Chapter 2
A Horse is a Horse, of Course, of Course...
Mordy and Otto waited for Sallie The Horse in a dilapidated shack on the east end of the graveyard that he called his office. The place was poorly lit and reeked of musty fertilizer. There was a row of tall gray steel filing cabinets that nearly went to the ceiling and a desk littered with papers and receipts. They were sitting on two wobbly milk crates on the other side of the desk, waiting for The Horse to finish taking his dump in the back bathroom. They were called to the meeting last minute and were not told why which made them worry. Mordy’s leg couldn’t stop shaking. He turned to Otto, “How do I look?”
Otto gave him a once over. “Fix your hair.”
Mordy ran his fingers through his hair which did nothing. “What do you think The Horse wants to talk to us about?”
“I already told you the last seven times you asked me, I don’t know. He just said for us to get here immediately.” Otto said quietly.
Mordy was suspicious. “I don’t like it,” he said.
“Just be cool.” Otto replied, not liking it much himself.
“When he comes in, should we shake his hand or give him a hug?”
“Feel it out.”
“You nervous?”
“Just let me do the talking.”
“What if he asks me a question directly?”
“If he asks directly then you can answer but don’t initiate conversation.”
Mordy kept looking behind him.
“What are you doing?” Otto finally said.
“I keep having these thoughts. What if we’re gonna get whacked out. What if The Horse found out we looked in the box and this whole thing was a setup to get us here and then put us down?”
“If he knew we looked in that box, we’d be dead already.” Otto said.
Mordy agreed. “Just don’t eat or drink nothing he gives us.”
“You see any food around?” Otto said.
“Just saying, a meeting like this, it’s only right he bring bagels.”
Otto just shot him a look, which Mordy misinterpreted. “You’re right, could be laced.”
A toilet flushed and the back door opened. The stench hit the air before they saw the man. Sallie The Horse walked out and sat at the desk across from them. He was big. Maybe six and a half, three something and emitted an odor that was a cross between urine and cheese. He had a black eye patch on his left eye that looked like he bought from the dollar store. He had an apple palmed in his meat hook of a hand and shined it on his corduroy suit coat like a school teacher would in the 50s. Otto noticed those meat hooks and envied them, given his own.
“I picked this from the tree outside.” The Horse said with the voice of a giant who had emphysema.
“Nice piece of fruit Sallie,” Mordy said in full blown kiss ass mode. The Horse held up the apple and examined it, “Apple seeds got cyanide in them, if you can believe that.”
“I don’t believe it.” Mordy said, amazed.
“You saying I’m lying?”
The mood changed suddenly.
Mordy shuffled in his seat. “Come to think of it you’re right Sallie. I think I heard that about apples and cyanide. It’s in the pips.” Otto closed his eyes and felt the acid reflux bubble up into his throat pipe. He wished for once Mordy would just shut up.
“What’s a pip?” The Horse said through a voice that was mostly a wheeze.
“An apple seed, no?” Mordy looked to Otto for confirmation who in turn, tried to deflect. “You were saying Sallie?” The Horse continued, “The level is low but if a guy stored up enough apple seeds and ate them all at once, he’d die just like that.” He snapped his pig fingers which didn’t snap but they got the point.
The Horse pulled out a pocket knife and slowly cut around the apple peel, “I wanted to see you boys, I wanted to see you boys because I have a situation. A situation I think you may be interested in. I was going to handle it myself, but I got to be out of town for a few days.”
“Anything you need us to do Sallie, we do.” Otto said.
“It ain’t what I need you to do. This particular order comes directly from...” He pointed to the sky and they understood that to be The Man With The Plan.
Mordy’s face lit up. Even Otto seemed satisfied but masked it under his poker face.
“He mentioned us personally?” Mordy asked.
“Not really.”
“He asked for just me then.” Mordy asked again.
“No.”
“Oh.”
“He asked me to recommend two competent young bucks for an important job, I thought of you too first... well, that’s not entirely true... I thought of Walter and Charlie first, but they’re held up on another assignment. So that means you boys get it by default. So don’t go getting a swollen head, you’re second choice.”
Mordy and Otto looked at each other. They’d take it.
