I was still feeling pretty awful about the cafeteria situation when the final bell rang for the day. If anyone noticed my unusually quiet mood, nobody mentioned it. I was pretty good at hiding how I really felt about things. This was no different.
I left the classroom and headed for my locker. I needed to be quick or I would miss the bus. If I missed it, I would have to wait another hour and then I wouldn’t be able to get dinner made on time.
After changing my books, I closed my locker in record time. Just as I was about to charge off, Jane appeared at my side. If she was feeling ookey about lunch, she didn’t show it. In fact, she was smiling.
“What’s up?” I asked, walking toward the buses waiting outside.
“I’ve been thinking about the dress all day and have a few ideas how we can make it even better,” she said quickly, like the words couldn’t escape her mouth fast enough. Excited Jane was new.
“That’s great, can we talk about them tomorrow?”
“I want to show you what I mean. Can you come around now?”
“I have to get home, sorry. Maybe tomorrow,” I replied, the warning voice in my head telling me to get on the bus – now.
“But I really want to show you,” she persisted. Man, I had never seen her so determined about something. Her timing sucked.
“And I said I can’t, I’m sorry. I really have to go.” Of course, I could have explained why I couldn’t go to her house and be a normal teenager all afternoon. But that would have gained sympathy and I didn’t need it. I didn’t need anyone looking at me like I was a sad little puppy.
The bus driver turned the engine on, my time for dawdling was up. I gave Jane one more apologetic look before running to get on the bus. I was the last one on, the doors closed behind me.
I took a seat and watched Jane walk away. Surely she would understand that I couldn’t come over to her house at the drop of a hat? Even if I didn’t have so many brothers and a sister to look after, there was a thing called homework that would keep me occupied for most of the night too.
I felt bad for the entire bus ride home. Our neighbor, Mrs. Reed, was waiting with the kids. She left as soon as I arrived.
The kids looked at me expectantly. “Well, go play,” I said. Billy and Ethan picked up some toys and went into the living room. That left me with Lily, who was almost two years old. I picked her up. “Are you hungry?”
“Muppis,” she replied. That was her way of saying she wanted something to eat. I think she was going for muffin or something, but she always said the word about a hundred times every afternoon until I fed her.
I placed a bowl of her favorite oatmeal in front of her and gave her the spoon. “Yum, yum, Lily. Eat up.” While she was busy with that, I decided it was a good time to get some sketching in.
Pulling out my book, it was so good just opening it again. It felt like it had been ages since I’d had a moment to sketch a new design. It wasn’t lack of inspiration, just a lack of time. Like always.
I flipped to the back and started a red dress with black embellishments. It reminded me of vampires, like it was something a vampire queen would wear. I almost wished we had enough time to change our design for the competition, as I was pretty sure this new dress was definitely a winner.
“Gah!” Lily blurted out. It was actually a warning, I just didn’t speak baby. She launched her bowl across the table from her highchair, soggy oatmeal went everywhere. And by everywhere, I meant everywhere.
Including my sketchbook.
“Lily! Dammit.” She gave me the innocent look of a baby, yet I was sure she knew exactly what she had done. I scraped the awful food from my book but it was no use. My new design and about another dozen were too damaged to be repaired.
“Who made all the mess?” Billy asked. He was seven years old, but I swear he had the deductive skills of a one year old.
“Who do you think made it?” I asked, still trying to get the oatmeal off my book. Then I noticed it was on the table, on my shirt, all over Lily. Double dammit.
“I dunno,” Billy replied, shrugging his shoulders. Something inside me snapped. I wasn’t proud of it later, but it didn’t change what happened.
“Get to your room! Go, and take Ethan with you! I’ve had enough of looking after you all. You’re nothing but trouble,” I yelled. I’m pretty sure if it was a cartoon, everything in the room would be shaking from the noise.
He ran off. Lily started crying. I was about two seconds off joining them.
“Calm down, Truly, come on. It’s just a bit of oatmeal, it’s nothing,” I whispered to myself, trying to block everything else out.
It took eight deep breaths before I could move again. I gave Lily back her bowl and spoon to shut her up. Then I cleaned all the mess until there was no trace of the one sided food fight that had just occurred.
Next, I had to fix Billy. And probably Ethan, too. Billy had about ten minutes alone with the impressionable four year old, no doubt I was described as quite the witch in that time.
I knocked on their bedroom door. “Billy? I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to yell at you.”
“Go away,” the muffled voice replied. Okay, so I was probably worse than a witch by that stage.
“Can I come in?”
“No.” And then it came, the biggest threat any kid could throw at their sibling, “I’m telling Mom.”
I gave up. Once he’d gone to the Mom threat, there was no coming back from it. At least I had the television to myself for a while. I cleaned up the baby and took her into the living room.
I didn’t see my brothers until Mom came home from work. By that time, Lily was bathed and dinner was ready.
“Where are the boys?” Mom asked, using her parental instincts to know some were missing.
“In their room.” I shrugged, like I had no idea why. I wanted to see how much they snitched on me before I confessed anything. Chances were they’d calmed down by now anyway. Billy probably didn’t even remember what the problem was anymore.
Billy, Ethan, and Mom returned to the kitchen for dinner shortly after. If they did whine about me, Mom never said a word.
Disaster averted.
I was even let off washing up duty. Mom left Billy to it while she insisted we have a chat on the couch. Maybe it wasn’t disaster averted after all.
“Thank you for taking care of everything here for me today, Tru,” she started. I liked the way Mom called me Tru, she was the only one who did.
“It’s okay,” I replied. She let the silence linger between us. That was usually how she got us to spill our guts and confess everything. I was too smart for that.
She gave up, sighing. “I’m really sorry you have to do so much around here. I know it’s hard on you and I wish you didn’t have to.” That was new, a confession from Mom herself. Color me stunned.
“I don’t mind.” They were my brothers and sister, after all. It wasn’t like I wanted to see them in a bad state. Sometimes, maybe, but I usually got over those thoughts pretty quickly.
“I’m trying to organize something else. It’s just temporary until we can afford a sitter. Okay?” I knew Mom didn’t work for the fun of it. I wished she would be able to have a break too. I guess the feeling was mutual.
I nodded and pretended to watch the television again so we didn’t keep talking about such depressing things. But it was too quiet. Instead, I changed the subject. I told her all about the fashion design competition.
To Mom’s credit, she listened as I prattled on and on about our dress. I described the color, the fabric, and all aspects of my design choice, until my throat hurt from talking so much. She smiled and nodded through it all.
“I really want to win it and I think we have a good shot,” I finished. It was exhausting being so excited about something.
“I’m really glad you have something that you’re so passionate about,” she replied, in that motherly way that normally made me roll my eyes. Not tonight though.
“Will you come to the award ceremony when w
e win? Jane said her parents will probably be able to make it.” Jane actually said she might be able to schedule it in with her parents and talk their assistants into keeping the appointment. Same thing.
“Of course I’ll be there. But, a lot of people will be entering and I’m sure there will be a lot of beautiful dresses there. Try not to get your hopes up too much, okay? I don’t want to see you disappointed.”
So Mom didn’t think we could win. I know she was only trying to help, but that really sucked. Jane and I were good, we were the best. We had to win. We just had to.
I nodded, the appropriate response, but inside I was getting angry. Moms were supposed to be supportive, they weren’t meant to assume their kid would lose at everything. Sure, my past record wasn’t great with school stuff, but this is what I was born to do.
She just didn’t get it.
CHAPTER 7