She shrugged out of her coat and took a chair instead. She linked her hands firmly in her lap and waited.
“The fact that you’re still angry with me proves that there’s an emotional investment between us.” He sat, resting his hands on his knees. “I realized that trying to resolve things right after the incident was a mistake.”
“The incident? Is that what we’re calling it?”
“Because,” he continued, calmly, “emotions, on both sides, were running too close to the surface, making it difficult to compromise and vent constructively.”
“I rarely vent constructively.” She smiled then, but her eyes were hot. “I don’t suppose we got to know each other well enough for you to realize that under certain circumstances, I have a nasty temper.”
“I understand.” He was pleased, very pleased that they were communicating again. “You see, Deanna, I believe part of our difficulties stemmed from the fact that we didn’t know each other as well as we should have. We share the blame there, but it’s a very human, very natural inclination to show only your best sides when developing a relationship.”
She had to take a deep breath, had to school herself to remain seated when the urge to spring up and strike out was churning inside her. “You want to share the blame for that, fine—particularly since I have no intention of ever moving beyond that stage with you.”
“Deanna. If you’ll be honest, you’ll admit that we were creating something special between us.” As a good therapist, he kept his eyes steady on hers, his voice mild and soothing. “A meeting of intellects, of tastes.”
“Oh, I think our meeting of intellects and tastes took a sharp division when I walked in and found you and Angela groping each other. Tell me, Marshall, did you have the brochures for our proposed Hawaiian tryst in your jacket pocket at the time?”
His color rose. “I have apologized repeatedly for that lapse.”
“Now it’s a lapse. Before it was an incident. Let me give you my term for it, Marshall. I call it a betrayal, a betrayal by two people I admired and cared for. Deliberate on Angela’s side, and pathetic on yours.”
The muscle in his jaw began to twitch. “You and I had not fully committed to each other, sexually or emotionally.”
“You’re saying that if I’d gone to bed with you, it wouldn’t have happened? I’m not buying it.” She sprang to her feet. “I’m not sharing the blame for this one, pal. You’re the one who thought with your glands. So take my advice, doctor, and get the hell out of my house. I want you to stay away from me. I don’t want you knocking at my door. I don’t want to hear your voice on the phone. And I don’t want any more calls in the middle of the damn night where you can’t even drum up the guts to speak.”
He stood, standing stiffly. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Don’t you?” Her cheeks were flaming.
“I only know that I want to make things right. My eyes have been opened during these months since you cut me out of your life, Deanna. I know you’re the only woman who can make me happy.”
“Then you’re in for a sad life. I’m not available, and I’m not interested.”
“There’s someone else.” He stepped forward, gripping her forearms before she could jerk away. “You can speak of betrayal when you so casually, so easily move from me to someone else.”
“Yes, there’s someone else, Marshall. There’s me. Now take your hands off me.”
“Let me remind you what we had,” he murmured, pulling her against him. “Let me show you the way it could be.”
The old fear returned, making her tremble as she fought free of his grip. Struggling for air, she braced herself against the chair. Cornered, she was cruel. “You know what would make an interesting topic for my show, Marshall? Try this on. Respected family counselors who harass women they’ve dated as well as seducing underage girls.” She wrapped her arms tight around her body as his color drained. “Yes, I know all about it. A child, Marshall? Can you imagine how that revolts me? The woman you were seeing while you were supposedly developing our relationship is small change compared to that. Angela sent me a little package before she left for New York.”
Cold sweat pearled on his brow. “You have no right to publicize my private life.”
“And no intention of doing so. Unless you continue to harass me. And if you do—” She trailed off.
“I expected better than threats from you, Deanna.”
“Well, looks like you were wrong again.” She strode to the door, yanked it open. “Now get out.”
Shaken, he picked up his coat. “You owe me the courtesy of giving me the information you have.”
“I owe you nothing. And if you’re not out this door in five seconds, I’m going to let out a scream that’ll raise the roof on this building and bring the neighbors running.”
“You’re making a mistake,” he said as he walked to the door. “A very big mistake.”
“Happy holidays,” she told him, then slammed the door and turned the bolt.
“Great show, Deanna.” Marcie wiped at her eyes as Deanna walked back into the dressing room. “It was great to have all those families of soldiers over in the Gulf on together. And those tapes from over there.”
“Thanks, Marcie.” Deanna walked over to the lighted makeup mirror and removed her earrings. “You know, Marcie, it’s New Year’s Eve.”
“I’ve heard rumors.”
“It’s that time for ‘Out with the old, in with the new.’ ” Pushing a hand through her hair, Deanna turned in front of the mirror, critically studying left profile, right, full face.
“And Marcie, my friend, I’m feeling reckless.”
“Oh yeah?” Marcie stopped arranging her makeup case in preparation for Bobby Marks. “What kind of reckless? Like going-out-and-picking-up-strange-men-at-cheap-bars reckless?”