The Horse rummaged through his desk, looking for the envelope with their orders. He cursed and snorted but finally found it under his planner then slid it over. Mordy went for it but Otto was faster. The Horse pulled out a briefcase from the side of the desk and gave it to Otto as well, “As usual, the rule of thumb, don’t engage in conversation with the guy you’re gonna meet but don’t be rude neither. Guy’s a little impulsive and unpredictable so stay on your toes. And especially don’t mention his wife. He hates his fucking wife. I mean hates his fucking wife.”
“Why does he hate his wife?” Mordy asked.
“What did I just say?” The Horse snorted.
“No wife, got it. I was just saying.”
“I gotta stress that this is an important transaction and the guy is very important to me and even more important to The Man With The Plan. You do good with this then I’ll see what I can do about moving you up into collections and bouncing you out that graveyard.”
“We appreciate the opportunity Sallie.” Otto said earnestly.
“We are gonna knock this the fuck out of the park for you Sallie!” Mordy chimed in, over doing it.
The Horse just grunted unimpressed and went back to his papers which meant the meeting was over. They nodded and quickly got up to leave.
Otto got to the door first and opened it. He noticed Mordy had stopped and started to randomly look around the office. Otto wondered what the hell he was doing. He seemed like he was acting, hamming it up so that he noticed something was missing in the office. Otto could feel the lump in his throat swell as Mordy opened his mouth and was about to speak again. “Hey Sallie, where’s Pippy?” Otto froze and just looked at the floor.
“I had to get rid of him.” The Horse said, still shuffling his papers.
“Oh yeah, it’s sad when a pet dies. I had a pet once. Moolenyan. He was a black garter snake.”
The Horse started to smell something. “Close the door,” he quickly said to Otto. Otto knew The Horse was a killer and could tear them down in an instant. He thought about running.
“Close it I said.” The Horse called out again. Otto slowly closed the door and his eyes.
“Now lock it.” The Horse commanded.
Mordy’s heart sank as he heard the steel lock close. He fought the urge to piss himself as he watched The Horse get up from the tiny chair and onto his feet.
“Who said he died?” The Horse said.
Mordy was drowning and looked to Otto for a life preserver. Otto was about to speak, but The Horse motioned him to be quiet with a wave of the meat hook. Mordy just back peddled. “Well I just assumed that he died Sallie, since those things don’t live that long. In general.”
The Horse walked one foot in front of the next like a mummy and stopped when he was between them. Mordy got a good whiff of the man and wanted to vomit on his shoes that must have been a size fourteen. He was a walking, rotting corpse of a human being. He picked up one of his sausage fingers with a yellow tip and waved it in the air as if he had just solved a complicated math problem. “You assumed correct. He did die. Some digestive thing
ate his little fucking guts out the vet said. Something he ate maybe, which is odd since I never fed him anything but the lettuce from my veal sandwiches.” Otto glared at Mordy.
“These things just happen Sallie.” Mordy said, dying inside.
Otto noticed The Horse had the apple in one meat hook and the knife in the other. He could push that knife into Mordy’s neck with ease. It would be like jabbing into a stick of butter that’s been sitting out all day.
“Did you look in the box?” The Horse said.
“What box? From the other day?” Mordy quipped. The Horse just stared.
“No Sallie, we just buried it like our orders said to do.” Mordy piped.
The Horse turned to Otto for confirmation who after a moment of thinking it over, nodded in agreement. He didn’t buy it and seemed to just gaze through them. “You boys remember the story of Adam and Eve? They lived in a paradise. They had abilities we ain’t got today. Magic powers if you will. They could wipe their own asses just by thinking about it. They made their own kids by imagining them up. Any type of kid. You wanted a little African kid? Poof, a little brown bastard dropped from the sky. Same with the Gooks and Indians. They even had purple kids back then. Called them Plum babies. No birth pains for the women either. Whatever you could think of, you created, it was paradise but there was just one order you couldn’t break... one measly little commandment... don’t... eat... the apple.”
Mordy and Otto just stared, ready for anything.
“But they were weak, they couldn’t resist, they fell and lost it all. Now they had to wipe their own asses and pork their ugly wives to procreate and they couldn’t even pick the color.”
The Horse held up the apple.
“And ain’t it ironic, smack in the middle of a delicious fruit… the seeds...” The Horse leaned into Mordy and mockingly corrected himself, “The pips... are filled with poison. Maybe just as a little reminder of what happens when you fuck up.”
The Horse cut the apple in two and gave each of them a half.
“Now go.”
They nodded and Otto unlocked the door and they walked out of the office, grateful they were still alive.