing, backs at an angle. I took off down the hall, taking long strides. I heard another door click open, a nurse stepping out into the hall. But I was so close.
I ran for it, slamming into Roman’s door with a thud. I waited for the sound to travel, for someone to find me there. I hid in the bathroom behind the shower curtain. There were footsteps. The door pushed open. I heard sneakers squeaking on the linoleum floor and then a pen scratching on a piece of paper. The door closed again, the clipboard clanking, and then it was quiet.
I eased back out into the room. It was dark, curtains pulled closed, one thin strand of light carving across the floor. But I was relieved. The night eased things. I moved to the bed and suddenly Roman’s face looked softer and behind moist eyes he almost looked whole again. I let the tears hang there, growing heavy. I wanted to touch him, to feel him in this world, even if they were only pieces. I wanted to feel him. So I did.
I leaned over him, still watching the door, and then I reached for his hand. It was cold and stiff, the skin between his fingers dry. I tried not to concentrate on the bones poking out from beneath his knuckles, on the harsh slant of his palm as it rested in mine. I let myself sink against the mattress, careful, quiet. I sat there, looking at him, holding his hand until my insides couldn’t take it anymore.
“Wake up,” I whispered. I squeezed his hand. “Please. Roman.” I rested my head on his chest. It was hard and hollow and it made me feel cold. I tried to remember what it had felt like that night in the clearing, what it had felt like kissing him under that Dogwood tree. “Please wake up.” I looked up at him but he was still. So painfully still. “Wake up. Roman. This is not a coincidence.” My fingers curled around his small shoulders and I leaned in closer, every thin exhale brushing my lips. “This is not a coincidence. Please, Roman. Please.”
I sunk there against his lips, my tears spilling onto his face. I opened my eyes, watching them peel down his cheeks. I didn’t want to move. I didn’t want to let go of him. But I did. I let go of him and then I felt the air pour from my lungs. I felt him inhale. His lips brushed mine again and then he blinked.
Also by Laekan Zea Kemp
The Things They Didn’t Bury
Orphans of Paradise
Breathing Ghosts
The Boy In Her Dreams
The Children of The Moon
For more information about the author or The Girl In Between series visit:
www.laekanzeakemp.wordpress.com
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