“I didn’t say I was insane, I said I was reckless. How much time do you have free before Bobby comes in?”
“About twenty minutes.”
“Okay, that should do it.” Deanna boosted herself into the swivel chair, then spun it away from the mirror. “Change me.”
Marcie nearly gave in to the urge to rub her hands together. “You’re serious?”
“Deadly. I had a nasty scene with a former relationship a few days ago. I don’t know if I’m going to have a job much less a career this time next month. I may just be falling in love with a man who spends more time out of the country than in, and in two weeks we could be at war. Tonight, New Year’s Eve, I will not be with the man I think I may be falling in love with, but at a crowded party socializing with strangers because socializing with strangers is now part of my job. So I’m feeling reckless, Marcie, reckless enough to do something drastic.”
Marcie clipped the knee-length bib around Deanna’s neck. “Maybe you’d better define ‘drastic’ before I get started.”
“Nope.” Deanna inhaled deeply, exhaled slowly. “I don’t want to know. Surprise me.”
“You got it.” Marcie picked up her spray bottle and dampened Deanna’s hair. “You know, I’ve been wanting to do this for weeks.”
“Now’s your chance. Make me a new woman.”
Little tangles of nerves formed in Deanna’s stomach as Marcie snipped. And snipped. She watched with a faltering heart as tresses of ebony hair hit the tiled floor at her feet.
“You know what you’re doing, right?”
“Trust me,” Marcie told her, as she snipped some more.
“You’re going to look fabulous. Distinctive.”
“Ah, distinctive?” Wary, Deanna tried to turn toward the mirror.
“No peeking.” Marcie laid a firm hand on her shoulder. “It’s like going into a cold pool,” she explained. “If you try to ease it a little at a time, it’s a hard, miserable experience. And sometimes you chicken out and back off before you get under. If you do it all at once, you have that one nifty shock, then you love it.” She pursed her lips as she wielded the scissors. “You kn
ow, maybe it’s more like losing your virginity.”
“Holy shit!”
Marcie glanced up and grinned at CBC’s resident television chef. “Hiya, Bobby. Almost done here.”
“Holy shit,” he said again, and stepped inside to stare at Deanna. “What’d you do, Dee?”
“I wanted a change.” Her voice was weak as she started to lift a hand to her hair. Marcie pushed it away.
“A cold pool,” she said darkly.
“It’s a change, all right.” Bobby stepped back, and shook his head. “Hey, can I have some of this hair?” Stooping, he picked up a handful. “I can have a toupee made. Hell, I could have half a dozen.”
“Oh, God, what have I done?” Deanna squeezed her eyes tight.
“Dee? What’s keeping you? We need to—oh, Jesus!” Fran stopped in the doorway, one hand covering her gaping mouth, the other pressed to her belly.
“Fran.” Desperate, Deanna reached out. “Fran. Fran, I think I had a nervous breakdown. It’s New Year’s Eve,” she babbled. “Bobby’s making toupees. I think my life is flashing in front of my eyes.”
“You cut it,” Fran managed after a moment. “You really cut it.”
“But it’ll grow back, right?” Deanna snatched a lock of hair from her bib. “Right?”
“In five or ten years,” Bobby predicted cheerfully, and arranged some of Deanna’s shorn locks atop his bald dome. “Not quite soon enough to honor the clause I imagine you have in your contract restricting appearance changes.”
“Oh God.” Deanna’s already pale cheek went dead white. “I forgot. I just didn’t think. I went a little crazy.”
“Be sure to have your lawyer use that one with Delacort,” Bobby suggested.
“They’ll love it,” Marcie said grimly. “She’ll see for herself in a minute.” Marcie fluffed and combed. Unsatisfied, she added a dab of gel, working it in, then styling with the concentration of a woman cutting diamonds. “Now you just take a deep breath, and hold it,” Marcie advised, unhooking the bib. “And don’t say anything until you take a really good look.”
No one spoke as Marcie turned Deanna slowly toward the mirror. Deanna stared at the reflection, her lips parted in shock, her eyes huge. The long mane of hair was gone, replaced by a short, sleek cap with a saucy fringe of bangs. In a daze, she watched the woman in the mirror lift a hand, touch the nape of her neck, where the hair stopped.
“It follows the shape of your face,” Marcie said nervously when Deanna only continued to stare. “And it shows off your eyes and eyebrows. You’ve got these great dark eyebrows with this terrific natural arch. Your eyes are a little almond-shaped and dramatic, but they kind of got lost with all that hair.”
“I . . .” Deanna let out a breath, took another. “I love it.”
“You do?” As her knees buckled in relief, Marcie dropped into the chair beside her. “Really?”
Deanna watched her own smile bloom. “I love it. Do you realize how many hours a week I had to devote to my hair? Why didn’t I think of this before?” She grabbed a hand mirror to view the back. “This is going to save me almost eight hours a week—an entire workday.” She picked up the earrings she’d discarded and put them back on. “What do you think?” she asked Fran.
“Not to diminish your time-saving priorities, you look incredible. The hip girl-next-door.”
“Bobby?”
“It’s sexy. A cross between an Amazon and a pixie. And I’m sure Delacort won’t mind reshooting all the promos.”
“Oh my God.” As the idea took root, Deanna turned to Fran. “Oh my God.”
“Don’t worry, you’ll dazzle Loren with it tonight. Then we’ll work it into the next show.”
“Post-holiday blues?”
“Sure, sure.” Thinking frantically, Fran gnawed on her lip. “Ah—something as simple and frivolous as a new hairstyle can give you that quick lift after the party’s over.”
“I’ll buy it,” Bobby decided. “Now, if you ladies don’t mind, I need to get into makeup. I have a trout to sauté.”
Early in the first light of the new year, with a video of Deanna’s Hour playing on the TV, a single, lonely figure wandered a small, dark room. On the table where framed pictures of Deanna beamed into the shadowy light, a new treasure was laid: a thick tress of ebony hair wrapped in gold cord.
It was soft to the touch, soft as silk. After a last caress, the fingers wandered away, toward the phone. They dialed slowly, so that the joy could be drawn out. Moments later, Deanna’s voice drifted through the receiver, sleepy, a bit uneasy, bringing with it a silver spear of pleasure that lasted long after the receiver was replaced again.
Chapter Thirteen
It was after two A.M. in Baghdad when Finn reviewed his notes for the scheduled live broadcast on CBC’s Evening News. He sat on the single chair that wasn’t heaped with tapes or cable, dragging on a fresh shirt while his mind honed ideas and observations into a report.
He tuned out his surroundings, the noise of preparation, the smell of cold food and the chatter.
His crew was spread around the suite, checking equipment and tossing jokes. A sense of humor, particularly if it was dark, helped cut the tension. For the past two days, they had hoarded food and bottled water.
It was January sixteenth.
“Maybe we should tie some sheets together,” Curt suggested. “Hang them outside the window like a big white flag.”
“No, we’ll send up my Bears cap.” The engineer flicked a finger at its brim. “What red-blooded American boy’s going to bomb a football fan?”
“I heard the Pentagon told them to hit the hotels first.” Finn glanced up from his notes and grinned. “You know how fed up Cheney is with the press.” Finn picked up the phone that connected him with Chicago and caught the byplay at the news desk between commercials. “Hey, Martin. How’d the Bulls do last night?” As he spoke he moved in front of the window so that Curt could get a video test of him against the night sky. “Yeah, it’s quiet here. Nerves are pretty high—so’s the anti-American sentiment.”
When the director cut in, Finn nodded. “Got it. They’re picking up the feed,” he told Curt as he moved out onto the balcony. “We’ll go on in the next segment. In four minutes.”
“Bring up the lights,” Curt demanded. “I got a bad shadow here.”
Before anyone could move, there was a rattling boom in the distance.
“What the hell was that?” The engineer went pale and swallowed his gum. “Thunder? Was that thunder?”
“Oh, Jesus.” Finn turned in time to see the searing glow of tracer rounds split the night sky. “Martin. You still there? Haversham?” He called to the director even as Curt shifted the camera to the sky. “We’ve got explosions here. The air raid’s started. Yes, I’m sure. Get me on the air for God’s sake. Get me on the goddamn air.”
He heard the curses and cheers from the Chicago control room, then nothing but a statical hiss.
“Lost it. Fuck.” Coolly, he eyed the violent light show. He didn’t give a thought, at the moment, to one of those deadly lights striking the building. Every thought in his head was focused on transmitting the story. “Keep running that tape.”
“You don’t have to tell me twice.” Curt was all but hanging over the railing. “Look at that!” he shouted in a voice that was tight with nerves and excitement. Air-raid sirens screamed over the crash of exploding shells. “We got ourselves a front-row seat.”
In frustration, Finn held his microphone out to record the sounds of battle. “Get Chicago back.”
“I’m trying.” The engineer worked controls with trembling hands. “I’m trying, goddamn it.”
Eyes narrowed, Finn stalked to the balcony rail, then turned to the camera. If they couldn’t go live, at least they’d have tape. “Baghdad’s night sky erupted at approximately two thirty-five this morning. There are flashes and the answering spears from antiaircraft. Flames shoot up from the horizon sporadically.” When he turned, he saw, with both aw
e and dull disbelief, the searing comet trail of a tracer flash by at eye level. Its deadly, eerie beauty made his blood pump. What a visual. “Oh, Christ, did you get that? Did you get it?”
He heard his engineer swear thinly as the building shook. Finn shoved his blowing hair out of his face and shouted into his mike. “The city is being rattled by the air raid. The waiting is over. It’s started.”
He turned back to the engineer. “Any luck?”
“No.” Though his color was still gone, he managed a wobbly grin. “I think our friendly hosts are going to be coming along